Love Everlasting
by CarlisleAliceJazzCullen
Summary: After Remus convinces Lily to set him up with Severus, they begin a secret affair; but secrets breed lies and lies breed distrust. Fatal mistakes, other lovers, 2 wars and decades later, will their love be everlasting? Part 1: 1975-'81; Part 2: '93-'09
1. Chapter 1

Author: CarlisleAliceJazzCullen (known as Ari everywhere else!)  
Name: Love Everlasting  
Summary: Lily the match-maker, maybe.

A/N: This is meant to be a SNUPIN (Snape/Lupin) but for the first part (i.e. the first four or so chapters, it will include some SNAGULUS (Snape/Regulus).

Disclaimer: These characters are not mine. They were created by JK Rowling and I'm not sure who all she shares the rights to them with but I know I'm not one of the lucky people. I just borrow them for a little while and I don't make a penny off of this.

Rating: M

**PART ONE**

CHAPTER 1

"He is no better than they are, Lily. Can you not see? He is one of them!"

"Sev, really!" Lily snapped in exasperation. Severus could be so stubborn. "I know those two are complete berks but Remus is not like them. Give him a chance, please."

"He is, I tell you, he is. And he's weird. You know how he always disappears. Who knows where he goes. Why everyone except the teachers knows about his truancy is beyond me."

"They know, Severus, and I've told you before! He's ill!"

"What, every month? Always at the full moon? Not even women are that regular with their menses… are you?"

"Severus Snape I will not answer that! It's none of your business," Lily bristled, blushing.

"Hello," Remus' quiet voice interrupted the two friends lounging on their picnic blanket.

Severus sat up immediately, reaching for his wand. "What do you want, Lupin?" he spat angrily, eyes narrowing at Remus before scouring the area for Black and Potter.

Remus looked at Lily and she shrugged apologetically. It was a slight movement but Severus caught it and eyed them suspiciously. "I just wanted to say hello," Remus said, kneeling on the edge of the blanket.

"What are you doing?" Severus snapped, "Who invited you to join us? Go away, you're not welcome here!"

"Severus stop being so rude! I'm sorry, Remy, would you like a drink?"

Severus' jaw dropped. Remy? He snatched the goblet of cold pumpkin juice which he had procured from the kitchens for their picnic lunch and which Lily was now giving to the enemy. "Lily!" he cried, unable to stop the horrified squeak from his voice.

"Perhaps I should go, Lily," Remus began to stand.

"Nonsense! Don't be silly, Remy," Lily smiled sweetly and handed Remus a different goblet and a sandwich. Turning to Severus, her hidden hand pinching him just below the blanket out of sight, she whispered furiously through clenched teeth, "Severus, shut up! Behave yourself, you're embarrassing me. Listen, I like Remus and I'm telling you that he's not like those arrogant bullies Potter and Black. Be nice, please!" Releasing his aching hand from the pinch, she rubbed the throbbing spot gently and added sweetly, her big green eyes looking into his angelically, "Please, Sev, for me?"

Severus swore in his head. He hated when she used The Eyes. It wasn't fair. Weren't Gryffindors supposed to be about fair play? She knew he couldn't resist the eyes. He scowled and turned to glare at Lupin. She took it for agreement.

"So, Remy," Lily smiled at the intruder, "have you finished your potions essay?"

Severus sat sulkily, eating his lunch quietly while Lily and Lupin chatted, ignoring their occasional attempts to include him. He had wanted to contribute on several occasions as they discussed their potions essays but he resisted. Finally he ended up joining in when Lily seemed to be accepting Lupin's clearly inaccurate interpretation of DADA theory. She was his friend; it was his obligation to Lily to make sure that she knew the truth.

Finishing his explanation, Severus muttered, "It's hard to believe that you've been receiving magical training for five years now, Lupin."

"Remus," Lupin corrected with a shy smile. "My friends call me Remus or Remy."

"Really," Severus drawled. "Good for them."

The idiotic Gryffindor smiled, "I would like it if you called me Remus, Severus. I think we could become friends, don't you?"

The pressure of Lily's nails attempting to imbed themselves in Severus' thigh was the only thing that kept him from giving the interloper the answer he deserved.

"Oh, Sev, isn't that wonderful? You're so kind, Remy. Of course he'll call you Remus, won't you?" The nails dug deeper, "Severus?"

"Yes, of course," Severus practically gasped. Lily squeezed him harder, "Remus," he fairly squeaked the name. He rested the cold pitcher of pumpkin juice on his sore thigh much to Lupin's startled bemusement. He wanted to wipe that smirk off that smiling face but he was aching too much already and Lily's hand was now resting dangerously close to his buttocks.

* * *

Severus sat on the large flat rock that hung over this section of the lake. He had arrived five minutes before and set up the picnic and was now awaiting Lily… and most likely Remus, who had become an almost regular guest to their study picnics. Severus hated to admit that he had begun to enjoy the quiet boy's company but he had. He couldn't understand why such an intelligent person would associate with Black and Potter but he couldn't ask. By unspoken agreement, the other members of Gryffindor gang were never spoken of.

"Hello Severus," Remus greeted, joining Severus on the rock.

He sat too close and Severus gulped. He simply nodded and tried to ignore the thrill the closeness was causing. He'd never really noticed it before but Remus smelled like warm chocolate. It was intoxicating and Severus found himself leaning towards the other boy. Realizing what he was doing, he quickly pulled back and away.

"It's okay. Please don't go," Remus begged before turning his head and capturing Severus' lips in a light kiss. Severus froze. The kiss was exquisite. Remus also tasted like chocolate, he noted almost idly. Leaning forward again, Severus initiated the second, longer kiss.

A twig snapping nearby broke the mood immediately. Severus immediately rose, rushing off the rock guiltily.

"Sev, Remy, I'm so sorry I'm late! Why haven't you started eating?" Lily looked from one boy to the other curiously. Noting the way Severus refused to look at her and Remus' slight discomfort, she felt a sinking feeling in her stomach, "You've not been fighting, have you?" she demanded warily. "Sev? What were you and Remy doing before I came? I know that mouth of yours Severus and so help me-"

As much as he was enjoying Severus' enchanting blush, Remus decided to speak up. "We weren't fighting, Lil'," he smiled, "I'd only just gotten here a few minutes before you anyway."

"OK," Lily looked suspiciously at Severus who was still steadfastly avoiding her regard. "OK. Well, let's eat then. Ugh the O.W.L.s are so much work!" she chattered as she shared the meal, handing the plates to the boys. Leaning over Severus to grab herself some cutlery, Lily gave the sulking Severus a quick friendly peck on the cheek. Sniffing, she suddenly gasped. Sitting back on her heels Lily looked from Severus' even redder face to Remus' lightly blushing but jubilantly smiling face. "You've kissed!" she exclaimed, shocked.

"Yes!" "No!" Remus confirmed as Severus denied.

"Yes we did, Lily, and it was just as wonderful as I always imagined it would be," Remus chuckled, adding for effect, "It was great, both times."

"Shut. Up." Severus scowled.

"This is so great!" Lily squealed. Severus stood up angrily. Lily pulled him back down. "Oh Sev, don't be silly! Where are you going? This is a beautiful thing, come on! Be happy!"

Still scowling, Severus sat back down. It was the longest hour of his young life to date. Every time he relaxed, his eyes would meet with Remus' again and he'd be rendered near speechless. Looking at Lily wasn't any better. She was acting like it had been _her_ first kiss that had just happened and a perma-smirk graced her face. He couldn't help but note that she seemed smug- like she'd known all along it would happen.

Hmmph, well, the next time he'd be careful not to get caught out like that. He paused. The next time? Yes, he decided, he did want there to be a next time.

* * *

"Severus!" Remus panted as his secret lover nibbled on his neck and squeezed his butt cheeks. Gasping, he reached beneath his lover's robes and rubbed his crotch through his pants.

Severus barely bit back a moan. Remus knelt in front of him and disappeared under Slytherin robes. This time his moan was audible as he felt that skillful mouth encase him in moist warmth. He grabbed at his lover's hair and exhaled roughly through his nose. His breathing grew faster and more ragged as his extremely responsive teenage hormones and its accompanying lack of stamina brought him to a quick release. As always he yanked on Remus' hair to warn him and as always Remus remained, swallowing his essence. For his part Severus found the taste a bit too bitter for his delicate palate and always struggled to swallow, yet he adored the taste of himself mingled with Remus as they shared a post-fellatio kiss.

Severus pulled Remus into his arms and kissed his lover with grateful thoroughness. Slipping his hands under the black robes, he cupped the perfectly firm globes squeezing once before reaching around to return the favour.

"It's okay," Remus blushed, "I already came. I- I love the sounds you make. They drive me over the edge."

The voice in his head, which at the moment sounded suspiciously like Lily's, chided him for once again doing all the receiving and none of the giving. He ruthlessly silenced it; he liked receiving fellatio and Remus liked giving it. He didn't like giving it and Remus never complained, clearly he was satisfied with things the way they were. He tugged them to lie on the floor.

"Remus," he began, stroking the light brown hair, "how would you like to go to our spot by the lake on Saturday night? We could sneak out, just the two of us, enjoy a little down time to relax; a mid O.W.L.s break." It was the first full moon since they'd become lovers and he was determined that Remus spend it with him and not with those fools.

"Severus, I'd love to," Remus replied, kissing him deeply. He looked into Severus' eyes with earnest brown ones. "You know I love spending every moment we can spare together, but I can't. Not this weekend. Maybe after our exams we can celebrate there, what do you think?"

Severus frowned, "What do you mean you can't? Why can't you? Is it the exams? I'm pretty certain we can spare one night of studying. We're ready, I assure you."

"It's not that," Remus shifted uncomfortably. He looked at the frown face that looked down into his. He wanted to tell Severus everything. He believed that Severus loved him and he wanted to believe that, in spite of Severus' tendency to be cruel, he would accept Remus' lycanthropy without the usual prejudice. After all, Siri and Jamie had and they were purebloods and could be every bit as cruel about other things. He wanted to tell Severus but he was too afraid he'd lose him. "I know you don't like them," he began, hesitating briefly when Severus' frown morphed into a sneer, "but I already promised my friends that I would go out with them."

Severus sat up and straightened his clothes, his back turned towards Remus. "Yes, of course, your friends." His voice was cold as he stood up and moved towards the door. "I wouldn't expect you to waste time with me that you could be enjoying with your friends."

"Severus, please! It's not like that. Don't be like that, please understand!" he begged as Severus slammed the door in his face. "Argh! He snarled, the sound far more animalistic than it should be. Throwing a stool across the abandoned class room, Remus clutched at his hair in frustration.

The remainder of the week continued in a similar vein. Remus tried speaking to Lily and she promised to speak to Severus on his behalf. She had tried on several occasions but instead of helping, it seemed to be placing a strain on their relationship. The beginning of the end came the day of their final Potions class before the O.W.L.s. As always, this class was attended by Slytherins and Gryffindors.

Usually Severus and Lily sat at the ends of the tables in the front row across the aisle from each other, as close as possible to sit without crossing the intangible House divide. That day Severus, still sulking and angry with Lily, sat in the back row with Mulciber. Remus had known no good could come of it and felt guilty at the upset visible in Lily's face. Professor Slughorn, clueless as always, kept making the most infuriating observations. 'Oh Severus, wonderful, wonderful! Now you can help Mr. Mulciber with his potion!' 'Oh my, you clearly aren't Severus!' he exclaimed when Roberts, sitting in Severus' usual seat, failed to name the correct potion. Nudging Lily and chuckling, Slughorn whispered loudly, 'Our Severus would never make such an elementary error, would he dear?'

Because it never rains but it pours, James took advantage of Lily's solitary status to try, somewhat uselessly and clumsily, to charm and impress her. He and Sirius loudly mocked the Slytherins throughout the lesson and he laughed loudly at Sirius' derogatory remark about Roberts' error, much to the amusement of their housemates. James, misinterpreting the tightening of Lily's lips as intense concentration, slipped from his seat and leaning over Lily, repeated the joke for her benefit. Desperate to earn a smile from her, he mimicked Slughorn while Sirius played Roberts and generally behaved the clown earning the laughs of the other Gryffindors but not even a smirk from Lily. Unsurprisingly, they received a detention.

Remus found himself actually hoping to see Severus enjoy the news of the punishment. The expected smile or even smirk was not forthcoming. While the rest of the Slytherins jeered, Severus merely packed away his things and stalked from the room.

Remus' heart ached a little as Sirius' younger brother, Severus' fellow Slytherin, greeted the scowling teen just outside the door, placing a conspiratorial arm over his shoulder. He knew it wasn't his imagination that Regulus looked him in the eye and smirked before leading Severus off.

"Oi, Moony!" Sirius clapped him in the back, "why the long face?"

Remus struggled, and, he suspected, failed to smile convincingly but Sirius didn't notice. "It's nothing," he lied, "what's the deal with your brother and Snape anyway?"

Sirius scowled, his face twisted as though he'd tasted something quite bitter. "Little brother has a crush on old Snivellus," he scorned, misunderstanding the flash of anxiety that crossed Remus' face. "Yeah, I know, yeah? Who'd want Snivelly?"

James, finally abandoning his failing attempts to accompany Lily to the Great Hall for lunch, joined them asking with loud incredulity. "A crush? On Snivellus? Surely he's got better taste than that! Who'd want Snivellus?" he guffawed.

They almost ran into Lily as she stopped suddenly. She turned around and glared at them all with a scowl Severus would envy. Remus felt his stomach flip flop as she snapped at them all yet it felt like the anger, if not the words, was aimed at him, "You lot need to grow up!"

James looked briefly worried and ashamed as he watched her flounce off. He turned to Remus and started at the extreme hurt he noted there. "Remy," he looked concerned, "are you alright?"

"You know how gentle and kind hearted our Moony is," Sirius remarked. "Don't worry mate. She doesn't mean it. She's just upset because of how mean old Snivelly is treating her and, well, you know girls, she's taking it out on us. Cheer up!"

* * *

"Watch where you're going, will ya?" Sirius snapped as his little brother bumped in to him, separating him and his girlfriend du jour, a cute Hufflepuff called Laura.

Regulus merely sneered at him before turning towards Laura and scoffing, "Still consorting with Mudbloods, I see. Whatever would Mother dearest think if she could see you now."

Reaching for his wand in spite of Laura's tearful pleas, Sirius realized it was missing. He looked up at Regulus' laughing face. The younger boy held waved the wand at him, "Not so cool without this are you?"

Sirius jumped his brother. His physical assault caught the younger boy off guard and he managed to secure his wand. The notebook his brother had been holding fell open in front of the siblings.

"Severus' Spells," Sirius read aloud, "Levicorpus? Snivelly inventing his own spells now? What, the regular hexes not good enough for him? I bet it's a dark spell," he mocked. "Oh, or is it a looove spell? What does it do, make his nose shrink enough so that you can kiss him?" he laughed.

Regulus jumped to his feet, his wand drawn, "Severus is brilliant! Don't you dare mock him. He's twice the wizard you'll ever be!"

"He's certainly got twice the nose I'll ever have," Sirius retorted.

"Levicorpus!" Regulus shouted and Sirius was amazed to find himself hanging upside down, suspended in mid air.

"Stop it! Stop it or I'll report you!" Laura cried.

Regulus started, looking at her with surprise as though he'd forgotten that she was there. His concentration lost, he let Sirius fall in an ungainly heap on the floor. Regulus turned and looked at his brother before running off. Sirius frowned, confused. It almost seemed like Regulus was trying to tell him something with that parting look, but what?

* * *

"Lily," Remus called once he'd spotted the solitary figure sitting on the rock near their spot in the woods by the lake. He sighed as her shoulders tensed. "I'm sorry, Lily, I'm so sorry."

"Go away! I don't want to talk to you. No excuses, Remus, I don't want to hear it."

"Lily, please! I'm sorry. I know I should have stood up for him but I…"

"You just sat there! You didn't defend him. Silence is consent Remus, you as good as encouraged them to humiliate Severus like that. How could you? I thought you loved him? You asked me to help you get to him. I've been fighting with him for your sake. I put my friendship on the line for you and this is what you do?" She turned her tear stained face towards him. The defeat in her features as her beautiful green eyes overflowed tore at his heart. "Tell me, Remus. Was he right? Are you just like them? Did you ever care for Severus, Remus, or was it all part of a plot to set him up for humiliation like this? They would never have done that if I was with him and you know it. They only did that because I wasn't with him…" her voice broke.

"Lily, no!" Remus was appalled. "Lily it's not your fault. James and Sirius are immature, they didn't mean anything by it, they don't think!"

"How can you defend them?!"

"I'm not! It's just that…"

"It's just that what, Remus? You need to tell me what happened between you and Severus. I never asked before because I wanted to respect your relationship but I've just lost my best friend and I need to know why."

"Oh Lily, I'm so sorry. I feel so terrible," Remus apologized. He was so depressed that he simply told her everything. He explained about his lycanthropy and his disappearances from the school during the full moon. He told her about Severus' request to go out during that time and how upset the Slytherin had been when he had to turn him down.

"Oh Remy," she hugged him and he was relieved to hear her use the nickname again. They didn't say anything for many long moments. Finally Lily pulled away and looked into his eyes with a curious intensity he found disquieting. "So you're saying James Potter and Sirius Black know about your lycanthropy and not only accept it but they also take care of you?" she asked, disbelievingly.

"Yes, they do," he chuckled. "I know it's hard to believe because they can be so cruelly immature sometimes but they are the first people who have ever accepted me truly and completely, Lily. Do you understand? It's not that I am defending them. I know that they do really silly things and sometimes they take things too far, but they're my friends and protectors. They love me just as I am when most wizards would have me put down or locked away. They have kept my secret and protected me all these years. Maybe it's cowardly of me Lily but I can't lose that.

I wanted to tell them to stop. I really did, you must believe me. I was a selfish coward and I know it. All I could think was that the full moon would be that weekend and I needed them to still be friends with me. I didn't want to upset them. They're my friends and I've always been on their side. If I said something in front of everyone like that in defense of a Slytherin, Severus Snape no less, it would not only humiliate them but it would also give the other Slytherins who were around ammunition against my friends. I cringed inside, it hurt me to see Severus hurting like that but I was selfish.

I weighed my options and I thought that with the full moon so close, I couldn't afford to lose my friends and gamble everything on Severus. I love him, Lily, I honestly do. But you know Severus. I couldn't be sure that he would accept me as I am. When I'm alone with him, I almost feel like he would. When I see him with you, he's so tender and understand that I think that he could. Then I see the people that he considers friends, Avery, Mulciber, Rosier, Regulus… and I wonder if love is blinding me from reality.

I know I was wrong, Lily. You're right. By not defending him, I hurt him as much as James and Sirius. I need to apologize to him, if he'll listen."

Lily didn't say anything. She was still surprised to discover this side of Potter and Black. She hugged Remus and held her friend as he sobbed.

"He's even more stubborn than I am, Remy, but you're right. You need to talk to him. Don't let him fool you, Remy. Once he's regained his composure over this incident, he will put up a front and pretend he doesn't care and he doesn't hurt. Don't believe it, he's hurting."

Remus hesitated a while but his Gryffindor courage compelled him to say it. "What about you, Lily? I've seen him around the school, begging you to forgive him. You haven't yet you say he's hurting."

"Our situations are different, Remy. Severus has hurt me. We grew up together, you know. Well, we were friends for years before we got our Hogwarts letters at any rate. He was the one who told me about the Wizarding world. He told me that I was special and defended me whenever my sister got upset with me for being odd. He has always been like this; always saying cruel things to people, calling them derogatory names. Tuni, my sister, hated him. They fought a lot and called each other mean things but he never to me. He never said anything so cruel to me," she sighed. "I will forgive him eventually, I suppose. I always do. It's our thing, really. He does something wrong, I get angry and give him the cold shoulder and he apologizes until I believe he means it.

He's always been a Slytherin, you know. Even before we came here, he's had the qualities. I learned early on that with Severus, if you apologized too easily or let him imagine, even for a moment, that you're a pushover, he would try to abuse your kindness. So I will not accept his apology yet and he will keep apologizing. I'm not ready to accept his apology anyway. I can't believe he called me that!" she snapped suddenly, deflating just as quickly. "He's a good person, you know. Deep down inside. He's had such a hard life, been dealt such a rotten hand.

Eventually, I'll forgive him Remy. Don't you worry about us."

* * *

Regulus Black sat on the train back to London. Scowling at anyone who tried to engage him in conversation, he glared out the window. In contrast to his still body, his mind was racing.

He was so angry. He was certain it would work. He knew those so-called Marauders. He could manipulate them with ease. He'd seen the Levicorpus curse written in Severus' textbook as they studied together. He'd flattered Severus and gotten him to show him how it worked. Then he made sure Sirius saw how to do it and knew that it was Severus' own creation. He knew that Potter was a lemming who would do whatever his brother did. Most importantly, he knew that Lupin and Pettigrew were both weak followers who would never stand up to the 'gruesome twosome' as Severus called them. He didn't know where they would strike but knew that they would and was quite disappointed that he hadn't been there to be Severus' hero. That certainly would have earned him the other's affection.

He'd spent the last few weeks of term comforting Severus to no avail. As word spread about the incident and the spell gained in popularity around the school, Sirius and Potter had become legends and the usually sullen boy had become even more withdrawn. Now here he was, on the train home, while Severus stayed on at the school. He'd been horrified to discover that Lupin would be staying too.

Banging his head back on his seat, Regulus growled in frustration. At least Severus was refusing to talk to Lupin. He could only hope that the enmity would last the entire summer. He wanted Severus Snape and he would get him!


	2. Chapter 2

Author: CarlisleAliceJazzCullen (known as Ari everywhere else!)  
Name: Love Everlasting  
Summary: Severus is seduced by the dark side, Lily doesn't understand, Remus explores his

Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw side.

A/N: This is meant to be a SNUPIN (Snape/Lupin) but for the first part (i.e. the first

four or so chapters, it will include some SNAGULUS (Snape/Regulus).

Disclaimer: These characters are not mine. They were created by JK Rowling and I'm not sure who all she shares the rights to them with but I know I'm not one of the lucky people. I just borrow them for a little while and I don't make a penny off of this.

Rating: M

CHAPTER 2

"Severus, Adelaide, Remus and Isadora, a moment of your time, if you please," Headmaster Dumbledore requested as they finished their breakfasts.

In a highly unusual though not unprecedented move, the headmaster had requested student volunteers from the fifth and sixth years to remain at the school for the first few weeks of the summer term to assist with various activities. For the first week, the sixth years had assisted the professors while the fifth years had been allowed to rest. Now they had been assigned tasks.

Severus marched to Filch's office, his cloak billowing slightly in a weak echo of the image he would create in future years. He was furious. Not only had Lupin also volunteered to stay but he had spent that first week harassing Severus, begging him to listen to his pathetic pleas. Severus didn't want to hear them. His last days of term had been a living nightmare. He could only hope that he had managed to pass the remainder of his exams in spite of the humiliation that Potter and Black had meted out to him for crimes unknown.

There was no love lost between them but this last unprovoked attack was more than he could bear. He had been minding his own business, sulking over his disagreements with Lily and Remus. He had been so caught up between studying and sulking lately that he hadn't even been paying any attention to those fools. Yet they had attacked and Lupin, his lover, his supposed boyfriend, had just sat there, ignoring it all, acting like it meant nothing to him. Perhaps it didn't. Perhaps _they_'d never meant anything to him. He stood outside Filch's door and squeezed his eyes in an effort to regain his self-control. He refused to think about how he'd panicked and taken his hurt and humiliation out on Lily. His dear, darling sweet Lily. He hadn't meant it. He loved her. She meant the world to him. She was his best friend in the world. She was quite possibly the only true friend he'd ever had. She'd cared when no one else had, she'd listened when no one else would. She enjoyed Potions as much as he had and when everyone else had been star struck by the jocks like Potter and Black, she had been one of the few to appreciate and share in his love for Potions and academia.

"Lily," he said in a whispered sob, "Oh Lily, will you ever find it in your heart to forgive me?"

"She will. I know because she told me." Severus' body went rigid as he was embraced from behind. He tensed, afraid and enraged that he had been caught off-guard in such a moment of weakness. The voice confirmed what his nose had already suspected, Lupin.

"Let. Go. Of. Me." Severus enunciated.

"Severus, please don't do this. I'm sorry. I am so sorry, my love. Please, you must believe me."

"Let me go," he repeated a little less firmly. His will was weakening. He briefly wondered if a spell had been cast on him.

Remus resisted the urge to smile with relief. He could feel Severus giving in. He maintained his hold on his lover's trembling form. "She was so angry with me for not defending you, you know. She almost didn't forgive me. I think the only reason she did was because she realized that I was genuinely contrite and she encouraged me to apologize to you. She warned me you would be stubborn about it but she also encouraged me to be stubbornly persistent. Now tell me, does that sound like someone who wouldn't forgive you? She's just hurt. She'll forgive you soon enough."

"Do you really think that?" Severus hated the naked desperation he could hear in his voice.

"I don't think it, I know. Just give her time. You hurt her terribly. It was a terrible thing to say."

"I know. Oh Merlin, I know!" He turned in Lupin's arms, facing him, their faces so close he could feel the other's breath on his lips. As always, the lips seemed to hypnotize him and he leaned forward to kiss those soft, sweet lips.

"What is going on here?" Professor McGonagall's scolding voice rang through the halls. Filch immediately opened his door, the possibility of punishment summoning him faster than magic. Remus let Severus go and they jumped apart. "There will be no fighting during these vacation days, do I make myself clear?"

"Yes ma'am," they chorused.

"Mmm," Filch growled disappointedly. "I suppose you're the ones that the headmaster has sent to help me with the detention cards, hmm?"

"What, both of you? Together?" Professor McGonagall barely hid her displeasure at the news. Severus bit his tongue to keep from retorting, 'no both of us, apart'.

"Yes, Professor, Mr. Filch," Remus replied, the twinkle in his eyes as he quickly glanced at Severus suggesting that he knew what the other was thinking.

"What ever is the headmaster thinking putting you two together? This is madness," she strode off in the same direction from which she had come and Severus wondered amusedly if she'd forgotten her errand.

"Well come on then," Filch sneered, "Plenty of work to do."

* * *

Severus gasped as he pulled away from Remus. They were lovers again, almost as if they had never been apart. Once again the peace was kept by an unspoken moratorium on the names James Potter, Sirius Black and now Lily Evans. Sometimes Severus wondered how healthy a relationship with only partial communication could be but then Remus would kiss him and all thoughts had flutter from his head.

He sat up and drank an entire goblet of chilled pumpkin juice before returning to his lover's side. He'd managed to swallow everything this time. He still hated the taste of cum but he'd decided that this time around, he'd give almost as often as he received.

Lying on the transfigured blanket on their rock in their part of the woods, he ran his fingers over the scarred flesh of his lover while the same was done to him.

"This one looks like it was very painful. Where did you get it?" Remus asked, fingering a long scar that ran from Severus' left shoulder, down his left arm to just above his elbow.

"My dad," Severus whispered. "He didn't mean it for me, that time. I got between him and Mum. What about yours? Is it because of your Dad or your Mum?"

Remus kissed another scar, this one on Severus' chest. He was stalling for time and hiding his face. Severus' parents had done this to him? It hurt to hear Severus automatically assuming that his scars came from his parents. He kissed another scar. He knew he was stalling but he wasn't sure he was ready to face Severus as yet. He knew he certainly wasn't ready to reveal that he was his werewolf but he also wasn't sure what he could say to explain away his scars. How could he explain to Severus that they were self inflected? That he'd scarred himself during changes when he was scared and confused. He didn't want to lie to Severus though.

"No, not my parents," he whispered, avoiding Severus' eyes. "Some were by an animal and others I did to myself." He tensed not knowing how Severus would react to the explanation.

"You did this to yourself?" Severus seemed worried and concerned and Remus felt guilty. "Is it because of your parents? I know sometimes I just wanted to run away. It's how I met Lily. Once we became friends I could runaway to her, you know? Didn't you have someone you could escape to?"

"No," Remus answered truthfully, "no, I never had anyone else who could understand."

Severus nodded in understanding. His heart wrenched just a little bit as he felt gratitude for Lily in his life. He felt disgust with himself all over again for having hurt her so badly. He hugged Remus tightly. "At least you've stopped now, I hope. None of these scars look recent," he said while nibbling along the scar that had apparently almost severed Remus' ear. He sucked the lobe into his mouth and chuckled as Remus moaned in delight.

"Yes, I've stopped," Remus agreed. "I don't feel so alone anymore."

"What about next week?" Severus asked, worry returning to his voice. "What about when you go back home to them? You won't hurt yourself again, will you? I could teach you stuff. Things you could use to protect yourself. Potions you could make without magic, for instance."

Remus hummed noncommittally. In the back of his mind a voice was shouting to him that he should object to Severus' suggestions but his hormones were in charge at the moment and he was in too much bliss to care about his nagging conscience.

Remus rolled on to Severus' naked body. Both boys shuddered as their naked erections touched for the first time. Experimentally, Severus arched his body to recreate the feeling. Once again they shuddered and gasped. Looking into those obsidian depths, Remus smiled and licked his lips. He chuckled as Severus' gaze followed his tongue. He pressed down on to his dark haired lover, rubbing their erections and kissing with equal intensity. Separating only for air, he bent to nibble on the long pale neck. Severus moaned when Remus bit his clavicle, the pain immediately dulled by the gentle licking and caressing of the skillful tongue. He grabbed Remus' hips and pulled him closer to increase the friction.

Feeling his balls tightening, Remus recaptured Severus' lips in a passionate, almost desperate embrace. He wanted to come kissing but the feelings were too intense and he pulled up for air. He captured Severus hands in his; their fingers entwined, and pressed them at their sides.

"Severus!" "Remus!" they cried with a shout as fluid warmth spread between their connected torsos.

Shuddering still, Remus rolled to his lover's side, pulling him into a shaky embrace. Severus was the first to recover, using his wand to clean them both, he also transfigured one of their towels into a blanket to cover them.

He smiled as he realized that Remus had fallen asleep. Looking tenderly at the scarred face, he gently brushed back a few errant locks of damp hair. "Remus," he sighed in contentment before he too fell asleep.

Two hours later they had awoken and were swimming in the waters near the rock. It wasn't safe to go out farther but it was only six feet deep at this part of the shore line.

"This is great," Severus enthused. "It's everything I had hoped last full moon would be." Remus flinched at the reminder. "No! I don't mean- listen, let's not think about that, OK. I didn't mean to ruin the mood. Still, it's a shame that we'll be separated from the next full moon. I would have loved to make sweet love to you under the light of the moon."

Remus smiled and responded with a kiss. "Severus," he began, somewhat uncertainly, "will you write during the holidays?" He hoped the other wouldn't notice how he'd changed the topic.

"I would but I don't have an owl," mumbled somewhat evasively.

"Why? Are you not allowed?"

"My father is a Muggle," he said the word with a certain bitter scorn that made Remus uncomfortable but he didn't want to fight with Severus so he masked his feelings. "He hates magic and he would never allow such a reminder of my freakishness at home," he shrugged, "and anyway, we probably couldn't afford one."

"Oh, well I can use my mother's owl and you could send the reply back with it. If you'd like."

"I would," Severus smiled. He was thrilled that Remus wanted to remain in touch with him during the holidays. He couldn't wait to tell Lily. He quickly swallowed the resulting pang of sadness. "We should use code names so that people don't find out though."

Remus struggled to smile. He never really understood why Severus insisted that they keep their relationship secret. True, he had agreed because he wasn't sure that Jamie and Siri's tolerance could extend that far but he still felt uncomfortable at the possibility that Severus was ashamed of him. If he was ashamed of dating a Gryffindor, would he ever accept a werewolf lover? Scolding himself for speculating about Severus' motives and a little ashamed that, once again, his Gryffindor courage had failed him when it came to confronting a loved one, he asked, "What sort of code name?"

Severus shrugged. He considered telling Remus about the Half-Blood Prince, a secret identity he had created in the lonely moments of his unhappy childhood. He hadn't told anyone other than Lily about the name. She'd laughed at him and he'd never mentioned it again. He held his tongue. He did not think that Remus would laugh but his boyfriend had shown that he was weak to the manipulations of Potter and Black and if Lily had laughed… he shuddered to think of what those two would do if they ever found out. Swallowing he said, "Have you ever heard of the Muggle novel 'The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde'?" At Remus' blank look he continued. "It's a story about the duality of human nature. In it the narrator investigates the connection between his kindly friend, Dr. Jekyll and the anti-social Mr. Hyde. It later turns out that they are different personalities of the same person. I think it's supposed to mean that Mr. Hyde is the hidden evil side of Dr. Jekyll and is supposed to show that we all have hidden sides and no one is completely evil or completely good.

It's a bit deep, I guess, but I think it would be a good nickname for us. You will be Jekyll and I will be Hyde. If you like," he added, bashful and a little embarrassed.

He'd gotten a bit verbose while describing the novel, one of his favourites. He had connected to the character- the inventions and potions- and had even adopted some the duplicitous characteristics. At home, whenever his father and mother fought, he often wished that his Mr. Hyde would come out and defend him and then he could return to being the innocent Dr. Jekyll. Some days he wondered if he could create a potion or a spell that could do just that; poly-juice just changed how you looked.

He had been fascinated the first time that he witnessed Mulciber use the Imperious Curse. Meredith Smythe's previously gentle rabbit familiar had acted like a rabid dog and ripped apart some Hufflepuff's pet kitten. Used to working with disgusting potion ingredients, the sight of the animal being dissected hadn't bothered him although he the piteous sounds from the kitten had stopped him trying it himself. The power that Mulciber had over the rabbit had thrilled him however. His dreams in the following weeks had been mostly pleasant scenarios where he'd Imperious'd his father. He only regretted those dreams in which the kitten's cries appeared and morphed into his mother's or Lily's.

He was so caught up in his thoughts that it did not immediately register with him that Remus had not responded. "You don't like my idea," he stated flatly and a little angrily.

"No, it's not that. It's very clever," Remus hesitated, a concerned look on his face. "Do you really think of yourself as Mr. Hyde though?"

"Don't you?" Severus retorted testily. "Everyone else does. In fact there are some who think me worse, that I don't have a Dr. Jekyll side." The 'like Potter and Black' remained unsaid but clearly communicated.

"Well I don't but then I suppose that's because I know your Dr. Jekyll side… and I really like him," Remus blushed, "a lot."

"So then it's agreed?" he was pleased.

Remus nodded and sealed the deal with a kiss.

* * *

Severus was sad to say goodbye to Remus as they disembarked from the train in London. Their goodbye was made premature by the sight of Sirius Black and James Potter standing on the platform with the Lupins. He had almost left without saying goodbye, jealous and upset because Remus had not told him that they would be there. He had been marginally comforted by Remus' quiet grumble of displeasure at the sight. His mood had improved greatly when Remus had then yanked the blinds down and kissed him thoroughly, exacting promises that he would respond to the owls and declaring how much he would miss their kisses. His joy was made almost complete when only Black's bellow aboard the train had caused Remus to finally pull away apologetically. He had slipped out behind his lover, a little disappointed that Black hadn't noticed that they had left the same car but was cheered up when Potter, coming up behind his partner in crime, had spotted them, frowning at Lupin's bruised lips and flushed face. He couldn't resist a chuckle when he overheard them questioning Remus about what had happened to his neck. He'd deliberately marked the other boy's neck above the collar earlier that day. Only the appearance of his mother's sullen face had kept him from laughing as Remus' glared at him.

As soon as he could escape he made his way to the Evans family home, determined to apologize to Lily. So of course, Petunia would be the one to open the door.

"You. What are you doing here, you horrible boy! Go away before the neighbours see you," she spat.

"Call Lily," he demanded tersely.

"I won't."

"I want to come in and speak to Lily," he repeated through clenched teeth.

"You can't come in here with your dirty old clothes. Don't you ever wash? I'm sure that shirt's supposed to be white," she sniffed.

"You stupid, pathetic, useless Muggle," he sneered, pointing his wand, his temper getting the better of him. "Do you know what I could do to you? Have you ever heard of the Imperious Curse? I could command you to do anything I wanted," he hissed, narrowing his eyes in malicious glee as Petunia paled, pursing her lips and flaring her nostrils and breathing through her nose is scared puffs, complementing her equine appearance nicely. "Even make you lick the dirt off the sole of my shoes and then beg me for more. Or what about the Cruciatus? No? It's a curse that would make your every nerve ending hurt so that you would wish that you were never born!"

"Unforgivables?" Severus' blood ran cold as the outraged cry left Lily's lips. He hadn't noticed her descending the stairs.

"Lily, please," he began.

"How dare you come to my home and threaten my sister with dark curses!"

"Lily, I would never- I didn't mean-"

"You never mean the cruel things you say and yet you go around saying them anyway. And do you know why, Severus? It's the company that you keep. You're becoming just like them!"

"Lily," he begged, stepping through the door, an ashen Petunia jumping out of his way.

"No! Go away Severus. Just go," Lily's voice broke as she ran up the stairs in tears.

Petunia, cautiously staying out of the firing direction of his wand, giggled with renewed glee. He turned to her with an angry growl. With a squeak, she hopped behind the door, kicking it shut in his face, his reflexes being the only reason his nose hadn't gotten caught.

Severus walked around the house to where he knew Lily's window was. She stood there looking at him, tears running down her face. She shook her head sadly as he mouthed his apologies and pulled the drapes.

Despondent, he dragged his feet to the park where they had first met, kicking a stone along in front of him, not bothering to seek shelter when the cold rain began. He sat on Lily's favourite swing, a sad and lonely figure in the rain, and cried.

* * *

After the failed attempt to apologize to Lily, he never returned to her house. He'd told Remus about it in their regular correspondence, demanding that the other keep it secret. Remus had promised to keep it confidential but also recommended that he give Lily time to cool down.

For the first time in a long time, he saw his mother smiling from time to time. She never asked him about the frequent owl visits but she seemed happy he had a friend. He'd told her about Lily but she'd never really seemed interested. She was an enigma, his mother. She'd married a Muggle and made him a half blood yet she seemed dismissive of the Muggle born Lily. Shaking the thoughts from his head as he ate his tasteless porridge, he was cautiously thrilled to see an owl nearing. Jumping to open the window he was rendered motionless by the sight of his father clubbing the owl with a mop.

"Bloody menace!" Tobias Snape growled.

Severus couldn't tell you how he'd done it. He certainly didn't remember doing it but his mother's screams and his father's bloody shirt and frightened bulging eyes were proof that it had worked. Sectumsempra was a curse he had been working on but without someone to try it on, he hadn't been certain it would work. Yet there his father was, three bloody stripes appearing on his chest. He looked at his hand in horror. He couldn't remember taking his mother's wand from the kitchen drawer where she hid it. He looked at his mother, terrified.

"I," was all he could say.

Eileen Prince Snape looked at her son. She had never heard that curse before and was quite certain that it wasn't on the Hogwarts curriculum. She didn't say anything though, simply prying her wand from the frozen fingers. Lifting the injured owl, she removed the scroll from its leg. She healed the owl and offered it a small piece of fatty beef.

"What are you doing, woman! Do you know how hard I worked to buy that meat?" Tobias shouted.

Ignoring him, she handed the owl and note to Severus who accepted them, stepping backwards out of the room. She turned to her husband, her wand pointed in his direction.

"Put that away, now!" the strength of the command was weakened by the tremor in his voice.

Severus stood in the doorway, half afraid that she would kill his father, half hoping that she would. He had never understood why she wouldn't use her magic to defend herself and, it seemed, he never would. She simply healed the cuts on her husbands' chest which, in spite of all the blood, had merely been superficial scratches.

* * *

Sitting on Lily's swing, as he had done almost every day since he had returned to Spinner's End, Severus sketched in the old text book he had been given by Professor Slughorn. The book, already old, was to be his text book in the upcoming year. His parents could not afford to buy many of his books so his professors often allowed him to use books which had been left in the castle by students of past years.

He loved potions; it was one of his favourite subjects and he found himself doing some advance reading and wishing he had a lab in which he could try some of these recipes. Potions got more exciting as they become more advanced. A potion which could mimic death, luck you could drink? It was all simply amazing.

Distracted, he etched in the borrowed book, 'Property of the Half-Blood Prince'. With a sigh, he flipped to the page he'd bookmarked and began reading. It did not last long, however, as he was still distracted by memories of the previous night. Ever since the Owl Incident as he had dubbed it, his father had been wary of him. Unfortunately it seemed to only make him more violent towards his wife who he was outraged to discover insisted on keeping her wand. Furious that she wouldn't hand it over, they had fought the night before, their voices waking him. He walked down the stairs to witness a distraught Eileen searching for the wand to hand it over and a furious Tobias punctuating his shouts with the occasional clout to his wife's back.

Outraged, Severus revealed that he had the wand. He hadn't told his father though he knew his mother would know that he had been using it to avoid any detection from the Ministry for the use of underage magic. He used the Levicorpus spell on his father until the terrified man had passed out from the rush of blood to his head.

Sighing, he looked at the book and realized that he had written the name of the spell in its margins as he was wont to do. It was as if by writing it he could gain the satisfaction of doing it without dealing with the consequences.

He jumped as an apple core hit him on the head. Looking up with a start, he was upset to realize that he hadn't heard the village bullies approach.

"Why don't you eat that, Snape, you look hungry," the rugby playing jock he knew only as Paul guffawed, his three cronies joining him in the laughter. "Be charitable, boys, that's what I always say." He snatched a greasy paper package from one of the other boys and rubbed it in Severus' face. "Mmm, do you smell that, Snape? That's the smell of fish and chips. You can eat the paper if you'd like a little taste. I'm sure it certainly tastes better than anything you've had to eat all week."

Severus ground his teeth. He was hungry and indeed the scent of the meal was better than the gruel he'd had all week. He always missed Hogwarts during the summers. Everything was better there. That Paul had merely spoken the truth didn't make him any less furious.

He gasped as Paul smacked him in the back of the head. "Eww, it's every bit as greasy as it looks!" Paul complained, chasing his laughing mates with the outstretched hand.

The movement had caused the wand to poke Severus' side. "Levicorpus!" he yelled, laughing as Paul swung up in the air, the pale pink and yellow floral vest he wore under his threadbare jumper becoming visible. Severus laughed at the horrified screams and yells. Power was wonderful; vengeance divine!

"I bet he's there on your swing as always, the freak! I don't understand why you want to be friends with him again. Do you see him? Lily? Answer me!" Petunia puffed.

Severus turned quickly, dropping Paul. His eyes widened in horror. Lily was standing behind the swing, looking at him, a mixture of emotions flittering across her face, none of them good.

"Lily," Severus whispered. Lily turned to Petunia and pulled her away. "Lily wait! It's not like it looks. Lily, come on, it's just Paul! You know what a bully he is!"

Lily turned and silenced him with a look that clearly said, 'just like you' and walked away.

* * *

The rest of the summer went by slowly for Severus. He spent the first week after the Levi-Paul Fiasco worried that Lily was so angry that she would report him to the authorities for his violation of the secrecy act. She hadn't, as Remus had assured him she wouldn't and, he supposed, he had known that too.

His correspondence with Remus continued except for an unplanned break caused when Black had gone to visit Remus. On his first day, he had read the note that Jekyll was writing to Hyde. Curious about Remus' secret friend, he had introduced himself in the letter and sealed it so that upon Remus' return, he had sent he note off with the owl in its altered state. Severus had returned the note with his terse response written below Black's addition, 'Explain'.

Remus had apologized profusely in a reply owl but had not written again for four days.

For Severus, September 1st could not come fast enough and yet it came too soon.


	3. Chapter 3

Author: CarlisleAliceJazzCullen (known as Ari everywhere else!)  
Name: Love Everlasting  
Summary: Severus Snape, a one man heartbreak hotel… or something like that. o_0

A/N: This is meant to be a SNUPIN (Snape/Lupin) but for the first part (i.e. the first

four or so chapters, it will include some SNAGULUS (Snape/Regulus).

Disclaimer: These characters are not mine. They were created by JK Rowling and I'm not sure who all she shares the rights to them with but I know I'm not one of the lucky people. I just borrow them for a little while and I don't make a penny off of this.

Rating: M

CHAPTER 3

Regulus couldn't wait for school to start. He had overheard Potter and Sirius discussing Remus' secret 'friend', the mysterious Mr. Hyde. He hadn't heard much else though.

Finally locating Severus in an otherwise empty carriage, he joined the sullen character. Only Severus wasn't looking so much sullen as he was gazing longingly at the platform. Following the gaze, he saw his brother and Lupin greeting Potter and Pettigrew. Swallowing a growl, he sat very closely to Severus.

"Hey Severus, those idiots, huh? My brother and Potter spent the last few weeks gossiping about Lupin's new lover," he claimed maliciously although, as far as he had heard, Hyde, whoever he was, was just Lupin's new friend.

Severus turned away from the window. His mask fell and his expression became indecipherable. He nodded in greeting then opened a book. Regulus sighed, disappointed.

* * *

Lily chatted with Susan Fitzgerald, a Ravenclaw from her year. She had to admit that the voyage to Platform 9 ¾ was lonely without Severus. She missed him but she wasn't sure if her best friend Severus existed anymore. He'd always been a little boastful and his frank words cut like a knife but he was never evil. He was not like Potter and Black and certainly not like his Slytherin peers, Mulciber and Avery. But sulking and saying mean things to and about the people who had hurt him or provoking people he disliked with cruel jibes had been his primary method of revenge before. He had not been one for violence. He was quick with hexes and never hesitated to defend himself it was true, but he was more likely to scorn the helpless than attack them. And her Severus was a stickler for the rules. Her Severus would never have broken the Secrecy Act; he was more likely to seek out the rule breakers and report them.

"Remy!" she greeted excitedly, embracing the startled boy with a huge hug. "How are you?"

James and Sirius exchanged confused looks. Since when was Evans friends with Remus?

"Lily!" Remus' greeting was drowned by the warning horn and the James' parents' instructing them to board the train quickly. "Will you and Susan join us?"

As she went to bed that night, Lily was surprised to realize that she had enjoyed Potter and Black's company. They were less obnoxious than usual and she could finally see the boys who had befriended Remus in spite of his lycanthropy. She couldn't help but think that it was a pity that they'd gotten off on the wrong foot. The boys were clever and had a quick wit and a fascination for hexes matched only by Severus; they could certainly have been friends in another life.

As for James, he could be quite debonair when he wished to be and, she couldn't help but notice today, he was also quite handsome.

* * *

The first two weeks of school were complicated for Severus. Seeing Lily everyday and having her ignore him hurt. Seeing Lily openly socializing with Remus when his relationship with the latter remained a secret affair was painful. It was seeing Lily becoming somewhat friendly with the Gryffindor Gang that drove him to distraction. He felt betrayed. How could she befriend the boys who had bullied him for the past five years?

At least he had Regulus. He and Reg had been friends ever since the boy had been sorted into Slytherin but he'd never thought much of the young man. Yet it was Regulus who always seemed to be there to comfort him lately. Where he and Lily had had study sessions before, he now assisted the average but willing student. He had to admit to himself though, that the most attractive part of Regulus wasn't the boy himself, although he was handsome. The Black family had an amazing library. Many books not available in the Hogwarts library or which he was forbidden to read in the restricted section were in the Black library. Regulus frequently loaned him all sorts of books which kept him entertained for hours.

Which was just as well. Lily and Remus now studied together at their spot by the lake and, Regulus had told him, Potter and Black now sometimes joined in. He had met with Remus only three times since term started. He had requested that they spend the upcoming weekend together but once again Remus claimed that Potter and Black had invited him out first. They hadn't fought this time but that was only because Severus had made up his mind to investigate.

A nervous first year Hufflepuff stood staring at Severus as he worked in the Potions lab during a free period. He turned and scowled at the girl who began to tremble.

"What do you want?" he snapped.

She ran into the room, dropped a note on the table and ran off just as quickly. Checking the note for hexes, he read, 'My dear Mr. Hyde, I do hope that you are not too disappointed about this weekend. I will miss you. In fact I miss you already, Jekyll'. He crushed the note but did not incinerate it. He was both annoyed and secretly pleased.

* * *

Regulus shook with impotent frustration. He had been seducing Severus for two weeks now and the boy had yet to kiss him. And now he had found a note in Severus' robe pocket from Lupin. Hyde and Jekyll indeed! He wondered where they'd come up with those silly names. He would never have Severus as long as Lupin was around.

Spotting Sirius and some silly Ravenclaw girl snogging in a courtyard below, he smirked. He transfigured a duplicate Chocolate Frog Collectible Card he'd been using as a bookmark into sealed note addressed to Jekyll.

"A half-blood this time, brother? Well at least she's an improvement over your usual Mudblood fare I suppose," Regulus sniffed.

"Shut up!" Sirius jumped to his feet, wand drawn. Always quick to draw his wand, that one, and always quick to anger. It worked every time.

"Going to hex me, then? Your own dear brother? And all for a half-blood?"

"Shut. Up!" Sirius yelled, poking his younger brother in the chest after each word.

Exaggerating the impact of each hit, Regulus staggered backwards and dropped the note, knowing his brother's eagle eye would spot it.

"Jekyll? Who's Jekyll? Why do you have a note addressed to Jekyll?" Sirius asked, clearly agitated.

"It's not mine."

"Obviously, REG-U-LUS. What I want to know is what you're doing with it."

Regulus shrugged disdainfully and reached for the note. Sirius, predictably, held it away and collared him. "You'd better tell me why you've got a note addressed to someone else, Regulus."

"Or we might just be forced to report you to a Professor," the Ravenclaw joined in. Regulus almost giggled with glee. Perfect!

Pretending to be nervous, he 'confessed', "It's not mine. Severus had it, I don't know where he got it from but he accidentally dropped it. I was going to the library to return it to him. You better give it back to me to give to him or you'll be the one with someone else's note!" he tried again to reach for the note.

"Snivellus! I should have guessed," Sirius scowled. "No, I know Jekyll. I'll deliver the message to him. Poor Snivelly, he'll be so upset he lost his stolen loot. Now go away."

Regulus left. He wasn't sure his plan had worked quite as he'd wanted. It didn't seem like Sirius planned to confront Severus again. With a disappointed sigh, he watched Sirius slip the note into his robes before he reversed the transfiguration on the note. He wasn't sure how Sirius would explain the missing 'note' but he didn't care.

* * *

Regulus was jubilant. He wasn't sure how but it seemed his plan had worked beautifully! His sources had informed him that Sirius was overheard ranting about some note that Severus had stolen from Remus and was plotting his revenge. Then supposedly he'd tricked Severus in to going somewhere dangerous. Regulus highly doubted that Severus could be fooled by his brother but he didn't care. The important thing was that after a week of self-imposed solitary confinement, Severus had begun to spend increasing amounts of time with him and yesterday Severus had finally responded to his subtle flirting and kissed him. Life was beautiful!

* * *

Severus stabbed viciously at a leaf with his stick. He was at the edge of the Forbidden Forest foraging for Potions ingredients. Why was his life so complicated?

He sat abruptly on a fallen log and took a deep breath. He thought back to a week ago when he'd been made a fool.

_He had spotted Remus- no, Lupin and Madam Pomfrey headed towards the Whomping Willow. He had never been one of the students who attempted to dare the tree back in his early years at Hogwarts but he recalled that a boy had almost been killed there. Or something like that. At any rate, the tree was now forbidden territory. So why was Madam Pomfrey taking his then boyfriend there? He'd initially followed them out of concerned curiosity. He worried whether Remus had begun self-mutilating again- he'd noticed a fairly recent scar that his lover must have gotten over the summer break but Remus had dismissed it as nothing. Yet now he was with the school's Medi-Witch. _

_He was surprised to see the tree halt and allow them to disappear somewhere near its roots. He was even more surprised to have Black approach him congenially. That should have been his first sign that something was very wrong but he was so distracted with concern for his boyfriend and curiosity about the unknown that Black's words had completely disarmed him of his natural instincts and usual skepticism. _

"_Looking for Jekyll, are you?"_

_His face a calm mask he asked, "Jekyll?"_

"_Yes, you know," he said, dragging the word out in a conspiratorial manner, "Jekyll. He went to Hogsmeade. There's a secret passage under the Whomping Willow. All you have to do is press that knot over there… if you can get to it."_

_His second clue should have been the smile on Black's face as he left. He had been too curious about the passage and too happy that Remus had told Black about them to think things through. _

He shuddered as the sounds of the werewolf howling rang in his ears.

He scowled as he recalled Dumbledore refusing to punish anyone for the attempt on his life. It was clear to him that it had been all one elaborate prank on the part of the Gryffindor Gang. How else would Black have known Jekyll was his secret name for Remus? Lupin had promised him that he hadn't revealed the name to anyone and yet Black knew. Too kind hearted as always, the headmaster had refused to expel Black, claiming that it would draw attention to Lupin's predicament and endanger the latter's life. He called Lupin innocent and Potter a hero. Potter! The headmaster had even told him that he now owed Potter a life debt! Potter, Black and Lupin had plotted to murder him and he ended up owing his life to Potter. It was an outrage!

The more Severus thought about it, the more convinced he became that Lupin had made an ass out of him. He sneered. He'd done his crying, love was for fools. Now he knew better, he would never make that mistake again. He would get his revenge on that lot, oh yes he would.

He smirked as he stood, noticing a promising patch of flora nearby. He had already begun his revenge. He would start with Black and he knew just how to do it. He would seduce Regulus and this relationship he would certainly flaunt to the world. He briefly felt guilty about using his friend that way; it wasn't Reg's fault he was related to Black. He suffocated his conscience. The one good thing about losing Lily as a friend was that he no longer heard her voice nagging in the back of his head restraining him with silly Gryffindorish ideas of morality.

* * *

Remus Lupin lay on his bed in Gryffindor tower, the drapes pulled all around him creating a dark cocoon. He had cried for hours, possibly days and still it felt like his heart would break. He wasn't sure he had the strength to cry any more.

"Remy?" Lily called as she gently pulled the drapes aside. Sitting cross-legged on the bed near to his feet, she closed the drapes and flicked her wand creating a soft light in the cocoon. "Remy? I brought you something to eat." He didn't respond. "Oh Remy, I know it hurts but you've got to eat something. You've hardly eaten in the last week."

"I almost killed him, Lil' and now he hates me. I don't know what's worse, that I almost killed him or that he refuses to have anything to do with me," he sighed, sitting up and chewing on the sandwich she pressed into his mouth. "On some level I think I always suspected that he would not accept the real me but the reality still hurts. The fear I saw in his eyes when I tried to apologize… oh Lily," he sobbed, the tears spilling uncontrollably, "and now… now… surely you saw him outside the Charms classroom this morning…"

Lily ground her teeth and hugged her friend. She may not be on speaking terms with Severus any more but she had half a mind to go give him an earful. He could fool Sirius and Remus but she knew that he was hurting. She could tell that he wasn't in love with Regulus. He was using the boy to spite Remus. Severus Snape had turned into a one man heartbreak hotel. Who'd have thought!

* * *

"Severus, how would you like to go to a Halloween masked ball with me at Malfoy Manor?" At Severus' hesitation he added, "Lucius would love to have you there."

"I don't dance."

"I can teach you. You only have to dance once anyway. Please," Regulus begged, sweetening the deal with a kiss.

Severus nodded.

* * *

Severus entered the marble foyer of Malfoy Manor. He was impressed and overwhelmed by the grandeur but he tried not to show it. Although Regulus had bought him an elegant gown and dressed him for the event (even convincing his older cousin Narcissa to style Severus' hair which was lighter and healthier looking than he had thought possible), he still felt underdressed.

"Severus, Regulus, please do come in," Lucius welcomed them, offering them champagne that his attendant elf held on a tray above his head.

Taking a flute each, they entered the grand drawing room. Severus was awed. He hoped his eager observations were not too obvious. He wasn't surprised to see many of his fellow Slytherins, past and present, mingling around the room. He felt himself being observed on several occasions but could not locate the source. Regulus clung to his arm like an excited teenage girl, introducing him to everyone.

"Severus! How pleasant to see you here," Professor Slughorn greeted him.

"Professor Slughorn, sir, I hadn't expected to see you here." Even as he said the words, Severus knew them to be foolish. Slughorn was a sycophant of the highest order. Of course he was at a Malfoy event.

"Professor, how wonderful to see you!" Regulus joined them, his eyes glowing.

"Regulus, dear, do mind your decorum," a beautiful woman chided.

"Sorry Mother. Mother, Father, you know Professor Slughorn and may I present to you my companion, Severus Snape."

Severus bowed to the Blacks, accepting Mrs. Black's gloved hand for a kiss.

"Snape… Snape… I am not sure that I know your people," she drawled, eyeing him speculatively. "Did your people attend Hogwarts?"

"Only my mother, ma'am, Eileen Prince," Severus prayed she wouldn't ask about his father. He was relieved when Professor Slughorn interrupted.

"Hmm, Eileen Prince… Yes, I remember her. Not quite as brilliant as you though, was she? No, no… now Severus here is a brilliant student. He has an amazing instinct for Potions. I was quite happy when he began assisting young Regulus here. Hmm, yes. Shame you can't do the same for Sirius though. Smart boy but easily distracted, hmm," he mused, looking distractedly around the room.

"Prince? Do we know any Princes dear?" Mrs. Black asked her husband.

"Good evening, my Lord and Lady Black," a handsome young man invited himself into their little group. Professor Slughorn paled. "Is this your son?" he asked, smiling at Regulus although Severus had the distinct impression he was being scrutinized somehow.

"Lord Voldemort," Mrs. Black practically gushed, "Yes, this is my son Regulus."

Lord Voldemort shook Regulus' hand gracefully. Severus tried to maintain control of his facial muscles. He had heard about this man from the other Slytherins. He was known to be one of the greatest wizards alive. He had never imagined that he would be so fortunate as to meet the gentlemen though. He memorized the features on the handsome face.

He felt Regulus' grip tighten on his arm and wondered if he had been staring. "Lord Voldemort, it is an honour to meet you, sir. May I introduce to Severus Snape, my companion," Regulus emphasized the last word.

Lord Voldemort smiled and presented his hand to Severus who shook it. "Severus," Voldemort said, his sibilants almost erotically obscene, "Professor Slughorn praises you highly. Are you a member of the Slug Club?"

"Good evening, my Lord," Severus was relieved that his awe did not colour his voice. "Yes, sir, Professor Slughorn invited me to be a member of the Slug Club." Brilliant, Severus, just brilliant. Your witty repartee is sure to impress.

"Walburga dear, isn't that the Marquis de Roseau coming our way?" Mr. Black spoke for the first time.

"I have met the Marquis before so if you will excuse me, I wish to visit the refreshments. Perhaps, Severus, you will accompany me?"

"Regulus, where are you going, dear? Severus will be back soon. You must stay to be presented to the Marquis."

* * *

Severus lay in his bed that night, his heart soaring. He was thrilled that he had gone to the party. True, Regulus was pouting and sulking at having been ignored all night but Severus hardly had a choice. Mrs. Black was suspicious of his background and Lord Voldemort wanted him around. His Lordship had spent the night bestowing Severus with almost undivided attention.

They had spoken of Hogwarts, Potions and the Dark Arts. He could practically feel the power humming from the handsome man. Lord Voldemort had introduced him to the art of Legilimency and Occlumency. He had expressed pleasured surprise at how quickly Severus had picked up the skills. He had confirmed that it was he who had been observing the younger man ever since his arrival. He claimed to have been impressed by Severus' remarkable composure. Severus wasn't sure about that since Voldemort had seen right through the façade but then, he had to admit, Lord Voldemort was clearly a powerful and talented man.

* * *

The rest of his fifth and sixth years were a mixed joy for Regulus. It was the end of Severus' time at Hogwarts and they remained a couple the entire time. Now, however, Severus had graduated and was going to officially join the Death Eaters.

In spite of his initial wariness at the first meeting of Severus and Lord Voldemort, he had actively encouraged his lover to socialize more and more with the Death Eaters. For himself, he didn't really care about the Death Eaters either way but he was under a lot of pressure to be the son Sirius never was. More than a passion for blood purity he craved his parents' love and adoration and now the Death Eaters also provided him with a way to keep Severus from Lupin.

He floundered between moments of joy and anxiety whenever the Dark Lord favoured his lover. On the one hand he was proud of Severus and proud to be the partner of such an increasingly influential wizard. He and Cissy often spent hours boasting about the achievements made by their boyfriends. Of course Lucius had an advantage over Severus because he was older, more suave and wealthier but wherever he could, Regulus tried to even the scales between the peers. At any rate he knew that the Dark Lord seemed enchanted by Severus' intelligence and natural abilities in the Dark Arts which was an advantage Lucius would never best.

On the other hand though, he worried whenever the Dark Lord sequestered himself and Severus at the get-togethers. Lord Voldemort was a handsome, charming, clever and powerful man. Regulus knew that Severus craved power and he always felt comparatively deficient in that area. He was a good wizard but just barely above average at most. He tried to compensate for his lack of power by learning all he could about the Dark Arts from his parents which had the dual outcomes of pleasing his parents and keeping his lover interested but it always seemed that the Dark Lord was one step ahead of him.

They had never kissed, at least, Severus had never mentioned it, but he couldn't help but notice that sometimes, after a little tête-à-tête with the Dark Lord, his lover appeared horny. At those times, Severus would pull him away into some dark corner and ravish him with desperate kisses and frantic groping. He enjoyed those moments with Severus because they were uncharacteristic and rare and because it meant that, even if he was flirting with Severus, the Dark Lord either had not or could not satisfy the younger man.

Some days he felt so tired of all the work he put in to the relationship when it seemed that Severus did not appreciate it. Then some poor sop who'd just been a victim of his lover's razor wit would question why on earth he would stay with such a misanthropic git and he would smile. With him, Severus was always gentle, his biting wit turned against the rest of the world. It made him feel special. In fact, by virtue of the fact that he was the only person in the school who seemed to be spared the viciousness, he knew Severus considered him special. Well, almost the only person… ever since whatever happened with Sirius and Severus, the latter acted almost as though the former and his colleagues did not exist. He thought he could feel a certain melancholy come over the sullen boy sometimes when he saw Evans and Lupin but he would quickly distract his lover with kisses or questions about the Dark Arts.

He had tried to turn Severus against those two once but the older boy had reacted furiously. The cold shoulder had lasted for almost two weeks and his lesson had been learnt. He could say horrible things about Black, Potter and Pettigrew- indeed against anyone else, but Evans and Lupin remained off-limits.

* * *

Horace Slughorn regarded his trophy wall with a certain amount of undisguised pride. Yes, his favourites, past and present, had done well. 'Hmm, well, most of them,' he thought, looking at a photograph of Tom Riddle. He hadn't taken Tom off of the wall but only because, Dark Wizard or not, he was still quite powerful and becoming more and more influential as time passed.

Smiling, he moved Lily Evans' photograph forward a place. The young Auror in training was doing quite well for herself. He frowned, much better than her former friend, Severus Snape. He had had such high hopes for the brilliant though morose student but it seemed like mother, like child. Eileen Prince had never been a candidate for his club but she had been good at other things… he seemed to recall her winning a trophy for something or other. Yet she'd run off and married a Muggle and a poor one at that, if Severus' threadbare robes and borrowed second hand books were anything to go by.

Now her son had ignored all of the potentially influential job offers Slughorn had provided at his parties and, rumour had it, run off to join Tom and his gang. The old professor shuddered recalling the brilliant but dark mind that was Tom Riddle. He felt faint at the thought of two such brilliant minds combining in pursuit of dark glory.

Albus Dumbledore's piercing blue eyes appeared in his mind's eye. He flinched as he could imagine hearing the headmaster, 'Horace, you do realize how potentially catastrophic this union could be, you know things that could change the course of history. It is your duty to share them with me'. No, he thought, it is my duty to protect myself, hedge my bets. I cannot risk choosing the wrong side. If Tom wins, he must not see me as the enemy. I will remain low and neutral. I am no Gryffindor hero.

* * *

Bellatrix Black smiled at her aunt. They were sitting in the parlour at Grimmauld Place with Cissy and Lucius Malfoy. She was bored and had only joined Cissy at their parents' insistence that she chaperone them to Lucius' official introduction to the Black family now that he and Cissy were engaged.

Biting a pumpkin pasty with more force than perhaps necessary, she hid a scowl. Cissy was engaged. She should be the one engaged! She was only relieved that at least her younger sister would not be allowed to get married before she did. It would serve Lucius right.

How had things gone so wrong? She was in love with Lord Voldemort and craved his attention. She had shown her willingness to do anything and everything he wanted but he never returned her affections. It was always Lucius to whom he would turn his attentions as the toady charmed his way up the Dark Lord's ranks. Oh, she rose too, but the object of her affections regarded her as a good soldier instead of as a potential wife.

Unable to outwit Lucius, she had attempted to distract him by taking along little Cissy with her whenever the Dark Lord visited. Now they were engaged and she was no closer to bedding or wedding her lord. In fact, she had another competitor for his affections, that ugly boy, Severus Snape. She had been fond of Severus when Lucius had introduced her. Well, perhaps not fond per se, but he was tolerable and tales of the animosity between him and Cousin Sirius always proved good for a laugh. She did not trust him- how had he become so close to the Dark Lord so quickly? He had barely been marked and already he had been invited to dine, alone, with the Dark Lord. Twice, if her elf Ninny was to be believed.

Regulus entered the room and greeted his cousins and friend. Bellatrix barely bit back a contemptuous sneer. Useless. Bloody useless. She had used him much as she had used Cissy but where her sister had completely bewitched Lucius, her cousin's hold over Snape was less certain.

With a sudden smile she called to him, "Regulus, cousin, how lovely to see you. Aunt Walburga, would you mind terribly if my dear cousin took me for a walk around the garden?"

"Of course not dear," Walburga smiled prettily. "Don't worry dear, you'll find a man soon," she added in a not so quiet whisper.

Bellatrix clench the fingers on her wand hand which were simply itching to hex the woman. Instead she smiled graciously and gripped tightly to Regulus' arm.

"They are bloody nauseous, aren't they?" Regulus smiled understandingly.

"Who? Oh, them. Yes, they are."

"But, I take it, that's not why you wanted to leave?"

"Not particularly, no," she shrugged. "Tell me, cousin, how is your relationship with Severus going? What plans have you made to continue seeing each other now that he has left Hogwarts?"

"I think we are doing well," he smiled weakly. "We have not yet discussed plans for next term though."

"What? Good heavens boy, I thought you wanted to keep Severus. You must continue to see him regularly if you expect him to stick around. Men are sexual beings. If you are not there to satisfy his urges, do not imagine that he will not seek solace elsewhere."

Regulus paled. "We haven't had sex yet and he doesn't seem to mind."

Bellatrix blinked. Ninny had told her that the Dark Lord only bedded virgins of either sex. She herself was not a virgin; that ship had sailed many years ago. But then, she had thought, neither were any of the competition. She had never seen Severus with anyone else. Was he a virgin?

"Yes," Regulus answered her question with a blush, "we both are. We do many other things but there has never been any actual penetration. I think Severus has wanted to on several occasions but I am not ready and he understands. He really is quite considerate, you know."

Bellatrix did not hold back her sneer this time. "You're not ready? Not ready? Foolish child! Poor ickle Reggie is not ready," she taunted in a sing-song voice. "You had better be ready or be certain that you will lose him. None of the other Death Eaters are virgins, I assure you, and when the Dark Lord finds out, well…"

Regulus shivered in dread. He was not ready but he could not lose Severus. "Please Bella, don't tell the Dark Lord, please! Give me the summer. You know Mother would never let me spend the night with Severus but he has promised to meet me at the first Hogsmeade week-end. I'll do it then, I promise!"

"Oh cousin, would that I could. You know that. Two months is a very long time though," she pretended to think. "I know!" she clapped excitedly, "I can do for you what I do for Cissy and Lucius. I tell you what, you just ask Aunt Walburga's permission to go on a trip with your dear cousins next week. We can go to France- the Malfoys have a home there. Lucius will invite Severus- it will be perfect!"

"So soon," he swallowed. At the scowl forming on her face he added quickly, "How can you be certain that Lucius will agree?"

"Lucius and Cissy would not turn down such an opportunity. They have recruited my assistance for far greater a price than an extending an invitation to you and Severus."

"Where would you be? Wouldn't it seem odd if you're not there?"

"Don't you worry about me," her smile causing a cold shiver to run down his spine.

* * *

Tom Riddle aka Lord Voldemort aka the Dark Lord sat on a chair configured to look suspiciously like a throne. He looked at the crucified body of a dead Muggle girl as her crimson blood dripped into the silver lined stone bowl below. His eyes flashed red as he stroked her young face and brushed her long hair. She had been a good fuck, her terrified screams and useless pleas for mercy had thrilled in a way that few other things could.

The Dark Lord decanted the blood meticulously before using the remainder to smear the runes he had written on her skin with her own blood earlier that evening. Ritual sex magic was powerful. On its own rape give the rapist power over his victim. He had recognized this quite early on and had researched methods of harnessing that power. These days he satisfied natural sexual urges and fed his powers using this branch of dark magic. Through trial and error he had honed his preferences. Gender was irrelevant. Magical beings were the most valuable, especially Veelas, but they were also dangerous. He liked danger but he was not a fool. He had no intention of falling under a Veela's spell or being infected by lycanthropy. Still, he was experimenting with ways in which his followers- the dispensable ones of course, could use rape to harness the power of these magical beings on his behalf. Witches and wizards were next; they were easy enough to control but too easily missed and, at this time, simply not worth the hassle. Surprisingly some Muggles had yielded more power than Squibs. He supposed it was because Squibs grew up knowing they were worthless while Muggles believed in their own superiority over the earth magic.

Victims had to be young but not too young; younger children simply did not have enough power while the elderly presented the same problem. After puberty but before middle age was ideal but teenagers were the best. Their vitality and fight were at their strongest and their naïve belief in their own immortality fed the magic beautifully. Indeed, the more arrogant and independent they were, the better.

With sudden unrestrained viciousness, Voldemort slammed the heavy bowl on to the corpse's head. Bellatrix!

The foolish girl had spent the weekend at Boyle Lodge, the rambling mansion he had charmed some old Muggle biddy into bequeathing him before tricking her butler into killing her, supposedly for a £50,000 inheritance. Well, that was the motive the Muggle authorities had accused the silly man of. Arriving uninvited that Friday night, Bellatrix had flirted with him ad nauseam, her pathetic attempts were cringe-worthy. Her love-struck objective was obvious- she clearly wanted him to marry her.

The Dark Lord was above marrying and certainly not so foolish as to believe in love. For him, sex was a mechanical and technical thing; a means to an end. He had fucked a few of his followers in the past, primarily the virgin recruits he knew he would soon sacrifice for his cause, but he would never bed Bellatrix Black.

For one thing he had no intention of estranging such a powerful Dark family. For another, the promise of sex manipulated the girl more effectively than the Imperious would; her eagerness to impress him drove her to develop creative solutions to his problems. It was also clear to him that the always excitable and impetuous girl was becoming more and more unstable. She would be valuable to him for the foreseeable future as long as he was able to control her- and punish her for this latest indiscretion.

He had read it in her eyes; she had been one of his best students in the art of Legilimency and Occlumency but she was no match for him. Severus and Regulus were virgins and she had sent them to France to deflower one another. She had done it out of fear that he would be attracted to their purity. She was right of course; he would certainly have enjoyed taking their innocence and harnessed their power- especially Severus'. Yet she had not done it to steal his power but in an attempt to minimize her competition. Poor foolish Bella, she thought she was so clever.

Gouging the corpses nails in the face of the unconscious man on the floor, the Dark Lord surveyed his handiwork. Clutching the man's arm, he Apparated to an alley outside the bed and breakfast. Replacing the thief's now bloody knife in the old denim jacket, he reversed the stunning spell and kicked the man awake before Disapparating.

"Find Bellatrix, I want a word with her, in my chambers, now."

Striding to his chambers, Voldemort did not bother to note which of his minions had scurried away on the errand.

"My Lord, you wished to speak to me?" Bellatrix bowed low, her hair sweeping the floor in front of her, before rushing to kneel at his feet.

"Bellatrix," he resisted the temptation to kick her… he liked her after all. "Tell me Bellatrix, why have you not yet married? Lucius and Narcissa are engaged now but by tradition the eldest must marry first, yes? Certainly you agree with the old customs?"

"Yes, my Lord, of course I do, but I have not yet been propositioned," she purred, batting her eyes seductively.

Resisting the urge to roll his eyes, he continued, "Surely not, Bellatrix. Young, beautiful, clever, wealthy and powerful pureblood witch like you?"

Bellatrix fairly glowed, her eyes shining with worshipful adoration, "My Lord says such kind things to me."

Voldemort smirked, this was such fun and Bellatrix certainly did wonders for his ego. "We must lead by example then. It will not do for one such as you to remain unmarried. I must find you a husband, if you wish," he observed her through his lowered eyelashes. She was almost drooling with excitement.

"Oh yes, sir, I wish, I wish!"

And now, the bomb. "My fellow Slytherin from my Hogwarts years, Lestrange, was bemoaning to me just recently that he cannot find suitable pure-blood witches for his sons," Bellatrix paled, her eyes widening. "The Lestranges are a good family. Wealthy, old and pure lineage, you agree?"

"My Lord," she swallowed audibly.

"They are also old friends of mine. Lestrange was one of my first Death Eaters, you know. He has been loyal to me since we were eleven years old," he paused, satisfied by the defeat evident in her posture. Inhaling deeply through his nose as though inhaling the scent of her heartbreak pleased him, which perhaps it did, he continued, "I am quite fond of you, Bellatrix, and respectful of the Black family. It would please me to see the union of these two families and your elevation to my inner circle..."

Bellatrix struggled to remain calm. This was not what she wanted but she dared not contradict the Dark Lord; she craved his approval. "I am pleased, my Lord, that you would consider me for this great honour. Yet I am so junior in your ranks, perhaps Mr. Lestrange will not consider one so inexperienced as me worthy."

Voldemort smiled. Trust a Slytherin to be so ruthlessly ambitious. "Fear not, Bellatrix, Lestrange will respect my wishes. I can tell that you are a powerful witch, have I not said so just tonight? I suggest this union because I want you by my side. Once your engagement is announced, you will join me three nights a week for personal training in the Dark Arts." 'And,' he thought, 'if I let you join me in my bed from time to time, it wouldn't matter anymore. A pureblood witch such as yourself would never entertain such Muggle concepts as divorce and the Lestrange boys are such simpering idiots, your husband would be honoured to share his wife.'

"You honour me, my Lord," Bellatrix kissed his offered hand. Three nights a week of private lessons! Not even Lucius or Severus had ever had such an honour. "Which son, my Lord?"


	4. Chapter 4

Author: CarlisleAliceJazzCullen (known as Ari everywhere else!)  
Name: Love Everlasting  
Summary: I wanna be consequence free and just sing Na Na Na Na Na Ne Na Na Na!

A/N: This is meant to be a SNUPIN (Snape/Lupin) but for the first part (i.e. the first

four or so chapters, it will include some SNAGULUS (Snape/Regulus).

Disclaimer: These characters are not mine. They were created by JK Rowling and I'm not sure who all she shares the rights to them with but I know I'm not one of the lucky people. I just borrow them for a little while and I don't make a penny off of this.

The lyrics paraphrased below are from **Consequence Free by Great Big Sea**.

Rating: M

Wouldn't it be great, if no one ever got offended  
Wouldn't it be great to say what's really on your mind  
I have always said 'all the rules are made for bending'  
And if I let my hair down, would that be such a crime?

_[Chorus]_  
I wanna be consequence free  
I wanna be where nothing needs to matter  
I wanna be consequence free  
just sing Na Na Na Na Na Ne Na Na Na

I could really use, to lose my Gryffindor conscience  
Cuz I'm getting sick of feeling guilty all the time  
I won't abuse it, Yeah I've got the best intentions  
For a little bit of anarchy but not the hurting kind

_I couldn't sleep at all last night  
cause I had so much on my mind  
I'd like to leave it all behind,  
but you know it's not that easy  
_  
Wouldn't it be great, if the band just never ended  
We could stay out late and we would never hear last call  
We wouldn't need to worry about approval or permission,  
we could - slip off the edge and never worry about the fall

* * *

CHAPTER 4

Walburga Black was frustrated. Her younger brother Cygnus' two daughters had both married well. (She did not think Andromeda worthy of consideration.) She had only one son; the other had proven himself a complete traitor. She had blackened his face on the family tree but had not been able to convince herself to completely disown him in the hopes that one day he would see sense. He was always a more powerful wizard than Regulus and was popular with women. She would have had such pleasure choosing a wife for him but he was stubborn and now, unfortunately she had yet another reason not to completely disown him.

Regulus had joined the Death Eaters and through his relationship with Severus Snape along with Bella's influence, he had risen quickly through the ranks. She was quite proud of this but would be happier still if she had any reason to believe that he would marry well once he had used Snape as long as he could. Instead her son seemed to be genuinely in love with the boy. The Prince family was beneath the Blacks in rank and she had yet to discover who the Snapes were.

Orion kept trying to reassure her that it was just a phase which he would grow out of. He pointed out that Regulus was faithful to the old ways and pureblood supremacy and would do his duty as a good pureblood and marry to produce an heir when the time came. She wasn't so sure though. He had been obsessed with that Snape boy for almost four years now and their relationship seemed to have gotten stronger rather than weaker over the last year in spite of the older boy having left Hogwarts. She wasn't surprised that Regulus maintained his infatuation but she was surprised when Bella confirmed that the Snape boy had also remained faithful.

She looked at her husband's sleeping form across from her on the bed. How he could sleep knowing what they knew, she couldn't imagine. It was only a couple of months after Regulus had joined the ranks of the Death Eaters and already he wanted to leave. With her nieces and their husbands remaining high in the Dark Lord's ranks, she didn't want to lose her place in the line of prestige yet at the same time she worried about her son and heir.

Several of the other pureblood families were also beginning to worry about the activities of the mysterious Lord Voldemort. Who was he and where had he come from, this man they were all following like hapless house-elves? No one knew the answer and the few who wondered aloud seemed to develop fatal diseases or have unfortunate accidents. She worried about her husband and brother who had both vowed to investigate thoroughly.

And she worried about her son.

"_Oh Mother," Regulus had sobbed, "It's all true. Everything horrible thing you've read about it in the Daily Prophet. "Do remember last week when the Dark Lord asked to borrow Kreacher?"_

"_Yes, Bellatrix told us it was quite an honour and that she herself has often lent him Ninny. Only the house-elves of the senior members are given the privilege of serving the Dark Lord himself."_

"_Although she rather thought you were only asked because your Severus has no elf of his own," Orion Black added helpfully._

"_Perhaps Bella is right, perhaps not. She is jealous of Severus because the Dark Lord clearly respects him. Well anyway, Kreacher went alone with the Dark Lord to places unknown. That night while we were eating, the Dark Lord returned and Severus was summoned. He trusts no one else with his own personal potions, you see," Regulus noted proudly. "He stayed away for several hours, even after I had gone to bed. When he returned, he told me that the Dark Lord was weakened but that he had treated him and he was otherwise OK. He wondered what happened but he didn't ask and told me not to. He said that if the Dark Lord wished us to know, he would tell us. _

_But I was curious and when Severus returned to the Dark Lord's side the following morning, I summoned Kreacher. The Dark Lord poisoned Kreacher and left him for dead! My house elf!"_

"_Surely not on purpose dear; these things happen sometimes."_

"_But-"_

"_We would have bought you a new house elf, Regulus. What is one house elf sacrificed in the service of your Master?"_

_Regulus turned his head away. He knew he was being foolish, after all he lived in a house where there was a wall decorated with elf heads like trophies. One day Kreacher's head would undoubtedly join the others. And yet still, Kreacher had been his caretaker when he was a child and he was fond of the servant._

"_Then there was another incident two weeks ago. He sent me on my first raid in a Muggle town called Chelmsford," he continued desperately. He hoped his parents would be more compassionate of this example of the Death Eaters' evil. "When we arrived at the home of a Muggle banker, we tied the family up. There were four children under the age of sixteen. In fact, only the eldest son was a teenager, the other children were all under ten years old. _

_I don't quite know what I had imagined these raids to be like but it was quite shocking. First Lestrange Senior questioned the father while Evan Rosier molested the woman in front of her children. When the father tried to fight back, Severus, my own dear Severus, tortured the man with multiple hexes and the Cruciatus curse until he stopped fighting. Once the man's will was broken and he had given them the information they needed, Severus took my arm and we left."_

"_Regulus dear, they're just Muggles. Surely you're not afraid of a little dark magic, are you?"_

"_No Mother, I suppose not. In fact, truth be told, I was rather aroused by the sight of Severus wielding such power," Walburga's lips curled and Regulus continued quickly, blushing. "He was second in command only to Lestrange Sr. and it was obvious to everyone there that he was second in name only. He clearly led the raid and he was the one who got the information from the Muggle…"_

"_So then why are you so upset dear?"_

_Regulus swallowed back the bile rising in his throat. "After Severus Apparated us out of the house, he had to leave me to report to the Dark Lord. As he was leaving, I spotted the teenage Muggle boy and his mother being led into the Dark Lord's rooms by some of the more junior Death Eaters._

_I was curious and, instead of going to wait in our, er, Severus' suite in the south wing like he'd told me to, I hid in a cupboard just off the landing outside the Master's suite. The sounds were terrible, Mother. There were screams from the Muggles and cheers from the Death Eaters. After about half an hour, Severus, Nott and some of the other Death Eaters left the room with the banker. Severus forced the man to drink a potion and instructed the others to 'leave him in the woods near his house. He will recover soon enough' and walked off. When he left, Nott turned to the others and told them to ignore Severus. He said, 'Snape is a fool. He thinks it's all about his bloody potions and experimentation on the Muggles. He only does mercy killings when an experiment goes wrong and the Dark Lord indulges him. He seems so scary and evil but he isn't. It's disgustingly pathetic really. I think it comes from having spent five years being friends with that Gryffindor girl. Thank goodness he gave her up and went with Black. Now let us have some fun. Who wants to practice their Dark Curses?'_

_They laughed and left and I managed to escape. I didn't say anything to Severus about it but the next day the headline in the Daily Prophet was that the Dark Mark was seen over the Muggle house and the family had been murdered- all of them, Mother, even the babies. _

_I went to Muggle London and bought one of their newspapers. The Muggle authorities claim that the evidence showed the son and the mother to have been brutally raped by several culprits and the children were strangled. They have concluded that it was the work of some shady underground group that the husband had been involved in. I wasn't really convinced because it contradicted what I heard at the raid so I searched through the papers Severus had brought back and it became obvious to me that documents were forged._

_As if that wasn't bad enough, the morning after that when I awoke, Severus gave me a beautiful vase to add to my collection. It had been sent as a congratulatory gift from the Dark Lord to commemorate my first raid."_

"_Congratulations my dear! That's good isn't it? Where is the vase? May I see it?"_

"_I left it in my study at our flat. I didn't want to touch it."_

"_Your study? 'Our flat?'" Walburga raised an eyebrow._

_Regulus blushed. "The Dark Lord approves of our relationship. He provided Severus with one of the larger suites like Cissy and Bella have with their husbands…"_

_Walburga's lips thinned. "You are not married," she stated flatly, "and your home is here."_

"_I know. Yes of course, Mother. Do I not return here almost every night? All the same, I am of age now. Surely I am allowed to spend a night or two away from home."_

_Walburga didn't say anything, her mouth tightening in barely suppressed rage._

"_He has a point dear. He is seventeen." Orion Black contributed quietly._

"_Anyway, the point is that the vase is one that I had been admiring in the Muggles' home. Later that day, Crabbe met me and asked if I liked the vase. He told me that he had seen me admiring it and had informed the Dark Lord. He seemed to think I would be impressed that he had suggested that the Dark Lord give me a gift of stolen loot like the member of some common gang of thieves sharing the booty. Me! A Black!" he sniffed, offended. He was pleased to note that his parents were also outraged. Blood purity was one thing, common thievery was quite another._

"_Did you tell Severus?"_

"_I tried but he wouldn't listen. He was just upset with me for disobeying his orders and searching his things. He's in denial. He says he will protect me from ever killing needlessly or doing anything as petty as theft but he won't leave with me. He adores the Dark Arts, they fascinate him. He gets so caught up in the rapture when he does them, reads about them, creates them. He knows that anywhere else they will not be tolerated. It's like an addiction he cannot leave behind," Regulus sobbed uncontrollably again. "I tried to break his dependency. I hoped I meant more to him than the Dark Arts. I gave him an ultimatum. He told him he had to leave the service of the Dark Lord; that I would be leaving with or without him. _

_It was a mistake and even as I said the words I knew it. He was so furious mother," Regulus' tears came faster, his words difficult to understand between the choked sobs. "He told me that I had no right to control him. He his father was dead and no one would ever again control him. I told him that the Dark Lord was his puppeteer. I was just so angry and frustrated. He told me to shut up, that I was being silly and saying words and doing things that could get me killed. I could see that he was worried about me. I knew it was love and that love would be enough but it wasn't. I walked out on him hoping he would follow but he didn't. When I tried to return to our flat, he had changed the wards! Oh, Mother!" he cried, falling to his knees and laying his head in her lap._

Walburga Black was outraged on her son's behalf. Who did Severus Snape think he was? How dare he change the wards to their flat! Did he think her son wasn't good enough for him?

* * *

"Kreacher, I want you go home. Take these things with you. You are to give my mother this note and then I want you to give this other note to Sirius. Keep this book safe until you give it to Severus. Guard it with your life. Destroy this locket."

"Kreacher wants to take Master Regulus back with him. Kreacher won't leave Master Regulus here alone. Won't, won't, won't!"

"Kreacher!" he shouted weakly. "Please, you must! Do what I say. Never tell my family where to find me. Do not give them the things until tomorrow. You must not tell them what I have done. Do you understand me?"

"Kreacher is leaving Master Regulus but Kreacher is not happy about it," the old elf croaked, disappearing with a crack.

Regulus shivered. He was in so much pain but it was almost a good thing because he was too weak to be any more frightened.

He looked around the cave. He was so weak, so tired, so thirsty. He was not a brave man and right now it was only his love for his family, for Severus and, to his surprise, his love for the Wizarding World that kept him from calling Kreacher back.

He was so thirsty and he hurt all over. He rather imagined he could feel his legs dying. Lying down he thought back to a little over a year ago in a sumptuous bedroom in Paris.

"_I was surprised when Lucius invited me here and told me that you would be coming. Aren't you worried that your mother will find out that you're here…with me?" Severus asked, joining him in the bed._

"_Bella arranged it. She says she does it for Cissy all the time. Do you regret it?"_

"_Bella did this?" Severus was suspicious. Regulus chewed his lip nervously. Severus stared at the lip distractedly. "No, I don't regret it… yet," he muttered the last word._

_Leaning over, he covered Regulus' face with butterfly kisses. He smiled into the innocent grey eyes. He loved the way the younger boy's lips parted slightly in anticipation. Accepting the unspoken invitation, he kissed his lover, his tongue exploring the minty fresh mouth._

_Regulus reached under his lover's night shirt and pulled it up questioningly. He was nervously relieved when Severus cooperated, allowing him to remove his shirt before he in turn disrobed Regulus. _

_Neither wore anything under their shirts and their burgeoning erections collided._

"_Sev," he gasped. This was nothing new, they often engaged in frottage at school, yet he was quite certain that this would never grow old. Every time would feel like the first time. "Ungh!" he cried. Severus knew all of his most sensitive parts. He writhed under Severus as he kissed his neck, his chest, suckled on his nipples and ran his tongue around and into his belly button. He cried out as his cock was swallowed almost whole. The moist heat and exploring tongue were divine._

_Severus' head bobbed on the growing cock. As always, the sight drove Regulus mad. He grasped the sheets and struggled against the hands pinning his hips to the bed. "Nngh! I can't, I'm, oh!" He struggled to warn Severus that his orgasm was near. Usually Severus understood but today he continued. He tugged at the hair is frustration. He only had a short time to lose his virginity and he was going to come too soon if the stimulation didn't end but his lover wouldn't. In fact it got worse… or better? Severus was not playing with his balls, one errant finger brushing over his puckering hole. Severus reached a hand up and pulled the hand from his hair before reaching under his pillow. Before he could be curious, Regulus felt a strange tingle in his ass. _

"_Wha-" he tried to ask just as the finger tip pressed into him. The feeling was simply too much and he cried out, his cock pulsating and his lover swallowing everything he had to give. He pulled away, ashamed, burying his face in his pillow not wanting to see the disgust on his lover's face. Instead he felt more kisses on his butt cheeks. He wondered what was going on as his hips were lifted and his cheeks separated. He gasped as the finger returned to tickle his pucker. _

_As the stimulation continued, he was pleasantly surprised to feel his cock twitch with interest. His hands slid under the pillow below his head and his hips pressed into the tongue that was teasing him. Severus held the gyrating hips in place and pushed one long finger in to the first knuckle. The younger man froze. It wasn't painful but it was… unusual. He relaxed as he got used to the intrusion. He didn't want to stop, he was just nervous._

_Severus pressed his finger further in and stroked the half hard cock with the other hand. He kept the penetration going until his entire finger was inside. Regulus felt a tear run down the bridge of his nose and tasted a hint of blood on his bitten lip. It hurt but he didn't want Severus to know and stop. He clenched his eyes shut tighter as the finger was withdrawn and reinserted. He gripped the sheets so hard that he felt it give way in one corner._

"_Relax, love, you need to relax," Severus whispered tenderly. _

_Love! Severus had just called him love! The word was like a calming draught and Regulus was surprised to find himself almost boneless. He tensed briefly as he felt two fingers pushing in to him but he remembered the whisper of moments before and concentrated on that instead. Suddenly he felt an intense tingle that went straight to his cock. "Gah!" Severus replied to his cry with a chuckle. The fingers had brushed his prostate._

_By the time that he felt the blunt tip of what he knew to be his lover's sizeable cock, Regulus was so calm he couldn't even be nervous. Fortunately, Severus had prepared him well and although initial penetration was painful, he soon felt simply full. Nevertheless he was grateful that Severus was giving him time to adjust. _

"_OK, more," he puffed. He wasn't disappointed as Severus sought and achieved a rhythm which stroked his prostate on almost every thrust. He could still feel a bit of background pain but mostly he felt pleasure. He had been quite certain that he would never feel anything better when his senses went into overdrive. Severus was pulling him off and biting and kissing his back while fucking him senseless. "Nngh! Guh!" he cried, incapable of forming words. "Sev, Sev'rus," he tried again. "Oh, angh," he gave up trying and simply enjoyed the experience, his vision swam and he heard someone cry out and then the world went black._

_He awoke hours later, alone in the bed. For an instant he was mortified and then he felt his heart clench painfully. Had he disappointed Severus so badly?_

"_Oh good, you're awake," the gentle voice cocooned his heart. "Here, take this, it will help. Are you okay?" _

_He nodded and said bashfully, "I shall miss that when we are separated next year. I wish there was some way we could spend time together. I don't know how many Hogsmeade weekends we will be able to spend together."_

_Severus paused for a moment. "I know a way," he hesitated again. "But you must promise me not to use it during the full moon."_

_They agreed that Severus would escape whenever possible and meet him at the Shrieking Shack during the school year. Regulus' heart soared, floating in blissful relief._

_Closing his eyes, lulled by the rhythm of Severus stroking his hair, he heard his older lover whisper to him, "Regulus, my love, you were amazing. Thank you."_

Regulus tried to lift his hand to brush away the tears that clouded his vision but they felt like lead. He had lost almost all of the feeling in his legs now and he was grateful for that because everywhere else he could feel, all he felt was pain. His throat hurt. It was so parched that he could barely swallow anymore. He rocked, pitching his dead right arm over his torso so that he began to roll towards the water. He was thirsty. So thirsty.

He heard rather than felt his legs hit the water first. Just as his face hit the water he saw them appear from the water. His eyes widened in fear, his mouth filled with the water he so craved as it opened, choking in a silent scream. Inferi! He could not fight back, his body was too compromised. He relaxed, accepting his fate and as he went under the water's edge, he heard the words echo in that gentle voice, '_Regulus, my love, you were amazing. Thank you._'

* * *

Walburga Black had had enough of that foolish house elf. He returned yesterday without her son and refused to tell her where he was. She'd ironed his hand, hit him with a pot and told him to punish himself and still he wouldn't tell her where her son had gone. She was frantic with worry. She just knew something terrible had happened. She had Apparated to the Ministry because she had heard that Sirius was an Auror. She had disowned him but he was still a Black. She wanted him to find his brother but he refused to speak to her and they had threatened to throw her out of the building when she became upset. She, a Black, thrown out of the Ministry! She left because she could not bear the thought of her face being plastered on the front of the Daily Prophet.

"Master Regulus wants Kreacher to give this to my Mistress today. Master Regulus wants Kreacher to wait until today, Mistress."

She hastily grabbed the note in Regulus' writing.

_Mother, I had to do it. I didn't know what else to do. The Dark Lord is dangerous. He does not care about blood purity; he fights for selfish reasons. He hopes to become immortal. Do not worry, I have thwarted his plan. I have asked Kreacher to give Sirius and Severus the information they need to rid us of the Dark Lord. I spoke to Siri already, I think he will help. Support them for my sake._

_Stay safe, mother. Give my love to Father._

_Always your son, _

_Regulus_

"The bastard! That bloody bastard! This is his fault. He killed my son!" Orion Black shouted in pain.

"Kreacher," Walburga whispered, collapsing against her chair, "what did Regulus leave for Sirius and Severus? Bring them to me."

"Mistress," he handed them over. Walburga read the note to Sirius. It merely asked him to trust Severus and assist him in gaining Albus Dumbledore's protection in exchange for vital information which Regulus had left in a diary. She opened the diary but its pages were blank. She used several spells but the words would not be revealed.

Over the few remaining months of the year she would lose her husband and her brother in mysterious circumstances which she was certain had happened because of their investigation of the Dark Lord. The only thing they managed to discover was that Severus Snape was a half- blood. Her son had risked his life and lost his heart to a half-blood! Ignoring the fact that it was she who first introduced her son to Lord Voldemort, she blamed Snape for making her son a Death Eater. She blamed Sirius for refusing to assist his brother. Hate consumed her and her final years were marked by increasingly psychotic mood swings. She was just as likely to coddle Kreacher as she was to punish him although as she grew more dependent on him she would coddle more often, often speaking to him as though he was her son, Regulus.

She refused to allow Kreacher to deliver the packages but she could not bear to destroy the last items her son had touched. She never stopped trying to reveal the words in the diary. She used increasingly darker spells which drained her beauty, youth and sanity. Her disowned son's incarceration in 1981 which revealed that he had been secretly working for the Dark Lord proved to be the beginning of the end for her. She would die convinced that it was he who had betrayed Regulus to his master.

* * *

Bellatrix Lestrange was suspicious when Severus Snape did not cry or seem to acknowledge the news of the death of his lover. Instead he now threw himself into his work and training. His reputation as a strict and humourless Death Eater was infamous within their camps. He was feared by all but the Inner Circle. To her disgust, the Dark Lord came to rely on him increasingly for strategic advice. He was allowed to refuse to participate in tasks he considered beneath him such as raids instead becoming a spy. He honed his Dark Arts and Potions skills, experimenting on kidnapped victims with inhuman disassociation. His already poor social skills worsened. He became more anti-social and his tongue more vicious when he bothered to speak. He silenced rooms with a glare and chose Legilimency over more traditional methods of communication.

She did not know that he would shed many tears for Lily, Remus and Regulus, on October 31, 1981, the night his world imploded.

* * *

Sirius Black sat in his cell at Azkaban. He was surviving, just barely, by focusing on his innocence whenever the Dementors did their rounds. The hours in between though, were filled with regrets.

He regretted not paying attention to Regulus when his brother had tried to warn him about a traitor in their ranks.

He regretted allowing his fury at Regulus' revelation that Severus was Mr. Hyde colour his view of his true friend who he distanced himself from in his time of need. For the last two years he had bitterly allowed Remus to wallow in poverty when the latter could not work because of his lycanthropy and had not even considered him as a possible Secret Keeper.

He regretted not being the Secret Keeper.

Shivering in dread as he heard his cousin Bellatrix scream dares and obscenities as the Dementors approached her cell, he focused on his innocence love for the friends he had lost.

* * *

Remus Lupin wandered around the woods of northern England. He was not accepted by the other Werewolves for being too much of a wizard and he was not accepted by wizards for being too much of a Werewolf. He was a man lost. A misfit. An outcast.

Worst of all he was alone. For more than a decade he would wander somewhat aimlessly in fits of depression. Were it not for Albus Dumbledore, he probably would have ended his life already or certainly starved to death but the headmaster did not understand, urging Remus to try to fit in.

He hated himself for not being there for Lily and James. He had withdrawn for fear that he would endanger Harry and because he was ashamed of the dependency that his inability to work had created. What little money his parents had left him had long before run out. He thought they were better off with friends like Sirius. How wrong he was.

He had a few lovers- no, fuck-buddies. He never loved any of them. To his unending shame he was still in love with Severus Snape, the Death Eater. On one of his benevolent visits, the old headmaster had assured him that Severus had been at Hogwarts that night doing his teacher's duties and it shamed Remus how he clung to that knowledge. Why should he? It hadn't changed the fact that Severus was a Death Eater and the Death Eaters had killed his only friends.

* * *

A/N -- I greatly appreciate and thank all those who have read this story and I've even gotten several people add it to their alerts. However no one has made any comments so that I know how people are feeling about it- is there something you like or don't like about it? **Please PLEASE take a moment to review!**


	5. Interval

Summary: Ten year anniversaries.  
A/N: I can't deny that I am very disappointed that in spite of the numbers reading this

fic, no one has bothered to review. I have been told by one person on another site that my chapters are too long and possibly turning people off. Well, I can't promise the other chapters will be this short but here is a shorter chapter for you. I do hope that some of you will take the time to review though. I guess I could understand that my story bores people but many had added alerts… it's kinda confusing to be honest. I must admit that it's hard to feel motivated to continue writing when people don't seem sufficiently interested to review. This chapter is dedicated to those who have added me to their alerts. Thank you!

Disclaimer: These characters are not mine. They were created by JK Rowling. I'm just borrowing them for a little while and I don't make a penny off of this.

Interval

Severus Snape surveyed his classroom. Today was the 10th anniversary of his teaching career. In three hours he would have been a resident master here at Hogwarts School for ten entire years. A decade of his life wasted. He did not care to think why this was so. To him, it was enough simply that it was.

His eyes glazed over as he regarded the scroll in front of him. As always the teachers had returned early to prepare for the new school year. He was currently working on the upcoming year's curriculum. In two weeks the children would return. In two weeks _he_ would here. Harry Potter, the embodiment of Severus' failed life.

In one small eleven year old package, this boy held the power to destroy him. Would he look like Lily, Severus wondered. He closed his eyes tightly- as though it could protect him from the pain caused by the vivid images of Lily which danced behind his eyelids, flittering around playfully in his memories as Lily once had. Albus had told him that the child had her eyes when he was a babe. Those eyes... Lily's eyes… He shuddered to think of those eyes on him once more. He had never been able to resist those eyes. He would have to be careful not to be taken advantage of by a mere student, even if he was Lily's child.

Would the child be like Lily? Would he have the power to make Severus feel the way she always had; like he was special, like he was worth it? Would the child share his and Lily's love of Potions? Their love of reading, of learning?

Severus felt himself shudder again. Except for the tears he shed that night almost a decade ago, he had mostly suppressed his feelings about what had happened all those years ago. He only relived them in vivid nightmares.

Albus had known and offered him the use if the pensieve but mostly Severus preferred to suffer the nightmares. He felt in some small way like they were his punishment, a well deserved one along with the torment of teaching children a basic curriculum.

Here at Hogwarts there were many limits and restrictions to the personal research he was permitted to do. He had to teach all of the students and not just the clever or interested ones. He had to teach the most basic of potions and within such an inflexible and unyielding boundary that at times he felt suffocated.

True, he made his own fun along the way. He terrorized the Hufflepuffs- he was never a fan of such weakness anyway, he found it contemptible. He bullied the Gryffindors. He would never admit it but he liked the challenge they presented as much as he enjoyed that they dared not do what their body language so clearly showed they desired. He had enjoyed having power over human emotions- he himself was a master of self control- and provoking the emotional Lions and Badgers each satisfied him in their own way.

To a man with such intellect and talent as he, who had been destined for great things, to claim superiority over children wasn't much but it was all he had and he almost craved the validation, no matter how minor.

It was for this very reason that he favoured his Slytherins. Here were people like him who understood and appreciated his cunning. Their adoration fed into his fragile ego, a slim bandage over his wounded pride.

Still he knew their adoration only went so far. It was hard for a Slytherin to maintain respect for someone so talented yet who remained limited to teaching a basic curriculum. They could not know why he remained chained to the school, his considerable talents restrained and wasted. They never outwardly disrespected him but they treated him only as a teacher and nothing more.

He longed for the days when he was a feared and respected Death Eater with almost unrestrained powers and freedom to do as he pleased. To research and to experiment, to invent and amaze- that was his destiny. That should have been his destiny.

It was why he clung to the Malfoys as he had. In Lucius' company he felt connected to his briefly glorious past. Lucius knew and respected his powers and talents. With Lucius he could still have intellectual conversations about the Dark Arts, nothing was too dark or forbidden.

But now he would soon face a reminder of the less than glorious part of his past. Would the child be able to see beyond his shackles and respect his greatness or would Lily's Eyes regard him with contemptuous scorn or worse, pity. Would this child remind him of his happy times with his best friend or would seeing Lily's Eyes remind him of what he had lost?

As the time grew closer to his anniversary, he found the weight of his losses and crimes overwhelming, suffocating… nearly unbearable.

Abandoning his scroll, he poured himself a necessary fortifying drink. 'To Ten years!' He toasted the empty room before consuming his drink and retiring to bed.

***

Sitting at the teachers' table awaiting the arrival of the first years and most importantly Lily's son, was the greatest test Severus' self control had borne in a decade.

He found himself infinitely grateful that he had remained a practising Occlumens over the years. It was the only thing that saved him as a nightmare, worse than any punishment he could have devised for himself, appeared.

James Potter's reincarnation approached the hat for sorting. This version was thinner and shorter but his confident swagger as the room cheered its adoration made it clear just whose child this was.

Struggling to keep his composure in ways he had seldom struggled since he was a student, he watched with increasingly furious scorn as the bloody child's lips moved slightly- he was talking to the hat! Severus could not hear any words but it did not matter- it was the sheer cheek, the arrogance of it all that galled him.

'Gryffindor!' The infernal felt called and the arrogant child gloated, swaggering to that house's table.

Severus' knuckles stretched painfully white as he gripped the cutlery. This could not be happening! What reality was this? He looked around the room for confidence- the Hufflepuffs cowered as always, the Slytherins smirked, the Ravenclaws were wary and the Gryffindors tensed in hostility. His sense of self a little comforted, he covertly observed the boy, willing him to look his way.

But the child would not look. He sat there at the Gryffindor table, chatting away already with the comfortable poise and confidence his father always possessed. Like father, like son, he clearly adored the attention!

As the Headmaster finished his final speech of the night, Severus sneered. The whispers about Harry Potter continued at the teachers table and he heard comments float from the students. Two decades on it was like a bad case of déjà vu.

Once again he would be sidelined to a Potter. No, he decided, no, certainly not this time around. This time he had the upper hand and by Merlin he would not be made to feel inferior to James Potter. Never again!

***

Severus's hands shook as he prepared himself a tumbler of Firewhiskey. He was not a heavy drinker- in fact his alcohol was primarily for entertaining guests; he preferred to be in total control of his senses and reflexes, most of the time.

However today was special. It had been his first class with Harry Potter and it had not gone well. He knew that he had been extra unreasonable towards the boy but he was so frustrated that he knew that if he could do it again, he'd probably do the same. The child looked so much like his father! He was also it seemed, as disrespectful towards the delicate Art of Potions as his father. He had known nothing about Potions. Imagine not knowing what a bezoar was! He and Lily had known. _'Yes but you were the only ones in Slughorn's class who had known' _a voice reminded him. Where Lily's voice of reason had once haunted his youth, silenced by his cruel words and an unfortunate series of events that ended their friendship, Albus Dumbledore's had been with him for much of the last decade. Now, for the first time ever, Remus Lupin's voice had taken up residence. He had tried not to think about Lupin and, with the exception of a few full moons a year, he'd been successful. He couldn't imagine why Lupin was now his conscience, or rather, he tried not to imagine why because it only reminded him of Lupin's friendship with Potter. Swallowing the contents of his glass, he refilled it and went to stand in front of his fireplace.

Staring into the fire he recalled the events of _that_ lesson. Potter had been every bit as insolent as his father. '_And as brave and self-possessed as his mother_' the voice taunted. He'd looked like his father. _'But looked at you with his mother's eyes.'_

"NO!" Severus shouted aloud. "No, he is nothing like Lily! Nothing like her! Who gave him the right to use her eyes?! Those eyes in that face is a dishonour! How dare he! How dare Potter!"

He stomped angrily to his personal potions supply cupboard and silenced Remus' voice with a Sleeping Draught. He would hear no reason. He did not care that he could not blame the child for his genetic make up. It wasn't fair and he would make it fair. He could not change the way Potter looked- Albus would be furious- and he could do nothing about his paternity, but by Merlin he would extract the Potter out of Lily's child come what may!

***

"Good evening, Professor Lupin!" the young cheerful young woman greeted as he passed.

"Giselle," he greeted with a nod and a weary smile.

Remus Lupin worked at _Whiteknights Academy for the Gifted_ in Reading, Berkshire. He taught Wizarding Studies at the fee paying boarding and day school which paraded as an exclusive Muggle institution. In fact the school catered to children whose magic was not strong enough to warrant an invitation to Hogwarts but who had more magic than Squibs. Here students learned to control their magic in order to better blend in with Muggles and Wizards to lead relatively normal lives. The irony of such a misfit as he, teaching that subject, was not lost on him.

He was 'offered' the job by Drusilla Whitney, the schools' Magical Creatures professor. He had been working part time in a Muggle store she frequented when she figured out his secret. The store's owner had sought the advice of a member of the faculty of the exclusive academy. He was worried about his shady employee who was 'a hard-worker, friendly enough though a bit of a loner with no past or address and a tendency to call in sick around the full moon'. She hadn't so much offered the werewolf the job as blackmailed him into it.

Still, it was more than he had had for so many years now. He was not paid in galleons or pounds but his meals and accommodation were provided as payment in kind. He lived in a small flat above the boathouse on the lake near the school grounds. What little currency he did manage to acquire came in the form of tips from grateful parents or from pawning gifts they had given him. Drusilla had ordered him to keep away from students and staff alike and he had not made any friends. It was a lonely existence but he was safe from the forces of nature and fed better than he been since his teens although he didn't look it because the agony of dozens of full moons had aged his tired body and soul.

Arriving in his rooms he sat on the nicest piece of furniture in his flat. The beautiful arm chair had been a gift from Kimberly, an American whose Muggle father had moved the family to London for his job. When she had not been accepted to Hogwarts, her mother had insisted that she be sent to Salem Witches Institute's Nantucket campus, an all girls' boarding school which catered to lesser witches like Kimberly. The luxurious armchair had been a personal addition to her dormitory and he often fell asleep in it as it was more comfortable than his bed.

Today was the tenth anniversary of the death of his friends. Ten years ago his former trusted friend, Sirius Black, had murdered James and Lily and the next day he had also killed Peter. He heart ached but he simply had no more tears. James and Lily would probably not be happy that he commemorated their lives by mourning them a decade on anyway.

Pulling a tattered copy of a compilation of R.L. Stevenson's works from between the cushions, he found himself rethinking his original plans to sit in his rooms and wallow in self-pity. Bizarrely it was a memory of Severus that gave him a very Marauder-like idea. Professor R. J. Lupin was his Dr. Jekyll, it was time to discover his Mr. Hyde. He would make Prongs proud.

His marauding past had influenced him even here. At nights when students had retired to their rooms, he had wandered the grounds and neighbouring village. He knew every back alley and dark corner intimately. Tonight he would make use of that.

***

The residents of Whiteknights, Reading had mixed reviews of the year's Halloween festivities. Last night had been memorable although perhaps a bit too memorable for some. It seemed as though a cemetery had lost its spirits. There had been numerous ghostly sightings as silvery mists had descended on groups of teens whispering silly comments, 'Mr. Moony wishes you young Muggles a frightfully good night', 'Mr. Prongs wishes he was here to join in the festivities! Cheers!', 'Messieurs Moony and Prongs admire feisty red heads' (the last said to a group of blonds bullying a 'Ginge'). Teenagers, both the drunk and the high, reported numerous claims of poltergeists which unsurprisingly went ignored. They claimed that their drinks had disappeared from their hands, food floated above their heads and one thug's brandished knife had turned into a pink feather. Most bizarrely were several reports of a tramp magically appearing with a large crack! shouting 'I solemnly swear I am up to no good!' before stealing bites of their food, taking a sip of their drinks or kissing cheeks and disappearing in another sharp crack shouting, 'Mischief managed!'.

Professor Lupin stood with a slightly bemused look as he listened to the exciting tales recounted by his students. He smiled as they groaned loudly when he took the opportunity to test them on their knowledge of the magical spells and charms which the various pranks had resembled while reminding them of their responsibility to respect the Statute of Secrecy.

"He _would_ mention the rules!" they whined, "Professor Lupin is nice but he's no fun at all."

A/N 2 – I decided that Remus must have taught somewhere before because his old tattered suitcase at the start of POA had his name in old peeling letters… So either he bought used letters and attached to his case or it was an old title… this is my take on it lol


	6. Chapter 5

Summary: Remus returns to Hogwarts.  
A/N: Thank you to tinogirl for my first – and only- review of this fic. I was so happy that I wrote this entire chapter last night lol. Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: These characters are not mine. They were created by JK Rowling. I'm just borrowing them for a little while and I don't make a penny off of this.

Rating: M

**PART TWO**

CHAPTER 5

Remus Lupin packed his meager belongings with a smile on his face. In less than sixteen hours he would return to Hogwarts, the place where he'd spent seven of the happiest years of his life. Unfortunately he had to pack now because the full moon had fallen around the date of his return. He was already beginning to feel quite weak and his joints ached.

He wondered what it would be like to be a part of the faculty this time around. He wondered if there were any Marauders or similar group and whether he would enjoy teaching them or look as harassed as some of his old teachers had. He wondered what it would be like to see Harry in the flesh.

He was surprised to hear a sharp knock on his door. It was after 6pm around the time of the full moon and both staff and students were forbidden from visiting this part of the estate. He was supposedly the caretaker of a rare breed of plant- the Luna Lupus- which was fed to some of Professor Whitney's more exotic creatures. The Luna Lupus, an entirely fictitious plant, was supposedly only harvested in the nights immediately before and after the full moon in a very exhausting process which explained the professor's fatigued appearance and occasional absences around this time. Simple wards too complex for these students kept any curious persons away.

"Drusilla," he greeted with pleasant surprise. In spite of their inauspicious beginning, they had in fact become good acquaintances, some might even say friends. When she'd blackmailed him into coming to the school and set him up in the boathouse, she had considered and treated him like one of her more unusual pets. He was fed well, housed well and let out to play with the others as long as he was not a danger. However during the last few days of the waxing moon through to the start of its waning, she would lock him in the boathouse. Spying on him had revealed that he was quite normal during the day and so, having heard he was a graduate of Hogwarts, she herself having been homeschooled, she had allowed him to join the faculty. Having a graduate of Hogwarts on his staff and teaching Wizarding Studies carried great prestige to Headmaster Barrington but even so, he like Dru, or perhaps because of Dru, had still treated him like an animal, albeit a clever and valued one and he was never paid.

"How are you doing, Remus?" she asked with a sad smile, petting his hair like one would a dog.

"I'm almost packed. Thank you for being so understanding and allowing me to stay here for the rest of the month."

"Hey, if _the_ Albus Dumbledore came to visit me in person and asked me to be his personal candy shopper, I'd be there in a heartbeat!" They chuckled. She'd enjoy stories about the headmaster's sweet tooth. She'd craved stories about anything Hogwarts in fact. She sighed sadly, "It was brilliant getting to met him so I suppose _I_ should be thanking _you_. Here you go, for the trip."

"Thank you!" he said gratefully, accepting the train ticket, ten pound note and a large bar of chocolate. She nodded, opened her mouth to speak but swallowed instead, her eyes watering. With a quick nod she abruptly left the room. Pocketing his little stash, he carefully locked away his things to protect them from himself and sat to await the moon.

He spent the remaining hours of daylight thinking about his second, unspoken job at Hogwarts. Dumbledore hadn't come right out and said it but he'd nonetheless made it quite clear that he wanted Remus to help him to keep one step ahead of Sirius. After all they had been best friends for the better part of a decade, who would know him better?

Sirius had escaped. He wiped viciously at the tear that fell. Sirius had betrayed them and killed the rest of his unofficial family. He had also sent Severus down the Whomping Willow to Death-By-Werewolf. Remus swallowed a sob. He'd thought Sirius was just immature and had merely taken a poor joke a bit too far and he'd forgiven his friend. He was quite certain that Siri had not meant to kill Severus and could never kill a soul. Now that he knew that Sirius was a backstabbing murderer though, he wondered if he'd been wrong about that too. He owed Severus an apology. He only hoped the other would listen.

***

Severus threw the Potions' journal down in disgust. Another article on the Wolfsbane potion had captured his attention. Ever since Albus had told him about his decision to recruit Lupin, he'd been seeing the articles everywhere. He failed to see what they had to do with him. What did he care about the werewolf?

How could Albus do this again? How could he allow the werewolf to run freely among the children? He had almost killed once before, who was to stop him to try it again?

Checking the time again with an impatient flick of his wand, he rose to get dressed for the feast… and the arrival of his enemy and attempted assassin, Remus' Lupin, werewolf and professor of DADA '_and your ex-lover_' The Voice whispered helpfully.

***

Arriving in the Great Hall on time, Severus was surprised to find the room bereft of students. With a frown Severus looked at the teachers' worried expressions.

The Headmaster returned to the hall with his deputy and Madam Pomfrey in tow.

"Headmaster, what have you heard?" called Professor Flitwick.

"Professor Lupin owled to inform us that Harry Potter was attacked-"

"I knew it! I knew letting him take that train during this time was a bad idea. I knew he would-" Severus began.

"-by Dementors searching for Sirius Black," Dumbledore continued as though Severus hadn't spoken. "No one quite knows why he seems to have reacted so strongly when none of the other students have done so." He silenced Severus' grumbling with a quick glance. He was certain he'd heard muttering about 'bloody werewolves', 'batty old men' and 'Precious Potters' but the Potions Master's poker face revealed nothing.

***

"Good evening, Severus," Remus Lupin smiled in greeting. "You look lovely tonight."

"More than I can say-" Snape tried to sneer but once again Albus ignored his speech.

"Why yes, Remus, you're quite right. Are those new robes, Severus?"

"He's certainly used a new conditioner," Hooch muttered and Sprout giggled. Glaring at each person in turn, Severus turned on his heel, his newest teaching robes flapping dramatically in his wake.

Severus glared at Remus Lupin, the hatred making his food taste bitter. He had not realized just how much seeing the man again would upset him. He hated the man who had used and abused him, _the man who broke your heart_, the man who tried to kill him, _the man who has smiled at you twice tonight_. 'SHUT UP!' he thought at The Voice in his head but it didn't listen. He became steadily more furious as it accused him of having made an effort to dress to impress Lupin. Of course he had not dressed to impress the likes of Remus Lupin. He didn't care what Remus thought. He couldn't control it if his ex noticed how well he was doing, now could he?

Feeling the stare, Remus struggled not to look up again. He had been surprised by the emotions that fluttered through him when he'd first seen his former lover. Severus Snape would never be considered traditionally handsome but beauty was in the eye of the beholder and the vision Remus beheld was lovely- even if it was scowling ferociously. The thought made him chuckle and look up. The scowl worsened and he struggled not to laugh, partly from sheer nervousness.

Desserts appeared on the table. Lupin savoured a slice of chocolate mousse pie, his eyes practically rolling back in his head. Severus sneered at the philistine. Once again, what was Dumbledore thinking letting this creature eat at the table with the rest of them? Look at the way he's eating the pie! _Yes, look_. It's indecent! Disgusting! _Arousing_! Obscene! _You love it_!

***

Severus' head hurt. He'd taken a headache potion and was waiting for it to work. The feast had been torture but he remained until Lupin had left, discretely following the man to his rooms… for the safety of the students of course. Lupin had sensed him somehow. He probably smelled me with his canine senses, Severus snorted to himself, aggravating his headache.

"_May I help you with something?" Remus turned and stopped suddenly, confronting his stalker._

_Severus cursed himself for getting caught. "Yes."_

_After a pause, Remus quirked a bemused brow, "May I ask what?"_

_Severus cursed himself again. "I need to do some tests," he improvised, "if I am going to make the Wolfsbane potion for you."_

_He used the opportunity to satisfy his curiosity by casting a few analytical spells and asking several intrusive questions. He thought several times that Lupin had looked suspicious but he had answered every question so Severus didn't care. Once satisfied he returned to his rooms._

_Remus watched the green flames disappear as Severus left through the Floo. Over the years he had read everything he could access on the Wolfsbane potion. Nothing he had read justified some of Severus' questions. Answers to 'Do you have a lover?', 'Are you sexually active?' and 'When did you last have sex?' had never seemed necessary to the brewing of any variation of the potion he had read about or tried brewing on his own. Still, he had answered because Severus had always been brilliant at potions… and because he'd found himself hoping that Severus might want to know on a more personal level._

***

Several weeks into term, Severus finished brewing the Wolfsbane Potion. Decanting a vial, he made his way to Lupin's office.

"You must drink the entire thing," he stood looking sternly at Lupin as the man recoiled after a sip.

Lupin valiantly tried again. He managed two more mouthfuls and gagged. "The entire thing, Lupin!" he snarled unsympathetically.

"I will, Severus, I will. I promise."

"Take it now. I want to see you drink it all," he insisted and Lupin drank the remainder with a grimace.

The vial emptied, he collapsed into a chair, pulling a bar of chocolate from his pocket.

"What do you think you're doing?" Severus snapped, seizing the sweet.

"It is not that I'm not grateful, Severus," he pleaded, "but the taste is horrible. Please, I only mean to cover the taste," he reached for the chocolate.

"Don't be a fool," the Potions Master sneered. "You cannot eat or drink anything for at least half an hour; it would react with some of the ingredients in the potion."

"Oh," Lupin nodded, resigned.

Severus thrust the chocolate bar under the werewolf's nose, smirking as the nostrils flared. Eyeing his colleague with contempt and curiosity, he noted that although the gaunt face had filled out within days of his arrival at Hogwarts, it looked emaciated once more. He knew that it wasn't from hunger- the other man ate his fill at all meals, and he doubted that it was sleep- the other man retired to bed by 1am after a midnight stroll. Of course Severus knew this because he was safeguarding the children, not because he personally cared what Lupin did. Indeed he only wondered about the fatigue visible on the man's face for purely professional reasons; it had been so long since he had an opportunity to do research and experimentation.

"You look exhausted," he kicked himself mentally at the concern he heard in his own voice. He scowled at the happy surprise evident on the other's face. "Not that I care one way or the other but it is my responsibility to look out for the children," he added brusquely.

"Yes," Remus said, smiling with a weary nod. "That's why you follow me every night and stare at me at every meal," he looked searchingly at the expressionless face, "and show up around my classroom, follow me everywhere…. It's only because of the children, right Sev?"

"Don't call me that!" Severus huffed, stepping back as Lupin approached.

"Why not? You never minded before," he stepped closer, "Sev."

Severus' eyes bulged as he felt himself trapped between a desk and his former lover. He felt himself harden and heard his breathing quicken. Remus licked his lips slowly, happy to confirm that it still had an effect on Severus. Slowly his lips brushed the other man's, capturing it in a fleeting kiss before descending for several more. Severus' kiss was as sweet as he remembered. Leaning in closer, his arms on the desk framing the sides of the Potion Master, he deepened the kiss.

"Professor Lupin?" Severus started at the sound of the knock. Aroused and frustrated at the interruption, Remus growled. Coming as it did so close his transformation, the sound was, as always, more animal than human. Nonetheless he was still surprised to observe that the lust was completely replaced by sheer terror in Severus' eyes.

Closing his eyes to regain control, he backed away slowly from Severus, careful not to spook the man any further. Opening his eyes, he reached a hand out to Severus in apology and cringed at the other's reflexive flinch. With a weary sigh he opened the door to greet the student.

Tino, a first year Gryffindor, entered the classroom, her smile fading as she noticed Snape. Her automatic expression of terror changed to concern as she observed his ashen complexion.

"Professor?" she asked either and both uncertainly. She looked at Snape again, her worry evident. It wasn't like him not to snap at her for staring foolishly.

Remus considered his options. On the one hand he wanted to send the student away and try to talk to Severus but he was certain the man would bolt at his first opportunity. Yet he could not allow the student to see Severus in that state.

"Yes, Professor Snape," he made up his mind, "thank you for your assistance. I'm afraid that the situation can be quite exhausting and painful but I am sure you have helped." Severus blinked and Remus only hoped he understood the underlying message. He resisted the urge to cower as Severus was released from his momentary paralysis.

"You don't think I am going to leave now, do you?" he sneered and for a moment Lupin was confused by the apparent contrast between the promising words and the hostile tone. "What do you want, Ms. Escribo? Professor Lupin is ill and you cannot stay here," he snapped and with a heavy heart Remus understood. Severus did not trust him alone with the child.

***

Professor Lupin was relieved that, apart from that one day, Severus had all but returned to normal. Taking his usual midnight stroll, he wandered into the rose garden.

"It's always lovely in here at night, isn't it?" he mused out loud. He couldn't see Severus but he knew the man was somewhere hidden. At least he hoped so but as he had deliberately led Severus here because it had been one of their make-out spots, perhaps his former lover had remembered and chose not to follow. "Do you remember how often we sat on this bench, our bodies heating the cold stone, our excited breaths visible in the air around our heads?" he chuckled. "Do you remember when Filch almost caught us but the paintings alerted us? That was a close one." No response. He decided to try again. Hoping to provoke Severus' notorious temper, he deliberately lied, "It's a good thing I thought to use that Disillusionment Charm…"

"Your idea, was it?" Severus sneered, suddenly becoming visible less than three feet away having clearly used that very charm. Remus could not contain his smirk and Severus realized he'd been tricked. He sneered.

Remus grabbed his hand, pulling him roughly down on the bench. "Severus, I'm so sorry," he said, shifting closer to the other man and sucking on the thin bottom lip. Severus groaned. Slipping his hand between the open flaps of the robes, he stroked Snape's leg, his kisses becoming increasingly intense.

Severus moaned. Pulling away for air, he latched on to Remus' neck, suckling the areas where he knew the man was most sensitive. It was almost as though the last decade and a half had never happened and they were fifth year students desperately groping one another.

A part of him warned him to pull away but that flavour of warm chocolate was like coming home after a long trip. Remus was every bit as delicious and addictive as he had always been. Severus' hand slid beneath the other's sweater and shirt and pinched a nipple as his lips continued its reacquaintance with the lovely clavicle.

"Loopy, loopy Lupin!" Peeves interrupted gleefully.

"Oh go away you silly fool!" Several voices chorused from the paintings overlooking the courtyard.

"It seems we have an audience, Severus," Lupin smiled. Peeves started at the name before backing away and disappearing down a nearby corridor.

Severus nodded dumbly and stood. He couldn't believe what he'd done. He'd vowed never to let Lupin kiss him again. At the moment he couldn't quite recall the reason why but he was certain he'd had a good reason. He licked his lips nervously and noted that Remus had tasted much better tonight than the last time and he idly wondered what improvements he might make to the potion so that any post consumption kisses would taste better.

"Severus?" Remus embraced him from behind, his lean body fitting perfectly with the contours of the thin one in front of him. Before Snape could respond, one hand slipped beneath the crotch of his pants and held him in a warm five fingered embrace. He shuddered, struggling to organize his thoughts. He knew that there was something wrong but he just couldn't imagine what could be wrong with anything that felt so right.

Remus pulled at the engorged cock in his hand, his own straining member rocking along Severus' arse cheeks. Their breathing quickened as they neared completion. Severus turned his head, reaching one hand behind to pull Lupin' lips to his.

"Ungh!" "Merlin!" they cried simultaneously.

"Who's there?" Filch called at their shouts.

Pulling away like students about to be caught, the men straightened their clothing and cast cleaning spells.

"Who's there?" Filch repeated.

With a sudden smirk of mischief Severus cast the Disillusionment Charm on them both. Reaching for where he knew Lupin to be, he silently cast a Muffliato and whispered between nibbles of his lover's ear, "We'd better go, Dr. Jekyll," and walked away.

Remus stood a moment longer, his heart racing. Casting the charms and using those words had ended many a night during their relationship. It warmed his heart to realize that, even after all these years, Severus still remembered.

Severus made his way back to the dungeon, his buoyant mood lessening slightly. It was strange, he thought, how the mere sight of Potter's face provoked childish tantrums from him, Lily's eyes on Potter's face unsettled him and rendered him speechless and the scent of Remus Lupin turned him into a hormonal delinquent.

He smirked. He felt he should be very upset about that but at the moment he simply couldn't be arsed.

A/N - Thank you for reading. Please review! :)


	7. Chapter 6

Summary: Portraits and Hufflepuffs.  
A/N: This chapter is pretty much a filler. I had a plot bunny and a need to let our guys have some fun before the next chapter which will be Halloween and the full moon- and the first Hogsmeade weekend and the return of Sirius to the picture.

Disclaimer: These characters are not mine. They were created by JK Rowling. I'm just borrowing them for a little while and I don't make a penny off of this.

Rating: M

CHAPTER 6

Jane Shears, the designer and original seamstress responsible for the current version of the Hogwarts uniform, sat serenely in her portrait overlooking the rose garden. The former student of Hufflepuff was darning robes for Professor Sophia Douglas, her portrait neighbour.

"Severus was quite creative last night, I must say," the former Arithmancy teacher blushed. "He's quite limber, isn't he?

"Oh yes, that he certainly is!" giggled Jane.

The ladies were among a group of seven portrait dwellers who had a bird's eye view of the rose garden. For centuries the voyeurs had enjoyed the nocturnal activities of various students and staff- hey when you live in a portrait for centuries, I dare you not to take your entertainment where you can get it.

These last couple of weeks had been particularly entertaining. Professors Snape and Lupin were intense lovers and they didn't seem to care that they were being observed. In fact it sometimes seemed as though they compensated for the secrecy of their relationship by flaunting their love making in front of the portraits. When rose garden view resident Sir Angus Argyle had dared to congratulate Snape on successfully bringing his lover to orgasm an admirable three times the night before, the usually dour professor had merely smirked and nodded. For the balance of that entire day the Potions Master had walked their hall with a smug expression, his mood only ruined by a Longbottom special which ended with four students being sent to the hospital wing and the lab being under quarantine for the rest of the day.

"It's not that I'm not grateful for the excitement that they share with us," Jane sighed, "but I really do think it's time they took it to the next level, don't you?"

Professor Douglas shrugged as she helped to thread a needle, "Who's to say they haven't?"

"He is. Why, I asked Professor Snape just this morning who prefers to top in their relationship because I remember that back when they were students here they never went that far but he always topped with young Regulus. However my cousin Amanda, we meet during the summer holidays at our portraits in the family home you see, well she also lives at the Tir Na Nog, that inn in Preston near Blackpool, and she says," Jane lowered her voice in that way the best gossips do, "that Professor Lupin stayed with a lover there for about a month a few years back… and _he_ always tops!"

The professor gasped gleefully. "You don't say!"

Jane grinned, taking the needle from her friend. "So of course I didn't tell the poor boy why I asked but I asked him which one topped first- I have a bet with old Argyle you see- and Snape said they hadn't gone that far yet. Well not in such simple words... you know how he is, that Snape, but I understood," she nodded as though agreeing with herself. "Such a pretty blush he has too."

"No," her friend looked scandalized. "Oh my, well I do hope they'll do something about it tonight! And here too if possible. They need to hurry up about it though, it'll be a full moon soon and that other young man is a werewolf, I've heard."

"Hmm," the seamstress nodded absently as she knotted the thread. "In my day wizards and magical creatures regularly mated, you know. Then for centuries no self respecting wizard would date a werewolf. It's still so, I think, but it's nice to see those two ignore the prejudice, isn't it?"

"Yes," said the other, putting her mended robes back on, "they do make quite an adorable couple- Dark and Snarky and Subtle and Sweet." She returned to her portrait, a distracted look on her face as she smiled about the romance of it all. Suddenly she returned to her friend, her shocked look complete with bulging eyes and gaping mouth. "You made SEVERUS SNAPE blush?!"

***

Severus panted, his hands clinging to his lover's graying hair as he was deep throated. Fuck! Lupin was really talented. He struggled to think about his plans for tonight. It wasn't that he hadn't wanted to go further with Remus but after several lovers over the years, he was surprised to realize that Lupin contrary to his childish qualms, Remus' cum was actually sweet. He now enjoyed devouring the thick cock and since the other man also enjoyed sucking him, they were almost competitive in their need to out-satisfy one another which left no energy for fucking.

However that nosey biddy in the painting had asked him about their sex life and, though he really felt it was none of her business, he was still determined to take Remus tonight, right here, where those peeping toms could see. The nerve of them! Fuck, how did the man manage to do that thing with his tongue?

"Stop!" he shouted desperately, his eyes squeezed shut.

Remus released the cock with a loud slurping pop and knelt back. What had he done wrong?

Severus panted then opened his eyes. He felt ashamed at the look of upset and confused hurt in his lover's eyes. He pulled the other to him and kissed him deeply while stroking his back comfortingly. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I just didn't want to come as yet."

Remus chuckled, his heart beat slowing down. For a moment he'd been so worried. He pinched his lover's petite posterior. "Don't scare me like that!" he chuckled, groaning as his collarbone was once again nibbled on. Every night when he returned to his rooms he had a necklace of bite marks.

Severus gently led him to the configured bed. The dark haired man slid down between his legs and kissed his way south and began fingering his puckering hole. Remus threw his head back and arched his back as one long digit, presumably lubed by magical means, pressed in. Turning his body around, he returned the favour, continuing his oral ministrations. Spotting something glisten on the bed, he reached and discovered a small vial of a viscous fluid, no doubt the lube that was being used on him. He smiled around the cock and lubed his fingers. He was quite pleased to discover that Severus had evidently planned to do more tonight. He was relieved too because he had worried that they would never go any further. As students they had never tried penetration but now that he knew such pleasures, he was determined to fuck his lover through the mattress. He pressed a thick digit into the rosebud of his lover's ass and was surprised at the resultant reaction.

Severus froze his activities, the cock twitching in his slackened mouth. Remus had just breached him and he was so startled that he couldn't think far less react. It felt a little funny at first, then it hurt a bit as the finger pressed further. He attempted to suck again before his mouth went slack once more as the entire finger, now completely embedded within him, wiggled. "Fuck!" he cried out. His back arched and he tried to turn his head to see what was going on when his cheek brushed against the cock and reminded him of what he was supposed to be doing. How on earth was he to prep the man for sex if he kept distracting him this way? Didn't Remus realize he wanted to go all the way tonight?

He returned to the cock once more, his own finger pressing further in. "Remus, fuck, Merlin, fuck!" he cried, his body arching once more as the finger in him started massaging his prostate while his balls were suckled by the overly talented mouth. For a brief moment, jealousy raged through him- how had Remus learned all this and more importantly on whom. _It's just a natural talent, you fool! You know he was brilliant the first time he ever sucked cock and it was your own cock he was sucking! Just lay back and relax already_! The Voice chided.

Obeying completely, Severus turned on to his back, his feet instinctively lifting to Lupin's shoulders. Another finger joined the first soon thereafter and he threw his head back onto the sheets his fingers were clinging to desperately. "Gah! Remus! Remus, please! Ugh, fuck, fuck!"

"OK," Remus replied with a lust drunk chuckle, his voice a hoarser than usual from having the long cock in his throat. He lubed himself and settled Severus' ankles over his shoulders. He lined himself up with his lover and smiled at the dazed and unfocused look in the normally keen eyes. The usually scowling mouth opened with a gasp as he pressed in and then a grimace of pain caused the focus to suddenly return to the now rigid body. Was Severus still a virgin?

Trying to distract his lover from the pain, he quickly captured the open mouth in a deep kiss and fondled his testicles. It worked. Severus groaned in pleasure. Keeping his lover absorbed with a battle of tongues, he wordlessly summoned his wand. Shifting to nibble Severus' earlobes and neck, he whispered the words and flicked his wand, lubricating and stretching his lover. Severus gasped, his eyes wide in startled shock. He tried to speak but Remus decided to polish his tonsils instead. Although he knew on some level that he was the one being fucked into the mattress, he couldn't convince his brain to tell his hands to push the other man away. In fact his brain seemed to misunderstand and instead pulled his lover into another kiss.

Severus heard a whimper and hoped it wasn't him but although the spells had helped and he wasn't in pain, per se, there was a bit of uncomfortable pressure and a numb throb of pain as the thick cock press further into him. His neck arched and he cried out, "Re-, Remuh-, gah, mmm!"

Sucking on the exposed neck, Remus whispered with a small chuckle, "Relax love, you need to relax."

Trying to recall where he'd heard those words before distracted Severus. Yet before he could place the words, he heard himself begging his lover to move. Remus folded the long legs even more, allowing him to penetrate ever more deeply. Circe! Severus felt amazing. The tight passage squeezed his cock and he struggled to control his thrusts and keep the rhythm that was driving Severus wild. "Oh Sev, Sev you feel so damn good!" he cried out, his thrusts quickening.

"Fuck me, Remus, yes, oh, oh fuck me good! Fuck me hard," Severus demanded, grabbing the hips that plunged into him and encouraging them. "I can't… I'm going to- Remy!" he shouted as he came, his clenching muscles pulling the orgasm from his lover.

Remus recovered first. Realizing the almost impossible position he'd pressed the other man into, he massaged the hips as he lowered the bent legs and pulled out gently.

"Ungh," Severus grunted, suddenly feeling uncomfortably empty and ashamed. He turned away and buried his head into the pillows, the throbbing emptiness mocking him.

"Severus? Are you okay? Did I hurt you?" Remus was very worried. He tried stroking Severus' arm in what he hoped was a comforting way but the other man wasn't having any of it. He shrugged Remus off roughly. "Severus, please, talk to me."

"And tell you what exactly? How great you are? How I loved it when you fucked me into the mattress like some weak little Hufflepuff?" he snarled in a voice both angry and scared.

Remus was momentarily confused but soon had a flash of inspiration. "Severus, don't be silly. Just because you enjoyed being fucked doesn't make you any less of a man or wizard."

"Oh really, so then why did you trick me into bottoming if it's such a noble position?"

"I did not mean to 'trick' you, Severus. I've just always topped, I didn't think-"

"No of course you didn't," Severus interrupted with a sneer.

"Severus," Remus said firmly and with a touch of anger, pulling the other man on to his back. He looked into the inky black eyes under the more than three quarter full moon. "Are you saying that if you had fucked me into the mattress you would have lost respect for me?"

"Of course not! Don't be stupid," Severus looked away, disguising his emotions in a scowl.

"So then why-" Remus sighed, "I didn't mean to offend you, Severus. I tell you what, from now on, you can top, every time if you'd prefer."

"Lucky me, I get to be pity fucker," he sulked. "No thanks, wolf, I don't want the consolation prize."

Remus felt his post-coital high evaporate. His heart seemed to shrivel in pain and he turned to leave.

Squeezing his eyes and mentally kicking himself, Severus pulled the other man back but he resisted. "Stay."

"Why?" Remus said, still trying to pull his arm back. "Why should I stay Severus? I don't think you want me here. Short of using a time-turner, there's nothing I can do to take back my mistake. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to mess up. I've tried to atone but you won't let me, so why should I stay?"

"Because I want you to," came the whispered confession. Severus took a deep breath to summon his courage. Looking up at his lover, he still felt terrified of what he knew he needed to say. He knelt on the bed so that he looked down at the other man. It made him feel more confident somehow. Still whispering, he continued to bare his soul, "I don't want you to go. I was ashamed because I gave in to you so willingly… and because I hate to lose and I _had_ tried to beat you to it. I know that you weren't in a competition with me to see who could top but that doesn't make it any easier for me that I lost. I feel like a failure." Remus finally allowed himself to be pulled down. "I vowed a long time ago that I would never allow anyone to control me, that I would always be the dominant one in everything that I do. And yet, time and time again I find myself submitting to others, you know? I feel so weak. I am so weak. First Lily then the Dark Lord then Albus Dumbledore, there's always someone I have to answer to."

"We all have to answer to someone, sometime. It doesn't make you weak."

Severus raised a skeptical brow. Who did Albus and the Dark Lord have to answer to? But he didn't say so out loud.

"Severus," Remus pulled his lover beside him and spooned the other man. "You are a powerful wizard and a strong man. Very few other teachers can command the respect and well, fear that you can. Some students will start confessing all their sins just on your glare. You're a Potions Master, a leader in your field, a brilliant duelist- I could go on and on but I don't want to inflate your ego," he smirked, stroking his lover's angular face. "The point is, you're a leader in other aspects of your life and you've needed to be the strong one for so long, it's understandable if you enjoy the release of giving in.

And still, me topping earlier hardly means that you 'gave in'. Hell, you were a very bossy bottom! A very bossy, sexy, tight, hmm, I'm getting hard again…"

Severus rolled his eyes and pulled the arm, wrapping his warm lover around him even more, like a human blanket. "Impossible!" he huffed but there was no anger, only a mild hint of amusement. He moaned as Remus objected by rubbing the semi-hard prick against his arse. "Mmm, you feel good but I'm too tired. I need to rest," he yawned dramatically followed almost immediately by a real yawn.

Remus chuckled.

"So, next time, I top?"

"Yes Severus, next time you can top," Remus' grin turned into a chuckle as he realized Severus had already fallen asleep. He was amazed at the trust in him Severus' confession had shown. Their relationship was still riddled with problems- their unspoken list of unspeakable topics was longer than ever- no Lily, no Marauders, no Regulus, nothing before 1982 or Harry Potter seemed to be a safe topic. They chatted about students, debated about the Dark Arts and its defences, and many superficial topics. Yet they still knew very little of value about each other. Kissing the exposed shoulder in front of him, he settled in behind his lover and looked up at the nearly full moon. This time around, Severus knew he was a werewolf and he'd continued with their relationship anyway. He felt that Severus cared about him and the confession earlier showed him that Severus was not as strong and confident as he'd always imagined. The confident unflappable façade was just that- a mask that Severus wore for the world. Lily had once told him that it was all a front and, in his own way, Severus had confessed the same by naming himself the Mr. Hyde of their relationship though he'd been too young to realize it.

With a yawn he joined his lover in slumber, his mind trying to balance the scales. On one hand, the man who loved him and trusted him enough to admit to a certain amount of insecurity and one the other, the man who refused to publicly acknowledge their relationship, belittled him both in public and to a lesser extent in private and who, most importantly of all, was afraid of the werewolf in him. He didn't know when it would happen but Gryffindor help him, he vowed that soon he would show Severus that the wolf was nothing more than his Hyde side. He wanted to love both sides of Severus, he only hoped the man could love both sides of him.

***

"So, a bottom, eh?" Jane Shears smirked as Professor Snape made his way along her corridor.

He scowled but did not respond though his steps slowed.

"You know, I was a Hufflepuff. It's not so bad being a Hufflepuff you know. In fact, if your shouts and screams are anything to go by, I rather think you enjoyed the huffing and puffing quite a bit."

Severus retraced his steps and stood in front of the portrait. The other portraits froze so that they almost appeared to be non-magical paintings. The seven rose garden voyeurs held their collective breaths- or whatever paintings do- the nervous clicking of Jane's knitting needles the only sound in the hall.

Enjoying that he clearly had their attention, Severus was considering his next words carefully when a nervous voice chirped, "Is it true that our Jane made you blush yesterday?"

Severus turned with a glower but was once again interrupted, "Yes, it's true," Jane smirked, "Sev the HuffingPuffer blushes far prettier than Snape the Slytherin, don't you dear?"

Turning back, Severus was mortified to note Tino Escribo and her friend Ashley Skyraa staring at him with gaping mouths.

"Oh Merlin and Morgana! Isn't that Professor Snape talking to the portraits and…" Skyraa squinted as though doubting her eyes, "blushing?"

Tino nodded, equally terrified. "Yes," she whispered loudly, nodding emphatically. "Um, Professor Snape, sir, are you alright? Shall- shall I call Madam Pomfrey, sir?"

Pulling himself together, Severus prepared to launch into the Gryffindors- always more brawn that brains that lot.

"I'm quite certain Professor Snape is just fine. Run along to your common room girls, it's getting late." Professor Lupin smiled kindly and the girls gratefully escaped the rant they'd seen coming. "Now, now, my lords, ladies and gentlemen of the Rose Garden view. If you tease Severus like that, he might be disinclined to fuck me blind in the garden in a few nights. Is that what you want?" he asked in a quiet and reasonable voice, licking the éclair in his hand and struggling not to smirk as his lover's eyes followed his tongue in a mesmerized daze.

"Sorry Professor Snape," replied the chorus as Lupin led his lover away.

Watching the retreating backs, Sir Argyle crossed over to Jane's portrait, sullenly handing her a painted candle from his portrait.

The former Slytherin sulked, "I can't believe he's under the spell of a bloody Gryffindor."

"Cheer up old man," Professor Douglas chuckled. "You may yet win back your candle after the full moon. I have a feeling that Severus gives as good as he gets."

Loud laughter filled the hall scaring away two students who had just settled into the rose garden for a quick groping session. "Awww!" the chorused cried.

A/N - Thank you for reading, **please review!**


	8. Chapter 7

Summary: Sirius returns.  
A/N: I have been told that anonymous reviews were disabled. I have enabled them now.

So please feel free to review!

Disclaimer: These characters are not mine. They were created by JK Rowling. I'm just borrowing them for a little while and I don't make a penny off of this.

Rating: M

CHAPTER 7

It was a full moon tonight but also a Hogsmeade day and since he did not have chaperoning duties, Severus Snape decided that he wanted to spend a few hours with his lover. In spite of the confession he'd made the night before which was only possible because of his tentative trust in his lover, Severus was still uncomfortable with being in a relationship and doing 'couple's activities'. His only other exclusive relationship had been with Regulus and as he'd come to realize once he'd lost him, it was the younger man who had done all the work.

Shaking off the guilty sadness that often threatened to overwhelm him whenever he thought of Regulus, he decanted a vial of Wolfsbane potion and set out in search of his lover. In September he had only made enough for one night since technically a full moon is mere seconds long but it seemed as though the transformations and pain lasted three nights- the night before and after the full moon when the moon appeared to be full also had the power to transform Lupin. This month he had made an entire cauldron with enough of the potion to last as many as five days. His alter-ego Eliot Prince, the renowned reclusive Potions Master, had already begun working on a research paper for Potions Monthly. None of the studies he had read on the Wolfsbane had specified the number of days it should be taken nor had they examined the exact trigger for transformation of the creatures and, on a personal level, he had to admit a certain concern that they had not included a considered including a pain reliever.

He had tried adjusting the potion's taste but sugar and many other flavour enhancers neutralized it. He chuckled to himself- he would simply have to resist kissing the other man for at least fifteen minutes. He had, however, added a pain reliever. It wasn't a particularly strong one but hopefully his lover would not suffer quite as much. Although he was still quite terrified around the transformed werewolf, he intended to secretly observe the transformation over the next three nights. He had convinced Albus to create a two way mirror in a portion of the wall of the abandoned bedroom which the headmaster had warded to safely contain Lupin. With the Wolfsbane Potion, he had decided that the students and staff would be safe even with a werewolf on the premises. Dumbledore had frowned when Severus had asked the favour but he agreed to it only because his Potions Master had insisted that it was for research purposes only.

Which it was... mostly... but Severus' secondary motivation wasn't distrust of the werewolf escaping like Albus thought- he was quite confident in his brewing abilities which is why he felt safe enough to be that close in the first place. No, his motivations, so embarrassing to him that he scarcely admitted them even to himself, were his need to be near Lupin, to be there for him through the painful transformation and to observe for himself what exactly happened so that he might possibly make the potion better.

Arriving at the room, he was disappointed to spot Potter. As always the sight of a Potter threw him for a loop and he could feel his temper beginning to flare and his reason abandoning him. Embarrassed at being caught delivering the potion to Lupin like some common errand boy, and having his lover treat him with such polite indifference, he could not even muster his usual sneer and spite. Instead the sight triggered his suspicious instincts. He found himself remembering all the times Lupin had ignored him while with the other Potter and the old insecurities returned. He wondered what they were up to, why would a teacher be chatting so comfortably with a student on a Hogsmeade day? Why would Potter choose to remain in the school when he could be with the other two thirds of the Golden Trio? He was certain Albus had not said anything about forbidding the boy permission to leave the school yet Lupin seemed to know why. Did the headmaster trust the Gryffindor more than he trusted Snape?

His original amorous plans were thwarted and forgotten, his inner demons tormented him. Of course he trusts Lupin over you, he always did when you were students and he hired him even though you told him not to.

Heading to Dumbledore's office, his increased fury visible on his face and not even noticing the scattering first and second years unfortunate enough to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, Severus continued to imagine the worse. What if Lupin had only been using him- again? What if he was working with Black and had distracted Snape while secretly working to trick the boy into Black's clutches? _Don't be silly! He's not working with Black. You felt comfortable enough to give him another chance. You observed him thoroughly Severus and you know it._ The Voice reminded. Severus ignored it. He'd also given Lupin a second chance after the Levicorpus incident and where had that left him?

"Sugar Quills!" he snarled and the gargoyle leapt aside. He needed to make the headmaster see reason.

***

Hours later, a much calmer Severus was gathering some essays he could mark while he observed Lupin's transformation. The headmaster had talked him down from his paranoia with a curious mixture of bemused patience and exasperation. His mind was so distracted that he didn't notice the Bloody Baron enter the room.

"The Headmaster wants you to come to Gryffindor Tower immediately. It seems that there has been a security breach."

***

The early hours of morning on Sunday, November 1st, found the Potions Master sweating over a medley of cauldrons in his private lab. He was trying very hard not to think and it was working- only just.

"Knock, knock," Lupin said as he knocked, entering the room with a smile on his face. He felt much better than usual. He couldn't imagine why but last night's transformation had been less painful and exhausting than usual and he'd rushed down to share the good news. "Oh my, you're quite busy in here. One, two, um, wow, Severus, five cauldrons? Colour me impressed," he purred, reaching to kiss the other's cheek.

"What do you want, Lupin?" came the irritated snarl.

Remus stepped away with a chuckle. He knew better than to disturb his lover while he was working in the lab but he was in such a good mood he couldn't help it. He grinned at the irritated look on the sweaty face. He used to feel so nervous around that scowl before but now that he had seen those features transform with lusty passion, his Gryffindor courage had shown its leonine face.

"Severus, have you-, ah Remus, there you are!" Albus Dumbledore entered the room. He seemed less jovial than usual and although the twinkle was in his eyes, it seemed quite subdued. He assessed his professors with wary contemplation. "I tried your rooms but you weren't there. I confess I did not expect to find you here."

"I came to share some good news with Severus," Lupin answered his employer's unasked question. "I don't know what he did to the Wolfsbane-"

"How dare you accuse me of-" Severus began, his stance defensive.

Remus' face blanched. He knew that they had to keep up appearances around others but the hostility seemed so real and he hadn't even done anything to warrant such levels. He tried to respond but his mouth just opened and shut uselessly.

"Severus," the headmaster's voice held a warning, "let Remus finish."

Severus clenched his jaw and continued to decant the potions he had finished.

"I-," Remus swallowed his fear, "I wanted to let Severus know that I felt better this morning than I have ever felt after a transformation. I- I thought perhaps you- he, had added a pain reliever or something because you, er, he, had asked me about…" Remus took a fortifying breath and flicked his wrist dismissively. He sat on a stool trying to figure out what was going on.

"Ah, yes," Dumbledore looked elated, "Severus, you did mention that you had improved on the formula. This is good news, is it not?"

"I wouldn't know," he sniped, stirring his remaining potion. "Perhaps whatever else Lupin was doing last night is the real reason for his cheerful mood this morning."

"What?" "Severus!" Lupin looked from his sullen lover to the scolding headmaster in confusion. He felt that he was missing something. "Headmaster, may I ask what is going on? Did something happen last night?"

"As if you don't know," Severus shouted, anger and hatred warring in his features.

"I don't know, Severus! I don't know! The last time I spoke to you yesterday, you were much more sociable and I cannot imagine the reason for your current mood. Is it because of my transformation last night? You know about me, you know that I cannot help what I do! I do not understand your anger."

"No," Snape drawled, "of course you cannot help it. You always turned into an idiot when Black was involved. What were you talking to Potter about yesterday? Trying to find out what he was up to so you could tell Black where he'd be, hmm?"

"SEVERUS!" the headmaster bellowed, his magic crackling tangibly in the air, "That is enough! Black entered the school last night," he turned to Lupin, his expression calmer but still serious, "he slashed the Fat Lady's portrait when she refused to permit him entrance. We were all concerned," his glare dared Severus to contradict him but the Potions Master's face was void of all emotion and his thin lips remained decisively shut, "when Severus went to check on you and discovered that you were not in the room I warded for you."

Lupin paled, "Sirius was here?" he whispered in disbelief. "He went after Harry?" Frowning he scowled at his fickle lover, "You think I would hurt Harry? Sirius killed James and Peter! I could never forgive him that!"

"Funny how you were the only one he spared," Snape muttered maliciously though he carefully avoided the headmaster's eyes.

"I don't know why he didn't kill me, Severus. Will you fault me for that too? Do you think that I have not spent these last dozen years reliving the events that ended with my friends' deaths and wondering what I could have done differently? Not that it is any of your business, Severus, but at the time when they were killed, Sirius and I were barely on speaking terms. Once I dared to confront him after I observed his brother approach him shortly before his death, he did his best to avoid me.

I have regretted everyday since that I did not tell someone about the secret meeting. I never imagined for a moment that he and Regulus might have been plotting murder."

"DO NOT," Severus rounded the table, his wand hand twitching, "speak of Regulus that way. You do not know him, you never did. Do not speak of what you do not know."

"None of us realized who the spy was," Dumbledore stepped between the two, "Black deceived us all."

Remus nodded weakly. He was surprised at how much it hurt to hear Severus defend Regulus so strongly. Although he knew that their relationship had lasted years, continuing even in spite of a year apart when Severus had graduated, a part of him always believed or perhaps hoped, that theirs had not been a love match. The loyal defence spoke volumes about how much the younger man must have meant to Severus and Remus felt his confidence weaken. Would Severus ever defend him like that or trust him so unconditionally? Opening his upturned hand in silent apology to Severus, he turned to the headmaster.

"I apologize about not speaking to you first, Headmaster, but when I saw the students returning from Hogsmeade I felt lonely and left out, knowing that I would once again be left out of last night's festivities. I went to chat with Hagrid before sunset and he told me that he had run into Clyde Gibbs was in Hogsmeade." Turning slightly towards Severus, he explained, "I met Clyde Gibbs five years ago in Devon. His family is a wizarding family and they provide him with Wolfsbane every month. We were… *friends*… for a few months but in the end we realized we wanted different things from life. We still like each other though and we always enjoyed each other's company, both as wizards and as werewolves. I met him at the Hogs Head and we roamed the Forbidden Forest together last night. This morning I returned to the castle and came directly here."

"Thank you, Remus," the headmaster smiled at him kindly. "How is young Clyde?"

Remus chuckled sadly. His ex-lover was almost twenty years older than he was but he supposed that was comparatively young to Albus. When the headmaster had found out about them, he had encouraged the relationship. He admitted to Remus that he always regretted not being able to convince Headmaster Dippet to accept the other werewolf and it had driven him to find a solution to Remus' problem.

"He has actually taken on my old post at Whiteknights Academy. It was good to see an old friend and to hear about my old students. If I may be excused, Headmaster, I would like to go to my rooms and prepare for breakfast." He nodded his goodbye to the headmaster but could not bear to look at his lover. It was not until he returned to his rooms that he realized he hadn't asked if anyone had been injured, whether Sirius had been caught or how Harry was doing.

Severus banished his final potion. Dumbledore's magical outburst had most likely ruined it anyway.

He leaned his elbows on the table and buried his face in his hands. He knew Remus was speaking the truth. Last night after he'd ensured that the students were safe, he'd rushed to protect his lover. He knew that Black had killed all the others and was afraid that, frustrated that he had not gotten Harry, the fugitive would have gone after Remus. It was the full moon and he would have known that Lupin would have been isolated and vulnerable. The empty rooms had triggered his fears but when he told Albus that Lupin was missing, it had infuriated him that although the headmaster was concerned, he didn't seem sufficiently bothered. From there it was a short leap to paranoid fury and accusations of betrayal and conspiracies. It was in this mood that he had approached Hagrid and discovered that Lupin had been there earlier and subsequently went to meet a friend in the village. Thinking back to their conversation, it became all too obvious that Hagrid meant that the 'friend' Lupin had gone to meet was one of his own contemporaries because the half-giant had expressed surprise that Lupin had known the man. It could not have been Black.

He owed Remus an apology and he knew it. He just wasn't looking forward to it but he knew the gentle wolf would forgive him. Taking a deep breath he cleared away the equipment and left for breakfast in the Great Hall.

***

Lupin wasn't at breakfast. Now, entering the Great Hall for lunch, Severus realized the man was once again absent.

"Has anyone seen Professor Lupin? I thought I saw him on the grounds this morning when I went for an early flight but he wasn't at breakfast," Madam Hooch seemed concerned. They all knew that he and Black had been quite close as students.

"Oh yes, I saw him around the greenhouses when I was on my way here. I offered to join him on the walk here but he claimed that he wasn't hungry. He seemed quite sad," Professor Sprout added sympathetically and several of the others nodded knowingly.

Severus stood suddenly, attracting the attention of the others at the table as well as a few students. "That fool," he muttered angrily.

The headmaster stroked his beard thoughfully, "Severus?"

"I must have an urgent word with Lupin."

"Is something wrong?"

"He needs to keep up his energy for… the potion to work," Severus clenched his teeth. "He cannot skip meals. It must not be consumed on an empty stomach. Pippy!" he summoned a house elf and demanded a picnic luncheon for two be prepared.

"How thoughtful of you," Dumbledore beamed.

"There is nothing thoughtful about it," he snapped. "It is a matter of safety for us all."

He left before anyone, especially the smug looking headmaster, could comment on the fact that he certainly did not need to join Lupin for his meal in order to ensure it was eaten. It was bad enough that he was on his way to apologize for his rash behaviour this morning; he certainly didn't intend to entertain the curious stares of his colleagues. He only hoped Pippy remembered the chocolate éclairs. She knew how much they enjoyed those.

A/N 2 - I know, I know... I promised to wait a bit before I posted again but I've added the next chapter. This is why no one bothers to review isn't it? You know I'll update anyway :(

So Chapter 8 is mostly written- it's when Sirius returns, sort of. I have the outline of Chapter 9 already too, I just can't decide whether chapter 8 should end on a happy note or not. Plus I'm once again demotivated by the lack of reviews. I mean honestly, I write and I don't hold chapters hostage in exchange for reviews. Fanfic authors don't get paid except in the form of a few words of appreciation or acknowledgement- ie reviews. **So show a little love, click the button **and say hello!


	9. Chapter 8

Summary: Valentine's Day at Hogwarts  
A/N: Nothing much seems to happen in this chapter but you'll see the significance of

certain things later. Some are obvious but hopefully not everything.

Disclaimer: These characters are not mine. They were created by JK Rowling. I'm just borrowing them for a little while and I don't make a penny off of this.

Rating: M

CHAPTER 8

November's transformation passed without incident. Knowing now that Severus would be on the other side of the wall, Remus resolved to stay in his warded room. He was pleased when Severus convinced Albus to allow two-way communication, supposedly so that he could test the communication capabilities & intellectual capacity of the werewolf. He knew that his lover was simply being affectionate in his own stand-offish way. He remembered very little after his transformation but, similar to the effect that the Marauders presence once had on him, the werewolf was much tamer hearing a familiar voice.

The Potions Master made further improvements to the potion and they hoped that December's transformation would be even less traumatic. Lupin smiled contentedly. He was enjoying the many hours they had spent together during the Christmas break and he was especially looking forward to this afternoon's plans for a winter picnic down at their spot by the lake.

***

Hermione Granger was in a foul mood. She knew that she had done the right thing and she was upset that Harry and Ron were still sulking. She had to involve Professor McGonagall with the anonymously donated broom. It was for Harry's own safety, couldn't he see? Boys and their toys! She almost wished she had gone home for the holidays now. Instead she had been lonely ever since Christmas day and, although she genuinely enjoyed reading, she really missed her friends.

She shifted the heavy book and the cumbersome blanket she was carrying, trying to make the process less difficult. She did not feel comfortable in the common room and she needed a change of scenery from reading in the library. Looking out at the beautiful landscape, she had decided that the lakeshore would be a nice – and private- place to relax. She simply hadn't counted on it being quite so cold. The winds were biting through her coat and mittens and she was sniff and a sneeze away from losing her nose.

Approaching that flat rock that hung over the water, she was startled to realize that someone else had had her idea. Or rather, two someones had her idea. She squinted, trying to make out the two figures. It appeared to be two adult males and they were… well, she couldn't quite figure out what they were doing so she squinted some more.

A grunt and a groan drifted across the chilly breeze that nipped her ears. It stopped her in her tracks. She stopped to assess her situation- the boys weren't here and although she wasn't afraid of being on her own, she would have felt much better to have reliable company. She thought she recognized Professor Lupin's tattered robes. The house-elves had mended them but they still looked ragged. The kindly professor appeared to be tussling with someone.

She held her breath. What if it was Sirius Black? She was torn between smartly running back for help and bravely offering her assistance. The groan that reached her ears cemented her resolve. She hoped that the sight of a witness would be enough to scare the fugitive away. It was at times like this that she really wished Harry and Ron were around.

"Hel-hello? Professor Lupin?" she called, pulling her wand and balancing her things in the other hand.

The men stopped moving.

"P-professor? Is- is everything alright?"

The men separated as she drew closer. They appeared to have been… hugging. Hermione blushed furiously. Had she interrupted her professor's amorous adventures? But, no, that appeared to be… Professor Snape? Blinking first quickly, then slowly, then closing her eyes tightly and reopening them, she was surprised to find that the identities of the two men would not change.

Clearly her first assumptions were correct. Professor Snape was attacking Professor Lupin! Well, scary though he might be, she wasn't afraid of the surly professor. She'd set him on fire once before and she'd do it again! Her confidence bolstered, she approached more boldly.

"Professor Lupin, are you okay? Shall I get someone?" she eyed Snape suspiciously, resisting the urge to run from his sneer.

"Miss Granger, what are you doing out here, by yourself, in the cold, with a blanket? Surely you can see that it is snowing?"

Professor Lupin chuckled nervously, "It _is_ a bit cold for a picnic," he agreed. Her eyes narrowed at his swollen lips and flushed appearance. Perhaps he was afraid of Snape. But no, he was an expert in defence and a brave Gryffindor to boot. Then again, perhaps he was trying to protect her and grave risk to himself.

"It's not so bad and I was going to use a warming charm," she explained, her wand arm lowered but tense and ready to act at a moment's notice. "Is everything alright sir? I thought I saw…" she blushed, "well it looked like, you and Professor Snape…" a bemused eyebrow rose and she blushed, "I mean, Professor Snape's arms were…" the other dark eyebrow rose and she turned completely away from Snape. She turned to Lupin frantically, "I heard groans!"

"So eloquent," Snape smirked. Hermione's eyes widened as her other professor playfully smacked the dour man and actually, honest to Merlin, giggled. She shook her head and pinched the bridge of nose. She knew she shouldn't have snacked on anything the twins had given her but the box of sugar free candies had seemed so innocent and thoughtful… and tempting. And now she was imagining things. It almost seemed like her infamously acrimonious professors – well Snape clearly hated the other man - were enjoying each others company.

"I think… I think maybe you're right Professor, it must be a bit colder than I realized," her suspicious gaze was replaced with a doubtful one. Suddenly she saw a streak of orange in the distance. "Crookshanks! Crookshanks wait! Where are you going?" she fled in pursuit. It was a comical sight to behold as the bushy haired girl struggled to run in the snow, her head covered with a colourful knit hat complete with bobbing tassels flapping around her ears, a precariously tottering pile in one hand, her wand in the other.

Severus smirked. Casting a Notice-Me-Not spell on spell on them he grabbed his lover's ass cheeks. "Now that we have completely traumatized a student and made the likes of Miss Granger question her own eyes," he purred silkily, "shall we continue?"

***

Professor R J Lupin made his way down to the dungeon levitating a winter garden fitted with various small plants valued in potion brewing. The Gryffindor red planter was at least two metres long, a metre wide and a third of a metre deep. Its vibrant and significant colour turned heads as the DADA teacher passed. Furious whispers followed in its wake. Slytherin students in the dungeon corridors struggled to maintain their façade of bored indifference, eyeing the offensively hued planter in their midst with poor disguised revulsion.

Shyly entering the Potions Master's office, Lupin chirped cheerfully, "Happy Valentine's Day, Severus!"

"Wonderful!" Headmaster Dumbledore clapped gleefully, startling the unsuspecting man who had not noticed him in the room. "How thoughtful of you, Remus. And such lovely colours too. Look, Severus. See what Remus has brought for you!"

"It's bloody red!" Snape looked mortified. "What were you thinking bringing that here, Lupin?"

"Now, now, Severus. It's lovely and it's only a colour. At any rate, today is Valentine's day!"

Severus sneered at the headmaster before looking away, doggedly avoiding his lover's eyes. Taking the gift with an exaggerated long suffering sigh, he allowed his fingers to linger gratefully and risked a fleeting look. Remus grinned. He couldn't help it because he had seen the gratitude and appreciation in that brief moment. He had chosen correctly and he was happy. Snape rolled his eyes and sneered.

"So lovely to receive a Valentine's gift, isn't it?" Dumbledore said dreamily.

Severus turned to the headmaster and scoffed, "I am accepting a valuable collection of plants and nothing more. I have better things to do than indulge in silly traditions."

Albus Dumbledore sighed, "Severus, I wish you would get to know Remus Lupin the man and leave boyish disputes in the past where they belong." Putting up a hand to stop the angry tirade he could sense coming, he continued, "I should not have said that, let it be. Nevertheless, I think that the students can sense your animosity. Perhaps if you spent some more time together."

"_More_ time, Headmaster?" Severus raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, _more_ time… alone, so you can get to know each other."

"Yes, time alone… Then perhaps we could get to know each other more intimately," Remus agreed, nodding thoughtfully, his eyes fixed on a crack in the floor.

"I do not think I care to know Lupin any more intimately than I already do," Severus sneered. He knew that his lover was trying not to laugh.

"I don't mean the time you've spent investigating the lycanthropy. I mean getting to know each other's likes and dislikes, each other's preferences- you may have more in common than you realize."

"This is true, Headmaster. Unfortunately, with students everywhere and Severus' Head of House duties, we would hardly find time to get to know each other."

As if on cue, a young Slytherin knocked on the door, "Professor Snape, may I speak to you a moment, sir?"

"I will be with you in a moment Mr. Reed. Headmaster, Lupin," he returned the headmaster's nod and left the room.

"Severus means well," Albus apologized. "I believe that he was pleased with your gift in spite of his words."

Remus smiled. "I am grateful to him- I know how difficult the Wolfsbane potion can be."

"Still, I do wish he would be a bit less hostile with you. I rather believe you could be good friends if you tried."

"Do you?" Remus looked surprised and wary. Albus had a knack for being all-knowing. He and Severus had been joking about their relationship right in front of him but perhaps the old man already knew and the joke was on them. He twitched uncomfortably. Lately he had been experiencing bouts of guilt over the secrets he kept from Dumbledore; secrets he had also previously considered harmless pranks.

Dumbledore nodded. In spite of the house differences and the apparent insurmountable differences in their personalities, he felt that they could complement each other well. Severus stifled his feelings in a most unhealthy fashion, acting as though he was the most hateful man in the world but Albus could see past the façade to the man who cared about the physical, if perhaps not the emotional, safety of his colleagues and students- even the Gryffindors. Few people realized that Severus and Minerva enjoyed their antagonistic and competitive relationship and often sought each other out for tea while he was also fond of the prickly man. Many persons would not be able to cope with the Potions Master's acerbic tongue but he felt that Remus' easy humour and patient nature could cope. On the other hand, he felt that in spite of his deliberate attempts to seem unapproachable, Severus would secretly appreciate Remus' gentle and loyal affections while being strong enough to scold the gentle man when he was being cowardly or indecisive. If only he could convince them, especially Severus, to give friendship a try. Spotting a no doubt confiscated copy of Teen Witch Weekly's special Valentine's edition on the desk, he got an idea. Why not, as the cover suggested, channel the magic in the air on this day?

He turned as Severus entered the room. "Is everything alright?" He continued after the curt nod. "Severus, I believe you said you needed to do quite a bit of harvesting in the forest, didn't you?"

"Yes, Headmaster, I planned to do some today unless you wished otherwise."

"No, no, nothing of the sort. I did think, however, that since Professor Lupin is not on chaperoning duties today, perhaps if he had the time he could assist you." It was a command disguised as a suggestion and both men knew it.

"I would be happy to help."

"Headmaster, I do not know if this is wise," Severus hesitated, only partly playing a part. "I need someone along who can identify the best plants and insects. As I recall, as a Potion student, Lupin-"

"Remus is an intelligent man, Severus. I am sure that if you showed him what you want him to do, he would do it."

"Whatever I want?" narrowed his eyes, his amusement dangerously close to revealing itself.

Remus smirked, "Whatever you want."

"However I want?"

"Yes, Severus, however you want."

"So, I have your permission to make him do exactly what I ask, Headmaster?" Severus smirked at Lupin.

"Within reason of course, Severus," his smile a little uncertain. "I am certain that Remus will do as you instruct him."

"Well then, come along, Lupin."

***

Standing in the midst of a small clearing, Severus Snape threw his head back in ecstasy, shouting as he came. His cock had disappeared down his lover's throat again and as always the sight had been the catalyst that pushed him over the edge. Fisting the graying hair, he tugged on his lover.

"I want to taste us," he explained before attempting to sooth his lover's no doubt aching throat with his questing tongue.

Remus groaned as Severus' hand reached between them and began tugging on his hardened member. Pulling away for air, he gripped the slender arms desperately as his knees turned to jelly. There seemed to be a direct nerve ending which led directly from his neck to his cock and Severus knew exactly where to find it. He cried out when the other hand left his hair and tweaked his nipple. "Severus!"

A low rumbling sound nearby escalated into an angry sounding growl, attracting the lovers' attention. Turning towards the sound, they saw something dark fleeing from them deeper into the woods. Unnerved, Remus felt a cold shiver run down his spine.

Nonchalant, Severus returned to kissing but his lover was distracted and his stiffy had already deflated significantly.

"Looked like some sort of canine," he shrugged dismissively, trying eagerly to revive the lagging erection. "Probably just one of your exes," he mocked lightly.

"Yes, probably" Remus nodded, his cock now completely limp.

He felt another shiver of dread run through him. For the hundredth time he wondered whether he should tell Albus about Padfoot. He realized that keeping the fact a secret could be dangerous for everyone, especially Harry. Yet he felt that he could not betray his friends, even if Sirius had turned out to be a murderer. If not for their illegal talent, he might have gone feral long before. His friends, Sirius included, had been there for him when he needed them. Could he really betray their memories by allowing the likes of Rita Skeeter to sully their good names as heroic victims by revealing their secret lives as illegal animagi?

"Remus? Lupin!" Snape said with the irritation of someone who has been repeating himself. "What is the matter with you?"

He turned and looked at Severus. Their relationship had blossomed these last few months and they had gotten to know each other better, even going so far as discussing their previous relationships with Regulus and Clyde. Yet the Marauders, Lily and so many other topics remained off-limits. He respect his lover's intelligence and wanted to solicit his advice; he wanted to be able to know that he could depend on his lover's support, but he just the sight of Harry caused the man to develop a tic. His mood could turn foul in record time at the mere mention of the names Potter or Black, so much so that he had confessed that he had refused to use Regulus' surname in owl correspondence. When it came to the Marauders, Severus was irrational; he could not tell him.

"Nothing," he sighed sadly.

"Nothing? You're a werewolf for crying out loud and at the sound of a canine growl you lose your erection and concentration!" Severus snapped. "So don't tell me 'nothing' is wrong. What's wrong Remus, speak to me."

Remus stalled for time, carefully tucking his limp member back in his pants.

"Was it the howl? Did you recognize it?"

Remus' nervous twitch betrayed him.

"You do recognize it!" Severus sounded triumphant. "But who can it be? It is not the full moon and it's the middle of the day so it can't be Gibbs," he mused.

"Leave it alone, Severus," he pleaded.

Picking up his shears and basket, Severus snipped the berries of a nearby plant. "Unless he has perfected his howl- you did say that he embraced the wolf in all aspects of his life."

"Please, Severus. I don't want to talk about it."

"Why not? Do you think it a message from someone?"

Lupin accidentally stabbed his finger with his miniature scythe.

"It was a message! Who was it from? Who is sending you messages out here?" Severus was furious. "And why don't they want me to see them?"

Fearing that the growl was indeed a message, most likely a warning from Padfoot, Remus worried his lip. He was upset that he could not depend on Severus' support at a time like this and his own temper flared.

"Leave it alone, Severus! It is none of your business!"

Unused to Lupin speaking back to him and certainly not with any sort of hostility, Severus gaped for a moment. It was short lived, however, and his jealous insecurities rallied to restore his confidence. With a hostile glare, he snatched the other basket from Lupin and stormed back to the castle.

"Severus!" Dumbledore's joyous greeting turned to concerned frown as the snarling man brushed past him. "Where is Remus?" he tried anyway.

"He and his animal friends are out there frolicking," Severus sneered. "How should I know?"

Dumbledore sighed disappointedly. He had been quite certain that there was a thawing of hostilities especially on Severus' part. The man no longer stalked his colleague obsessively nor did he imagine suspicious motives in the DADA professor's every action. Moreover, to the relief of the other professors and perhaps to the disappointment of a few students, he no longer spent his meal times simply glaring hatefully. He had sincerely hoped that their cooperation with working on the potion would translate to polite if not friendlier interactions. He was disappointed that the love in the air and the magic of the day failed to assist in creating a friendship.


	10. Chapter 9

Summary: Secrets and lies.  
A/N: Thank you for following this story. PLEASE take the time to review!

Disclaimer: These characters are not mine. They were created by JK Rowling. I'm just borrowing them for a little while and I don't make a penny off of this.

Rating: M

CHAPTER 9

Remus Lupin walked to his rooms with a heavy heart and a tired mind. He really wished that Severus was not so easy to anger and that there was a stronger basis of trust in their relationship. For the umpteenth time he wondered why he was doing this to himself.

_It had all started almost two decades ago when he and Lily Evans were assigned to work together on a DADA assignment. They had both found it quite difficult and after several hours of research in the library, they seemed to be going nowhere._

_It was then that Evans announced to him that she would ask 'Sev' cuz 'Sev is brilliant about these things'. He knew that Snape and Evans were friends and seemed to be close enough but he could not imagine why and he wasn't in any hurry to spend anytime with the surly boy. He had made his excuses and left the library when Lily spotted her friend. Returning half an hour later and seeing them still huddled together at the table, Lily with a genuinely affectionate smile on her face and her hand touching Snape with relaxed familiarity, his curiosity got the better of him. Using an advanced Notice-Me-Not charm that James had taught them all, he hid behind the bookshelf nearest to them._

_Snape slouched towards Evans but did not touch her. Remus could not see his face but the silky voice was soft and caressing rather than hostile and bitter. It sent an unwelcome shiver of pleasure through the eavesdropper. He had evidently missed the beginning of some joke the two shared but Evans was delighted, throwing her head back in a silent laugh which highlighted her pretty features. Clapping a hand over her mouth when a hiccupping giggle managed to escape despite her best intentions, she leaned in close to her friend. The normally sullen boy leaned towards her and for a moment he thought they would kiss. Certainly their body language revealed an amazing chemistry similar at the very least to the bond that James and Sirius shared. _

_Long fingers gently wiped away the tears of laughter from Evans' face and the two looked deeply into each other's eyes- a gentle smile playing on her lips. Remus longed to see Snape's face. He could not imagine Evans looking at the face he knew with such fondness. It didn't seem rational. Things became even more bizarre when Lily's stomach growled. He heard a pleasant chuckle that must have come from Snape before the boy reached into his robes and handed his friend a wrapped cauldron cake. _

"_Lily, you silly girl," Snape chided more tenderly than Remus ever imagined possible. "How long have you been here working without a break?"_

"_Lupin and I have probably been here hours!" she groaned, stealing a bite of her cake from behind a book. Remus held his breath. He could only imagine the bitter tirade about to begin._

"_Well why didn't you tell him that you were hungry or needed a break?" the gentle voice continued. "You know what he's like," Remus was surprised… what _was_ he like? "He spends hours in here doing homework sometimes." Remus was even more surprised. It was true that before and after the full moon he often spent hours alone in the library catching up on assignments and essays but he hadn't imagined Snape or Evans had noticed._

_The girl shrugged, popping the last bit of cake into her mouth. "We just got caught up in the assignment, Sev. It's not like we meant to starve ourselves," she jumped into his lap and kissed him noisily on the cheek. "And anyway, I knew you'd be around to check on me eventually just like I'd check on you when you bury that nose in a book or cauldron!" she chuckled, kissing the nose before bouncing back to her seat._

"_Hello Lily, Snivelly," Sirius greeted with a contemptuous sneer for the boy, accidentally on purpose stepping on his tattered bag. "Where's Remus? I thought he was here with you?"_

Entering his rooms Professor Lupin strolled over to the fireplace, lighting it with a flick of his wand. Staring into the flames he recalled how his curiosity about the other side of Snape had led him to observing the boy with Evans, now Lil' to his 'Remy'. Always shrewd, she had confronted him about what he had thought was his cleverly hidden curiosity about her friend. Lily could be quite a forceful personality as well as being a strong witch and was not afraid of hexing people into discipline and he had ended up having to confess his growing attraction to her friend. She was so pleased that she had agreed to set them up. Their relationship had a complex and fragile beginning. Both were as attracted to each other as they were wary of each other. They believed the worst of each other, each always suspicious of the other's motives and yet they believed completely in each other. He had never once worried that Severus would use their relationship to blackmail him and he was sure Severus felt the same about him. In the secrets they felt comfortable sharing, they confided everything- a feat which, when coming from men such as them for whom life's disappointments had created a difficulty in trusting others completely, was a miracle in and of itself.

Now all these years later, Lily long gone from the picture, they were still struggling to learn to trust one another. Yet neither could completely give the other up it seemed. Running his hands through his hair, Remus decided against going to the Great Hall, instead summoning his meal from the house-elves. He longed for Severus to join him and hold him tenderly in his arms. He had long been the recipient of those gentle affections and found that he craved them. In the years after their friendship had ended, Lily had from time to time wept on his shoulder about her lost friend. She spent more hours than anyone realized worrying about whether the Sev she knew had been lost to the dark forever. Most people did not know that the intense passion and deferential respect that Severus paid to his potions and spells translated into a loyal and passionate lover and friend.

Remus wondered if it was this fact that kept him around. During his decade of travels after his friends' murders, he had visited Thailand and discovered the durian fruit. He had always thought it reminded him of Severus Snape. Both the man and the fruit provoked extreme reactions from people- you either loved them or hated them. They both protected and disguised themselves behind formidable outer shells and indeed many would argue that they were equally prickly. Severus did not stink like the fruit but his sneer, intimidating robes and caustic tongue were equally unappealing and offensive to others. And like the fruit, if you made it to the inside you were rewarded with a delicious and sweet treat. Very few people were able to make it that far and so Severus' love and affections were spread to very few. Indeed, as far as he could tell, only Lily, Regulus and to a certain extent Albus had shared in the bounty.

For Remus, a man who was allowed to own little of his own and certainly nothing of substantial value, Severus Snape was like a treasure he held on to almost obsessively. In spite of the bouts of irrational anger and the fickle trust that Severus showed him, he knew that he was special in the man's eyes. He was allowed to know the insecurities and permitted to be guardian of Severus' heart, of that he was certain, and for that reason he simply could not let go. In spite of the man's cold and prickly exterior, Severus needed him. He knew it and from time to time he was even allowed to see the truth in his lover's eyes and subtle actions.

His meal completed, Remus banished the empty dishes and went to his bedroom. He froze in the doorway for a moment. Tears fell from his eyes and his heart clenched with shame, sadness and joy. He chuckle choked on a sob.

His pale blue bed linen was almost completely red with rose petals layered thickly on it. Over the centre of the bed spun a chocolate globe with small flags made of toothpicks and tissue paper pinpointing ever stop he'd made during his wandering years. Recovering enough to step closer, he plucked the flag from France. A small plate suddenly appeared below the hovering sphere. On it were tiny truffles, éclairs and even a soufflé. Taking the plate he retrieved a note that he had not noticed before.

'I _suppose of course that you expect some sort of romantic drivel today. You seem one of those_.' He could almost hear the sneer. '_Since you insist on acknowledging the day_,' Remus smirked- he hadn't thought Severus would want to do anything today and so he certainly hadn't mentioned Valentine's Day far less insisted on anything, '_I thought we ought to at least do something enlightening. Whenever you remove a flag- you will note I left your mark wherever you have been_,' Remus chuckled- there was a wolf paw print on the flag, '_specialty chocolates from that region will appear. Perhaps we shall attempt to make it around the world in 80 kisses… Although there is no benefit in rushing our… learning- we can take time with our travels… even for wizards, the world is a big place. It may take us nights. Always yours, Sev."_

Remus Lupin shuddered. Putting a dark chocolate truffle in his mouth, he savoured the flavour as his taste buds awoke one by one. He moaned in ecstasy, indulging in a moment of decadence. The candy was exquisite.

Taking the plate he made his way down to the Slytherin domains. He knew that chocolate was an aphrodisiac but he was certain he had never quite felt this aroused by it. Between the rich flavours which lingered on his tongue and the knowledge of how chocolate in his mouth worked on his lover's libido more efficiently than any love potion invented, his blood rushed to inflate his cock which was now straining to get out of its confines. It was nothing short of a miracle that he had enough blood left to fuel his brain although he suspected that it was actually his erection that was now in control of his legs.

Shivering as he walked pass a corridor open to the elements, he realized in abstract that in his haste he had left his rooms wearing only a thin shirt and no shoes.

"He's been waiting for you for some time now," Sir Argyle tutted from his frame.

***

Severus sat on the bench in the rose garden missing Lily. Almost before he had returned to his rooms he had begun feeling guilty about his burst of insecurity driven jealousy. He hadn't been fair to Remus. The man had always been honest with him about previously lovers even when he himself refused to reveal his own secrets. Yet he simply could not stop feeling apprehensive.

He was a mean and sour man who had never been accused of being attractive. He was short tempered, arrogant and held grudges for extended periods of time and he certainly never spared Remus from any of these flaws. Yet still, time and time again, the man returned. Few others would have stuck around. Lily always punished him with a cold shoulder, Minerva dismissed him like an excitable child and Albus, well, the old coot was simply insane- he was too powerful to be concerned and he knew that he held a certain power over Severus anyway. Remus on the other hand accepted the hurtful insults, the mood swings, the distrust and all the bad things and came back for more. For every ounce of his soul that trusted his heart to the man, his brain warned him that it was too good to be true. He was forever trying to find the trick, trying to see beyond what he was certain was a mask.

He was a Slytherin and he understood Slytherin cunning. He'd understood Lily but she had a touch of Slytherin herself, no matter what the foolish hat had said. Remus Lupin didn't fit in to Severus' orderly world of precise cuts and measurements. He was too smart to be Gryffindor and yet too emotionally reactive to be Ravenclaw; he was too loyally affectionate to be Gryffindor and still too bravely independent to be a Hufflepuff. Except where Severus was involved, he certainly used his brain along with his brawn and unlike many of the other lions he thought before he spoke. Hufflepuff-like absolute affection aside, he was in many ways like Albus, Minerva or Lily who were among the few Gryffindors who Severus could tolerate. His lover lacked the arrogant self-confidence that often characterized members of his house but as a result he also lacked their reflexive decisiveness.

That left Slytherin and a snake he certainly was not.

'_Which of course explains why you don't trust him and always imagine duplicitous motives behind his every action_,' Lily's Voice admonished.

Severus suppressed a shudder. Lily's Voice had been silent for so long now that its sudden return unnerved him. Still, he'd never given in to her easily and he did not intend to do so now. Before he could even formulate a response, he heard her again.

'_Don't even think about denying it!_'

The sharp rebuke startled him and he staggered back. He felt a sharp prick at his ear and turning, his wand already withdrawn, he saw nothing behind him.

"Lily?" he whispered uncertainly, turning slowly and half expecting to see his dearest friend somewhere behind him. There was no response.

"Lumos," the light penetrated the darkness around him but still he saw nothing. Suddenly he felt another pinch, this time at his buttocks, just as Lily had always done. Quickly reaching a hand behind him, Severus grabbed at his attacker.

The thorn covered stalk of the rose bush behind him shimmered under the blue light of his wand, shaking as he released it. Staring at his bleeding palm with nervous disbelief, Severus almost jumped out of his skin as arms surrounded him from behind.

"Thank you, the gift is beautiful," Remus purred, nibbling on the long tense neck.

Taking a deep calming breath, Severus struggled to calm his heart beat. He felt incredibly foolish. First imagining ghostly lost best friends, then attacking plants and now allowing people to sneak up on him. It was almost unforgiveable.

He would have said so too if only he could remember how to make his mouth work.

Remus stepped around his shuddering lover, taking in the wan face, bulging eyes and ragged breath. He had felt the rapid heart beat too and he was concerned about the shaking hand.

"Severus, are you okay?"

The man stared at or rather through him. He turned to look behind but only saw some innocent enough looking rose bushes. Turning back to his lover, he noted the blood on the man's hand. He had noticed Severus reaching out to the plant but he hadn't meant to startle him into pricking his palms.

"I'm sorry, did I make you do that?" Severus was not usually so easily startled.

"Of course not!" Severus sneered and Remus was relieved to see the haunted look disappear in favour of a look of disdain. He decided against meditating on the fact that he was relieved to have his lover give him that look.

Ignoring the scowl, he took the hand gently and examined it. Checking the small incisions for poison, he determined that they were nothing more than ordinary thorn pricks. Healing the steadying palm and cleansing it, he kissed each of the three spots where blood had begun to bead. He looked up and was disconcerted by the intense look in his lover's eyes. He had seen a quick parade of emotions there- fear, lust, love, anger, affection, confusion and other things that had been too quick for him to identify.

He gasped as Severus pulled him into a frantic embrace, taking advantage of his open mouth to devour him.

"France?" Severus murmured, licking his lips appreciatively.

Remus nodded and smiled. He went to retrieve the plate of chocolates from the ledge where he had left it. Putting one end of the mini-éclair between his lips, he fed his lover the other half. Severus bit a piece and chewed, not moving away from Lupin's lips. He bit again and this time licked his lover's lips. Remus pulled the remainder into his mouth with his tongue, their lips brushing against each other as they ate and kissed in a bizarre dance of lips.

"We should return to my rooms," Lupin breathed, "to continue our travels around the world."

"I would love to but I must remain in my rooms in case my students need me. We'll go to your rooms to collect the globe and then Floo to the dungeons.

Remus was only a tad disappointed. He wanted to make love on the rose petal covered bed and, for once, he didn't want to have to be the one Flooing home in the wee hours of the morning. But, happy that they had made up, he didn't complain. His fingers slipping between his lover's, they left to his rooms.

***

Remus rolled his eyes in annoyed and amused exasperation.

"Yes, Severus, I promise to remain with Minerva today. Although…"

"No."

"But-"

"No!"

"Severus! I am on chaperoning duties. I cannot promise you that I will remain with Minerva all day!"

"No! It will not do!"

***

Remus looked at his smirking lover and the apologetic face of the headmaster. He and Minerva had been assigned chaperoning duties today but Severus had convinced the headmaster to assign someone else to accompany the Head of Gryffindor.

"I am afraid that I must agree with Severus on this," Dumbledore placated, "you would be more useful here since Harry is remaining in the castle."

Severus sneered at the headmaster but his lover was not fooled. He saw the triumph in the dark eyes. He sighed with abject resignation. Ever since Black had broken into the Gryffindor dorms and almost killed Ron Weasley, Severus was being over protective.

For once he had not suspected Remus of aiding and abetting a fugitive, if only because he was with the man that night. Or more precisely he was in the man that night. In fact he had staunchly defended Remus when Professor Trelawney had speculated as to his whereabouts at the staff meeting. Well, perhaps Remus had translated. What Severus had really said was, 'I doubt he's clever enough to dupe us all year; the fool wears his heart on his sleeve'.

***

Remus lay with his sleeping lover, his head pillowed on the boney shoulder. He could not sleep, guilt gnawing away at him mercilessly. Too many secrets had led to too many lies to people who trusted him and who he cared deeply for.

He was keeping the Marauders animagi identities secret even though it endangered Harry and the other students. He kept convincing himself that if he heard anyone mention seeing a black dog around that he would go straight to the headmaster but his conscience still nagged him.

Now tonight he had deceived Severus. He knew that Severus recognized the Marauders names and he had to agree that the man had a point that the map endangered Harry but still he'd lied and covered up for James' son and hid the true nature of the old parchment. After he'd left Harry and Ron, he returned to his rooms and was unpleasantly surprised to find that a furious Snape had already arrived there through the Floo.

He'd expected Severus to be most upset about the insults but he was more obsessed with Harry and the statue of the one eyed witch. In a sadly timed sign of his trust in Remus, he'd gone on and on about having spotted Sirius and James hanging around the statue on several occasions. He insisted that it was too suspicious to be purely coincidental that James' son would mysteriously also find the area to be a nice place to linger. He revealed to Remus that he had searched the statue, poking and prodding but finding nothing. He felt his suspicions were confirmed when, after Malfoy's report of seeing the boy's head in Hogsmeade, he found a hassled looking Harry in the vicinity of the same sculpture. Remus was only too relieved that in his ranting, Severus had not even bothered to ask if he knew about the significance of the area. At least it was one less blatant lie he had to tell.

The Potions Master was even more suspicious about the map. They'd argued a bit before Remus used the strongest weapon he had against the man- sex. He claimed that he was disappointed because he'd answered the Floo call so quickly because he thought they were going to make love. It hadn't been easy and he knew he hadn't made his shrewd lover forget but he certainly delayed, at least for a while, the uncomfortable questions from Severus and from Albus who his lover would no doubt report to. He was ashamed that he had betrayed his lover's attraction to him in that way and sullied their lovemaking but he'd been desperate.

***

Professor Snape packed away the last of the exam papers. Today was the last day of exams and he was determined to spend some time with his lover this afternoon, especially since tonight would be the full moon. Their relationship since the Potter-Malfoy Hogsmeade incident had been a little strained but it was their duties that had kept them apart as of late. Searching his chilling cabinet he found a bottle of the pumpkin-orange juice blend his lover enjoyed and put it on the small side table which sat between the two armchairs in front of the fireplace. Adding two exquisite crystal tumblers which Lucius had given him during Draco's first year, he threw some powder into the Floo and called his lover. Sitting back in the chair, he waited five full minutes before making a second Floo call which also went unanswered.

A knock at his door distracted him and by the time he returned ten minutes later, he'd made up his mind to walk up to the DADA professor's office. As always he felt obligated to have a reason to walk there and decided to take the Wolfsbane with him.

Entering the office, he called out but was met with silence. The desk was untidy, looking as though its occupant had left in a hurry. Curious, Severus went to take a look. Sitting there on top of the unmarked exams was the old parchment which had insulted him. Only now it proved itself to be a map of Hogwarts. Severus inhaled through his mouth and set the goblet of smoking potion aside carefully. He was about to take a seat to investigate the map more thoroughly when he noticed several dots moving quickly. There, leading from the Whomping Willow and fading into nothingness, he saw the names "Hermione Granger", "Harry Potter" and "Remus Lupin".

He set out at breakneck speed, his sneer scaring exam weary children out of his way. He barely noticed them. Foolish Potter and his friends had found the entrance to Hogsmeade the Shrieking Shack and clearly Lupin had decided to follow them. The arrogant selfishness of the boy made him so furious. He would be giving his partner an earful for not Floo calling him for assistance once he'd figured out the parchment before running off to rescue the annoying children. Running out of the castle, he gritted his teeth. If Potter got another person dear to him killed, he didn't know what he'd do.

Approaching the vicious tree, he saw a long stick which had obviously been used to freeze the tree. Reaching to pick it up, he noticed that his right shoe disappeared. He had found an invisibility cloak, most likely Potter's. Taking it with him, he descending quickly into the tunnel, his determination to protect his lover and justifiably tell off Potter overwhelming the slight shiver of fear that the passage always evoked.

As he approached the building, he heard a voice shouting. It sounded like the Weasley boy; he must have been ahead of the other two. Hidden under the cloak, he followed the angry voices. They were behind a closed door. Muffling the sound of his footsteps, he opened the door so that he could see into the room and quickly stepped back against the wall opposite. A quick head count revealed five persons in the room. The four had been kidnapped by Black!

He was horrified to see his lover turn his back on the escaped convict to search for the intruder. His worry turned to angry suspicion when Black did not try to take advantage. Indeed he and Lupin appeared to be cooperating fully. He watched and listened with growing fury as his lover confessed to keeping secret, even from the headmaster, that Black was an animagus. He listened to his lover talk about the cruel prank Black had played on him. It was little comfort to finally know for certain that the werewolf hadn't been in on the poor idea of a joke. He fumed as Lupin oversimplified the animosity between him and Potter as being mere jealousy of the prat's quidditch skills of all things.

Severus Snape was hurt. He'd believed in this man, given his heart, love and trust to this man. Yet all along he'd been played for a fool.

The hurt turned to bitter hateful anger at himself, at Lupin, at Potter, at Black and even at Albus.

Summoning his skills as an Occlumens, he occluded his emotions, squashing such foolish feelings such as love back to the darkness where they belonged, far away where they could not weaken him ever again. The cold, calm and collected emotionless mask fell over his features and he entered the room.

Severus Snape intended to show the world how great he was. He would arrest the most wanted fugitive and his accomplice and save the Boy-Who-Lived. After this they would surely sing his praises. He might even get the Order of Merlin First Class.

He stepped behind his former lover, his wand drawn, and revealed himself. Revenge would be sweet.

A/N 2 - I'm trying not to repeat scenes that most HP fans would already know. I hope that the story isn't suffering for it. Additionally, although the story will span the war, I am not a fan of the war so much of that will be missing unless it relates to Snupin activities.

Voldemort returns soon and well... you'll see if you stick around.

As always I ask and hope some of you will be so kind as to show me some love and review the story. It really doesn't take a long time to click the button to say hello. Heck you can even simply put a smiley! Something so that I know that people out there are enjoying the work I am putting into this or at least appreciating how quickly I update.


	11. Chapter 10

Summary: Severus breaks his promise; old friends reunite.  
A/N: Thank you to my lovely reviewers. I continue this story for you!

Disclaimer: These characters are not mine. They were created by JK Rowling. I'm just borrowing them for a little while and I don't make a penny off of this.

Rating: M

CHAPTER 10

Severus was livid. The last twenty-four hours had gone horribly wrong. One minute he was planning a romantic and sex-filled evening with his lover and the next he was discovering that he'd been used and made a fool of by that very lover. One minute he was trying to save Lily's son and being offered the Order of Merlin and the next Black has escaped, his Order of Merlin is but a dream and he was quite certain that the Harry Potter was involved somehow.

But the worst thing that had happened in the last 24 hours was Albus once again choosing Black and Lupin over him. A part of him- a very small annoying and treacherous part of him that he was currently trying to suffocate, had listened to Dumbledore's subtle jabs at his conscience. The Headmaster had regretted rather loudly and repeatedly that Remus would now suffer again without the wolfsbane, trying to make him feel guilty about betraying the secret he'd promised to keep. But why should he feel guilty about revealing the truth about the backstabbing werewolf who had used and abused him so callously? How dare Albus suggest that he forgave Severus? Albus should be asking Severus to forgive him!

He sat in his sitting room and stared into the fire. He felt so worthless and unimportant. He had vowed to remain true to Albus and he felt he'd shown proof of his loyalty over the years and yet Albus once again showed that his life meant less than Black's life or Lupin's freedom. His hopes, his dreams, his desires and even his life were constantly being shown to be worth less than others'. Albus told him that the fight of the Light was for equal treatment of all but he wasn't sure that he felt that was true. As much as the Dark Lord had favoured pure bloods over others, Albus favoured the popular over him.

Severus ignored Albus and Minerva's attempts to fire call him. He sat in his chair well into the wee hours of the morning enjoying a good sulk. Tonight he would indulge in the hurt and heartache but tomorrow he would occlude such foolish emotions and go out to face the world. Lily and Regulus had loved him and considered him worth their time and after a while he managed to convince himself that Remus too had loved him for a while. He suspected that it could be his own pride influencing his thoughts but he really felt that the love had been real. But Black and Potter seemed to have some hypnotic effect on the werewolf. He recalled how, while listening to them in the Shrieking Shack, both men appeared to be deferring to Potter just as they had to his father. Not that he was going to forgive Lupin for being a weak willed fool but even before this had happened he had recognize this weakness in the man.

His wards were triggered by his snakes beginning to move about. It must be time for breakfast and therefore time to put away childish and foolish things. Settling into a meditative state, Severus Snape, Unsung and Underappreciated Hero, heartbroken and disappointed man was locked away and Professor Snape, vengeful, arrogant and self-assured git of the dungeons emerged ready to face the day. It was time to show Albus that he wasn't the only one who could do biased. A vicious smirk appeared on the bitter face. Albus might have forbidden him from failing Potter and Granger in their exams but the man would not dare to stop him from doing other things. Even the powerful Albus Dumbledore knew the danger of stones and glass houses.

***

Remus Lupin sat in the drawing room of No. 12 Grimmauld Place staring at the fire and trying to ignore the sounds of Sirius, his mother and Kreacher, the Black family house elf, arguing.

Two months ago Albus had asked him to move in with Sirius to keep the energetic man out of mischief. Knowing their past like he did, he was surprised to know that Albus trusted him not to simply go along with any crazy and dangerous plan his friend could come up with.

"I HATE this place!" Sirius screeched, slamming a door somewhere else in the house. "Remus? REMUS!"

Lupin sighed. He loved the man like the brother he never had but in the last two weeks the honeymoon had worn off and he really missed James. Sirius was simply too much person for him. Just keeping the man entertained was two full time jobs.

"RE- oh there you are, Moony! Didn't you hear me calling?"

"I…"

"I got another letter from Harry. He's going to the Quidditch World Cup with the Weasleys, Remus. The Quidditch World Cup!"

Remus nodded disinterestedly before he realized the implication in his friend's voice. "No."

"No?"

"No, we're not going."

"But-"

"Dumbledore says we are to stay here."

"But-"

"Siri, not even Harry knows where we are. He doesn't know we're right here in London."

"Yeah, doesn't seem right keeping secrets like that." Remus cocked an eyebrow. Sirius narrowed his eyes. Remus had done that just like Snivellus. "No one knows where we are?"

"Only Dumbledore."

"Only Dumbledore?"

"Yes Sirius, you know that."

"So you haven't told anyone else?"

"Who would I tell?"

"I don't know… a lover maybe?"

Remus sighed. For much of the last month since his health had improved considerably and he looked less starved, Sirius spent less time reliving the old days and more timing trying to find out about his love life. "I don't have a lover."

"No?"

"No."

"Not at all?"

"Not at all," Remus ground his teeth.

"Would you tell me if you had one?" Remus glared and Sirius couldn't help but think that the glare looked just like Snivellus'. "We could go in disguise."

"What?"

"To the World Cup- I'd go as Padfoot and you could wear a glamour."

"No."

"You're just no fun anymore, Moony. I miss James."

***

Remus stood staring out of the window of his room at Grimmauld Place. He could understand why Sirius hated it here. The place was oppressive and had an almost physical gloom. Except for the name calling, he found Kreacher to be helpful enough- as long as Sirius wasn't around. Both he and Albus kept trying to convince Sirius to be kind to the old elf but his friend was being typically stubborn. Remus wasn't bothered by names- one had to have a thick skin to be a werewolf living among wizards and an even thicker one to love Severus Snape.

He missed the cranky man and not just at times like this after the full moon when his body ached. Of course he missed Severus' Wolfsbane potion but he also missed the man himself. Albus had arranged with Clyde's family to provide him with a potion which helped significantly but their version paled in comparison to Severus'. Not the least of which was that their version wasn't hand delivered by the surly looking man with a tender touch. The Gibbs family obviously did not look for him after the full moon to find out if he was okay under the guise of 'doing research'.

Leaning his head against the window pane, he watched the slow and silent tears fall.

"Moony?" Sirius whispered gently, embracing him from behind. "Are you okay?"

Remus chuckled bitterly. Ah well, he supposed, he did have someone to care about him after all. He nodded and discretely wiped away the tears. He froze as he thought he felt a kiss on his neck. "Sirius?"

"Yes?" A definite kiss.

"What are you doing?" he asked, turning around to face his friend.

"It's been a while, I admit," Sirius kissed his cheek, "but I'm pretty certain," and along his jaw, "I'm doing this," and his lips, "correctly."

Sirius' kisses were like the tenderest caresses. He couldn't help but note that this was why all those women had fallen head over heels for his friend. All women, though, no men; so why was Sirius kissing him? He planned to ask but, well, it had been almost six months since he and Severus had made love. Severus! Remus pulled away.

"Wha- what? I was really enjoying that," Sirius whined playfully. "Why did you pull away?"

"Sirius? Remus?"

"Dumbledore," Sirius sighed. Pinching his friend on the buttocks, he winked, "Later."

***

Later came two weeks on. Remus was missing Severus again when Sirius met him in the kitchen.

"Tea?" he offered for the third time before Remus finally looked up from the cold toast in his hand. "Would you like tea to go with your cold toast? I could make it tepid if you'd like," he smiled.

Remus chuckled, using a charm to reheat his toast. "Yes to the tea. Hot- tea," he added, knowing his friend.

"Shall I make some toast for you?" he stood to prepare the toast, not waiting for a response.

Later after they'd eaten, Remus stood to wash the dishes- they found it easier to do some things for themselves rather than rely on Kreacher and he wanted the distraction anyway. As he put the last dish away, he suddenly felt his friend's stare on his back. Turning around, he was startled to realize that Sirius less than two feet away.

"I think it's later," was all the warning Sirius gave before capturing the parted lips. He began gently, their lips lightly teasing one another.

Sliding his body closer, he pressed into the other man, deepening the kiss. He slipped one hand around the small waist and the other through the graying hair and pulled their bodies flush. Remus wasn't completely participating but neither was he pushing away. Needing to pull away for air, Sirius nibbled along the strong jaw and kissed along the exposed neck.

"Sir- Siri- Sirius," Remus panted, raising his hands to the still too thin chest. Sirius intensified his ministrations and gasped at the feel of his nipples being pinched. He kissed down towards the shoulder which he had exposed and pulled the now open shirt further off the broad shoulders.

Remus threw his head back in ecstasy. He knew he should stop but he needed this, wanted it. He gasped as Sirius lifted him on to the counter and his legs immediately wrapped around the dark haired man, pulling him closer. Sirius sucked on an exposed nipple and Remus shuddered. Leaning forward, he slipped one hand into the tight pants and felt a sizeable but barely stiffened cock.

He pulled away and looked into his friend's eyes. "You're…"

"It's been a while. Give it a chance."

"That's not what you said a month ago when we went to Reading." In spite of his best intentions but not to his surprise, he had allowed Sirius to spend a few hours on his own among Muggles in Reading while he visited with Drusilla and Clyde. Sirius had returned much happier, boasting about his prowess with the ladies and Remus' guilt over betraying Albus again played second fiddle to the joy in his friend's eyes.

"Yes but this is different."

"Different how?"

"Well, for starters, you're not a woman."

"You knew that when you started this," Remus pursed his lips.

"Yes and although I've never shagged a bloke, you're not the first I've snogged. I can do it."

"I see," Remus untangled his legs and slid off the counter.

"Remy, don't be like that," Sirius pulled him back into his arms.

"Why did you start this?"

"I was just trying to be helpful, Remy."

"Ah, I see. Pity fuck? No, pity kiss… What would you have done if I didn't stop Sirius?"

"I would have and will continue," Sirius tried to kiss him again but Remus pulled away and put the table between them. "It's just different with a man, Remus but I was enjoying it. You've got nice soft lips like a girl." Remus snorted and turned to leave the room. "And it most certainly wasn't a pity fuck," Sirius shouted after him. "And even if it was, who would have been pitying whom?"

***

They didn't talk about it again until the night of February 14th. The week before, Albus had gifted them with 72 hour portkeys to Paris after Remus had explained that Sirius was going stir crazy. Remus didn't want to think about just how many women his friend had seduced over the roughly four day-three night holiday. Tonight however, they were sitting in the old library in mainly comfortable silence.

"What did he give you for Valentine's Day last year?" Sirius asked conversationally.

"A chocolate globe," Remus chuckled pensively. "There were little flags with wolf paws which represented everywhere I've been and whenever a flag was removed, specialty chocolates from that country or region would appear. It took us three weeks to make it through all the flags and I still had half of the thick globe when I left Hogwarts."

"Very romantic. I didn't think Snivellus had it in him."

Remus bit his lip. He felt upset that Sirius had tricked him into disclosing his affair with Severus. "You know?"

"Yes."

"It _was_ you in the Forest last Valentine's Day, wasn't it?"

"You were kissing him. You let the greasy git put his hands all over you," Sirius looked like he'd tasted something bitter. "I don't even want to remember what I caught you doing when I first spotted you two."

"So you've known for a year now," Remus looked at his friend. "How does that fit in with what happened in my room and in the kitchen?"

Sirius didn't answer immediately. "Why him, Remy?"

"What?"

"Why did you fall for him?"

"I…"

"I've known about you for more than a year now."

Remus blinked. "You have?" he swallowed nervously. "How long?"

"Regulus told me things before he died." Remus gasped and Sirius gave him a while to process the news before he continued. "He said that he was jealous of you two back in Hogwarts and when he found a letter from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde, he used that knowledge to trick me into thinking Severus was spying on you and your mystery lover… I was so angry back then and so impulsive," he shook his head sadly. "When he tried to tell me things in the days before his death, I was so angry with you that I didn't listen. Now, too late, I think that if I'd paid proper attention I would have realized that he was warning me about Peter but instead I distrusted you. I'm so sorry, forgive me?"

"You know I do. I saw you and your brother talking and I let it cloud my judgement and convince me that you could have killed James and Lily. Will you forgive me?"

"Yes, of course, my old friend, although you must know I could never kill anyone deliberately."

"I guess I thought back to the start of our sixth year when you tricked Severus and almost made me kill him…"

"I didn't think, Moony. I only wanted to scare him. I didn't even consider for a moment that I would be revealing your secret and hurting you and you know I care about you! If I almost hurt your safety that way, you must realize that I wasn't thinking."

"He broke up with me after that," Remus said quietly. "It would be almost seventeen years before he gave me another chance."

"I don't know what to say Remy. I'm not sorry. You deserve better than him. I'm sure he's horrible to you, chocolate planets notwithstanding."

"I'm not you, Siri! I'm not handsome and wealthy and from a prestigious family and most importantly I'm not even human! Who's going to want me?"

"Oh Remy, you think you have to settle? Listen, as soon as Dumbledore clears me, I promise you and I will go on the pull. I'll find you a nice girl- or guy, who will want you for you."

"And what if I don't want anyone else?"

"You can't mean that, Moony."

"He's not that bad."

"Not that bad, Remy? He got you fired!"

"He was upset. It's my fault for not taking the potion- you should be angry with me, I let Peter get away."

"Your fault? I'm not Severus, I won't blame you for what you didn't do."

"But he was right to reveal the truth. He was protecting the students. I could have hurt Harry and his friends. I could have killed you and Severus."

"Remus!" Sirius jumped up in frustration. "Severus doesn't deserve you!"

"Or maybe I don't deserve him!"

"How could you say that?"

"I keep letting him down! Back in school, I never defended him when you and James…" his courage failed him once again. He shook his head sadly. "It doesn't matter, Siri, let's forget about it. After what happened, Severus will never forgive me again. I've disappointed him one too many times."

"Don't act as though Severus was some poor victimized student, Remus. He gave as good as he got and you know it. He was an annoying, nosey, sneaky snake!"

"Well he's my annoying, nosey, sneaky snake, OK!" Remus pulled open the window and breathed in the cold air, trying to calm himself. "You are determined to believe the worst of him so you will never understand.

I am not trying to pretend that Severus is someone that he's not. He can be cruel with his words and he carries a grudge for far too long but that's no different from you," he said gently, closing the window and returning to his friend. "But Severus is also thoughtful and gentle. He improved the Wolfsbane potion for me. He's foolishly proud and doesn't like people to think he cares but once you get to know him, it becomes easy to see the man behind the mask. Albus and Minerva like him and regularly invite him round for tea. Indeed, he and the other professors have mutually respectful relationships… well, maybe not Trelawney but I get the feeling there's a history there and even McGonagall doesn't like her."

"Albus and Minerva are tough old birds. I bet Severus fakes civility around them."

Remus hid his clenched fists. Talking to Sirius was just as annoying as trying to reason with Severus. Perhaps that's why he and his lover had gotten along so well- he was used to dealing with stubborn men. "No, he's every bit as cutting."

"Well then-"

"Lily loved him."

Sirius shrugged. 'Yeah, I never understood that." He walked over to his friend and pulled him into a warm hug. "Listen Moony, I won't say I understand and I can't say I approve but if you want to sit and pine over Snivellus, I promise I won't try to seduce you again. But if you ever come to your senses, I promise you that I will find you a better mate, OK?" With a mischievous smile he leaned in and nipped his friend's ear. "Or, you know… we could continue where we left off. I bet you're great in bed and I'm sure I'm better than old Snivelly," he winked suggestively, running a naughty hand down over the panting chest and cupping the flaccid package.

Pulling the lingering hand away before he could embarrass himself by reacting, Remus flirted back. "I'll keep that in mind," he whispered sexily, pinching his friend's nipple and kissing him lightly on the lips before leaving the room with a smile on his face.


	12. Chapter 11

Summary: Veils  
A/N: Sorry Mrs. Cake! I know I promised to wait until the weekend before posting another chapter but I don't have the patience to wait, especially since I've been so busy with work this week. I found the whole of what would be Harry's fifth year difficult to write- my muse was a bit cranky. I couldn't think of witty stuff for Sirius to say or do, I couldn't think of too many missions where our boys could meet and have fun or be angst-ridden etc. I hope you still enjoy it though.

Disclaimer: These characters are not mine. They were created by JK Rowling. I'm just borrowing them for a little while and I don't make a penny off of this.

Rating: M

CHAPTER 11

"It's Severus Snape, my lord," Wormtail simpered.

Voldemort smirked. Severus was back. The 'smile' transformed into a frown. Severus had much to explain. "Send him to me."

***

Apparating near to No. 12 Grimmauld Place, Severus struggled to collect himself. The handsome man that had been Lord Voldemort was now a hideous creature. The snake like face and lack of nose had been disgusting to behold.

It had been easy enough to ignore the increasingly insane man back in the 1970s because of his intelligence and physical beauty. Now it almost seemed as though his ugliness had emerged from the inside out. He shuddered as he recalled the enormous snake, Nagini.

The snake-man was convinced that he hadn't shown up at the earlier summons because he was upset about Lily and now on Dumbledore's side. He couldn't occlude as strongly as he used to and he vowed to work on it. He was fortunate that a mixture of also being out of practice and what appeared to be a desire to believe Severus had blinded the Dark Lord. He was also grateful that Lucius' brown-nosing by boasting about Draco's 'insider' information had saved him. The Dark Lord had taken great pleasure in the animosity between him and Potter and that at least wasn't hard to be genuine about.

A year ago when he'd tried to imprison Black and Lupin, he could never have imagined that those acts would find him favour with his former master. He had been punished- his body still ached from the Cruciatus, but his genuine joy at once again being able to work with the Dark Arts and expand his potions research had pleased the Dark Lord and saved him from the harsher punishments some of the others had suffered for their poor faith.

Gathering his nerves, he entered the Black family home. He had been inside only once with Regulus and now that it belonged to Black, he certainly didn't care to be here but Albus had insisted he attend the first meeting of the Order.

More than not wishing to be a guest of Black, though, was his anxiety about seeing Remus again. By last Christmas what little hatred for his ex-lover he had managed to cling to had long since faded. He missed to gentle man but pride had kept him from searching for him. He didn't want to apologize and he didn't want to hear an apology. When he'd finally tried to find Lupin, he'd had no luck. It wasn't until earlier today, or rather yesterday, as it was now the wee hours of the morning, that he discovered that Lupin had been babysitting Black in a location concealed by the Fidelus. He hadn't had time to think about what that meant for his chances now by he imagined that Black had already turned Lupin against him completely.

"Promise me you won't, at least not tonight Moony. Don't rush into anything, please." Severus heard Black's urgent whisper coming from a room nearby. Edging closer to the door which was partly opened, he peered inside. Just as he thought, Black was talking to Remus. He held his breath hoping to hear more of the conversation and forgot to exhale when he saw Black kiss Remus with tender familiarity.

"Severus," Albus' authoritative voice came loudly from behind him. "Come, let us enter, the others will be with us shortly."

Snape watched as Lupin pulled away from the embrace, rushing out of the room without acknowledging him, calling back, "I'll just go show them the way back from the kitchens."

As they joined the others in the room, Black smirked at him. "Still spying, Snivellus?"

"Yes, he is," Dumbledore stated flatly, pretending not to understand what Black was really saying. "We are quite fortunate to have him with us but I will discuss that more once we begin."

Madame Maxime and Hagrid made quick reports about their plans to speak to the giants. As they were leaving, the perceptive Beauxbatons head exclaimed, "Oh mon Dieu, Professeur Snape, you are bleeding at de neck!"

"Severus?" the headmaster looked at him with concern.

"The Dark Lord was not pleased that I was late but he has forgiven me and I have done what you asked of me, Headmaster," his tone making it clear that he did not wish to discuss his injuries any further.

The meeting continued with assignments being handed out and introductions being made and Moody and some of the Order members making it very clear that they did not trust the former Death Eater in their midst. For his part, Severus ignored them, focusing instead on his exhaustion and the meeting he had just had with the Dark Lord. He struggled to contain his emotions as Lupin and Black whispered frequently, the animagus' loud laughter ringing in his ears. He could barely wait for Albus to adjourn the meeting before he was out the door.

"Severus," Remus jogged to catch up with him.

"Lupin." He ground out.

"Severus, it wasn't what it looked like," Remus spoke softly, stepping closer to the tense man. "Are you okay? The bruising on your neck has gotten larger," he reached for the high collar but Severus pulled away. "I'm sorry. I only wanted to see if I could help you as you often helped me last year."

Coming behind them Sirius snorted but said nothing.

"Headmaster, a word in private, if you please," Severus turned to leave without acknowledging anyone else.

"Still a rude, arrogant bastard, Snivellus," Sirius hissed. "Couldn't speak in front of everyone else? We're all members of the order here."

"Now, now, Sirius," Albus interrupted. "Severus is doing us all a great favour at significant risk to himself. He knows that it may not always be wise to speak in front of everyone. Sometimes we must leave others in the dark to guarantee that their reactions and responses will be genuine in front of witnesses. I trust Severus not to withhold anything from me. I will expect the same discretion from everyone."

Severus smirked at Black's chastised pout, wishing he had more to discuss but he only wanted to inform the headmaster that he felt it would be best if he did not linger at the meetings. They agreed that in future he would arrive at an appointed time, report and leave as quickly as possible. He used the excuse that it was best if he was not unaccounted for during any notable blocks of time lest the Dark Lord's spies notice. It certainly wasn't because he was jealous but he simply did not want to spend any more time around Remus and his new lover, Black, than was dutifully necessary.

***

Severus surveyed the room at Riddle Manor. There were thirty Death Eaters other than himself and Lucius gathered in the room. All were old faces.

"Severus," the Dark Lord hissed. His snake like appearance was matched with a sibilant speech which, even at its calmest, had the power to instill fear. "My sources inform me that Dumbledore has sent the werewolf Lupin to recruit the werewolves for his side. Take Greyback with you and get rid of him."

"Thank you, my lord," Greyback's growling voice almost appeared to be celebrating. "It will be easy."

"My lord," Lucius' drawled imperiously, "Perhaps Greyback will be more useful at the Whiteknights Academy. Lupin would be easy enough target after the full moon. My sources reveal that now that Severus no longer makes his potions, he is weak and helpless."

"Well done, Lucius. You will lead Greyback and some of the others."

"My lord, I believe that Severus would probably enjoy killing the werewolf," Lucius smirked.

"Lucius! Do not think to give the orders around here. I am your lord!"

"Yes, my lord." Severus mused that he'd never heard Lucius quite that humble before, not even before the Dark Lord.

"My lord, your will is my command," Severus began, his face impassive. "But I am afraid that everyone knows I am the one who revealed the wolf's secret. If he is found to have died while I was missing from school…"

"Yesss, Severus, my faithful spy," the sibilants were terrifying and inhuman. "You must remain at Hogwarts. In fact you should do what you can to keep the old man at the school."

"Yes, my lord."

***

"You did not tell me that you had sent him out there! I thought he was with Black!"

"Severus, my boy, calm down. Sit, have some tea."

"I will make the wolfsbane again. I should have just enough time."

"You seem to be very agitated about this Severus. Is there something else I should know about?"

"No, Headmaster," Severus forced himself to occlude the panic coursing through his veins.

"We cannot give Remus your improved version of the potion. He is meant to be fitting in with the other werewolves in order to appeal to them. As it is his relative acceptance among wizards while many of the others have been outcasts all their turned lives is making the task difficult. If we give him a wolfsbane potion he will stand out even more. Giving him your potion is out of the question."

"You mean he isn't even on Gibbs' potion?"

"Now that the Voldemort is back Clyde's family has closed ranks. They have even cut all obvious channels between him and them. They've taught Drusilla Whitney, a teacher at the school where he works, to make the potion for him. Remus will not endanger the school by being seen on its premises."

"Then I will make the basic potion for him. He is of little use to us if he is little better than an animal during the full moon and therefore an easy target for the Death Eaters. He is a danger to the other wolves and to any persons unfortunate to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. You must not forget, Headmaster."

"I have not forgotten, Severus," Dumbledore smiled with barely veiled amusement. "Remus is a grown man though, not one of your students. He knows the risks and he can take care of himself." Severus snorted. "You worry too much, my boy. You cannot take care of us all."

"Take care of everyone?" bemused contempt dripped from the silky notes. "I don't care about these people, Albus. I just think," but his denial was interrupted.

"No, of course you don't care about us, Severus. Not at all," the Potions Master's eyes narrowed as he frowned at his unofficial mentor; he didn't appreciate the condescension. "You just feel it is your duty to save us silly incompetents from ourselves, right?"

"I have never said any such thing, Headmaster," Snape retorted.

"But you do not deny it," the twinkling blue eyes were almost blinding.

Snape merely looked disdainfully down at the headmaster. "The potion, Headmaster?"

"You will make the basic potion for him then- three doses only, Severus. But I will organize its delivery myself. I know that you prefer to supervise its consumption but I am quite certain that Remus is responsible and trustworthy. I trust him," he added firmly, silencing the Potions Master.

"Yes, Headmaster."

***

Remus was relieved when Albus handed him the smoking goblet of Wolfsbane. He was quite prepared to make sacrifices for the cause and suffer without the potion but after a year with Severus' potion followed by a year of the weaker but still effective potion from Clyde, last month had been a cold shock of reality. While he knew that suffering went some way towards equalizing him with the group he was trying to reach out to, he quite agreed with Albus that he would be more useful to the order and the other werewolves if he was able to retain some of his humanity. He understood the given reasons why but couldn't help but be disappointed that he would not be given the improved potion. He felt that for the same reason that he would be given the potion in the first place, he could be given the improved elixir.

As he stood camouflaged amongst the trees waiting for the second dose, he found himself wondering if the decision not to make the improved potion was merely an excuse for Severus' refusing to make it. Ever since the spy had seen Sirius kiss him, he'd steadfastly ignored Remus at every opportunity.

"Knut for your thoughts," Albus smiled, presenting the goblet. In spite of the fact that he was only too aware of how powerful a wizard Dumbledore was, Remus couldn't help but be startled at the man's sudden appearance.

"It's not that I don't understand what we discussed yesterday and I am quite grateful to Severus for making the potion for me at all but I wondered whether… well, I simply hope that he was not too upset that you had him make the potion for me."

"Severus is loyal to the cause, Remus. He would have made his potion if we felt it would be wise but he would do so at great risk to himself. If you were to show signs of being on a better-than-standard version of the Wolfsbane, people might notice and there would be little doubt who had made it. Drink up." Remus gasped as he took the first mouthful. "Remus?" Dumbledore looked alarmed and moved to take back the potion.

"It's nothing Albus," he said, quickly gulping down the rest of the potion and banishing the rest of the goblets contents, half filling it with water. He sipped a bit of the water before banishing it too and returning the goblet. "Don't tell Severus about the water. He's very strict about his potions but they taste horrible," he pulled a face and smiled.

"Yes, Severus doesn't believe that the taste of a potion is as important as its potency. I rather think he imagines making the taste pleasant would cheapen his art," Albus chuckled. "Now tell me, have you seen any signs of Death Eaters?"

Remus smiled dreamily at the space where Dumbledore had just Disapparated. Once again he felt bad for deceiving Albus but he could not have betrayed Severus. The potion tonight was the improved version. Severus still cared. He needed to start planning; he'd get his stubborn man back sooner rather than later!

***

"Severus," Remus ventured, running a playful finger down the naked chest. "Couldn't you be less antagonistic towards Sirius?"

"Why would I do that?"

"Haven't you noticed that he's been trying to be more polite towards you?"

"He's lost his sidekick, Remus. I am not fooled into thinking that he's suddenly matured. I don't know what he's playing at but…"

"He isn't playing at anything. I made him promise to be nicer to you," Severus raised a dubious brow. "I know he isn't always successful. He too used to being a prat. But he's trying."

"What did he say when you said that?" Severus looked suspicious. "Have you told him about us?"

"No, I haven't but Regulus did."

"Regulus has been gone a long time now. You expect me to believe that Black has known all this time?"

"You remember I told you that I saw them meet days before Regulus disappeared? He says his brother told him the truth about Jekyll and Hyde."

Severus' fathomless eyes stared off into the distance.

"Are you thinking about him?"

Severus didn't answer.

"You miss him?"

He turned and looked into amber eyes but he still didn't answer.

"You loved him, didn't you?"

"Yes."

It was Remus' turn to gaze in contemplative silence.

"I never told him. I don't think I knew until he was gone."

Remus nodded but didn't say anything. Five silent minutes later, he got up and began to dress.

"We should go," he said quietly, looking anywhere but at the long naked body lying tangled in the sheets. After a moment he stood to leave.

"Remus." He waited but Severus didn't say anything else so he walked towards the door.

"I cannot be kind towards Black. It would raise suspicions and be dangerous to us both. I must keep up appearances. I'll try to avoid confrontation with him instead. For you."

Remus smiled weakly and nodded. "Thank you, Severus," he said before he Apparated. He was grateful that Severus was willing to give it a try but those were not he words he had hoped to hear. He told himself for the hundredth time that the words were difficult for Severus and that he should be thankful for the actions which spoke volumes but sometimes you just need to hear the words out loud but he couldn't help but be a little jealous of Sirius' younger brother.

***

"_Severus," Black's forced politeness was audible. "How is the spying going?"_

"_What do you want, Black?"_

_Sirius scowled. "Would it kill you to pretend to have manners, Snape? I know Remus told you-"_

"_I am sure he told you what I replied," Severus interrupted with a snarl. "I would also think that even you should know better than to discuss this here, in public."_

"_Public? This is my house and Order Headquarters! You're the closest anyone has to an enemy around here."_

"_You fool," Severus sneered but did not elaborate. "If you have something to say, do so presently."_

"_I wanted," Sirius was clearly struggling to keep his temper, "to tell you that even though I think you're a greasy git and I don't like you, I can see that you make Moony happy so I will put up with you."_

_Severus was happy to hear it but couldn't help but sneer, "As if you had a choice."_

Severus held his lover's body as it shuddered with pain filled sobs. He wished he could say that that conversation had ended amiably or even civilly but he couldn't. None ever would but that was the closest he could get to thinking of a decent conversation that they had shared. He didn't quite feel sorry, not really, but he was slightly humbled by Potters accusations that he was partly to blame for having provoked Black into going to the Ministry.

Worse than Potter's rage or Albus' saddened and worried eyes, were Remus' crying and non-accusatory ones. He would prefer it if he was being put on the defensive. He could handle that. He would prefer it if Remus was angry with him and stayed away while he mourned- not only because provider of solace was not a role he played very well but because at least then he would be able to be angry and blame Black's impulsive stupidity as the source of his problems.

But Remus had simply come to him and cried on his shoulder. He felt guilty about it but he knew he had to say goodbye soon. Albus had summoned them all to the presumably former Order headquarters which, now that Black had fallen through the Veil, would most likely no longer be safe. He couldn't imagine why Albus was even risking the meeting. He was certain that the property now belonged to Bellatrix and the crazy snob would certainly not appreciate their presence.

"Remus, love," he began gently, afraid of provoking the tears again. "We have to go. Albus…"

Lupin nodded. "You must be relieved now. No more arguments."

"Remus," he used one long finger to tip the wet chin and he looked into water logged eyes. "I can't and won't pretend to have ever liked Black but that doesn't mean I wanted him to die," he resisted the automatic urge to add 'which is more than I can say for him'. If he wanted the mutt to die he could have 'forgotten' to tell anyone when Black had been recognized or he could have tipped off the Dark Lord or a Death Eater about his whereabouts whenever he went away on mission. "I know what it's like to lose a loved one and I can see that you and Potter are grieving," he struggled to find something nice to say because he knew that's what Remus wanted and maybe even needed from him. Swallowing audibly he whispered, "And I suppose, in a way, I am grateful that he volunteered to join you on missions at great risk to himself."

His confidence boosted by the grateful if watery smile he was given, he added, "Black was a reckless, impulsive fool but I suppose it's a compliment to his character that wanted to help and protect those he loved, even if he was foolish and careless about how he went about it."

Remus chuckled weakly. He knew that coming from this man, those words were as good a compliment or expression of condolence as he could expect. Giving Severus a very wet kiss, he Apparated to the last place Sirius had called home.

***

Severus entered No 12 Grimmauld Place unwillingly. The place was always gloomy and was more so now that The Order was inside grieving over the loss of his nemesis, Black. He didn't want to be here, he wouldn't pretend to be sad about Black's death. He knew they would blame him, he'd told Albus so, but the old man insisted that he be there. He'd argued that it wasn't wise for him to be here in case Bellatrix decided to visit her inheritance but the old man was adamant.

"Kreacher is wanting to speak to the Half-Blood Professor, sir. Kreacher is having something to give to the Professor."

Severus shuddered, Kreacher sounded almost happy to see him. He scowled at the wrinkled old elf. Their relationship had always been an odd one. Kreacher scorned him for being a half-blood while respecting him because of his relationship with Regulus. He had tolerated the elf, firstly for Regulus' sake and then because it made Black furious; apart from the name calling, Kreacher had been almost respectful towards him and certainly more helpful towards him than anyone else in the Order.

"What is it?" he snapped, curious but impatient- he wanted to leave the house.

"Master Regulus is asking Kreacher to give the half-blood this," Kreacher handed him an old leather book looking remarkably like the diary the Weasley girl had been cursed by.

It took a while but it seemed that Regulus had left him the book but first Walburga and then Sirius had forbidden Kreacher from giving it to Severus. He sneered. Black had pretended to want to be civil while keeping the book from him.

Severus eyed the book suspiciously. He cast several spells to detect any dark curses but could find none. He accepted the book which appeared to be empty. He touched his wand to the first blank page and gasped quietly as words written in the familiar handwriting appeared.

'_My darling Severus,'_ Regulus had written,_ 'I do not know where to begin. I love you still. I miss you. I only hope that you do not hate me and that you realize that I never stopped loving you.'_


	13. Chapter 12

Summary: Severus struggles with conflicting emotions.  
A/N: Sorry that this chapter is so long. I know I promised to try to keep them shorter.

I hope you will enjoy it anyway! RL is getting a bit hectic so updates may slow down a bit but I promise not to make you wait too long.

Disclaimer: These characters are not mine. They were created by JK Rowling. I'm just borrowing them for a little while and I don't make a penny off of this.

Rating: M

CHAPTER 12

End of chapter 11:

Severus eyed the book suspiciously. He cast several spells to detect any dark curses but could find none. He accepted the book which appeared to be empty. He touched his wand to the first blank page and gasped quietly as words written in the familiar handwriting appeared.

'_My darling Severus,'_ Regulus had written,_ 'I do not know where to begin. I love you still. I miss you. I only hope that you do not hate me and that you realize that I never stopped loving you.'_

***

Severus looked around, making sure that he was alone. Taking a deep breath, he read Regulus' last words.

'_But oh, I have done so many things. I am scared, Severus, I am in over my head. I know you hate him and I don't blame you but you must trust Sirius. He has been horrible to you but I must confess that I am partly to blame. I am to blame for so many things, Severus, I only hope that you will one day forgive me, my one true love._

_By the time you read this, I will be dead. Perhaps you will think me a coward; maybe I am. But we are not Gryffindors, you and I, and I believe you will not judge me as Sirius would. Still, if it's one thing I know about Siri, he is absolutely loyal to Dumbledore. Go with him, Severus. You must seek his assistance. I hope that once you have read this book you will understand and agree.'_

"Severus, my boy, there you are!" Dumbledore exclaimed, his twinkling eyes no less sharply observant, glanced quickly from Kreacher to Severus, widening almost imperceptibly as they noted the diary. "Come, come, we must be quick about it. We cannot afford to linger here."

Dumbledore pointedly did not ask about the book in Snape's hand.

"Why are we even here, Albus?" Snape asked as he quickly shrunk and pocketed the book.

"We must ensure that the order has left nothing here that may be used against us. We do not know to whom the house belongs now and with Sirius gone, the Fidelius may no longer protect us here. We are packing but we also wish to remove any especially dangerous dark objects which may remain. Assist Remus and Alastor in locating any, will you?"

****

Several hours later found Severus seated across from Albus in the Headmaster's office having tea.

"Headmaster," he drawled, "may I ask what this is about?" He itched to go to his rooms to read the diary in peace.

"So suspicious, Severus," Dumbledore chuckled and Snape scowled. "Nevertheless I do believe we both know why you are here," he eyed the sour, stony-faced man searchingly while taking a sip of tea. "You agree that it is vital that you share any information that is pertinent with me, that we keep no secrets, Severus?"

"I do, Headmaster," Severus tensed warily, "do you not trust me?"

"Of course I do, my boy, of course I do," Dumbledore placated. "I wondered," he paused significantly. Changing tack he removed Tom Riddle's old destroyed diary from his desk and placed it on the desk between them. He continued, "The book that Kreacher gave to you at Grimmauld Place, Severus, it rather reminded me of this book, that is all."

Severus clenched his teeth in exasperation. Albus could be so evasive sometimes. "My diary," he drawled, stressing on the possessive noun, "has never been the property of the Dark Lord."

"Of course! Of course!" Albus exclaimed as though Severus had just given him the answer to a great puzzle. "I do wonder though," he paused, looking searchingly at Severus as he sipped his tea again, "why your diary was being held by Kreacher at Sirius' home."

"It was the Black's family home," Severus snapped irritably at that name. "The diary belonged to Regulus, he left it to me."

"Ah, I see." Albus said shortly, his sharp blue eyes piercing with such intensity that Severus had to resist the urge to squirm. He found himself checking his Occlumency shields. "The young man was your friend while you were students, I recall. He joined the Death Eaters after Hogwarts, did he not?" He nodded as though answering himself. "I do not wish to invade your privacy, Severus, but I do wonder why this book had not surfaced before now," he paused for tea again, "I noted that the pages you were looking at appeared blank."

"I have not yet read it, Albus, I do not know what it contains. It is true that it is charmed so that its contents are only revealed by my wand however with a brother like Black," he spat the name, "Regulus was always paranoid. The secrecy of the contents may mean nothing at all. You may recall, Albus, that Regulus left the Death Eaters _before_ he died."

"Yes, yes. Sirius believed he was killed by Death Eaters for defecting," Albus nodded. "Perhaps Regulus reveals the reasons for his loss of faith in Voldemort. Perhaps he knew something, knew too much?" Albus let the question hang a while before standing, clapping cheerfully. "I do believe it is time for dinner, Severus. Shall we?"

****

An hour and a 'pleasant reading' from Albus later, Severus, a tumbler of Old Ogden's in one hand, the diary in his other, settled in his favourite chair in front of the warm fire in his sitting room.

Two emotional hours later, he closed the diary and lay it near his abandoned glass. Taking a deep breath, he rubbed his face in his hands. His head and heart were throbbing almost unbearably.

"Why? Why? Why!" his voice rose with each word as the emotions he had been suppressing exploded from him. He took the tumbler meaning to drink its contents but instead threw it into the fire, the clashing sound of crystal breaking and the brief burst of tall flames caused by the alcohol satisfying him minimally.

"Severus?" Albus' face where he had just thrown the glass startled him and he fell back into his chair. "Severus, are you there?"

He wanted to ignore the old man. He almost did too but his emotions were out of control and, at that moment, he wasn't certain he would ever find the strength to regain his infamous control. Involuntarily he heard himself sob loudly.

"I am coming through," Albus announced, moments before stepping through the Floo. "Oh my boy, my boy," he said, looking from Severus to the diary and back. Later Severus would wonder at Albus' suspiciously perfect timing but at that moment, he simply broke down.

Dumbledore did not say anything. He simply summoned a tray of tea and sat quietly across from the sobbing man, staring into the fire as he sipped his tea. He knew better than to use physical contact as yet or to mutter comforting words. Severus did not appreciate signs of pity.

"I have found myself in tears twice as an adult, Albus," Snape said groggily and tiredly, half an hour later, "and both times I have been with you."

Albus chuckled but did not say anything. Without looking at his companion, he levitated a cup of tea to him.

Severus accepted the cup and took a sip with a sigh. "The contents of the diary were mostly personal, Albus, but you were right. Regulus did discover something that caused him to leave the Dark Lord but it is not clear what.

I believe it had something to do with the Dark Lord's diary though," he paused to take a sip of tea, raising a hand to forestall Albus' questions. "He wrote the diary in his last days and hours when he was under considerable pressure and I am not sure that he was in his right mind.

He writes of Dark Lord being immortal and seems to think that the diary and a locket were the key to this immortality. It seems he turned against the Dark Lord for the sake of house-elves!" Severus scoffed with incredulity. "He alleges that the Dark Lord tried to kill Kreacher in a cave and that he would avenge his elf by destroying an object hidden in that cave. He claims that after the Dark Lord had so betrayed his trust by trying to kill his precious elf which he had lent to the Dark Lord in good faith on our behalf, he spoke to Lucius' house elf, Dobby, as well. He says that he discovered that the Dark Lord had given Dobby a diary to hide in the vast Malfoy Manor library. Regulus saw that diary and bought this one planning to switch them and destroy the one belonging to the Dark Lord. He believed that the diary held instructions and clues to the Dark Lord's immortality. However when he went to switch the diaries, Lucius apparently caught him and Dobby. Lucius punished the elf who was compelled to confess to Lucius that the Dark Lord had entrusted him with the diary.

Regulus says that he lied to Lucius, telling him that the Dark Lord wanted no one to learn of the whereabouts of the diary but that it was a treasured object, considered valuable to the Dark Lord. He believes he may have convinced Narcissa that it would be to their benefit to keep the diary safe as collateral with the Dark Lord. Nevertheless he believed his days were numbered as he was certain that Narcissa would tell Bella who would then inform the Dark Lord of his attempt to steal the diary.

He left me this diary which he says he was writing in the cave after having drunk a potion. He suggested that I use my friendship with the Malfoys to access the library and switch the books before defecting to you and letting you know that the Dark Lord was no longer immortal," Severus cleared his throat to cover the sob that almost escaped. It hurt to discover after all this time that he'd lost Regulus to such foolish misunderstandings. How would a piece of jewelry keep the Dark Lord immortal? He supposed that Flamel may have created a second stone or that the Dark Lord had been fooled into think he'd had the original stone but he didn't believe that was it. He felt cheated, like he'd lost Regulus for no good reason at all.

Noticing the headmaster's pensive frown, he asked, "Albus? What are you thinking?"

Dumbledore rested his chin on the peak formed by his finger tips. Severus could not see the old man's face but could sense that he was deep in thought. "Albus?" he called again.

"Where does he say this cave was?" Albus asked finally.

"He doesn't say," Severus frowned. "Surely you do not believe there is something to this? Albus when Regulus wrote this, whatever potion he'd drunk had weakened him, body and mind. He starts out strong and clear in the diary but by the time he begins his rambling rant about the Dark Lord's immortality, his writing becomes almost indecipherable in places and his words were interspersed with his pleas and words of pain. It is foolish, no one is immortal, not even Nicolas Flamel. If he was, surely the Dark Lord would not have set Quirrel on a quest to find the Sorcerer's Stone."

"Yes, Severus," Albus nodded gravely, "I do not doubt that some if not most of this was the rambling of a pained and dying mind. All the same, you must admit that the diary was quite dangerous. If there is a locket out there and or something hidden in a cave, perhaps we should find it or them, hmm?"

"He says that he has arranged for the destruction of the locket, Albus. He says he gave his life to do it." Severus took another deep breath, attempting to remain in control of himself. What he had read tonight was threatening to overwhelm him again. He hadn't realized how much he missed the younger man.

"Does he say how, Severus? Does he say who is to destroy it for him, hmm? Are you sure that you have told me all there is about the locket and the cave?"

"Yes!" Severus cried.

"Severus, my boy," Albus' sharp calm voice contrasted with the seemingly comforting words, "I do not doubt you. I trust you, as you are well aware. Still, you must admit that you are under some stress because of what you have read in the words of your lost friend tonight. It is not inconceivable that you may unintentionally withhold vital information."

"Then read it yourself and let me be!" Severus snapped. "Only, do not do so out loud as I do not care to relive it, at least not again so soon," he finished tiredly.

Severus moved to sit beside Albus on the sofa. Lying back so that he almost seemed to be using Albus' body as a shield between him and the diary's painful words, he opened the diary and turned a few dozen pages in. He placed the tip of his wand on the page and pointed to the entry which appeared before laying the book on Dumbledore's lap. Severus took a deep breath and closed his eyes, rising periodically to turn the page and replace the wand so the words would be revealed.

Six pages later, the previously neat penmanship had given way to a childish scrawl before finally ending with a huge dot of ink where the quill had evidently fallen. "Oh, my boy."

Severus felt comforted by the painful sympathy expressed in the three words. He closed the diary and sat up and away from his friend and mentor. "I trust that you believe me now," he stated sadly. "Now may I be excused, Albus? It has been a tiring day."

"Yes, yes of course," Albus said, patting the long potion stained hands. "I did not realize just how… close you and Regulus were," he hesitated before adding, "Although I believe I now understand several things a bit more… the hostility and the mistrust between you and his brother… well." He concluded, patting the hands again once more before standing and walking to the Floo.

"Good night, Severus."

***

Albus returned to his office and his pensieve. Searching his collection of memories, he found the one he was looking for and reviewed. Stroking his chin solemnly, he wondered if the locket in question was Slytherin's locket which Tom had stolen. He looked at the old punctured diary once more and shuddered. Tom had stolen the Gaunt's ring, Slytherin's Locket and Hufflepuff's Cup. He believed these items to hold some significance but he had not been certain of their intended use. His heart clenched with anxiety. He had been searching for memories relating to young Riddle's missing years. He still wasn't sure about what the young man had done but he feared that he was beginning to guess. The diary was a horcrux, that much was clear, but had he created more than one? What had he used? If he had used Slytherin's Locket, it was logical to assume he also used the Cup and if he had used items from two of the founders, was it so difficult to assume that he had found items belonging to the other founders? What of the ring, where did it fit in?

Albus popped a lemon drop into his mouth thoughtfully. The diary was the only item he had found so far. It seemed that Tom was using items of some significance to him. He shuddered once again. To split the soul once was bad enough, to split it six times or possibly more was unimaginable. He carefully removed the memories of reading Regulus' diary and placed it with the rest of his collection.

He had understood what Severus could not and hopefully, for his own sake, never would. Evidently Regulus had discovered Riddle's use of horcruxes and even if he had not understood his own observations, he had sensed the extreme darkness. From his words, it would appear that he had shared some of this information with his parents.

Albus sat back and sighed sadly for the opportunity lost. According to Regulus, he had sought Sirius and given him some information so that he would accept Severus and assist him in obtaining the Order's protection. As Sirius had not said anything back then nor later after his stint in Azkaban, it probably meant that he did not realize the value of the information he held and now he was dead. He wondered about the contents of the rest of the diary. He couldn't be certain that there wasn't more written there that he needed to know but one had to be cautious with Severus.

The old wizard rose from his chair, invigorated. The members of the order had done well in the last year, retrieving copious amounts of data which he had sorted through but most of it was incomplete or useless. This was information he could use, his investigations now had new life. With a sharp rap of his finger tips on his desk, he muttered to the room, "Horace Slughorn, my old friend, I need that memory."

****

Giving up on trying to find rest in sleep, Severus went to his lab to work on Remus' Wolfsbane potion. 'Oh Regulus' he thought with a sigh, 'Remus, Lily, why?'

In the diary Regulus had confessed to taking advantage of his brother's typical Gryffindor brawn over brain and notorious hot headedness. He had spied on Severus and Remus kissing and, in a fit of jealousy, he had stolen a note from Severus to Remus in which he had signed from Hyde to Jekyll, their agreed upon codenames. He revealed that it was Sirius who had, forging Remus' handwriting, written the note which led Severus to listen to Sirius' advice on how to get to the Shrieking Shack via the Whomping Willow.

Tears briefly blurred Severus' eyes when he considered all of the things that happened as a result of that incident. He wanted to hate Regulus for it but he knew that would be cowardly of him. He had not had faith in Remus and for that he could blame no one. He quickly turned his head to stop a rogue tear from falling into the cauldron. 'Get a grip, Severus!' he thought. 'You owe Remus an apology and you know it.'

_You should probably think about how you're going to show him that you trust him this time._ The Voice sounded like Regulus this time. _I would suggest you saying the words to him that you never said to me while I was alive. This is another war, Severus, and his life is in constant danger. Unless you are prepared to lose another man you love without letting him know, you need to say the words._

***

Remus Lupin sat around the campfire, his thoughts a hundred miles away in the Hogwarts' dungeons. It was the second night since the full moon and although Charlie Weasley had brought the Wolfsbane for him all three nights in a row, its brewer had not shown up thereafter. He was worried about Severus but Charlie hadn't been able to provide him with any information as to the spy's whereabouts.

Looking at his fellow werewolves he smiled sadly. He detested being here. Not only because it only served to remind him that he wasn't a normal wizard but also because they always excluded him from their small groupings, reminding him that he wasn't really accepted as one of them either. Some days it was only his loyal devotion to Albus Dumbledore, the man who'd risked so much to allow him to attend Hogwarts and then had hired him, which kept his spirits up.

He looked covertly at Malcolm MacGregor, the unofficial pack leader. Albus had asked him to befriend the man and coax him to the side of the Light and for three months now he had been trying unsuccessfully. In fact, he was fairly certain MacGregor wanted him dead. Unconsciously rubbing his sore arm he reflected on the last full moon. During the change the larger wolf had assaulted him on several occasions though the burly human had protested mindless animal instincts as his defence later on. Remus wasn't too sure about that- being on the potion was the only thing that had saved his life and the other man's ability to spar with him so shrewdly while turned led him to suspect that the other man also secretly used Wolfsbane.

Sirius had suspected that to be the case before and had been his protector as well as his companion. It was only because of his friend's insistent paranoia that he'd been wary after the change and this vigilance had saved his life. Sirius. He mourned the loss of his dear friend yet again. Soon though, he found himself reliving crying on Severus' shoulder and wondered if that was the reason for his lover's absence. He knew that Severus despised expressions of emotion but he struggled to believe that it was enough to keep the man away. Yet he had to accept that for the first time in almost a year he hadn't faced the usual ostentatious interrogation.

Every month within 24 hours of the last night of the full moon, Severus somehow tracked him down and bombarded him with questions, bemoaning his 'Gryffindorish stupidity' and examining him thoroughly before kissing him passionately and Disapparating. It was amusing once he'd figured out it was his way of showing he cared. He always struggled, and sometimes failed, not to smile as his lover fussed over him, disguising the worry with disparaging slurs. 'Foolish Gryffindor, if I wasn't here…' was the constant sneer but only these past two days did he wonder if the words were true. Inasmuch as Severus seemed cold and uncaring towards him, the man had still somehow managed to spoil him. He knew pain and only a few years ago he would have been so used to it so that the current ache in his arm wouldn't have bothered him much and yet now it was all he could do not to cry out for his lover knowing that the man would have plied him with pain killing potions, his scolding mitigated by the tender touches and poorly disguised worry. He knew that his lover's kiss would have chased away his fears about MacGregor. Well, he wasn't really afraid, there was enough of the Gryffindor in him that he didn't even consider running away. But without Padfoot's company he found himself craving his marvelous Mr. Hyde even more. He was a wolf after all and he missed his pack, small and ever dwindling though it was.

Hearing a distant crack of Apparation, he couldn't keep the hope from his heart. Struggling to look nonchalant as he went in search of the visitor, he made his excuses to MacGregor's group. Following the silvery mist that identified an Order member, Lupin made sure to keep an eye on the pack to make sure he wasn't being followed.

"Hello, dear," Molly Weasley looked at him with motherly affection. "How are you?"

"As well as can be expected," he hoped his disappointment that she wasn't Severus wasn't too obvious. "Thank you for asking, Molly."

"What's wrong with your arm, dear?" she asked, already reaching for him. "Oh my, that's quite a nasty gash, couldn't you heal it?"

"I have done what I can but it is a magical wound and will never heal completely."

"It looks painful," she muttered as she tried several other healing spells. "Oh my! You need to keep it clean," she fussed when her attempts predictably failed.

Watching distractedly as she covered the wound with a soothing balm before conjuring a gauzy bandage and wrapping his arm, he asked conversationally, "How is your family doing? I saw Charlie when he brought me the potion recently… Quite kind of him."

"Oh everyone's doing well, I suppose. Well, as well as we can be expected after, well, you know," she patted his arm sympathetically, careful not to mention Sirius. "Harry will be visiting us soon. I'm sure he'd love to see you. We all would," she murmured, her keen eyes and ears noting every sound.

He nodded trying to focus and remain vigilant but he really wanted to know about Severus. The last time he'd seen the man was during their last visit to Grimmauld Place and at the time his lover had seemed distracted. He'd thought that it was merely his way of avoiding Remus after the tear-filled breakdown earlier that day but now he was beginning to worry. Belatedly he'd come to recognize that Severus had seemed as much melancholy as preoccupied.

"What of Albus and Minerva? Severus made the potion for me so I suppose he's okay…"

Molly nodded distractedly. "Fred says that he saw Kreacher give Severus something from Regulus Black the last time we were at the old Headquarters," she fretted disapprovingly. "He was Sirius' brother but he was also a Death Eater, you know? Arthur spoke to Severus about it but it only made him angry. I worry about the dear boy. Albus trusts him so I suppose I do but he is so angry, it's not good for him. He and Regulus used to be lovers you know. Who knows what temptations that young man left behind."

Remus shuddered. Regulus was dead, he wasn't a threat anymore. Still he couldn't help but be jealous of the man that Severus had been openly linked with and had confessed to loving.

"I suppose that's why he seemed so distracted that day," he speculated vocally.

Molly nodded. "I think he still loves him," she nodded emphatically. "He had that distracted look in his eyes and Minerva tells me he has been even more withdrawn than usual. I know what it's like to lose a loved one. That pain never goes away. I have been ever so grateful not to have lost Arthur." Noticing his pained expression she pulled him into a quick hug. "Oh my, how selfish of me! Fred and George told me that they saw you and Sirius kissing and now I'm here being so thoughtless when you too have lost a loved one. I'm sorry dear."

Accepting the departing hug and promising to visit the Burrow soon, Remus returned to the pack. His heart ached. Severus had gotten something from Regulus and now he was being ignored. It wasn't too hard to let his imagination fill in the blanks.

***

Remus fought to remain in control of his emotions as he watched Severus give his report at the Order meeting. He couldn't look at the man anymore. Seeing the thin face look so drawn had worried him initially but overhearing Minerva confide to Molly that Snape was 'recovering' after a 'great shock' at what had happened to one of 'the only people he's ever loved', he decided that he didn't want to hear any more. Severus may have been there for him while he mourned Sirius but he wasn't ready to do the same for the other Black. Sirius, at least, hadn't been his lover.

Lost in his self-pitying thoughts, he jumped at a mild stinging hex, looking for its caster. His eyes met the expressive (to him at least) black ones of his lover. 'Meet me at our place tomorrow at 2am', he gasped as he felt the words enter his mind. He wasn't quite sure what Severus had done to convey the message but he willed the man to hear him agree to the arrangements.

***

"Seve-" he tried to call as he entered the abandoned woodcutter's cottage that he and Severus used for their clandestine meetings but his words were cut off by a fervent kiss. He didn't respond at first as he found himself wondering at his moody lover but his hormones soon shut his thoughts off.

"Bed," Severus instructed, banishing their clothing with a flick of his wand and he obediently followed.

"Severus!" he cried as his nipples were assaulted by pinching fingers and his swelling erection swallowed whole. Their lovemaking was urgent but not rushed, passionate but still considerate, rough but not painful- though he was pretty certain he'd be at least a little sore for the rest of the day.

"What's this?" Severus asked after they'd awoken, still basking in the afterglow. He stroked the still angry looking scar.

"War wound," Remus joked, turning to face his lover. "MacGregor attacked me during the full moon."

"Really, Lupin," he sneered, "didn't you take the Wolfsbane I sent with Weasley? How could you have been bested by a dumb animal?"

"I think he was on the potion too. He seemed far too intelligent and… human. I spoke to Dumbledore about it but he seemed preoccupied."

"The man is a careless fool!" Severus' sudden hiss was so venomous that Remus flinched.

"Really, Severus, I must object! Albus Dumbledore is quite possibly the kindest, strongest, wisest wizard alive."

"He is a fool," Severus sneered. "Human, fallible, weak…"

Remus stared at the telltale trembling hand. On the one hand he wanted to defend Albus, on the other he wondered what had shaken Severus quite so badly and he knew his lover, the man was not being his usual arrogant and unconcerned self. "Severus? What is it?" He wondered if Albus had argued with Severus about Regulus Black's gift.

"Albus," Severus began, his voice breaking. "Nothing. It's nothing. Albus injured himself rather carelessly a few weeks ago and I…"

"Is he alright?" Remus _had_ noticed that the headmaster appeared a bit paler than usual but then the war was hard on them all.

"Yes. No. I did what I could, Remus but I worry that it wasn't enough."

"His hand…" he suddenly realized that one of the old man's hands had seemed damaged. He felt ashamed that he had been so caught up in his own life that he hadn't processed the images earlier. "That's why you didn't come after the full moon."

It wasn't a question and Severus didn't answer. It wasn't strictly true. After the full moon he hadn't gone to look for Remus partly because he didn't want to be reminded of Sirius who would remind him of Regulus and partly because he was feeling confused over his continuing strong feelings for the deceased Slytherin and his persistent but volatile feelings for the Gryffindor. He'd convinced Arthur to send Molly to check up on his lover knowing that the woman would take good care of him but he still felt a little ashamed.

All of that confusion had been pushed to the back of thoughts when Albus had foolishly donned the cursed ring. The headmaster hadn't given him a valid reason for doing such a foolish thing and he had to assume that it must have had an extremely strong compelling charm that even such a powerful wizard had lost control.

He promised Albus so he couldn't tell anyone, including Remus, about it but he knew the fatal curse was still spreading. He was frantic with worry but he had not yet found a cure. In the past couple of weeks he'd felt guilty spending any free time doing anything other than researching or experimenting but seeing Remus at the meeting he'd known he needed the man. Already the comforting and calming presence was helping him to focus and control his thoughts. He chuckled.

"What's so funny?" Remus smiled curiously.

"It is amusing that two hours of energetic sexually activity and less than an hour of napping with you, leaves me feeling invigorated." A wicked gleam entered the obsidian eyes. "I wonder what would happen if we added another hour of sex to the ratio…"


	14. Chapter 13

Summary: Severus is stressed and Tonks is depressed.  
A/N: Sorry, like I warned, RL is eating away at my writing time. Sorry that this chapter is a bit short. Be warned that things will veer more and more from canon from here on but hopefully not too much. There will be angst but there will be love too, I promise.

Disclaimer: These characters are not mine. They were created by JK Rowling. I'm just borrowing them for a little while and I don't make a penny off of this.

Rating: M

CHAPTER 13

"My lord, the potion is ready," Severus announced as he entered the room. The Dark Lord had commissioned a potion to improve his looks and protect his fragile skin. Unknown to all but a select few, the dark wizard's snake like skin did in fact suffer from severe psoriasis.

"Is it any good, Severus, my loyal servant?"

"I experimented with powdered almond, sandal wood, rose water and calendula oil bases, my lord and the calendula oil seems most effective on test subjects."

"Wormtail," he hissed, extending a cloaked long-fingered arm.

"My lord," Pettigrew grovelled, carefully folding the robe back to expose the translucent skin.

Severus braced himself. The old Voldemort was a shade more understanding of potions and experimentation than this one. He had found no reasonable way of explaining to this man or creature that there weren't any suitable test subjects- no one else was part human-part reptile. He only hoped that the potion would work.

As his Potions Master began to apply the thick unguent, Voldemort felt a small tingle in his skin. His instincts screamed that this potion would be more successful than any others he had tried to date. This was why he was so willing to forgive Severus. The man was invaluable.

"When I was in Albania waiting for you and my other loyal servants," he felt satisfaction at Snape's flinch, "I often possessed animals to gain corporeal form. Most were too weak and useless to survive the intrusion for long. One day though, an ermine I inhabited was bitten by a snake, similar in breed to Nagini," he stroked the snake distractedly with the other hand as he spoke. "Instead of dying though, the weasel continued to live, at least as long as I was in its body. Or rather, I was able to continue my possession, animating the body but the corpse itself began to decompose.

It occurred to be then that perhaps I should inhabit humans bitten by snakes but the snakes could or would not control the amount of venom. I then decided to possess the snakes, biting and then inhabiting the humans. Unfortunately few humans came my way and I was never able to quite master the art of possessing the snake, biting the human and then moving to the human fast enough. Although, I *was* able to find out enough information to begin creating the potion that brought me back.

It's a pity you did not come to find me, Severus. You would have been much more useful to possess than Quirrell." Severus struggled to contain a shudder of disgust but the Dark Lord sensed but fortunately misinterpreted it. "Yes, Quirrell was a weak useless fool."

He watched as the pale potion hardened, becoming a yellow mask. Snape pulled at one corner and the pliant synthetic skin peeled away whole. Severus watched in morbid fascination at the entire layer of scaly epidermis that was being lifted away. Voldemort touched his new skin, pleased that it was smooth and moist. He peeled the skin he had shed away from the inside of the yellow cast and several separate layers in various states of fragility slide apart like a dried out onion.

"Nagini," he hissed, petting the snake, "It seems that I too must shed. There must be at least six layers here. Severus, proceed to make some more of the potion. Wormtail needs it to do the rest of my body."

"My lord, I am an exceptional potions master but even so, I must ask that you allow at least two days so that we can be sure that the balm is successful."

"You dare to give me a potion that does not work?"

"It works, my lord, it works," Severus hastened to explain, eyeing the raised wand. "I only wish to perfect it by adding more moisturizers if necessary. Also," he added for good measure, "now that I know about the need for shedding I can improve the potion even further."

Voldemort's scrutiny was difficult to endure. "You please me, Severus. Go."

***

Three days later Severus was able to offer his master an improved potion. The Dark Lord was quite pleased that there had been no side effects to the experimental potion.

"Severus, my clever friend," he hissed, "what will your reward be? Wormtail, you will serve Severus. You are at his mercy. To displease him is to displease me."

"M-my lord," Pettigrew looked terrified. He was trying to decide which he feared more- displeasing the Dark Lord or going with Severus Snape. The man had been eyeing him almost hungrily for some time and the predatory penetrating glares terrified him.

"Oh yes," Voldemort pretended to suddenly recall, "You were the one who betrayed the location of Lily Potter which led to her death. Fear not, Severus knows it was necessary, don't you?"

"I live to serve you, my lord," Severus drawled, the opportunity to be left alone with the rat so pleasing him that he neither hesitated nor struggled to say the lie.

"You see, Wormtail? Severus would not hurt you, too badly."

~Isn't he mine, Master?~ Nagini hissed.

~Yes, of course, my pet. I promised.~ Voldemort's parseltongue response was blood curdling.

"And if, by accident, Severus, Wormtail is fatally damaged, his body belongs to Nagini. Go."

"Come, Wormtail," Snake said silkily, barely remembering to bow to his master as he left. He would enjoy this. Even simply as a Marauder the rat would deserve his ire but he had done so much more. Pettigrew had made his sacrifice for Lily an act in vain. The rat would be punished.

Lord Voldemort regarded the scene with open amusement. So little entertained him anymore but he knew that this would. He was also pleased to see the glitter in Snape's eyes once more. Although he could see no deception in the dour man's eyes before, the thrilled eagerness to learn and experiment that once shined in the dark eyes had been missing since his return a year ago. Voldemort had convinced himself it was due to the loss of innocence and youth or perhaps the loss of Regulus Black- though he had not paid attention to the man's eyes after the boy disappeared. Today, however, the vicious glimmer and genuine adoration for the Dark Arts that had attracted him to Snape were clearly back.

~You are pleased to lose your servant, Master?~

~Wormtail is pathetic and weak. He follows the strongest person he can latch on to. I do not trust him. It pleases Severus and I do not care if Severus kills him. I also know that a sycophant such as he will keep me informed of Severus' activities. It is the best of both worlds~

***

Remus sat under a tree outside the Burrow. The latest meeting of the Order had just ended and he was happy that Dumbledore hadn't assigned him any immediate tasks. He was also relieved that Severus had signalled to him that they were to meet at their cottage in two days time. He only hoped nothing would happen between then and now.

Plucking at the grass around him, he wondered what his lover was up to at that moment. He was quite worried about Severus. Between the spying and whatever potions he was so busy working on, he was extremely stressed, even if he managed not to show it, at least to those who didn't know him well enough. He wouldn't talk about it but Remus suspected it had something to do with the Headmaster who seemed to be aging rather rapidly lately. He wondered whether it had anything to do with the withered hand.

For the last month or so, they only meet for a quick shag and nap. Severus was passionate and he enjoyed lying in the Slytherin's long, slim arms as he caught up on sleep. Funny that, although Remus was the one who spent many nights sleeping outdoors, Severus was often more tired than he was. He feigned sleep so that his lover would not feel any silly prideful need to stay awake. The dark circles and incomplete sentences were worrying signs that he wasn't resting enough at Hogwarts.

"Wotcha Remus!" Tonks joined him, tripping over a root and falling into his lap before almost bouncing off and onto the ground beside him. She smiled apologetically and shrugged and he couldn't help but laugh. "Well, at least you're smiling now. You looked so serious a while ago. Knut for your thoughts?"

"I was just thinking about how horrible this war is," he shrugged. "Even Dumbledore seems worse for wear."

She nodded solemnly and he couldn't help but think that it wasn't a good look for her. As much as he missed Sirius, she seemed to miss him even more. He put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"I miss him too but Sirius wouldn't like to know that you stopped smiling just because he died. He'd probably hex you with a Cheering Charm if he saw you lately."

Tonks offered him a watery smile and leaned on his shoulder. Between Mrs. Weasley's none too subtle hints about Bill and her duties at work, she found spending time with the sweet man to be a pleasure. She missed Sirius dearly. She always wished to know her cousins but Sirius was the only one willing to acknowledge her. While it lasted, having her very own cousin and one who was not only handsome, brave and fun but who also accepted her in all her clumsy and colourful glory was wonderful. They'd had such fun together! Being around his best friend made her feel closer to him somehow. Snuggling into Lupin's comforting body, she shuddered at the sight of Severus Snape glaring at her from the Burrow's window.

"It's August, are you really cold?" Remus chuckled, pulling into his arms nonetheless.

"Not really, no," she blushed. "It's just that Snape! I don't remember him being quite so cold to me when I was his student, you know? I even got an O in my potions O.W.L.s so I could live my dream of becoming an Auror. He wasn't really kind, per se, but during our N.E.W.T.s level classes he was much… nicer? No… more fun? I don't know but he seemed to enjoy teaching us at that level, he came alive a bit more somehow. But since I've joined the Order, I didn't expect him to be friendly but… this hostility… I suppose it's because he didn't like Sirius."

"Oh, Severus isn't quite so bad and I think you're right- working on higher level potions with only the best students probably pleased him," he smiled affectionately, gently brushing a fallen blossom from her hair. "But no, I suppose he wouldn't be happy with anyone who favoured Sirius, would he?" he chuckled. Feeling a prickling at the back of his head, he turned towards the house certain that he was being regarded with some intensity. If he hadn't seen Severus leave earlier, he would be certain it was him- few others could stare quite so piercingly. He thought he saw a dark shadow move in the kitchen window but only Ron and Harry appeared, waving cheerily at him.

"Hey, Professor," Ron beamed. "Avoiding Mum too?"

Lupin laughed, "No, no, I'm just enjoying the fresh air."

"How horrid!" Ginny exclaimed as she and Hermione joined the others.

"What is?" Ron and Harry looked amused.

"Your mum told her that she had a choice between helping either Phlegm or Professor Snape," Hermione giggled. "You shouldn't complain, Ginny. Phlegm didn't want your help and he chose to leave, didn't he?"

"Snape? He's here?" Remus perked up at the news. Struggling to control himself under the puzzled stares, he added, "I thought he left during the meeting."

"Oh he returned," Harry muttered nastily. "Surprised you didn't see him standing at the window glaring at you and Tonks. He's such…"

"A git?" Ron volunteered and everyone laughed, except Remus who barely managed a weak smile. Severus could be such a possessive and jealous lover. He shuddered.

"My thoughts exactly," Ginny smirked, seeing his shudder.

***

Snape buried his head in his hands and growled in frustration. Lashing out, he felt small comfort as the tower of books he was researching toppled across the room.

"Wormtail!" he yelled, "clean that up!" Hexing the foolish man as he entered the room almost made Snape smile, so he decided to do it again. Wormtail was his prize to do with as he pleased anyway and he certainly didn't want the Dark Lord to think he'd gone soft. He chuckled as the rat jumped, rubbing his back where the stinging hex fell. He waited until almost all of the books were neatly stacked before levitating another book and using it to hit Pettigrew in the face. When the pathetic creature dared to look at him, he charmed the books to swirl around him, launching at their target from every angle. "Pathetic," he sneered, stopping the whirlwind and neatly stacking all the books on the small desk with a few flicks of his wand before turning on his heel and leaving the room.

There.

He felt much better now.

He stood in his lab, stirring a potion while functioning on auto-pilot, his mind elsewhere. It had been only a week ago that he made the Unbreakable Vow with Narcissa. He wasn't afraid of dying and had told Albus as much. He had not expected the headmaster's decision. It was all he could do to convince the man to give him a few more months to work on a cure for the curse that he was only barely able to contain in the withered hand. He knew the headmaster was in pain and that the curse was slowly spreading towards his elbow in spite of all of Severus' work but he was confident that he could find the solution or counter-curse. He almost felt as the though old man was too willing to die. He didn't want his mentor to die and certainly not at his hand. He *had* to be successful. Failure was simply not an option.

Not for the first time he found himself regretting not listening to Lily all those years ago. He didn't really care, even now, about the Light or Dark. All he cared about was magic. Potions and Dark Arts fascinated him. To him they were the most intriguing parts of magic, as much because only an elite few could perform them well as because they were as far from Muggle magic as one could get. He had been seduced by the Dark Lord's beauty, power and intelligence. Only Slytherin prefect, Lucius Malfoy, in spite of his beauty, wealth and power, had befriended the uncouth, straggly and unattractive young Snape. Severus craved attention from those in authority and to him the Dark Lord rivalled only Dumbledore in power and authority. Only, whereas the headmaster favoured the Gryffindors and preached equality, Voldemort acknowledged the superiority of wizards. That and their shared love of intellectual pursuits had seduced Severus.

Or rather they had. Severus wasn't sure whether it was the death of his best friend and first love, a decade working closely with Albus or Remus' gentle influence that had changed him or whether the Dark Lord really had changed but something was different. It seemed to him that Voldemort was only too quick to kill magical folk this time around, even purebloods. He wasn't convinced that the Dark Lord he had followed loyally would have allowed Lucius to be sent to Azkaban. The old Voldemort would have done the punishing himself but kept Lucius around. He thought of Narcissa's tear stained face. He genuinely felt that the Malfoys cherished love and family above all else. Severus was certain that, had Bella not been around, he could have recruited Narcissa and Draco.

Placing a stasis charm on the potion, he reached for the notebook that Regulus had left him and which he had charmed to look like an old Potions text. He certainly didn't want the Lord Voldemort to see the diary in Pettigrew's mind. He held no illusions that the Dark Lord wasn't using Wormtail to spy on him. The filthy rat sniffed everywhere like a one pest infestation and he knew the fool was weaker at Occlumency than even Potter.

Potter. He still disliked the father and the insolent brat was a thorn in his side but seeing the pathetic picture that the Dark Lord's irrational obsession with the spawn made, reminded Severus most uncomfortably of the way that Albus and Minerva often described his own obsession with the boy. For the first time since he had laid eyes on the child he found himself having to act the part of a hate obsessed nemesis. It was fortunate that the impudent brat was so disrespectful towards him; it made playing his part that much easier; sometimes too easy, to tell the truth.

"Levicorpus!" he snarled, replacing the notebook carefully. "You'd better not be damaging my walls, Wormtail," he sneered at the sound of the man's head hitting the floor and walls of the narrow corridor as he was violently flipped upside down. "What have I told you about spying at doors? Liberacorpus," he muttered, dropping the man on his head. "Fool."

***

"Another year, another loss for Gryffindor," Snape greeted his colleague with a nod.

"I think you are mistaken, Severus. It is Slytherin who will lose this year. Harry is Quidditch captain," McGonagall smirked.

He didn't get a chance to fall for her bait, however. "Severus Snape and Minerva McGonagall!" Horace Slughorn interrupted. "Lovely to see you both. Did I hear you discussing young Harry Potter? I met him, you know. Pleasant young man. I rather think we got along quite well."

Severus' bored look morphed into a sneer at Minerva's smirk. "Yes," her eyes practically twinkled like the headmaster's, "Harry is quite a pleasant young man. And Gryffindor's Quidditch captain this year as well."

"Ah, yes, Slytherin and Gryffindor," he sniffed dismissively. His house hadn't won often enough when he was in charge and he didn't care to be reminded that under Snape they practically ruled. "You must be quite fond of young Potter, Severus. He rather has his mother's eyes, doesn't he?"

For the second time that evening, Severus was saved from having to answer when he spotted a canine Patronus that looked disturbingly like Black's animagus form. Signalling to Minerva to keep Slughorn occupied, he hurried to intercept the message.

Stalking to the school gates to collect Potter, he struggled to contain his sneer. The message was from that silly metamorphmagus. His relief that his lover's Patronus hadn't changed because of his grief at losing Black was tempered by having to see that girl. He suddenly found himself wondering whether the canine was more like a shaggy dog or a werewolf. He'd confronted Lupin about their relationship and was reassured that they were only friends but he wasn't blind. He could see that the chit was trying to steal his lover and he wasn't amused.


	15. Chapter 14

Summary: Severus Snape, spy, professor, Death Eater, potions master.  
A/N: Sorry I posted this in a hurry so it may have more errors than usual.

Disclaimer: These characters are not mine. They were created by JK Rowling. I'm just borrowing them for a little while and I don't make a penny off of this.

Rating: M

CHAPTER 14

Remus basked in the feel of long fingers trailing feather-light across his back, from his broad shoulders down to his narrow hips and up again. His head was tucked under the sharp chin and his own fingers traced lazy patterns on the thin chest. He inhaled the aromas that surrounded them; the sex, the sweat and even his lover's peculiar mix of potions ingredients and bergamot.

He looked into the dark eyes, several emotions flickering in their depths in such rapid succession that he failed to identify any. Snape appeared to be mulling over something and he couldn't help but wonder what was going through the overworked mind.

"Knut for your thoughts, Severus," he whispered, lacing the withdrawing fingers with his own. Putting their linked hands between their hearts, he pressed closer, trapping them and getting close enough to brush his lips lightly against the frowning ones.

"It's okay, Sev. You don't have to tell me if you're not ready. I just worry about you, the spying and all the pressures from the potions you're working on, it's so much for you. I wish I could help you with your burden…"

Snape sneered, "Do you think that _you_ could do what I do? Do you think that _you_ could face the Dark Lord?"

He sighed, as much from disappointment that Severus still said the title with too much reverence as from irritation that the stubborn man was deliberately misunderstanding him in his typical defensive manner.

"I could never do your job. I'm pants at Occlumency and potions and quite frankly I'm too Gryffindor. Brawn over brain, remember?" He was relieved to see the smug smirk. "Still, you're clearly overwhelmed, you're not taking any care of yourself," he murmured, his right hand knotting in the greasy hair.

"I have always been the greasy git, Remus. I should hope you have not noticed only now it after all these years," he snapped, yanking the hand away so viciously that his own hairs were ripped from the roots. Reacting to the pain with anger, he flicked his wand and banished the hairs in a fiery orb. Any Dark Wizard worth his salt knew better than to allow others to acquire his hair and Severus was more meticulous than most.

Remus ignored the grousing and pecked the sulking but staying man lightly on the lips. Winding his hand back into the greasy hair which was not as disgusting as it probably should feel, he tugged it playfully. "Your hair isn't as greasy as it looks and we both know it… though you could probably do with a proper cut," he chuckled at the scowl aimed at him. "But you haven't been taking care of yourself and it shows, here," he brushed his thumb across the dark circles under the sunken eyes, "and here," he caressed the gaunt cheeks, "and here." At this last he recaptured the bruised knuckles and healing fingers which had been cut and burnt in various places.

Severus looked at his own hands and whispered distractedly, "The potions… I can't find the right one… I've tried… I'm trying… Albus…"

After waiting a few minutes during which Severus appeared to have forgotten he was talking or even that Remus was there, the latter asked softly, "You're working on a potion for Dumbledore's hand?"

Severus started, evidently not having meant to say anything out loud and thinking back to their conversation.

"I only wondered because I've noticed that it still looks… dead. I thought by now that Poppy would have healed it."

Severus shook his head but didn't say anything. He _was_ feeling quite overwhelmed lately. Apart from spying and teaching and being expected to carry out missions for his two masters, he was also working on four potions. First, he had yet to find a potion that made the Dark Lord's skin appear human and the vain man was quite displeased. Next, he had exhausted his Hogwarts-safe potions library in a seemingly futile attempt at finding a cure for Albus and was now experimenting with a combination of existing potions and spells. Additionally, although he had told no one, not even Remus, he was working on an improved Wolfsbane potion with hopes that one day he could possibly even find a cure for lycanthropy. Such a cure would not only save his lover but also earn him untold galleons, an Order of Merlin and unquestionable respect from the Wizarding world. Still, that potion was not as urgent and so was the lowest of his priorities and, in addition to the potion his life depended on (the one for Voldemort) and the one Albus' life depended on, he was working feverishly on an antivenin which might one day save him, or others, from Nagini.

He had watched the Dark Lord use the snake to kill so many, Muggle, Mudblood, Half-blood or Pureblood, it no longer mattered to the man as long as he was entertained. To date, half a dozen Death Eaters had met their ends at the snake's bite for causing, in some cases, minor disappointments to Lord Voldemort. Even Bellatrix, for all that she adored the man, was wary of his pet. Severus had stolen enough venom from Pettigrew's cache to work on potions for years but he did not have years.

Noticing the worried look on his lover's face, he continued, "As I've said before, I have contained the curse in his hand. If I can find a potion that will heal the rot, of course I would make it for Albus." He sneered suddenly, "Although I don't know why I should bother when he doesn't trust me."

"Rubbish, Severus! He's always defending you to everyone. He trusts you absolutely."

"Really," he drawled, "then why does he spend hours locked away with Potter but won't tell me what they discuss?"

"I don't know Severus but Harry is the Boy-Who-Lived. Even You-Know-Who thinks he's special. Perhaps there are things he must do that no one else can know about, just as there are secrets he confides in you but not to anyone else in the Order."

"Potter? He's average at best, what can he do that I cannot?"

Remus couldn't answer that so he decided to change the topic to a happier one.

"It's a pity that you do not stay with us for dinner after meetings. They can be such fun sometimes. Just last week the Weasley twins and Dora entertained us with an entire pantomime. She is brilliant. You should see her 'Albus Dumbledore'. The twins invented a sweet that even gave her the twinkling eyes. She does you as well although I don't suppose you'd appreciate that as much…"

"Nymphadora Tonks." Other than the sneer, there were no emotions in his voice.

"She hates being called Nymphadora, actually."

"Everyone calls her Tonks." Once again the tone lacked inflection and Remus wasn't sure what to think of it.

"Yes..."

"Yet you call her Dora."

Confused by the strange hostility he was beginning to sense, Remus tried a different angle.

"She got an O in her Potions O.W.L.s. She says that she was pleasantly surprised but grateful because she really wanted to become an Auror. I bet she was being modest because she's very clever. What sort of student was she?"

"I do not recall."

Mere minutes later, Remus remained on the bed, staring dumbly at the door Snape had just stomped through. It was true that the man disliked anyone who had favoured Sirius but not even talking about Harry had ever caused such an extreme reaction of cold fury. How could anyone hate sweet, loveable Tonks?

***

The headmaster stepped away from the pensieve and stroked his long grey beard. He had gone over the information a dozen times since Harry's last visit and was disappointed that the boy hadn't bothered to recover the memory from Horace. He knew Harry was only a child and a teenaged one at that but sometimes it was hard to remember.

As it often did these days, his thoughts returned to Regulus Black's diary. He knew about the cave- Mrs. Cole had told him the story in sketchy detail. Since then he had sought out young Riddle's victims and used legilimency to retrieve their memories of the horrific day. He planned to visit the cave soon to scout the area out before inviting Harry to come with him once he'd assessed the situation. He wasn't completely convinced that there wasn't more to the book which Severus now kept hidden at his home in Spinner's End.

He grimaced at the shot of pain that lanced his dying arm. In spite of Severus' hopes, he didn't expect to live this time around. He would do all he could before the end came, and he felt certain that end was quickly approaching, but he would not try to cheat death… again. Funny that trying to resurrect the dead had been his fatal mistake. The irony was not lost on him. Opening a drawer, he withdrew one of the couple of dozen vials that clinked within. Severus had been insistent on providing him with a stash of pain relieving potion. In the end he had only accepted the potions when one had been force fed to him and he realized it was not the standard potion. Although the proud man had not volunteered the information, Albus recognised the recipe as Severus' own private creation. This potion eased pain and calmed the heart without leaving its victims vulnerable or in any way weakened or inconvenienced. He hoped that when the Dark Lord was defeated, if Severus survived- and he rather hoped the clever man would survive which was why he would not allow him to break the vow he had made to Narcissa, he hoped Severus would publish the potion, sharing it with the rest of the world. As always, Severus chose to hide the best parts of himself and Albus was saddened by it.

As he thought about the misfit Slytherin Head of House, Albus couldn't help the sad smile that quirked his lips. All those years ago when he agreed to help the young Death Eater, he had never expected to truly trust or grow fond of the surly man but he had. Once he'd gotten to know Severus, he realized that the arrogant scowls and sneers hid an insecure but caring if misguided and lonely man. He finally began to understand what Lily had seen and defended so vigorously for so long. Unfortunately he also realized that Severus was no more for the Light than he was for the Dark. The young man cared for little beyond his pleasure and those of the few he extended his heart to. Although he now no longer considered Severus the archetypal Slytherin but rather a mixture of Gryffindor brave and Ravenclaw analytical, he could not deny the strong tendency towards Slytherin self-serving which had probably influenced the hat. True, the self-serving was not limited to the man himself- it could be extended to those he cared about. Albus knew, for instance, that Severus' desire to keep him alive stemmed from a fear of losing him rather than consideration for what Albus himself might prefer.

"Headmaster?" Snape entered the office cautiously. "A word, if I may?"

"Yes, of course Severus. Please sit. Tea?"

Severus shook his head with barely contained irritation. "I am only here to deliver the Wolfsbane, Albus."

"Ah, yes, it is that time again." Taking the smoking goblet he eyed the younger man. "I will have young Nymphadora deliver it to Remus." His eyes twinkled as his spy suddenly went rigid before stiffly stalking out of the room.

Dumbledore still held the theory that he first hypothesized when Remus taught at Hogwarts a few years ago. He was convinced that the two young men were attracted to one another. Although only Remus' expressions betrayed his feelings while a skilled Occlumens such as Severus appeared aloof. But he had long suspected that it was something other than genuine hatred or fear that led Severus to brew the difficult potion monthly and he'd already tested and discovered that Severus was sending his continually improved potion for the peak day of the transformations. Apart from Remus' clumsy attempt at hiding his surprise at being given the potion, Albus could see that the prematurely lined face had decelerated its pace of degradation. However, he chose not to deny the low-esteemed Gryffindor that minor joy since it did not appear to hinder his work.

Albus had, of late, developed another theory. Severus had always been hostile to Nymphadora since she joined the Order but the hostility had never extended to their personal conversations- until recently. He could see that the young metamorphmagus was attracted to and perhaps overly fond of Remus and that Severus was jealous. Unfortunately, his attempts at provoking a reaction didn't seem to be working. Severus stubbornly refused to acknowledge his feelings and approach Remus but Albus was still hopeful. For as much as he trusted Severus, it was not a blind trust. He knew the young man was still attracted to the seductive lures of the Dark. He would die a happier man if Snape and Lupin became a couple. He genuinely believed that Severus' loyalty to the light would be more assured to continue if he loved and Remus was as good as anyone else. Considering how hostile Severus was to Lily's son, he wasn't sure that the young professor still fell as strongly as he had when he vowed his life's work to protect her memory.

As he thought of Harry, Albus' frown once again returned. He was not surprised, if a bit disappointed, that Severus seemed almost proud of the boy's obsession with young Draco. Although Severus kept up the pretence of hating Harry's tendency for rule breaking, Albus noted that he seemed almost elated that Harry's persistence in the face of Ron and Hermione's scepticism. It reminded the tired headmaster only too well of young Snape ignoring Lily's disapproval of his stalking Remus Lupin. He stopped trying to push Severus and Harry to develop a friendship quite as much- he loved Severus like a son but he did not wish for Harry to pick up the former Death Eater's worse qualities.

Severus' choice of simply putting Harry in detention rather than demanding expulsion as he would have expected after the young man so seriously injured young Malfoy was worrying. Albus was troubled that Harry had been able to execute such a dark and dangerous hate motivated spell. It certainly didn't help that he knew that, apart from wanting to gain some sort of revenge on James and Sirius by showing Harry their less admirable qualities week after week, he knew that the spy was also trying to deliberately interfere with the blossoming Potter-Weasley romance. He only resisted interfering, or rather keeping Severus from interfering, because he could appreciate the reason for the deed. He had speculated that it was the sight of another Potter winning the heart and affections of a pretty and vivacious red-head that upset the man but the denial seemed as genuine as it was adamant. In the end he had to grudgingly accept the rationale that Harry should not be distracted by teenage romance when there was so much work to be done and yet again _love _itself was Harry's greatest weapon in the war.

***

Severus found himself suffering a conflicting mix of emotions on his discovery that Harry had been using his book. On one hand he was angry at the 'cheating', but on the other hand he couldn't help but be impressed by such a Slytherin vice. He would have focused on the vengeful joy of Potter's son being so Slytherin but, in spite of the absence of her voice playing its sometime-role as his conscience, he felt guiltily that Lily would not be pleased.

He also admired that Potter's intuition led him to suspect Draco and that the boy did not let his friends distract him, yet he couldn't help but suspect it was because a part of him hoped Harry would find out and reveal all, forcing Albus to act rather than continuing to allow Draco to try to kill him. Still, his personal pride precluded any possibility than he would do less than the best job he could at hiding everything from the boy. For Severus, failure was unacceptable.

He spotted the Weasley girl chatting with Tino Escribo and sneered at the glare she sent his way. He knew that both she and Potter must guess that he had given the boy a multitude of detentions as a means of keeping them apart but every time that he worried about Remus at an inappropriate time- such as every time that Greyback was assigned duties by the Dark Lord- it renewed his conviction that he was doing the right thing. Each moment that he had to struggle not to lock the man away to protect him was a moment that weakened him. And every time that his lover expressed concern about his spying he knew that he was hurting too.

It would be a cold day in Hades before he admitted to it but he genuinely felt that it was for their own good. It didn't surprise him that they didn't appreciate it; no one appreciated him.

"Ah, Severus, just the person I was looking for," Slughorn smiled smarmily and Severus put up his guards. All he had ever learned about sycophancy he had learned from this man. He smiled- inside- when he recalled the many instances that Regulus would entertain Severus at their Head of House's expense. He wondered what the man could possibly want from him but not enough to slow down.

"Oh dear," Slughorn panted as he ran to catch up. His small sense of pride at having 'done the right thing' by sharing the memory with Harry had long faded and he worried now about being considered a traitor by Lord Voldemort. He had heard the whispers that Severus was still a Death Eater and knew the man still socialized with Lucius and the other Death Eaters. Slughorn wanted to protect himself by reinforcing his desire for neutrality with the acerbic man. "You know, sometimes we do things we are not proud of but we've done them anyway so we try to hide it. When we're confronted, sometimes we simply cannot help but confess. I rather suspect that there was more at work than my conscience when I spoke to young Harry but fortunately I didn't know a lot. Tom was always a clever boy. I rather like to think that he understands us Slytherins, don't you? I was his Head of House, you know. I always took care of my snakes."

Severus stopped outside his office and stared at the panting man standing before him. He could tell that Slughorn felt that he had done something which may have bumped him off his perch on the ledge and desperately trying to get back on. While Severus neither cared about Light or Dark but worked for both, his old Potions professor cared even less but tried to remain neutrally sycophantic to both.

"Indeed," he drawled at the wheezing man who apparently took it as acceptance of the cryptic apology. Unimpressed and confused, Severus dismissed the incident and escaped to his office.

***

Remus volunteered to investigate the disturbances outside the Burrow's wards. They felt certain it wasn't a Death Eater because they'd seen a weak Patronus but whoever it sent it hadn't sent a message nor had they entered. They worried that the person could be injured.

"Severus?" Remus called gently, startled to see the man out here in the orchard trembling in the rain. "Severus, love, why are you standing in the rain?" He tentatively reached a hand out to his lover as one would to a frightened and injured animal. Gaining confidence that his advances would not be rebuffed, he pulled the other man into his arms.

He quietly whispered the spells to protect them both from the cold rain before drying and warming the shivering man in his arms. He knew better than to speak or to ask questions but he was terrified to see his lover in quite this state.

They stood like that for over an hour before he felt compelled to break the mood. Pulling the still silently weeping man into his arms, he raised the wet face. Cradling the jaw with his hands, he used his thumbs to brush steadily pouring tears from the hollow cheeks. He trembled at the haunted look in those eyes.

"If I don't return soon, they are going to start looking for me."

"Go," Severus nodded wearily. "I should not have come here."

"No, Sev, you were right to come to me. If you can't come to me when you're upset, who can you go to, my love? I am happy that you came to me. You did the right thing. Let's go to the shed."

"No, I shouldn't even be here. It was foolish of me. It isn't safe for either of us."

Remus watched in stricken horror as the tears stopped and the mask of aloof indifference fell. He worried about this man and the long term effects of occluding rather than expressing emotions. He worried about what it would mean for his lover's mental health.

This war was doing so much damage to everyone! He pulled the now expressionless man into a passionate kiss.

"I don't know what happened and I know you will only tell me in your own time when you are ready," he placed quieting fingers over the thin lips. "I am not angry. I understand. I just want you to remember that I love you and you can trust me."

"I do. I trust you. But I made a vow and no... I am not afraid of dying if I've made another monumentally foolish mistake. I am not a coward. But to kill again... To kill..."

"Kill?" Remus repeated, unable to hide the horror in his voice. "Severus whatever this is, whatever he is trying to make you do, you don't have to do it. Let me help you!"

Severus laughed. How often this year had he used the same four words to Albus and to Draco? He knew the desperation but right now he felt it even more deeply. He wanted to do it. How easy it would be to share the burden with this man he loved and who loved him. But he couldn't and he wouldn't.

"Remus, promise me something. Promise me that no matter what I must do in the future, that you will try to understand. Promise me that you will not judge me as others do and will. Please, you know me. You know me better than anyone else alive. Promise me that you won't forget that."

"Severus, what are you talking about? What's going on? What are you going to do?"

"Remus?" Tonks' voice called in the distance. " Reeeee-mus!"

"Promise me!" Severus insisted, his voice urgent.

"Severus-"

"Promise!"

"You know I love you, Severus. It goes without saying."

"I need to hear the words! Promise me you won't forget!" Severus was relieved that Remus was insisting that he loved him but it wasn't enough. He wanted to say the words back but he felt it wouldn't be right. He wasn't against Slytherin manipulation but the thought of getting Remus to make the promise by confessing his feelings felt a bit too much like the Dark Lord's manipulation of Bella. He couldn't and wouldn't do it. Not to Remus. He looked into his lover's eyes though, willing the other man to see the love in his soul.

For the hundredth time in the hours since his failure to find a cure had led Albus to renew the order to kill him, his heart clenched at what he would lose. He had tried so hard to find the solution, certain that Albus would find another solution and remain around to irritate him another day. Now he must lose his mentor and friend, at his own wand no less. He would lose his home at Hogwarts- he may hate teaching the imbeciles but the dungeons had been his home most of his life. He was not a social man, true, but he knew that for all that he was hated by students; it would pale in comparison to being the killer of Albus Dumbledore. He would be more than shunned, he would be hunted. He was used to people not appreciating his talent and hard work, to risking his life thanklessly but at least before they were merely unappreciative idiots. Now Albus expected him to risk his life even further and protect the children of Hogwarts while being their number two enemy.

It upset him that once again Albus was belittling the value of his life. He knew why but it still hurt that Albus realized that few would miss him and fewer still would mourn him on either side of the war. What about his feelings? What about Severus Snape? He would miss tea and competitive arguments with Minerva, intellectual debates with Filius, negotiations for potions ingredients with Pomona and the big oaf of a gamekeeper. He would even miss discussing the 'good old days' with Filch. He was a little fond of the old squib who he was quite certain would have made a brilliant Dark wizard if he had an ounce of magic. He would miss a lot about the life he had now, pathetic though it may seem to others, but the thing he dreaded the most was losing Remus. He wanted to shout at Albus, 'Remus loves me! He's lost everyone else, if he loses me, he would miss me' but he didn't. It wasn't that he doubted any more just how much he meant to the werewolf but rather that he was not a coward. He would not hide behind his lover to avoid the difficult task.

This was his penance. He had lost Lily because he was too much of a coward to out himself to her and protect her. His decision to depend on Albus to protect her and him had haunted him all these years. He had lost Regulus without appreciating the love the man gave to him or giving that love in return because he was too much of a coward to admit to such a weakness as love. He would never again let cowardice dictate his actions or endanger his loved ones. He would save Albus a long and painful death and he would help Potter to save the Wizarding world. The boy, Lily's son, would be expected to sacrifice his own life for them all, if he couldn't do this, he would never be able to look the boy in the eye again. It still pained him to consider that his lover might never look at him with unmitigated adoration again.

Remus was confused and worried by the desperation in lover's voice and eyes. He worried about what _this_ man was so afraid to do. Severus might scorn Gryffindor courage but the man had the strength of ten lions. Who was he going to kill that upset him so much?

"Don't do it, Severus. Whatever it is, whoever it is, let me help you find another way!"

"Remus, is that you? Who are you talking to?" Tonks asked, emerging from the woods, but Severus, it seemed, had already Disapparated.

With a resigned sigh, he accepted Tonks' comforting embrace and Severus, who had merely disillusioned himself, struggled to control his temper and disappointment.

***

Severus paced nervously in their cottage. It was less than a month ago that Albus had insisted that he follow through on the plan and earlier this evening the headmaster had discussed several other intimate things with him as though preparing for the end. Intuition was screaming at him that the time was near, that the Dumbledore's preparation for travel would be his last. Ever since Remus had refused to make the promise to him, he'd avoided the man. He tried to convince himself that it was for the best and that it would be easier on Remus that way, but he was a Slytherin after all. He needed one more night with his lover. One more memory he could cherish while an outcast. He convinced himself that Lupin needed it too and that his lover was more likely to think favourably of him if their last shared memory was of their lovemaking.

Casting an agitated Tempus, he stood at the window and stared out into the sunny afternoon. It was with great relief that he watched as Lupin appeared at the apparition point in a clearing a stone's throw from their hideaway. He resisted the urge to open the door, not wanting to make it too obvious how eager he was.

"Severus," Remus smiled weakly. "I was worried you wouldn't come this month."

Severus cursed himself for forgetting that it had been the full moon only two days ago. He looked at his haggard looking lover. So much for a night filled with lovemaking. He tried not to look too disappointed but he'd noticed that lately he was letting his mask slip around Remus.

"How was it? You almost look like you didn't take the potion," he asked, a peculiar mixture of contemptuous accusation and worry colouring his tone.

"I took it but it gets harder every month, especially when things are going so difficultly. Greyback's promise for vengeance is so much more attractive to them than a promise for a better tomorrow from wizards who have made them outcasts," he shrugged. "Although, compared to what you do I shouldn't complain."

"I know Greyback. What you do is dangerous too even if he was the only one of his kind and I know that he is not."

Remus couldn't resist the grin that graced his face at his lover's words. "That means the world to me, coming from you," he smiled, reaching for a kiss. He moaned softly as their tongues danced together, whimpering in disappointment as Severus pulled away.

Unwilling to lose his lover so soon, Remus sucked on an earlobe, tangling his fingers in the long black hair. Pulling his hesitant lover to him, he began unbuttoned the heavy robes, tossing them aside carelessly. One hand travelled to the small of narrow back, pushing tense hips towards his bucking ones.

Severus took a deep breath as he looked into the amber eyes, trying to regain his senses and control the desire that engulfed him. His black eyes penetrated the fairer ones and before he knew it, his hands were in the greying hair, clutching desperately as he kissed with a hungry and almost greedy passion.

Remus moaned, loving the passion he'd been deprived of for almost a month. Once again Severus tried to pull away, letting his hands slide from their perch on his lover's shoulders to fall to his sides but the other man was having none of it and laced his calloused fingers with the long potion stained ones. Squeezing them encouragingly with a quick pump, he led them to the bed, pulling the pensive man to him.

Severus stilled at the grimace his lover tried to hide. What was he doing? This would probably the last time he made love to this wonderful man and he was going to take advantage of him in his weakened state. As much as he craved this, he didn't want their last passionate encounter to be one mixed with pain.

"Remus…" his voice was rough as he struggled to speak. "You're too hurt… we can't… I want to, Merlin knows I need you. I need to feel you, need you with me, in me… but I can't. We can't…"

Remus quieted the rambling apology. He had looked into the dark eyes and he could see the want. They both wanted, needed this. He crashed his lips to Severus' with such intensity that his own desires could not be misunderstood.

The fire behind the kiss obliterated his objections and Snape had no choice but to respond with equal intensity. He placed his hands on either side of the man beneath him in an effort to keep his weight from hurting the sore body. His head rotated trying to lean into the hands that held his face with such loving tenderness. He only pulled away when the need to breathe became too strong to be ignored. Lowering himself slowly, he sucked lightly on the swollen lower lip, rocking his hips slowly while looking for any signs of discomfort. He smirked as he earned a moan for his efforts. Pressing his erection to meet his lover's, he was dismayed at the wince of pain.

"This is foolish," he hissed, flopping gracefully onto his back, careful not to touch his lover.

Looking Severus directly in the eyes as he spoke, his gravelly voice barely above a whisper Remus retorted with a bit more frustrated anger than either expected, "What is foolish is you pulling away at my every grimace. Yes, I'm hurting. Yes, I'm sore but Severus, please. We need this. I need this as much as you do. Let me show you how much you mean to me. Let me show you how much I love you. I'm a big boy, Severus. I know what will happen and I still want you anyway. With everything that's happening around us, when everyday just might be our last, don't rob us of this moment."

Severus reached up a hesitant hand, his inky black eyes flooding with emotion rarely expressed. He caressed the scarred cheek, stroking the strong cheekbone with his thumb. "I…," no he couldn't say those words. It wouldn't be right, not now when he would do what he must do. "I feel that way too, I just didn't want to pressure you."

Sliding quickly down the naked torso to hide his relief, Remus took the thick shaft into his mouth. He groaned as he felt his clothes banished from his form, relishing the feel of his lover's long fingers as they scraped his scalp and tangled in his hair.

Pumping his finger in and out slowly, he let the writhing man get used to the feel of it before slipping in another. Releasing the heavy cock with a pop, he sucked first one testicle then the other, tonguing the sack and pulling on the shaft.

"Great Merlin, Remy," Severus whimpered. Remus chuckled around his mouthful, his smirk growing when the vibrations made Severus' whimpers turn to sobs. Their lovemaking was always good but he knew when it entered the realms of exceptional when Severus slipped up and called him Remy. The serious man would never confess to using a nickname for him but considering that the moniker was only muttered whenever his defences were down enough that he also whimpered and mewled, Remus suspected that it was the name Severus used for him in the deepest recesses of the occluded mind.

Gripping the bucking hips he kissed either thigh before removing three fingers, confident that his lover was properly prepared.

Grasping the sheets Severus cried out, "Remy, now. Sweet Merlin… I need you inside me now." Barely catching himself before he could lay his legs on his lover's sore shoulders, Severus pulled his knees back, folding himself almost in half. He sighed with pleased anticipation as a pillow was placed under his lower back, groaning loudly as the thick cock pressed into him. He relished the burn as he was stretched, pinching his lips and breathing harshly through his nose as the organ was completely sheathed.

He caught the amber eyes in a meaningful stare, confessing his love in a way his own misguided attempts at 'doing the right thing' kept him from expressing in words. Watching closely to make sure there was no pain, he pushed his hips upwards to signal his readiness. They moaned, their hips bucking against each other as they moved with the sort of comfortable synchronicity that comes only from knowing your lover's every action and reaction.

As he reached between them to stroke the twitching cock, Remus couldn't help but admire the beauty of their rhythm. To him, this more than anything proved their compatibility since it was only during lovemaking that Severus seemed capable of relaxing himself fully.

Picking up the pace, they met each other thrust for thrust. As they climaxed, all of their pains, both physical and emotional, faded away. Brushing the black hair away from the completely relaxed face, Remus couldn't help but feel grateful that they were able to do this. The panting man below him looked the closest to the boy he spent a happy fortnight with at Hogwarts, one summer so many years ago. Withdrawing carefully, he kissed the thin lips and snuggled into the firm embrace.

"I love you."

"You've said," Severus smirked, kissing the scarred shoulder and wrapping a protective and possessive arm around the other man, he mused, "How is it that no matter who tops, I'm always the one holding you afterwards?"


	16. Chapter 15

Summary: Remorse and revenge.  
A/N: This is a very short chapter but I was busy IRL on the weekend and I wanted to be sure to post something. I also wanted to take the opportunity to thank my reviewers mrscakeakajane, tinogirl, LunitaSol and catintheSky (whose contact information I cannot locate or I would reply properly).

Although I love Snape, I think that in spite of his seeming arrogance, being neglected by his parents, having his headmaster ignore his almost murder, working with someone like the dark lord and befriending a snob like Lucius probably affected his self-esteem. At any rate I think he is far too easily accepting when Albus makes the unkind comment about Severus consorting with the Dark Lord and therefore not being safe enough to trust.

Disclaimer: These characters are not mine. They were created by JK Rowling. I'm just borrowing them for a little while and I don't make a penny off of this.

Rating: M

CHAPTER 15

"You fool! What did you think you were doing?" Snape slapped Draco hard across the face.

An angry retort evaporated in the shock. Draco, his eyes bulging, raised a shaky hand to clutch his cheek. "She, he, I-I," he stammered nervously. "The Mudblood and the Weasel, they were, I had to-"

Snape shoved Draco into the wall, lifting his slight form by the collar. "Since evidently you did not notice, let me enlighten you, Mr. Malfoy. We were in the middle of a battle not a classroom. Your pathetic pranks in a misguided attempt to impress Ms. Granger with your *sparkling* Malfoy charm," Snape spat, "were as pathetically inappropriate as they were poorly timed. The sooner you learn to use the brain in your head rather than the one in your pants, the better off you will be. You are Slytherin, you should never-"

"I don't have a crush on her! That, she's, ugh!"

Snape blinked. It was the only sign of his shocked disbelief that slipped past his furious scowl. His face relaxed to an eerie calm matched perfectly by his equally calm voice. "Is that the only thing that you can say for yourself? You failed at the task the Dark Lord assigned you, almost got us caught and the only thing you can say in defence of yourself is that you 'do not have a crush'?"

"Is that the only thing _you_ can focus on?" Draco mimicked thoughtlessly. "You killed a begging old man _after_ I disarmed him and then cowardly ran from Harry Pott-"

Whether it was his mouth or eyes that first caught up to his brain, Draco finally realized he had gone too far. He had been rude to Snape all year but that was before the man had done what he couldn't. He'd watched on in horror as the Potions Master murdered the old man he'd worked with for over a decade. Surely there should have been at the very least some little affection or hesitation at killing someone you'd known for so long. Draco knew that even though he never liked the headmaster, the mere intimacy of killing someone he knew had been too much. Dumbledore was not just a nameless face. He could not carry take the life out with cold detachment; it was simply too real. Yet Snape had, in the face of the old man's pleas, pronounced the Avada Kedavra with cold detachment. This was not someone he wanted to anger. He looked up at Snape; he wasn't moving and Draco was terrified. He looked around the room at Riddle Manor and wondered if he'd manage to get to the door before Snape's long limbs could catch him. He remained there as though cursed, standing absolutely still, eyes unseeing until his mother's tearful pleas roused him. It was only then that he noticed that Snape had long gone.

"Oh darling, darling! Draco? Draco! Can you hear me?" Narcissa wailed while Bellatrix sneered suspiciously at the otherwise empty. "It's time to go, dear. Let's go."

***

Severus Apparated to 12 Grimmauld Place. Draco's foolish words had given him an idea. He knew it was only a matter of time before he was considered the Order's #2 most hated and wanted villain and he would lose access to the headquarters.

This was where Regulus had lived and where Remus had stayed for so long with Sirius. He intended to find some mementos of his two lovers to take with him into his exile.

Mounting the stairs two at a time, he arrived outside Black's bedroom. Regulus' room nearby was locked and he hoped it promised untold treasures far less sad than the diary. He was about to cast unlocking charms when a photograph caught his eye.

Lily Evans, _his_ Lily, waved cautiously at him from a photo where Potter smirked beside her and the child zoomed around on a broom.

All thoughts of Regulus' room were abandoned. Lily. His darling sweet Lily! She had been the first person to love him unconditionally. Not even his parents cared that much; to his mother he was a burden and the reason for her husband's anger and to his father he was a living reminder of Eileen's deception, tricking him into marrying a freak. Severus had been a fool not to see it. Instead he felt the need to impress Lily by mastering the difficult, complex and thrillingly scandalous Dark Arts. He had looked up to the Wizarding world so much that the thought of being accepted by its purebloods even if he was cursed to be half-blood, was so thrilling that he forgot that he was doing it all to impress a Muggle-born.

Lily was so amazing that he didn't really consider her to be one of them- neither a Muggle nor a Gryffindor. She was an angel, a blessing, a treasure… and he lost her because of his own stupidity. Even when her forgiving voice was his sole companion, he found himself regretting his actions. How could he have been such a fool?

The strongest magical folk he knew were not purebloods. Albus Dumbledore and even the Dark Lord were both half-bloods. Severus himself was no pushover and, for all he had loved Regulus, the man's magic and duelling skills paled in comparison to Remus' even though the latter was not only half-blood but also a werewolf.

Certainly there were strong purebloods but Lucius, Nott, Avery et al, used social power, cheating and cheap theatrics to win. In fact, only Bellatrix really impressed him on any level and even she had apparently struggled against her half-blood niece, Tonks. Thinking of the metamorphmagus reminded him of Remus which reminded him of Lily. She had set them up. She had known that he could and would fall in love with the gentle wizard in spite of his foolish prejudices. He loved Lupin in his own right but even Severus could not deny that Lily's approval had influenced his willingness to give the other man a chance.

Suddenly insane with grief, Severus thoroughly thrashed the room, scavenging for what little he could. He knew he had only minutes to leave. In fact, he sneered mentally, he was surprised that no one had thought to secure Order headquarters as yet.

He carefully pocketed his treasures- half of a letter signed 'Love always, Lily', a torn picture of Lily not dressed in Gryffindor robes, a tattered stuffed toy in the image of a house-elf that still bore the childish label 'Property of Regulus Arcturus Black' which he remembered hearing that Sirius had confiscated in their youth, Remus' old sweater which amazingly still held a hint of the scent of the man and a forgotten broken earring of Lily's wrapped in a dainty handkerchief embroidered 'Lily'. Taking a quick last look around, he blindly ran down the stairs and to the apparition point, disappearing with a loud crack.

***

Three days later found Draco once again alone with Snape. That such an occurrence had not happened before this was only due to Draco's carefully executed evasion techniques. That he was in the situation he dreaded only slightly less a one-on-one with the Dark Lord was because of his dear Aunt. Sometimes he really hated the bitch. He really didn't want to be here. Not only had Voldemort praised and lauded 'Severus, his most faithful servant' for killing the old fool, elevating the man even further in status, but Draco was expected be grateful that Snape had asked as his reward for killing Dumbledore that the Dark Lord spare Draco's life. Here he was with the very man who probably wanted to kill him and he owed the man a Life Debt!

As long as Snape wasn't saying anything, Draco would stay quiet as well. Not that it mattered considering the silencing spell which Snape had cast around the lab. No one would hear his screams or come to his rescue even if his former mentor did try anything. Actually, in this place they'd be more likely to join in his torture.

He actually usually genuinely enjoyed potion making but at the moment he was far too nervous to appreciate the opportunity to watch the Master at work. He released a sigh of relief as he cleaned up while Snape bottled the completed potion which was apparently for the Dark Lord's hideously inhuman skin. He wanted to run from the room but knew he'd only court trouble if he didn't wait to be dismissed and asking Snape's permission to leave was certainly out of the question.

The silence was loud, too loud. It was deafening and oppressive to Draco.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean… I like her okay, yes I like her! She's pretty and she's smart, she sees through the bullshit and she's excitingly competitive," Draco heard himself saying. He instructed his mouth to be quiet. "And she's a Mudblood, I am a Malfoy. She is one of the Golden Trio, I am a fucking Death Eater!" he whispered. It wasn't quite what he had in mind when he asked his mouth to be quiet. He looked away from Snape and braced himself to run to the door or suffer the Cruciatus.

"You're a fool."

"Yes sir, I know," Draco agreed, tense.

"Insulting Miss Granger is not the way to her heart or even her affections for that matter. Trust me, I speak from experience," Snape muttered the last sentence so that Draco wasn't entirely sure he'd heard correctly.

"You?" he said dumbly, "you loved a Mudblood?"

"Stop," Snape hissed each word coldly, "using that word!" He took a deep breath, his nostrils flaring. "She was my best friend even before Hogwarts. We grew up together, we did so much together, we should have been friends forever, grown old together." Draco held his breath. Although no emotion crossed his former professor's face, there was a deep pain in that voice the likes of which he previously thought the man incapable of expressing. Even with Aunt Bella's Occlumency lessons and years of Malfoy breeding, he still found Snape's lack of emotion since killing Dumbledore to be extremely disturbing. It could not be natural. Snape should feel something- hurt, joy, anger- Draco didn't care what but he truly felt that the man should feel.

He was startled when Snape continued, "Then I called her Mudblood. It was the last straw, I suppose. She never forgave me, refused to even hear my apologies after a while." Snape took another deep breath through his nose as if he was struggling to retain control. "She would have forgiven me, eventually. I know it; she was always stubborn but she would eventually have forgiven me. She used to say that she was waiting for the message to sink in because I would see quick forgiveness as a weakness to be manipulated. I'm Slytherin, she was right," he chuckled sadly.

"But she didn't? What happened?" Draco whispered, afraid to break whatever spell had Snape confiding in him.

"I joined the Dark Lord. I killed her." The words were delivered without emotion.

"You killed your best friend?" Draco practically squawked, slapping his hand over his mouth.

"I might as well have. In the end, I tried to save her but it was too late. I was too late." Although he had answered, the mood was clearly broken. "I lost my best friend and never gained her forgiveness all because of that word. So if you want a chance in hell with Miss Granger providing you survive this, you'd better grow up!"

Draco watched as Snape stalked out of the room, dismantling the wards and spells with a few flicks of his wand, robes billowing impressively behind him. He sat at a table, his chin in his arm. Snape had given him a lot to think about.

He did not realize how like his old mentor he was as he struggled with his hatred and jealousy of Ronald Weasley and let it frustrate and distract him.

***

Remus Lupin lay staring off into the distance, his eyes wide open both literally and figuratively, for the first time in weeks. He and Tonks had eloped.

He knew it because just a few hours ago her parents had had quite a difficult discussion with him while his wife was off at work. Although most of the conversation, like most of the last six weeks or so, was a hazy blur, he was reasonably certain they had been expressing disappointment and concern about the elopement. They did not condemn him for ruining their daughter, at least not out loud, but they couldn't hide their concern. Andromeda, for all that she was not a pureblood supremacist, had been brought up as one and Ted Tonks was a Muggle-born. They knew precious little about werewolves and even less that was favourable. They were struggling to accept him and he knew he should appreciate that they even tried but it only served to remind him of how wrong his impulsive actions had been.

"Mmm…" his sleeping wife snuggled deeper into his embrace. The sex had been frequent so it was just as well that it was good. Unfortunately good seemed pathetic in comparison to what he and Severus had had and though he tried not to, he couldn't help but compare. For starters, he missed the strong wiry arms embracing him after lovemaking. For another, he couldn't help but miss making love and what he and Dora did was simply sex. He did not love her, a fact which had his conscience gnawing away at him mercilessly. He had ruined her life just to spite Severus and he did not even love her. She seemed to enjoy the coupling and he obliged her every hint or request eagerly. He firmly ignored Severus' voice sneering at him for his cowardice. He knew only too well that a glut of sex could not replace true love and though he loved her- she was sweet and funny, who wouldn't love her?- he was not in love with her.

No, his foolish heart loved Severus Snape, murderer. Everyday, several times a day for the last month and a half, he relived his penultimate visit with his former lover. He had known that Severus was ordered to kill someone and yet he had done nothing to stop him. He should have confessed to the Order, to Albus, even to Dora or Kingsley Shacklebolt. He could have saved Severus from himself.

No! He would not do this to himself. He had offered to help Severus and the man hadn't trusted him or Albus enough to accept the help. He could not forgive Snape for killing Albus just to obtain favour from Voldemort. Harry had told him that Snape had spied on the prophecy and informed his master. Snape had killed Lily and James and by extension Sirius. He could not forgive it. He realized now that the Severus he had fallen in love with was a figment of his desperate and lonely imagination. The man he had made love to so often had kept such terrible secrets from him.

So what if Severus had made the Wolfsbane for him, had improved it for him, had fussily visited him after almost every full moon to make sure that he was okay… had held him protectively in his arms after their often marathon lovemaking sessions. Severus had killed everyone who meant anything to Remus. One did not to that to one's loved ones. He could not explain the kindnesses and affection. He could not reconcile Severus' Jekyll and Hyde but he knew one thing- this last crime, murdering Dumbledore and striking such a cruel blow against the Light, was the last straw. Clearly Mr. Hyde had taken over and Dr. Jekyll would never return.

***

"What are they thinking?" Bellatrix shrieked at her sister, too agitated to care that Snape had been having tea with Naricissa and still sat in the room, cup and saucer in hand.

"Who, Bella? And what have they done?" Mrs. Malfoy asked wearily. Snape couldn't help but notice how much Narcissa had aged in just over a year.

"The spawn of our dearly departed sister has married the WEREWOLF! Marrying a Mudblood was not enough? No, her daughter had to do one worse and marry a filthy dog!"

"Remus Lupin?" Narcissa gasped so loudly that the accidental startled clink of delicate china that almost betrayed Snape's shock went unheard.

"No, Fenrir Greyback!"

"Greyback?" Narcissa's pale face went almost grey, her perfectly manicured fingers trembled uncontrollably. "Well, at least he's on our side."

Snape snorted in his head as Bellatrix fumed, "I was being sarcastic, Cissy! Of course Lupin! Sirius' old friend at that. When the Dark Lord hears this…"

But she had no time to complete her furious rant as the man/ creature in question entered the room just then.

Numb with shock, Severus listened as his love's elopement to the klutz was much ridiculed. Oddly enough, he did not feel any tears nor did he struggle to control his emotions. He joined in the revelry only as much as necessary. He felt nothing. It all felt like a distant nightmare- perhaps someone else's that he was viewing using Legilimency. He had always suspected that Tonks wanted Lupin and Albus' matchmaking had helped her cause. Once again want Severus Snape wanted had proven to be less important than what others wanted.

He had very little left to live for now. He would avenge Lily and Regulus. He would help her son kill the man/creature who had killed her. He would see that Regulus' sacrifice was not made in vain. And then, once that was done… well… his job and reason for being would be complete.


	17. Chapter 16

Summary: Severus returns to Hogwarts.  
A/N: Sorry tinogirl but things are going to be a little sad for a while. I think this chapter offers a little hope though.

catintheSky- I do think that at times Albus doesn't really respect Severus. It's almost as though he still sees Snape as the Death Eater. Personally I think it's because he doesn't scold Snape for his sometimes harsh words and Slytherin bias too frequently and instead his disapproval comes off in disrespectful and dismissive ways. This time, however, his interrupting Severus is saving the man from himself. I think Albus realizes that Snape's cruel words are sometimes knee-jerk responses to uncomfortable situations and/or a way to hide his true nature. Even in canon he is disappointed that Snape insists on hiding his positive side. I'm happy you like my 'pervey paintings' but you have to admit that Remus and Severus are also a little bit exhibitionist lol

WARNING- mild suggestions of het. Very mild… probably doesn't even deserve a warning…

Disclaimer: These characters are not mine. They were created by JK Rowling. I'm just borrowing them for a little while and I don't make a penny off of this.

Rating: M

CHAPTER 16

Andromeda Tonks watched worriedly as her daughter tried to console her new husband. Remus Lupin struggled to control his emotions. He was furious with Severus and furious with himself. Although he did not speak out loud, he scolded himself for only the hundredth time that week for having ever trusted Snape. His former lover had almost killed George Weasley! Killing Albus was evidently not enough, no, he had to go injure others! And now word was that Moody and Hedwig had been killed, Harry and Hagrid barely escaped with their lives. How could Severus have done that to Lily's son, even if he was half James?

***

"Severus, my most faithful servant," Voldemort hissed as the Death Eater meeting dispersed. "Come with me. Just Severus," he added as Bellatrix moved to follow. He smirked- insofar as one can smirk without lips- at the scowl that his two favourite servants shared. He enjoyed the way they fought over him and encouraged the competitive spirit.

"My Lord?" Severus stood next to his master in a narrow bell tower eight floors above ground level. He could not imagine why he had been summoned here. It was fortunate for him that his Occlumency was at an all time best lately. Not having the time or privacy to think or grieve properly about losing Albus, Remus or any chance at a real Order of Merlin, public respect and recognition had combined perfectly with the indelible stain on his soul to render him numb. He may just have time left to atone for his betrayal of Lily but he would never live long enough nor could he ever do enough to make amends for killing Albus. Remus' hasty marriage to Tonks was not only proof of that but also, mercifully, it actually helped him to accept his losses. He had lost any chance at happiness but there was a sense of closure in knowing that that happiness was no longer out there just beyond his reach.

Looking down at the lawn below, he hoped he had enough time left to help her son but he couldn't imagine anything good coming from being here. Anytime the Dark Lord ascended this tower with someone he returned alone. His only comfort was that usually he watched the ascent from amongst his fellow Death Eaters in a crowd on the lawns of Malfoy Manor while today there was no audience.

"Severus, you are a clever man and I believe perhaps you, of all of my servants, are the most likely to learn how to fly as I can. We begin here…" he gestured vaguely around them and Snape felt the blood drain from his face but that, fortunately, was the only reaction that betrayed him.

Fuming many floors below, Bellatrix debated going out on the lawn. Her master had not ordered a gathering as he usually did and her brief happiness at seeing their destination had long been eclipsed by blind hatred and jealousy. She dared not authorize a gathering and anger him and she was not foolish enough to go out there herself to see what was going on.

"Rabastan!" she yelled at her brother-in-law. "Go out to the folly and tell me what is going on in the tower!"

She scowled at the retreating figure and viciously hexed a passing junior Death Eater for daring to breathe in her presence. Ever since Lucius' arrest, Snape had worked diligently to usurp her family's power and prestige in the Dark Lord's rose-hued eyes. Now even the hatred and distrust she had instilled in Draco was wavering though the damn child had proven more skilled at Occlumency than she expected so she had not figured out why.

"Well?" she snapped as her now limping relative returned.

"The Dark Lord was not pleased with my spying and he hexed me- from so great a distance!"

"Of course he did," she hissed. "He is the Dark LORD! He is the most powerful wizard alive. Distance is but a mere hindrance! But what did you see?"

"I think…" he swallowed audibly, his eyes flickering from her flexing fingers to her partially sheathed wand to her fuming face. Neither he nor his brother was as stupid as people thought and he knew that Bella was in love with Voldemort. "I think that they were… they appeared to be…"

"Legilimens!" Bellatrix watched with growing horror as she viewed the recollection in her in-law's feeble mind. Her lord was standing extremely close to Snape, occasionally touching and brushing against him in a most intimate dance. _Her_ lord seemed to brush his fingers tenderly across Snape's ugly face. She hexed two passing Death Eaters for daring to hold their breaths in her presence as she saw her sometimes lover's face lean closer to her nemesis before the memory ended in an explosion of pain when the Dark Lord's hex had hit its target.

Her fury was so great that she was about to Imperious at a parade of minions into spying for her so she could view their memories.

"Bella!" her sister almost squealed with childish excitement. "Look at Severus! Oh, if my Lucius was here, I just know the Dark Lord would have shown _him_ how to fly too!"

Bellatrix watched in shocked silence as Snape hovered around of the tower. Her heart raced as he appeared to falter, dropping momentarily. Before she could complete her wish that he would fall to his death, though, the annoying man managed to recover, slowly rising back to the top of the tower. Her only consolation was that Snape was nowhere near as graceful as the Dark Lord, no matter how much like a bat he might naturally look.

Severus' heart tried desperately to jump out of his body, pumping so furiously that the vein at his temple knocked at his skull as though inquiring as to the sanity of his brain. He hadn't felt quite so alive in weeks! He was no Gryffindor and his pleasures were not gained from venturing into foolish dares but Slytherin ambition rejoiced at his having achieved broomless flight. As he'd fallen he noticed Bellatrix smirking and, in the millisecond it all took, he felt motivated to succeed and succeed he had! He knew he was the first person the Dark Lord had taught this little trick and he didn't even have to fuck him for the privilege.

Soon after he re-entered the tower he couldn't help but think about the Muggle saying about 'famous last words'. The Dark Lord did not cheer or congratulate him as he returned merely remarking that he had known all along that Severus could do it.

"Severus, you look so flushed," Lord Voldemort whispered sibilantly. "I have so rarely seen you so joyous and excited… since Regulus died. I am told that you have had no serious lovers since. That is for the best… Love… is overrated. It is a fool's game- a way for the so-called Light to control and manipulate. Love is weak and it makes people weak. But sex…"

Severus' body betrayed him, a shiver of horrified disgust ran up his spine and a choked whimper escaped his pursed lips.

"Yessss," his would-be seducer gloated. "Sex can be a joy for all participants. You should not deny yourself that joy, Severus." In spite of his powers of Legilimency, Voldemort's ego sometimes defeated him and he thought the shiver to be one of lust.

"My lord, the Ministry is losing the battle. Nott sends word to that the MLE is in disarray trying to protect the Ministry and that the targets are currently distracted at the Burrow for a wedding," Goyle Sr. panted.

The Dark Lord licked Snape's cheek with quick flicking snake-like strokes. "We will continue another time, Severus. For now, we must go."

***

"I bet Snape has something to do with it," Remus sniped for the second time that night. His wife narrowed her eyes and frowned. Her husband was obsessed with Snape! She knew that he had some strange sort of crush on the man but to be thinking of him at such a time!

"Merlin and Morgana, Remus! We've just made love and you're thinking about him?!"

"I cannot help it, he makes me so furious. I knew he wasn't the nicest man, Dora, but how could he have done this? I never expected any of these things. I feel like I never knew him. I…"

"Albus Dumbledore was fooled by him, love. You can hardly beat yourself up about not being able to achieve what Dumbledore couldn't do. You do remember how formidable the Headmaster was. As a student, I often wondered if he was omnipotent and all-knowing!"

"That's just it. I cannot understand how he fooled Albus Dumbledore! It simply doesn't make any sense."

"Love, please," she begged irritably. "Just hold me and enjoy the afterglow. Forget about Severus Snape and the war- just for this little moment- please."

"I'm sorry, Dora," he pulled her closer and kissed her hair. "It's just that-"

"It's just that you had a little crush on Snape-"

"What?" Remus sat upright almost toppling his wife off of the narrow bed. "What did you say?"

"I was saying," she stroked his arm trying desperately to placate him, "that perhaps because he kept making you the Wolfsbane which helped you so much, you developed a little misguided crush on Snape and that's why his betrayal affects you so much more than it does everyone else."

"You think I developed a crush on Albus' killer?" he snarled defensively.

"No, you had the crush before that. I don't think it was too obvious but I could see it because I liked you and paid attention." She raised a hand to his lips as prepared to protest again. "It's alright, love. I knew it was just a silly little thing. Snape is hardly the loveable kind is he?"

Remus bit his lip and looked away. Even in spite of it all, he was outraged by her criticism of his lover… ex-lover. He _had_ loved Snape, after all. Misunderstanding his reaction, Tonks continued to explain.

"I don't disrespect you for it, darling. I understand that he made the Wolfsbane for you and you felt grateful to him for it but love, you need to realize that he probably made it under duress, most likely on Dumbledore's orders."

Remus nodded and spooned against her back so that she could not see his face and the silent tears he could no longer stop from falling.

Tonks sighed in surrender. She knew Remus loved her and wanted her. She just had to help him to forget Snape. Having herself had a bit of a crush on Remus for a while, she knew just how difficult it was to let go of such feelings.

What her husband needed was something else to focus his excess energies on. He was insatiable and she suspected that she was not enough for him. Though he seemed to enjoy their lovemaking, often initiating intercourse, his sounds of pleasure never seemed reflected in his eyes. It sometimes seemed as though he wasn't even seeing her. In fact, were it not for their extremely healthy sexual relationship, she would worry that perhaps he didn't want to be any more than friends. Yet there was no denying that he seemed happier and more relaxed around her when they were just being close friends than when they had to do anything as a married couple. Even her parents had noticed it.

Though Molly had not come right out and suggested it, her friend had hinted that Remus would settle once he had a family. At that moment Tonks decided that she would stop consuming the contraceptive potions. She wanted his child and she felt certain that with a child to think about, Remus would certainly forget all about Snape.

***

Severus Apparated to 'their cottage' for one last visit before he would return to Hogwarts, his home for most of his life. Just as he and Albus had planned and hoped, Voldemort was eager to capture and control the school, hoping to recruit and train a generation of pureblood supremacists. He felt a little bad about Minerva doing all of the preparatory work for the new academic year but the Dark Lord had forbidden him from returning early with the other teachers. He knew that in spite of his hold on the Ministry and most of the British Wizarding world, if it was announced in advance that his Death Eaters would be faculty, many parents would transfer their students and very few would show on September 1. Making attendance compulsory also helped the situation.

Once more Severus felt disappointed in his younger self for having been blinded by the Dark Lord. During his first reign, Lord Voldemort and he had spent many hours discussing the expansion and modernisation or rather liberalisation of the curriculum. They both dreamt of a Hogwarts where more focus was on academia than on quidditch and the Dark Arts were not restricted.

Although some of those changes had been made, focus remained on controlling rather than freeing students. It was only the nature and motivation of the control that had changed.

Stepping through the door he had not entered in almost two months, he was surprised to note that the cabin smelled strongly of his lover. It had been the full moon only days ago, had Remus come here for the change? He wondered what it could mean, if anything at all.

***

"Severus, my boy, you made it!" Snape stared blankly at the former headmaster's portrait as its subject spoke cheerfully while rummaging through a bowl of candy. "Good, good, yes, I'm well I suppose, ah, a lemon fizzy! I rather hoped some of these were painted in here! Now, we need to get to work soon! Tom has made significant progress lately, hasn't he?"

"You seem well informed, Albus."

"Yes, yes, we portraits have our sources," he tapped his nose and his painted eyes twinkled. "I hear that there were a couple of weddings this summer. I was a bit surprised that Remus married Nymphadora."

To Albus' great disappointment there was absolutely no reaction. Severus seemed completely disinterested rather than irritated or angry.

Flicking the last of his things away, Snape turned on one heel. "You wished to begin our work, Albus? I am unpacked and ready."

***

As he made his way from frame to frame, Dumbledore reflected on life after death in the portrait. He felt so freed by death. All of his life, at least ever since he was a teenager, hoarding secrets had been a natural act for him. He knew everyone else's secrets and shared few. Yet now he felt somewhat removed from that Albus, as though he didn't quite need to be so secretive anymore.

"Albus! Nige! So pleasant to have you here, come, come," Sir Argyle greeted boisterously, motioning to the seats in the drawing room that made up the backdrop of his portrait. "Tea?"

Thirty minutes later, the conversation had finally moved on from a debate on whether people's character changed when they become portraits after their deaths. No conclusion had been reached but somehow Jane Shears and Professor Sophia Douglas had, from their portraits nearby, managed to change to topic to the latest couples' gossip.

"I was utterly devastated to hear of their elopement," Professor Douglas said sadly of Lupin and Tonks.

"You do not favour them?" Albus asked curiously.

"Well, it's not so much that, I suppose," Jane sighed. "But we rather liked young Lupin with young Snape, didn't we? Such a lovely couple they were…"

Albus choked on his tea. "You mean Professors Severus Snape and Remus Lupin?" he croaked, blinking dry his watery eyes.

"Yes, the dears," Jane continued, perversely happy to offer Albus a scrap of cloth to use as a handkerchief as she herself dabbed at her eyes. "So tragic… ever since they were students here they've been lovers but the Fates seem to conspire against them. Such a pity- they often made beautiful love here in our garden," she sniffed. "So sad… so romantic…"

Professor Douglas sniffed as well and Sir Argyle pretended that dust had somehow gotten into his painted eyes.

Dumbledore was taken completely by surprise. He suddenly realized his folly. In trying to play matchmaker to Severus and Remus he had accidentally pushed them apart and Remus had fallen right into Nymphadora's arms.

Misunderstanding the source of his grief, Jane, ever the Hufflepuff, decided to cheer the former headmaster up.

"Oh well, young love… we see so much of it always and most of it is merely fleeting. Why, Albus, I remember only too well your experimentation with Edward Schumacher and Marjorie Theobalds in our very own rose garden. Did you ever decide which, if either gender you preferred?"

***

Severus barked orders at the Carrow siblings before slamming the door to his office behind him.

"Severus, whatever is wrong? I take it that your visit with the Malfoys did not go well?"

"The Dark Lord has ordered Bellatrix to prune her family tree of Mudbloods and half-bloods. She has taken it quite to heart, especially since she was so handsomely rewarded for Black's death at the Ministry. Now, however, it is the Tonks family that are the bane of her existence. The Lupin marriage has been quite a sore point for her as it is a favourite topic of gossip among the Death Eaters.

Narcissa seemed agitated today and I found out from her that Bellatrix is planning, without the Dark Lord's permission, to attack Lupin during his weakest hours after the full moon. She is doing it herself because she wants to ensure that the honour is hers alone."

"You wish to save him, Severus?"

"I have little choice but to help him, Albus. He is a fool who cannot do it on his own but I cannot be seen. I need to get Wolfsbane to him, but how? He won't accept it."

"Have you tried, Severus?"

"Yes!" he hissed angrily. "I have tried several times!"

_Snape watched in frustration as the smoking goblet of Wolfsbane and its accompanying note were spotted by Tonks who immediately banished it._

'_It was Snape- I recognise his scrawl. You must be careful, darling. He may be trying to poison you.'_

'_Why would he do that, Dora?' Remus asked, looking longingly at the place where the potion has been only moments before._

'_Who knows the minds of Death Eaters, love? Maybe he simply has a thirst for murder now or maybe he hopes to kidnap you for his master.'_

'_Do you really think that Voldemort cares about a werewolf like me?'_

'_You are the close to Harry and you are a werewolf- perhaps he means to kidnap you and use you as bait or torture you as an example and a warning which would doubly serve to sadden and distract Harry! Please promise me that you will not take anything from him, especially not any potions.'_

_Severus was pleased that Lupin merely nodded rather than promise out loud._

_Three hours later he returned with another goblet and note. It was a slow and frustrating process but he could not simply Apparate with the volatile potion. He had to stabilize it and Floo small distances at a time until he arrived at his location and unfortunately the closest Floo he could access near to the Tonks family home was almost an hour's walk away._

_Spotting Remus walking alone in the back garden, Severus tried again, this time leaving the potion and note just outside the fence towards which Remus' walking pattern suggested that he would eventually reach._

_This time around Remus managed to read the note before his mother-in-law's sudden appearance startled him into reflexively pocketing the note and knocking over the potion._

"I don't know if she saw anything but after that Tonks never allowed Remus to walk alone."

"Remus?" Albus smirked as the blood drained from Severus' face as the new headmaster realized his mistake.

Snape knew better than to try to pretend that he had said something else. Instead he chose to remain absolutely silent on the matter.

Albus smiled kindly. "Severus, I know about you and Remus," he paused, hoping for a reaction but receiving none. "I am so sorry, my boy. I thought you two would have been so good together but I did not realize while I was alive that you were already a couple. I did not mean to push Remus into Nymphadora's arms… I only meant to use her to make you jealous…"

"You did not push him anywhere, Albus," Snape said sharply. "Once I killed you, he turned from me and into her arms. He has made himself a happy family with someone much better for him than I am. She is as far opposite from me as he could find. Clearly I was not really his type."

"Or perhaps he was so confused that he rushed into the first arms he found and hers were wide open," Albus suggested. He waited a while for Severus to respond but when the silence continued uninterrupted, he continued sadly, "Perhaps you can convince Voldemort that you have intelligence on Remus' location and wish to spy on him with hopes to find out Harry's whereabouts. I am sure he would agree. And if a few of Bellatrix's minions are caught by you, Tom would certainly simply reward you for unearthing the treachery in his ranks."

Without further ado, Severus Floo'd to the private labs he still claimed as his own.

***

Severus disillusioned himself and hid in thick foliage behind their cabin. He was fairly certain based on the scent of his lover that lingered after the last full moon that Remus would be here. Albus had tried but hadn't enough time to find out for certain where Lupin might be this month. Severus put a note warning of Bellatrix's impending attack and a goblet on the bedside table where hopefully it would not be missed.

Removing a receptor mirror from his robes, he prepared to watch as everything unfolded. A mere half an hour later, Remus arrived. Severus was upset to see how haggard the man looked after only a few months. Clearly Remus needed the Wolfsbane.

Unfortunate it seemed that the fool did not agree. To his disappointment and anger, after reading the note Remus merely sniffed at the perfectly good and untainted potion before banishing it. He had hoped that Remus' coming here was proof that he still cared on some level but apparently it did not. It was only the continuing numbness around his heart that kept it from breaking as he watched Remus check the room for curses before leaving cautiously and going into the surrounding woods. Not that he could blame the man but it hurt to realize that Remus' trust in him was so broken that he would even think Severus would hurt him.

Severus knew he could not follow. Dusk had already fallen and he would be a fool to try tangling with a werewolf. Quickly but unobtrusively flicking a trace at the back of Lupin's departing head he went into the cabin and prepared to wait out the night.

A sleepless night later, Severus went in search of his wayward lover. From experience he knew that Lupin changed back slightly before dawn giving him less than an hour to find the man before Bellatrix and company appeared. Tradition held that the change occurred during dawn so they would most likely wait until then. It was fortunate that Remus had chosen this location because Severus knew it so well that he was sure to have a home-court advantage, so to speak, in the event that Bellatrix and her lot showed up early.

He had just gotten within metres of the trace when several loud cracks around him indicated the arrival of his dark associates. He quickly flew straight up onto a sturdy branch of an ancient yew tree. From his concealed vantage point he watched as the three Lestranges and two of the nameless junior Death Eaters that made up Voldemort's ranks began searching for Lupin. He couldn't tell if they had a trace of their own but they seemed to quickly hone in on their victim. Severus commanded a low lying branch to slap one of the aspirant minions and suppressed a sneer as his companion startled, tripping over a root.

Better than he could ever have hoped for, Bellatrix angrily hexed the two men before binding them to a tree to keep them out of the way. Next Snape silently transfigured a hanging vine into a snake and let it drop on Rabastan's head. At this last move, Bellatrix became immediately suspicious that they were under attack.

"Show yourself, you coward!" she screamed, waking a sleep-drunk Remus whose confused movements attracted her. "Crucio!"

Severus swore. Cringing inwardly, he glamoured his hair blond and put on his Death Eater mask before jumping out of the branches and grabbing the screaming man.

"He's MINE!" Bellatrix screamed, her attempt to hex the intruder ending the Cruciatus. Turning frantically to Rabastan who was the closest, she yelled, "Get him!"

Fortune was on their side, however, and the snake coiled around the Death Eater's head also covered his ears. Frustrated, Bellatrix managed to send a cutting hex at Remus which sliced into his face and chest and across Severus' arm.

Hexing the Lestrange couple, Snape side-along Apparated Remus back to their cabin. Several misdirecting spells around the cottage clearing would make it relatively safe, at least for a while. Still, he hoped that seeing another Death Eater would be enough to scare Bellatrix away.

Severus spent the next half an hour feeding Remus potions and cleaning several fresh wounds. Fortunately they all healed which meant they were neither self-inflicted nor as the result of an attack by another werewolf.

"You fool! Stupid Gryffindor!," his worried rambling repeated like a mantra as he worked. "Why didn't you drink the potion, you imbecile?"

Remus slowly began to regain consciousness… or perhaps he was having a bizarre dream. He only hoped he wasn't dying, or maybe even dead… but Severus appeared to be tenderly healing him while insulting him with a thesaurus sized collection of offensive adjectives and nouns.

"Severus?" he whispered from dry lips, choking on his parched throat. He gratefully accepted the goblet of water pressed to his lips. "Is it really you?"

Severus merely sneered.

"Oh Severus!" he gasped as he launched into the other's hands, kissing the thin lips hungrily. Snape stopped immediately once he realized that he had foolishly responded. Nothing good could come from doing that.

"I doubt your _wife_ would appreciate that," he sneered, moving to the safety of the opposite end of the room.

Remus looked stricken. How could he have done that to Dora? But Severus- that kiss only proved what he had already suspected- no one else's kiss could satisfy him in quite that same way. Still, he could not be unfaithful, especially not with Albus Dumbledore's killer.

"Dumbledore… Severus, why?"

Several loud booms reached their ears and they were startled to see the smoke rising in the not too far distance. As they watched through the windows they saw black, most likely Death Eater robes rush by followed soon after by Auror robes. While they were in their own little cocoon, a small battle had erupted around them.

"We have to go," Snape hissed, gathering his potion vials and any other proof of his presence with a flick of his wand. "I must pretend to go to their rescue and you must return to your wife but next time, take the bloody potion!"

"But Severus…"

"We do not have time for this!" Snape snapped but hesitated. "Now is not the right time."

"When will the right time be? Will you be here next month?"

"We do not know if any of us will be here tomorrow, I will not promise anything. Return to your wife, she was probably worried about you and called in her colleagues at the MLE when you didn't come right home."

"I… I left. She's pregnant… I've ruined her life… and the child's… To have a father like me…"

"You really are a fool! You will be a good father to that child but only if you're there! Go back to your family, Remus."

"You don't understand!"

"I may not know much about being a happy family, Remus, but I dare say I know more about broken families than you do! GO BACK TO YOUR CHILD! Where is your Gryffindor courage? You will be a better father to that child than mine…" Taking a deep breath Snape warned once more, "Next time take the potion!"

Remus watched his former lover turn on his heel and storm out of the house before following shortly thereafter.

Four hours later, Remus sat reunited with his wife in her parents' home. Apparently Bellatrix, overly confident of her success, had prematurely sent word to her sister that she 'had killed' Remus.

Tonks had indeed summoned several friends who were Aurors. Disguised against being recognised by the Death Eaters now that the Ministry was under their control, Tonks friends' found the two junior minions still tied to the tree. As it happened, one of the two was actually a spy- Eddie Fishman was an Auror who joined Death Eater ranks. His junior membership meant that he was not privy to the most important information but also that he was not branded and had never met Voldemort himself up close thereby protecting his cover. It was on his information that they found Bellatrix soon after and the fight began. It had ended prematurely when Snape joined and hexed several of them allowing the other Death Eaters to escape. Fortunately all of his curses were mild hexes and none of the Aurors had been hurt.

Confusingly, however, Eddie spoke of a strange Death Eater who captured a bleeding and weakened Remus yet when they found Lupin walking in the woods, he appeared remarkably untouched but for his ripped clothes. Until that point, Remus hadn't been completely convinced Severus had really been there and saved him, convinced it was all a fantasy. Still confused about everything, he feigned amnesia. He needed answers and he knew he would never get the chance if they found out the truth about his saviour. He would wait for the next full moon and hopefully Severus would return.

***

Nymphadora Lupin sat up in bed enjoying the sore ache between her legs and on her tender breasts. She smiled at the sleeping man lying beside her. She felt relieved that he seemed not to remember Snape saving him and she had absolutely no doubt that it was her former Potions professor that had saved him.

She was confused by this latest development but several hours of analyzing the situation had forced her to accept that as bizarre as it seemed, Snape had seemed indulgent of Lupin's crush. She assumed that he was flattered by the attention; it made sense since she doubted very much that too many others- that any others- had ever been attracted to the dour man.

Tonks wondered whether she should be worried but decided against it. For better or for worse, three things were true.

Firstly, Snape had saved her husband, whatever his bizarre motivations. As long as he kept her husband safe, she supposed she could turn a blind eye to the Dark Angel.

Secondly, Snape hadn't kidnapped Remus, leaving him free to return to her.

And thirdly though most importantly, Remus had returned to her happier and more attentive than ever since their marriage.

In the face of those facts, not being able to understand Snape's intentions seemed a small price to pay for having her husband and father of her child return home.


	18. Chapter 17

Summary: Full moon trysts.  
A/N: There should only be two more chapters and possibly an epilogue… haven't decided on the epilogue. Thank you to my faithful readers!

Disclaimer: These characters are not mine. They were created by JK Rowling. I'm just borrowing them for a little while and I don't make a penny off of this.

Rating: M

CHAPTER 17

"Severus… Severus, please forgive me! I should have promised… I should have given you the benefit of the doubt… please, listen to me… I'm sorry… So sorry… nngh… Sev… Severus."

For the umpteenth night in the last month, Tonks was awoken by her husband's pleas in his sleep. Although his obsession with Snape seemed to have calmed considerably and he no longer ranted about the man's betrayal at every, and any, opportunity, his dreams were now plagued with strange one sided conversations she could not follow. He never seemed to remember anything in the morning and she chose not to press for details, afraid of disturbing what she considered to be the fragile peace between them.

Remus didn't act like it was fragile and everyone thought that they were stronger than ever before but she knew better. Only she knew about the dreams. Since Dumbledore had assigned only her to delivering the potion to Remus in the last year of his life, only she was aware that Snape had been making the potion still and the effect that the potion had. This is why she knew that Snape had begun making it again- and once again she had to consider the cost of a sacrifice. Remus came home to her after each full moon and he seemed healthier. Considering that he was devoted to her and the baby she was carrying, could she really demand that he stop accepting the Wolfsbane… because she was jealous of him keeping the company of its maker? The potion was a fact, that anything untoward was going on between the two men was at best foolish speculation on her part. There were no signs but the dreams that anything at all was going on.

"Severus… oh Severus…"

Tonks gasped as a sudden awareness refused to be denied or suppressed any longer. For quite a while now… perhaps even before they had gotten married, she suspected that Remus' crush went a little deeper than simple worshipful gratitude. She had deliberately remained blind to this possibility, convincing herself that Snape could never compare to her… but the sounds of ecstasy coming from her husband as he dreamt of the Potions Master left little doubt. He never sounded quite like that when they made love.

Though it broke her heart, Tonks was forced to finally accept that maybe her husband was in love with someone else. She supposed it would be hypocritical of her to complain too loudly since it was his connection to her cousin more than the man himself that attracted her to him but it didn't make things any easier to accept. Her consolation was that he, at least, was an honourable man- once he got past his neuroses about his condition affecting their child. She firmly believed that he would never leave her and if Snape's behaviour of late was any indication, he would respect their marriage, if not her. She did not believe that they were lovers… she couldn't so she wouldn't.

***

The two former headmasters, Black and Dumbledore, were enjoying a comparatively pleasant conversation in the Slytherin dungeons. The landscape portrait of England's Lake District was beautiful and most importantly empty. During Grindelwald's war, its Slytherin student artist had been pressured by his immature blood thirsty peers into hiding the 'boring' art in an empty storage room making it an unattractive location to most of the portrait dwellers. Albus was pleased that Phineas had shared the secret hideaway with him, even if it was only because he and Argyle had both bribed the man for this show of camaraderie.

"No, no, no, Albus. You're quite wrong about Regulus Arcturus. You simply have never understood Slytherins, have you? He knew what horcruxes are. We had rather a lively discussion about it back at Grimmauld Place actually."

"So he asked you about them?"

"Well actually he asked his grandfather, Pollux, about the things he and the house elves had seen and Pollux invited all of us portraits to the library to join the conversation. By the end of it we'd agreed that the locket was definitely a horcrux."

"So you knew about it and what he'd done before Harry and I went to look for the horcrux?"

"Yes, of course," Black answered smugly. "You didn't ask me, though, did you? You young people always think you know everything. That's why I liked young Regulus. He was a little too fond about the house-elves like my Elladora but he was mostly willing to listen to his elders and respect us," he sniffed.

"Yes… well. I trust he never mounted any of their heads," Albus muttered, hurrying on at Phineas' scowl. "It doesn't change that he never told Severus about it… at least as far as I can establish. I thought you loved and trusted Severus therefore I wonder why…"

"It's not that he didn't trust Snape. Snape knows what a horcrux is but not the details of how it's made," Black retorted. "He said that he didn't want to provide unnecessary temptation. While you were here running around like a headless chicken, Regulus Arcturus was already identifying Riddle as a manipulative menace."

"You could have saved him." Albus was once more puzzled by the former headmaster. He'd thought the man was difficult with him because he was a half-blood and Gryffindor but here he'd allowed his own descendant of whom he seemed rather proud, to kill himself so pointlessly.

"It is not our place as portraits to keep life from continuing or death from happening, Albus. The sooner you learn that, the better."

Musing in his portrait in Snape's private laboratory where he often escaped for quieting contemplation, Albus considered all he had learned. He finally understood what Regulus meant when he said 'there is so much I want to explain further to you but I'm not sure if I can. I do not want to tempt you to do wrong. I know that these things do not truly interest you and that you would agree that some things are an abomination but you forget yourself whenever you are around _him'_.

He had worried about what it meant, convinced that more was mentioned or hinted in the diary or that even Regulus had not trusted Severus. Now that he knew better he felt some minor shame at his poor faith in the awkward boy. After all, hadn't he often kept secrets from Severus for that very same reason- to separate him temptation?

***

Albus returned from one of his many trips away from his portrait in the headmaster's office. While he was just as busy working for the Order in death as in life, he was also enjoying the opportunity to visit with old friends long deceased. Portrait hopping was quite fun and it was difficult to heed Argyle's warnings to pace himself.

As was frequently the case, Severus was not in his office when he returned. Several months ago he'd finally dared to question the defensive man and was pleasantly surprised to avoid any conflict. Instead they enjoyed a stimulating intellectual discussion about antivenin. It seemed that the Potions Master was nearing closer to perfecting his potion. For his part, Albus was happy to be able to make useful suggestions without giving away that part of the venom's power was the result of Nagini being a horcrux. Snape had enjoyed the discussion so much that he had added the frame in his private labs which was warded to Albus alone.

At last count, the Nagini specific anti-venom seemed successful but it wasn't the easiest serum to test. Now however, their chance had come. Riddle's minions had attacked and killed Muggle-born Auror Davidson's family. Only his eighteen year old son had survived in spite of Nagini's attack. Apparently the young man's rebellion had saved him. After Hogwarts he had fallen in love with a Muggle whose lifestyle was apparently called 'BDSM'. The boy had adapted to her lifestyle in spite of his parents' disapproval and took to wearing a thick leather and chain slave collar. It was ironically this very collar which had saved his life. Unfortunately the protection was not complete and he was quickly weakening. If there was any chance to save the young man's life, Severus had it.

"Severus, the antivenin is needed… there is a child who needs it… Stephen Davidson, a former Hufflepuff, I believe."

"Ravenclaw," Snape corrected, quickly gathering the necessary potions. "Where is he?"

"We've smuggled him here… the twins should have taken him to the Shrieking Shack by now. Go on, Severus. The portraits, ghosts and I will do our best to distract the Carrows. Good luck!"

***

"Why did you do that, Severus? You had no right, it is not done," Albus repeated for the twentieth time, feeling agitated and distressed for the first time in his painted existence.

"Albus, the potion worked but Mr. Davidson appeared disoriented. When I used legilimency on him, I discovered that he had been forced to watch Death Eaters rape his mother and pre-teen sister before killing them. Moreover his magic was stripped from him. What good would it have done him to leave him with such memories and life as a half-blood squib? He was better off simply being a Muggle!"

"It was not your decision to make, Severus!"

"He was a brilliant student, Albus, a good wizard. His remaining family are all Muggles, his lover is a Muggle, his pierced leather clad friends are all Muggles! Moreover once the Death Eaters discovered he was alive, they would wonder why and he would become a target again!"

"If your concern was that your precious potions would be discovered, you need not have worried; I only involved the most discreet! Young Davidson was a brilliant student and his father is a good Auror, Severus. Didn't you think of them?"

"How dare you accuse me of selfish motivations? You wanted to keep him alive to recruit him and his father Albus. Perhaps the Order can use more help but that boy would have been of no use to you. He was turned into a squib! There was nothing left for him here!"

"Headmaster!" former Headmaster Black's report of the Golden Trio's location in the Forest of Dean interrupted the argument. "No respect, these young people…"

Once Severus left to deliver Gryffindor's Sword to Harry, Albus was left alone with his thoughts. Had he really wanted to save the young man primarily as a means to recruiting his father? As much as he would have liked to dismiss Severus' claims, he had to admit that he had wanted to recruit Davidson for quite some time. The Auror's talents and good character _did come_ highly recommended by Moody and Shacklebolt.

He had been upset by his spy's heavy-handed tactics which seemed to cold and calculated and quite frankly too Death Eater-like. Yet perhaps Severus had done the right thing, after all the boy would not be lost to his father who remained close to their Muggle relatives. Still it would be a shame to lose such a strong wizard at a time such as this.

***

That March, as he had for about half dozen full moons now, Severus got ready to go to their Snowdonia cabin. Decanting a large sealable vial of Wolfsbane and packing a goblet, he began the long slow process of getting to the village of Beddgelert, Wales. He would leave the potion with Rhiannon, a local witch who ran an inn frequented by wizards and Muggles alike, although the Muggles couldn't see the second story inn itself, only the main floor pub. Remus would then 'visit' the pub for drinks where Rhiannon would request his assistance in the store cupboards where he could privately drink the potion, supposedly left their by a member of the Order working with Gibbs. As always, the very paranoid Potions Master, who at that moment would most likely be in another village far away making sure he was seen, would have charmed the vial against being opened and tampered with.

The process remained very much the same but they varied the location. So far the potion swap had happened in Devon, York, Cornwall, Kent, Preston, Southampton, Birmingham and several places in Scotland. Each of the three nights found him in a different location but within reasonable distance from the other two nights of that full moon, giving the appearance that Remus was travelling. Severus, for his part, only sometimes allowed himself to be seen outside of Hogsmeade and Knockturn or Diagon Alley.

It was a complex system but they didn't want people figuring out the location of their hideaway- or even that they had a joint hideaway.

They would linger a while at their respective locations, before Apparating to the cabin. Severus was almost always the first to arrive, making himself secure. He had charmed an alcove into wizarding space so that it was now a comfortable bedsitting room from which he could observe and remain with the werewolf.

Severus unpacked the book that he brought for tonight. He never slept while he was here. It wasn't that he didn't trust Remus, the wizard, his protective wards around the alcove or his potion but he didn't trust the wolf and felt it would be silly to put himself in a vulnerable position while trapped in such close quarters.

He had barely begun to settle himself when Remus arrived. As always Remus seemed startled to see Severus before his memories returned. After that fateful night when he'd saved Lupin's life, he reconsidered allowing the man to know that he had been the one to help him. For the next month he warred with himself over this perceived indiscretion until finally deciding to approach his love with a solution at their first planned meeting.

"_Remus, I know you have many questions but we must be careful about what we are doing here. You are not a master Occlumens. I have been careless already in allowing you to know as much as __you do…"_

"_You cannot obliviate me, Severus, please! Do not do that to me. Do not deny me these memories."_

"_I knew you wouldn't agree to obliviation and I'm not sure I even want to ask that of you… but I'm not sure whether you will be any more amenable to my other suggestion… I have created a spell which is a combination of Confundus, Fidelius and temporary obliviation. I have tested it… I assure you that it is safe._

_Basically the charm allows us to spend this time together but once you leave this cabin you will not remember anything you have learned here, or me, or even the details of the Death Eater attack last month._

_It is not a permanent charm and, like a Fidelius, anyone you reveal the location of this cabin to can come here with you and would be here when you remember everything." He chose not to add that he would discourage Remus from inviting anyone to the cottage. This was a spell he would never have dared if Albus or Moody were alive. "You can also be released if you speak a certain sequence of words to certain people or if I die."_

"_You promise not to obliviate me?"_

"_Yes."_

"_I trust you."_

_Once again Remus had managed to say so much in three little words that he create__d chaos in Snape's well-organized and occluded mind. Taking a stabilising breath, the snarky man intoned his spell. _

_It worked perfectly. __That fact freed Severus' inhibitions. He often confessed to things he would never have confessed to anyone other than Lily. Ironically, knowing that he had lost Remus helped him to not fear losing the Gryffindor's trust and respect. There was something liberating about not craving someone's trust and respect. Without that fear, he felt free to be himself for the first time in decades. The only negative side effect was that for a few brief moments Remus would be startled to see him in the cabin. If the man had sharper reflexes during the full moon, Severus would probably have been hexed many times already._

"Severus," Lupin blinked as his memories flooded in. He smiled as he thought about the past several months. No topic was off-limits to either of them here. They'd spent many hours actually getting to know each other now that not even sex was available as a distraction. They even spoke freely about Lily, Regulus and the Marauders. It turned out that Severus wasn't as jealous of James as he always thought but rather that he felt that James wasted his popularity and talent in charms and transfigurations by consorting with Sirius and pulling childish pranks. He was more jealous, or rather, confused, about Sirius. To Severus, Sirius' cruel, self-centred and vicious behaviour was no different than what most Slytherins were hated for yet the Gryffindor Black was beloved as nothing but a 'silly prankster'. They had discussed Albus' death in much detail with Severus crying on his shoulder over the heartbreak of losing the eccentric man. He hoped he had finally assuaged Severus' conscience because Remus genuinely believed that the act was one of mercy. It would have benefitted no one for Albus to end his days suffering and becoming a frail and incapacitated shadow of the brilliant wizard and analytical mind he had been all his life.

Remus loved almost every aspect of these visits except three. He hated that they were only now getting to know one another. He ached whenever he regained his memories and realized how much he had lost no matter how temporary and he struggled with his morality over Severus' insistence on a platonic relationship.

He could not decide whether he would be cheating on his lover with his wife or on his wife with his former lover. He missed Snape, of that he had no doubt. Yet he agreed with Severus that his conscience would never allow him to simply cheat on Dora. He loved her but he was in love with the Slytherin. If he could, if Severus even allowed him to consider the possibility, he wasn't sure he could leave Dora and their child to return to Severus. He wanted to believe he could since life without Severus was such pain but his lover knew him better than anyone and the Potions Master insisted that he would never survive the guilt. Of course Severus being Severus had also snidely added that he didn't want half a heart. That if they were together, he would demand Remus' full loyalty.

It was that more than anything that seemed to keep him from sexually assaulting Snape. Whatever they had done to each other in the past, whoever was at fault before, it could not change the truth and he knew it. His full loyalty had never been to Severus. He had always only been willing to love the dour man 'as long as the others don't find out'. The next time they got together, even if that was only in the hereafter or another life, he would not agree to hide their love.

***

Severus sat in his alcove awaiting Remus. It rather seemed that there wouldn't be any chatting tonight because the man was late. He suspected the tardiness was because his lover's wife was readying for childbirth. During this last trimester, Remus had arrived ever later and for the past two days of this month's full moon, they hadn't enjoyed more than an hour of each other's company.

"Severus, I'm so sorry to be late. There was a false alarm- I almost thought I wouldn't be there for the birth of my first child! The Healer says it was caused by stress. Dora has been quite distressed since her father was murdered."

"Your _first_ child?" Severus questioned, unwilling to hide the sudden feelings of disappointment, jealousy and hurt.

Remus swallowed uncomfortably. "Dora and I would love to have more children if this one is… normal."

"He will be," Severus allowed, choosing not to resist adding, "well, as normal as one can be with a Hufflepuff metamorphmagus for a mother…"

Remus rolled his eyes and smiled in response to the good natured jest. "Thank you."

"Why are you thanking me for insulting your wife?"

"That is not why I am thanking you. I know that my talking about my relationship with Dora cannot be easy for you," he raised a hand to stop Severus' response. "It is difficult for me too, Sev, because I love you and I know that you still love me. Yet you allow me to talk about her and to share our joys and frustrations. You have been a dear friend when you don't need to. You continue to make the potion for me which allows me to have the strength to take care of my family. And whenever I have my memories about us, here, in this past half year, I realize that you are the one who has been providing various potions and supplies for her. I don't agree with you using Imperius to have our local apothecary to deliver the potions but I am grateful."

"I don't supply potions for her. I do it for you and your child," Severus sneered.

"Well, thank you."

"Speaking of your child, Remus, I think that perhaps now that you will soon be a father, you shouldn't spend quite as much time here during the full moon. Perhaps tonight should be goodbye."

"I have been a married man with a pregnant wife, Severus, and that never stopped me from coming here. Being a father won't stop me from being a danger to my family, I will need to keep coming here. If I'm going to be here anyway, why shouldn't you be here with me? I need you."

"I won't stop making your potion."

"No, I know you wouldn't. That isn't what I mean. Even if you won't make love to me, I still need you."

"You have your wife… your family."

"Yes, I know. And I love them dearly and always will. But I miss you and need you. Even Dora has commented on several occasions that I am happiest and most relaxed after the full moon. It's *not* the potion doing that, Severus so don't even suggest it! I might not remember you when I leave but being with you, spending time with you, getting to know you… I am happy with you… I need you. I know it's not fair of me to keep you here. I should be encouraging you to find someone of your own but I can't. I'm not strong enough. I want you. I need you. Do not say goodbye!"

No further words were said that visit because the full moon's light pierced the cottage's window at that moment and the transformation ended the conversation. For the first time ever, when Remus awoke the next morning he awoke alone.

Severus had not left a note, only a pair of stuffed baby's toys- a small furry wolf and a plush velvet bat.

* * *

A/N 2 (responses to catintheSky) – I made up the whole Wolfsbane on three nights instead of for the week before the full moon to suit my story but also because I do kind of wonder, if you take it every night for a week and forget it that one night of the full moon, why doesn't it work at all? Shouldn't it at least have some effect? *shrug*

Anyway I confess I completely forgot about Hermione… I think she dismissed what she saw… but if I write that epilogue I guess I might let her remember it lol.

I admit I am ambivalent about Sirius. I don't really like him and I think he was extremely cruel but I also don't think he was a hypocrite… he grew up in the House of Black- it would be unrealistic if he was some saint who knew right from wrong. I don't think he ever genuinely did, especially not when he was never punished for his true wrongs. Well, until the ultimate punishment when Kreacher betrayed him… He bullies Severus and almost kills him and he gets mild punishments but he refuses to be a pureblood bigot and he loses his family and home. No wonder he's confused lol. That's why in this story he's sort of vague. He dislikes Severus still but considering he wasn't the victim, it would have been easier for him to dismiss their past as silly juvenile hostilities and try to accept if not approve of Remus' lover than it would have been for Severus to simply dismiss being victimized and never truly apologized to, even if Severus wasn't a poor defenceless victim.


	19. Chapter 18

Summary: Lovers in a dangerous time.  
A/N: I used the internet to do some translation- 'Dinnae greet' is supposed to be Scottish dialect for 'Don't cry' and Cannae is supposed to mean 'cannot'.

Warning: This is the war bit so there are deaths.

Disclaimer: These characters are not mine. They were created by JK Rowling. I'm just borrowing them for a little while and I don't make a penny off of this.

Rating: M

CHAPTER 18

Nymphadora Tonks lay on the day bed in her childhood home, smiling at her husband as he cooed over their son.

"He's a devoted father, isn't he?" her mother smiled sadly. "Your dad used to dote on you like that too, when you were a baby."

Tonks pulled her mother into a tight embrace but did not say anything. She turned back to her little family and smiled. Ever since she'd had the child a few days ago, her husband rarely left their side. Only going to ask Harry to be Teddy's godfather had seemed enough to even get him out of the house. He had always been kind and loving husband but now he was also completely attentive. That is to say, he didn't seem to be thinking about _him_ so much anymore.

She couldn't help but feel a little smug and triumphant. For a while there, when he'd run away at the news that she was pregnant, she thought she'd lost Remus for good. Even after he returned, she was still worried that he'd leave again. She'd unhappily accepted that she had to share him with Snape and only hoped that, whatever spell the surly Death Eater had over her husband, he would continue to share. She had very little confidence that were he to choose, Remus would choose her.

That was before Teddy was born. Since his birth, the disturbing dreams had all but stopped. Remus still seemed restless some nights but he no longer had loud and vivid erotic dreams about Snape. Of course that could be partly because he rarely slept long enough to have dreams. He seemed to awaken at the slightest sound their son made, jumping out of bed every hour to check on him or simply to admire him.

"Purple with yellow streaks," Remus clapped joyfully, tipping the bassinet upwards so she could see their son's newest hair colour. "Dumbledore would be chuffed!"

She chuckled as he stared at their son in awe, gushing, "Oh, Dora, thank you. He's perfect…"

***

Several alarms went off in the headmaster's office and Snape looked around warily. He pulled his heavy outer robes on and prepared to go look for the idiotic siblings that the Dark Lord had burdened him with.

"Severus, the end is near. My sources tell me that Harry has found… something Voldemort wants and he knows. He is on his way to Hogwarts. You must be prepared. Put the antivenin in your robes."

"I must search the school, Albus. The alarms have gone off."

"You haven't retrieved the antivenin, Severus. Listen, you must tell Minerva-"

"You KNOW that she will not listen to me," Severus snapped. Of all the new enemies he had gained in killing Albus, Minerva was the one that hurt him the most. She regarded him with a look that was the worst combination of hurt from an old friend, disappointment from an old teacher and disgust and distrust from a former ally. She did not respect his abilities anymore and did not tolerate his humour. Controlling him hurt and anger better, he continued, "You have a better chance of reasoning with her than I do. I must go."

"The antivenin!" Albus called. "You must not forget it, Severus. Keep it on your person at all times."

"What for?" Snape drawled. "If I take it with me, how will Poppy get to it if it's needed?"

"I did not know you had enough ingredients to make more batches for her," Albus beamed. "Have you also put it with the other supplies you've stored in the lab?"

"I have not made any more, Albus, but she may use the one behind your portrait."

"How will she get to it," former Headmaster Black interrupted, "if Albus is not here to open the portrait?"

"I do not need to be here. Any of us can open it by simply lifting my bowl of candy."

"Do you think that is wise, Albus?" Snape finally finished buttoning his robes, having chosen to close it the Muggle way.

"Only a former headmaster can open it and we have been bound to only do things for the good of Hogwarts while in this office."

Snape nodded and moved towards the door.

"Severus, the antivenin!" Albus pleaded but Snape ignored him, turning only at the door.

"I will not waste the potion on myself, Albus. It will be better off used on the boy if Nagini attacks him before it is time," he smirked, knowing he had won this argument. He knew that when faced with the decision to save his or Potter's life, Albus would save the other, every time.

***

Snape hadn't slept in over 40 hours. It was just as well that he'd had a lot of practise over the years and generally required little sleep.

Since yesterday when the boy had gotten into the school and he'd had to escape after a brief duel with Minerva, fleeing back to the Dark Lord's side, his dual loyalties were being tested overtime. The duel with his old rival felt great. It was probably the most they'd spoken all year, even if she was angry with him. The old girl was a brilliant duellist and he felt good leaving the school in her capable hands.

He would have fought more but things had gotten too complicated and he knew he would not have been able to stay much longer without genuinely injuring someone.

Albus' sources, whoever they were, had been spot on and the Dark Lord had brought him here to Hogwarts for the final battle. There had been many other little battles but he could sense this fight would be the defining battle of this war. He only hoped the boy was ready.

Speaking of the boy, he could not find Potter anywhere. He needed to give him the final information from Albus. Snape was in no hurry to do so. He still felt like he was betraying Lily by keeping her son alive only to send him to his death. It was only with Remus' wise counsel that he'd been able to justify what he had to do with the thought that at least he was sending the boy to a hero's death.

He snorted as he remembered Albus trying to convince him to take the anti-venom. Any hopes he might have entertained about surviving this war had been crushed after he talked to Remus. They had realized that, once people found out he'd sent Potter to his death- and once Potter had told his friends he had no doubt word would leak out, they would not care to know his reasons. He would be vilified as the man who killed Potter and Dumbledore. His lover had promised to love him unconditionally even after that had happened but he could not put Remus in that situation. There really was nothing for him to live for, so why bother?

"Wolf!" Severus turned at Rabastan Lestrange's yell. To his horror, Remus was struggling to duel both Lestrange brothers and Dolohov.

He turned his wand on Bellatrix's husband, pretending to be aiming for an Auror behind him and cast a non-verbal Conjunctivitis before rapidly loudly stunning the Auror. He had to keep up appearances after all. The blinded Death Eater turned, stunned, wildly swinging his wand and ended up blasting his brother with a frantically shouted, "Reducto!"

Snape dodged a Bat-Bogey hex from Ginny Weasley and sneered at the childish spell from the girl. Before he could say anything to her though, she screamed, "Ashley, take care of him! Remus!"

Snape scowled as Ms. Skyraa rushed to revive the fallen Auror. As he ran to Lupin's aide, he couldn't help but wonder at Minerva allowing fifth years to join the battle. He'd already seen one of the Creevey brothers earlier.

"Impedimenta!" Ginny shouted at Dolohov, milliseconds before Snape shouted, "Levicorpus!"

Ginny screamed in frustration, failing to notice the green light from Rodolphus' wand which he was still erratically waving about, that just barely missed her.

"Snape! Put me down!" she screamed, trying to turn her wand at him.

"You foolish girl!" he snarled, dropping her in an ungainly heap.

"Ginny!" Luna pulled her friend away from Snape, pulling her into a quick hug, "I thought he would kill you!"

"No, just humiliate me," Ginny hissed, still glaring at the departing Snape.

"Not him," Luna shook her head, pointing at Rodolphus' Lestrange's petrified body. "Him! Didn't you see him send the Avada Kedavra at you? Well, not at you, really. I think he'd been overcome by a swarm of wrackspurts because he was flailing and sending wild curses everywhere. He would have killed you if Professor Snape hadn't lifted you out of the way. I had to stop him. Come, let's go!"

Ginny blinked at Luna. She knew her friend to be honest, if a little unusual, so she believed that Snape's spell had saved her life. She did not, however, think that he had meant to do it. It was a lucky coincidence most likely. She turned to look for Lupin but he was gone so she ran after Luna instead.

"Foolish, foolish man!" Snape muttered, forcing Remus to swallow a blood replenishing potion. He was out of pain relieving potions. He had only just managed to save his lover from Dolohov by stunning the werewolf. Unfortunately, even as the stunned body fell, Dolohov had used a cutting curse, forcing Snape to accidentally on purpose hit him with the killing curse. He sneered at Lovegood, the only one who seemed to have witnessed his act. The strange girl cocked her head to one side, looking at him with a bizarrely intense yet vacant gaze that almost unnerved him, before running off to join the Weasley girl.

"Severus," Snape froze at Lucius' voice before pretending to search through Lupin's pockets. "The Dark Lord sent me to find you. He waits for you at the Shrieking Shack."

Snape quickly but gently lay his lover's head down on the dusty floor of the castle hall and turned to face Lucius but his old friend did not appear to be paying any attention to him at all.

"Draco… Severus, have you seen Draco?" he sobbed as Snape shook his head. He and Snape jumped out of the way of a pale blue light, just barely missing some childish defensive hex sent by Tino Escribo and Hannah Abbott. Even Snape had to admit that Potter's little club was doing an admirable job.

As he parted ways with Lucius and made his way to the Dark Lord, he couldn't help but muse that it was about time students took their natural ability to be a nuisance and used it for some good.

***

'Lily,' Severus thought as he scrambled to stop the blood flowing from his neck. 'Lily, I'm so sorry I failed you. Again…'

He had failed Albus too but it was Lily's hurt and disappointed face that haunted him now as he lay dying from Nagini's strike. He hadn't found Potter. He hadn't given him Albus' final instructions. He hadn't been able to stay and help the boy to his hero's death.

'Lily,' he sobbed inside, struggling to maintain his control over his mind in hopes that he could slow his heart beat and thus the blood loss. His precious memories of her flashed before his eyes, memories he had often placed in Albus' pensieve and relived over and over again.

'Lily,' he thought as her green eyes leaned over him. It was Potter!

"Take… them," he croaked, trying to release Albus instructions but he had lost so much blood that his last memories of Lily also escaped. He struggled for a moment to keep them but then gave them up. He was dying, what use were memories to him now? He owed it to her to make sure her son knew something of her. That she existed too, not just his precious, popular father. Lily was special too and he was the only one who knew how truly special she was. He gave up the memories so that Potter could know the truth.

In his dying moment he suddenly felt the need for Potter to understand him. In that late moment he realized that Potter was all he had left of Lily. She had sacrificed her life for the boy even after he had risked his to save hers. Potter needed to know the truth. Albus spoke often of Lily's love protecting Potter at Petunia's house but Potter needed to know that her love was stronger than that. It was her love and her sacrifice which drove Severus to protect the brat year after year. He needed to know.

"Look… at me," he needed to see the forgiveness in those eyes. He needed to see Lily's eyes one last time.

***

"Where do you think you're going?" Pomfrey snapped at Remus as he struggled to stand.

"Snape…" he was still dizzy from the blood loss but his memories were clear. Snape had saved him but why? Why would Albus' killer save him? Was he trying to make amends? "I must find Snape…"

"You must rest!" she retorted. She was stressed enough as it was without having to fight with her patients.

"Madam Pomfrey!" She turned as several students brought more patients to her. She needed more beds. Turning to ask Lupin to use a transfigured chair to recuperate, she sighed in frustration at his empty bed.

"Put one here," she called, "a bed just opened up."

***

Remus dodged the students at the door, whispering a quiet apology to the medi-witch. He needed to find Snape.

"Malfoy!" he called as Lucius Malfoy ran past him. "Where's Snape?"

"Why should I tell you?" Malfoy sneered imperiously, wincing slightly as his swollen nose and eye twinged painfully.

"If you tell him, I'll tell you where your son is," Professor Sophia Douglas called from the portrait nearby.

"Don't!" "He's a Death Eater!" "I can't see and this is MY portrait!" her fellow portrait dwellers gasped.

"Tell me where he is!" Lucius drew his wand.

"What are you going to do, Malfoy? They're already dead. They'll just run to another frame. Tell me where Snape is and she'll tell you where to find your son!"

Lucius hesitated. He looked around for the witnesses but he and the werewolf were the only living persons around.

"Well, we knew where he was when we started this conversation but if you don't tell the boy what he wants to know soon, our information will become useless and I promise you that none of the other portraits will tell you even if we see him again," Sir Argyle sneered.

"The Dark Lord summoned him to the Shrieking Shack in Hogsmeade," Lucius volunteered immediately. "Now tell me where my son has gone!"

Remus ran off without waiting to hear what Lucius was told. His instincts were screaming at him that something was wrong. It was probably because Snape had saved him and he worried that time with the Dark Lord would corrupt his former lover again. He remembered only too clearly that Severus was devastated when the Dark Lord had ordered him to kill Albus. Severus was trying to make amends. Maybe he had been under the Imperius that time. If Remus did not try to find out, he'd never forgive himself for turning his back on Snape yet again.

Lucius' battered face also worried him. Malfoy was supposedly the Dark Lord's right hand man. The wounds were not recent and should have been healed already. It was easy enough magic. Since they were not, the bruises must have been a gift from his master which he was forbidden to remove. If the Dark Lord had done that to his pureblood favourite…

"Harry?" he called as the boy ran into the school.

"He's gone to the headmaster's office to use his pensieve," Hermione gasped behind him.

"Now? Why? What's wrong," he asked, taking in her tear stained face and haunted look.

"P-professor S-Snape… he's d-dead. He g-gave Harry some memories," she took a deep breath and shook off the tremors and grief that were inundating her.

"Where is he? Snape, where is he?" Remus could barely speak.

"The Shrieking Shack," she pointed at the Whomping Willow before running off to join Ginny and Luna who were assisting the injured.

***

"They say he's dead," Headmaster Dippet nodded at his audience.

"Snake ripped his head off," Nearly Headless Nick nodded balefully. "Clean off, I hear," and he actually sounded jealous. "I suppose I should go and inform the Baron."

"Oh no!" the rose garden portrait dwellers cried out. Snape, dead? They had only moments ago gotten Lucius Malfoy to tell Lupin where to find his lover and now this. Shears and Douglas began to sob and Argyle coughed exaggeratedly to cover his own sob.

"Dinnae greep!" he bellowed, "we have work to do. Douglas, find Headmaster Black and tell him the news. Shears… Shears! Jane! Snape out of it, lass! Hurry to the entrance and stop Lupin. The poor boy cannae see that. I will find Dumbledore."

Sir Argyle did not have to go far. He ran into Albus only a few portraits away as the headmaster rushed from his office where he'd apparently just missed Harry.

Albus rushed to Snape's private lab to take a brief moment to think. Everything was going horribly wrong. Severus was dead, Harry didn't have anyone to support him and children were fighting.

He was no fool. This was war and people died. He knew this. Yet he had made several contingent plans and, contrary to what he'd often said, he'd put too many eggs in one basket. He needed Severus alive for his plan to work.

He growled in frustration, tugging at his log beard. Once the horcruxes were destroyed, Harry needed to die so that Riddle could die. Severus was the only one he had confided this to. Severus was the only one who knew that Harry had to die for Tom to die. He hadn't instructed the man to do so but he counted on Severus to kill Tom once it was possible. What if Harry wasn't able to master the Deathly Hallows? Harry was supposed to die a hero's death and Severus was supposed to be heroically turn on the Dark Lord and kill him. He made sure that Severus had killed him, not only to protect Draco's soul but also to ensure he was master of the Elder Wand. He knew it was only a matter of time before Tom went after the wand. His sources already told him that Grindelwald was dead.

He didn't imagine that helping Severus become a hero would make the man happy, especially now that he knew the truth about Remus, but it was to be his reward to his faithful ally for years of service. Albus too had once been seduced by the Dark. It took killing Grindelwald and becoming leader of the Light to keep him, mostly, in the right. Some persons could not handle that power but he knew Severus and believed in the integrity of the man. Once he had saved the Wizarding World in a spectacular final showdown with Voldemort, Snape would never have been allowed to hide behind his mask again. People would finally see the good in the noble man and Albus' faith in his spy would be vindicated.

Albus tugged on his beard again. He should have been more forceful about Severus taking the antivenin with him. He should have trusted his instincts.

Dumbledore closed his eyes and settled his nerves. It was time to go to Plan B he thought as he jumped to another portrait. He'd just have to come up with it as he went along.

***

Remus heard a loud crack as he rushed into the shack. It sounded vaguely like apparition.

"Severus!" he cried, relieved to see the man leaning up on his elbow. He was appalled at the amount of blood around the man and could understand why Hermione had thought him dead. "Severus, let me help you."

"Don't," Severus gurgled, blood bubbled up from his mouth and dribbled down his chin. To Remus' horror, he realized that the man was still bleeding from his neck as well.

"Don't move! Let me help you!" he pleaded, pushing the man back into a horizontal position. He ripped the bandages from his own head which fortunately were mostly clean. Scourgifying them twice for good measure, he carefully bandaged the wounded neck, taking care to keep the wound shut. He knew from Arthur's injuries that Nagini's wound would not seal with regular magic.

"I need to get help for you. I will bring blood replenishing potions to you… and painkilling potions… oh!" he gasped, remembering the painkilling potion he'd swiped from his bedside table before leaving the hospital wing. He thought he might need it for himself later and was grateful now that he'd taken it. He fed it to his lover, pouring it down the man's throat and massaging the long neck to minimize movement that would disturb the wound.

"Rem…" Severus tried again, once again frothing from the mouth, only this time there was far less blood.

"Don't speak Severus, please," Remus cried, transfiguring his shirt to a brace to stabilize the long neck. "I never imagined I would appreciate you covering that lovely neck in so many layers," he joked weakly, "but it seems to have saved you from worse injury."

Remus looked at all the blood and wondered what worse looked like. He smiled weakly at the paler than usual man and stood to leave.

Severus' grip on his arm was strong for a dying man. He turned and did what he'd avoided doing for the last half an hour. He looked into the black eyes for the first time that evening. He gasped as images assaulted his head.

Severus projected his voice into Lupin's mind. He only hoped this worked but he'd never really tried it before. Working with Potter and the Dark Lord, he had observed several things about how their shared link worked he'd never dared to try himself.

'Go away. Go home to your wife and the child.'

"Teddy. His name is Teddy Lupin," Remus sobbed. "I'm going for help. Don't worry, I'll save you. Dora and Teddy are safe with her mother."

'Go home to your family. Good luck.'

"No, Severus, no."

'GO HOME!' It hurt his head to project his voice in that matter and Lupin forcing him to repeat himself was frustrating. 'Remus, listen to me. You need to go home. I'm sure your wife is worrying about you. You know how she is. If she doesn't hear from you she'll come herself.'

"I won't leave you here to die!"

'You want to do something for me? Go back to your family. Do not risk your life and your family's safety for me. My life is expendable. I will never forgive myself if you or your family get hurt because you were watching me die. Poppy cannot save me now, she has too many other patients and anyway, she hates me. Everyone hates me for killing Albus. Who would save a Death Eater?' Without the spell being lifted, he knew Remus did not remember their chats at the cottage over the last half a year. He was surprised the man was here now. 'Go! Go to your family. You wish to honour my memory? Be a better father to Teddy than mine ever was to me so that he will grow into a man better than I ever was.'

"Severus," Remus sobbed, "please…"

They heard a sound nearby and Severus' grip became tighter and more urgent, even as his projected voice pleaded with Remus to obey.

'Children need their parents. They need both of them in their lives. They need loving parents and there will never be a more loving father than you, Remus. Please, go! Don't be a fool! GO!'

Remus knew Severus was right but it didn't make it any easier. He leaned forward to kiss the pale thin lips. "I love you, Severus Snape."

"Love you," Severus gurgled and closed his eyes.

Remus gasped at the words but a crack of apparition nearby forced him to flee.

***

"Dora!"

"Remus?" Andromeda Tonks paled at the sight of her distraught looking son-in-law. She looked at his blood covered clothes and shuddered. "Why are you here?"

"Where are Dora and Teddy? I need to see them."

"Teddy is sleeping and I don't think you should see him looking like that. You'll frighten him."

Remus nodded. "You're right. Listen, where's Dora? I just need to let her know that I'm okay and get back to Hogwarts to help." And back to Severus, he thought. He already had serious doubts about leaving the man alone. What if the person who had Apparated into the shack was Severus' enemy. The man had so many. At the very least he should have taken him to their cottage. It was cleaner and safer there.

"Nymphadora," Mrs. Tonks looked like she might faint and Remus immediately rushed to her side, ignoring his bloody clothes and hands to guide her to a chair. "She went to look for you. She couldn't stand not being there. She couldn't stand not knowing, not helping. I couldn't stop her, Remus."

"What? When was this? When did she leave?"

"Four, five hours ago?" Andromeda sobbed.

Remus frowned. Four hours ago he was in the thick of fighting at the castle. He hadn't seen her or heard anyone mention her.

"I will go for her, Andromeda. I will bring her home. Take care of Teddy for me. Tell my son I love him!"

Remus Apparated straight to the hospital wing. It was better to get the worst possibility out of the way first.

"Madam Pomfrey, have you seen Tonks? Is she in here?"

"No, I haven't seen her at all. You look horrible. I told you that you needed rest. Go over there and take some more blood replenishing potion. It's labelled," she pointed to a cabinet and he obediently went to it, relieved that Tonks was not there and better yet Pomfrey hadn't even seen her. He was eager to get some extra potions for Severus.

He downed an individual dose size vial of the blood replenishing potion and pocketed a larger bottle of it, also grabbing various potions for pain relief, wound cleaning, dreamless sleep and an all-purpose poison antidote. He briefly considered taking some calming draughts but decided against it. Severus could do with expressing some emotion.

Shrinking the potions and wrapping them in a clean bandage, Remus pushed them into his pocket and left the infirmary, stopping to banish vomit from several patients and help one to drink some water. He returned Poppy's thankful smile and left to find his wife and take her home.

He knew that Severus confession of love only complicated matters but he was too happy at that moment to care.

"Oh Remus, my dear boy!" Molly Weasley assaulted him just outside the Great Hall. "It's so horrible. So horrible," she sobbed, stifling him with her tight hug.

"I know," he agreed sympathetically. "I just came from the hospital wing. All of the injured… poor Pomfrey is overwhelmed. I don't even want to think about the dead," he shook his head and kissed her on the head. "Listen, have you seen Dora around?"

Molly stared at him in horror. "Dora?" she parroted.

"Yes, my wife, Nymphadora Tonks," he clarified. Molly was beginning to worry him. He was ashamed to realize that he hadn't noted whether any of her family was in the hospital. "Molly, are you alright, my dear? Is your family okay?"

"Fred was injured by a falling wall but he seems to be okay. Arthur's with him at St. Mungo's. And Percy! My dear Percy has come back to us," she twittered before suddenly looking tearful again. "Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear."

"Molly?" Remus was distinctly uneasy now.

"It's Tonks, dear. She's gone. Bellatrix…"

Remus did not wait to hear any more. He ran into the classroom nearby where he knew bodies were being kept, following the sympathetic faces to his wife's body.

"Nooooo! Dora, no!" he sobbed hysterically. He pulled her lifeless body into his arms and kissed her face. "Dora, please, please, don't go!" Guilt at his joyous feelings just minutes before left him a devastated mess. "Dora, Dora, Dora… Why did you come here? Why? Why?"

Molly allowed him to grieve for several minutes before helping Susan Bones, one of the D.A. who had been helping Pomfrey with the sick, to feed him a calming draught.

"Remus, oh my dear boy, I know… I know," Molly hugged him again and this time he was more appreciative of the embrace. "It's hard to go on but we must. We must fight for those we have lost, fight for those who are injured, fight for our children."

'Severus!' he thought, suddenly remembering his dying lover.

"Take care of her," he kissed his wife one last time and turned to the student assistants with a nod. "Take care of her, please."

He kissed Molly. "You're right. You're absolutely right," his gravelly voice croaked with determination and strength he barely felt. He had lost the mother of his child and, if he did not hurry, might soon lose the love of his life too.

Remus Apparated to the Shrieking Shack, rushing to the room where he'd left Severus and found nothing. Severus was gone and even his blood was gone. He rushed from room to room, looking frantically for any signs of the man but found none.

***

The citizens of Hogsmeade stopped briefly in their fight of a war that was ravaging what little remained of their village. An inhuman howl the likes of which had not been heard from the shack since the 1970s and had been dismissed into the realms of local legend permeated the air sending chills up the spines of Dark and Light alike.

* * *

A/N 2 – Okay, no one has said anything so perhaps no one noticed but I did so I need to clear this up since I don't know if I will have a chance to do so again before the story ends… technically I only have one chapter and possibly an epilogue left. But anyway… I had Albus, the Weasleys and Tonks Apparate with the Wolfsbane and then suddenly Severus has to Floo. So… erm.. ya… the reason for that is because… Severus made further improvements to the potion and the lastest improvement is volatile so that Apparation can't be used. Right. Good… lol

A/N 3 – Hi catintheSky! – I don't think Voldemort cared enough to actively pursue killing Remus. Once his attempt failed, he put the onus on the others and finally on Bellatrix. Remus wasn't important enough for his personal attention.


	20. Chapter 19

Summary: Fallen.  
A/N: This is the last chapter of the story although I have an epilogue drafted which I may post sometime. I hope you all enjoyed this time. My thanks to my reviewers especially for allowing me to use your names for OCs (well except catintheSky for whom I could find no name to use). I'm no good at making up names! I'm happy that you enjoyed reading about yourself My appreciation also to those who have read faithfully or added me to their alerts or favourites.

Just an FYI, the last chapter was inspired by Bare Naked Ladies' Lovers in a Dangerous Time verse three in particular. This chapter is named after Sarah McLachlan's Fallen which sorta influenced both men's sense of overwhelming hopelessness throughout.

Disclaimer: These characters are not mine. They were created by JK Rowling. I'm just borrowing them for a little while and I don't make a penny off of this.

Rating: M

**Lovers in a Dangerous Time – Barenaked Ladies**

_When you're lovers in a dangerous time,  
Sometimes you're made to feel as if your love's a crime.  
Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight  
You gotta kick at the darkness till it bleeds daylight.  
_

**Fallen – Sarah MacLachlan**

_Heaven bend to take my hand, And lead me through the fire  
Be the long awaited answer, To a long and painful fight_

_Truth be told I've tried my best, But somewhere along the way  
I got caught up in all there was to offer  
And the cost was so much more than I could bear_

_Though I've tried, I've fallen...  
I have sunk so low  
I messed up  
Better I should know  
So don't come round here  
And tell me I told you so..._

_We all begin with good intent, Love was raw and young  
We believed that we could change ourselves, the past could be undone  
But we carry on our backs the burden, Time always reveals  
In the lonely light of morning, In the wound that would not heal  
It's the bitter taste of losing everything, That I've held so dear._

_I've fallen..._

_Heaven bend to take my hand, Nowhere left to turn  
I'm lost to those I thought were friends, To everyone I know  
Oh they turn their heads embarrassed, Pretend that they don't see  
But it's one missed step, One slip before you know it  
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed_

_Though I've tried, I've fallen..._

_**And now to the story!**_

* * *

CHAPTER 19

"It's hard, isn't it?" Andromeda patted her son-in-law's back and peered over his shoulder at her grandson who was busy eating his toes.

Remus could only nod. He was grateful to her for letting them stay indefinitely. She had lost her husband and only child and certainly didn't mind keeping her grandson with her while he couldn't find the strength to take care of himself, far less his child.

"I miss her too, Remus, but you are all Teddy has now. You can't fear your child."

"I'm not afraid of him," Remus denied.

"You hardly touch him or play with him anymore. If you don't maintain your link with your son, it will affect your relationship later. You need to keep bonding with him."

"He doesn't know who I am. He doesn't even care," Remus' voice cracked and he frowned. "He doesn't miss her. He doesn't even know she's gone. Sometimes I think maybe he'd be better off if I go now, while he's too young to miss me."

"Don't you even think of it! I can take care of my grandson alone, if I must, but I will not hear of you abandoning your child. You're the only one he's got, the only parent left. How could you even think of doing such a thing? I thought when you came back the last time, it was for good. Nymphadora would be so devastated if she found out that you were running away from your responsibilities again."

They were harsh words but they were words Remus needed to hear to get out of this destructive cycle of self-pity. He would never leave anyway. Not only because he loved his son, but also because he'd practically promised Severus that he would be a better father than Tobias Snape.

Still he worried about burdening a child with a werewolf for a father. Even if Harry had ended Voldemort's reign, how long would it be before another pureblood supremacist surfaced? He also knew that prejudices had not exactly ended or even significantly diminished just because of one fight. He might never find a paying job to take care of his child and be someone Teddy could be proud of.

The last full moon had been brutal and, when combined with the injuries he had sustained during the war, he could see how much he had aged. The cottage had been so lonely without Severus and returning here had compounded his grief. After decades of fearing he'd never find love, he'd ended up with two and lost them both in a matter of hours.

"I would never leave him," he caressed his son's cheek, smiling sadly as his finger was captured and sucked on. "I love him too much."

***

"How is he?" Harry asked the medi-witch who seemed to be trying to avoid looking at him while at the same time staring it him. He sighed, knowing only too well what had happened. "What happened this time?"

"He made two medi-witches who had been his students cry and then non-verbally and wandlessly hexed medi-wizard Fernando Álvares de Campo, who studied in Brazil, for looking 'suspiciously like one of the young dunderheads'. Finally Healer Heilmittel had to actually show him his qualifications from Durmstrang before he could even near him."

Harry sighed and gave the medi-witch a weak smile, "Thank you."

He sat next to the pale body and studied the severe features. "Oh, Professor Snape, I know you now. I'm making sure that everyone knows the real you. They're not your enemies, people are listening and they understand why you did what you did now. They see you for the brave hero that you are. You need to give them a chance."

His old potions professor had been such a terror to the staff at St. Mungo's that Harry had begun Flooing in specialists from other countries. So far Snape had hexed or verbally abused half a dozen renowned specialists from around the world. Two Danish healers, a young Greek potion maker, an older Indonesian curse-breaker and a Singaporean Potions Master had so far tried and failed to calm the hostile patient.

Only Healer Johnson, a visiting American consultant who seemed to consider treating Snape a fun and daring game; Healer Tremblay, a Canadian ex-pat who simply ignored the surly man and Finnish Potions Master Mäkinin who was more feared than Snape, remained on his case.

Even in rest (they now resorted to keeping Snape in a magically induced coma using the Draught of Living Death), Snape managed to look scary. His face had frozen in a vicious scowl but Harry could never look at the man the same again. Images of Snape looking at his mother with absolute love and adoration were imprinted in his mind's eye. Not even his two brief encounters with sneering Snape during the man's few moments of consciousness had changed that. Harry was determined to get to know her mother's former best friend. To Harry, Severus Snape had saved his mother from the bitter envy and prejudice of Aunt Petunia and as such was worth knowing. Not to mention that, having grown up significantly in the last year or so, he now admired the brave man as much as he had hated him. Severus Snape had done much more than Harry for the cause and Harry was determined to let the Wizarding world know the truth.

"Whether you like it or not, Snape, I intend to make sure that you are awarded an Order of Merlin this time because this time you have definitely earned it and deserve it. Not to mention that I'm sure Dumbledore and Mum would want it."

Harry thought he saw the face twitch but shrugged it off. Opening the current edition of Snape's favourite Potions journal, he began to read, only hoping he could make it through an entire article without falling asleep this time.

***

"So the Malfoys got off with a slap on the wrist?" Andromeda asked, reading the Daily Prophet in Remus' hands.

"Well, I think it was a little harder than a slap," Harry chuckled and his godson giggled in reply. "They've been fined a million galleons and Lucius is under house arrest for the next seventeen months."

"I'm sure my sister is happy to have her husband at home with her."

Harry and Remus shared a quick glance but didn't know what to say. Andromeda still loved her younger sister in spite of everything yet she was bitter because she had lost her husband and child to Death Eaters while her sister seemed to remain unpunished. It wasn't fair and they knew it but it was still difficult to know the right words.

"I'm sorry," she said, joining them at the kitchen table. "It's difficult not to be bitter right now. I heard that you testified on their behalf, Harry?"

Harry shifted uncomfortably. "Yes, well, I didn't really want to but I had to. Draco helped to save Ron when Crabbe almost killed us with Fiendfyre, Narcissa knew I was alive yet she managed to lie to Voldemort and Lucius tried to save Percy."

"Well, I suppose it's a good thing that they had such complete changes of heart during the final battle. I guess they finally realized they were on the wrong side."

Harry hesitated but couldn't help but comment, "Well actually, Narcissa protected me because I was her ticket back to Hogwarts to find Draco, Lucius tried to save Percy because Percy had been shielding him and helping him to search for Draco and Draco… well, I suppose he just helped Ron. He seems to be trying to do good things but he's so used to being evil, it's awkward."

Andromeda nodded thoughtfully and left the room.

"They're trying Snape in absentia," Remus tried to sound casual.

"Yeah, about that," Harry began nervously. He had delayed having this conversation for too long but Snape had been such a bastard to Remus, he worried about how his friend would feel about Harry's mission.

"Remus, have you… I guess you've heard that I'm trying to clear Snape's name?"

"Are you?" Remus was surprised. "I confess that I have been avoiding any headlines that say Snape."

Harry swallowed nervously. This might be more difficult than he imagined.

"He wasn't a Death Eater. He killed Albus because he was ordered to. He was loyal to the Order to the end and he loved my mum!" Harry exclaimed in one breathless declaration. He squeezed his eyes shut and then looked at Remus.

"You know? The memories you viewed in Dumbledore's pensieve…"

"Yes, he showed me everything. I believe in him. He's a prat and I can't deny that he can be pretty mean but he's also a hero, Remus. It's hard to believe but it's the truth… Wait, what do you mean, 'you know?'? Did _you_ know?"

Remus looked at his mother-in-law standing in her garden and ran a nervous hand through his greying hair. "I loved Dora, Harry. I loved and respected her; you need to know that okay?"

Harry nodded encouragingly, wondering what that had to do with Snape.

"I loved my wife but I'm in love with Severus," Remus winced.

Harry was speechless, his eyes bulged and his jaw dropped until Teddy reached into the open mouth and tried to pull his teeth out. "You're in love… since when?"

"I don't know… since we were fifteen?" His wincing turned into a pained grimace.

"Fifteen? You were enemies when you were fifteen," Harry frowned.

"Yes and no… I never really personally liked or disliked him. Then Lily and I were partners for an assignment and I got to see the hidden side of Severus Snape as he interacted with her. I developed a crush on the boy your mother loved so much- because you must know that she loved him too, Harry- and asked her to introduce us. I won't say it was easy… we both made so many mistakes along the way but we recommenced our relationship with I taught at Hogwarts in your third year. It's been… complicated."

"Are you okay?" Harry put Teddy in his bassinet and rushed to get Remus a glass of water which was gratefully accepted.

"Yeah, my head… I…" Remus felt faint as memories of the last year of full moons suddenly flooded his head. He remembered agreeing to the memory charm… a memory charm from which he would be released if Severus died. "Oh Merlin… no… not again, please no!"

Remus tearfully told Harry the full story of his relationship with Severus including the good and bad times right up to Severus' body disappearing from the Shrieking Shack and thinking then that he'd lost his lover until the memory charm's release had been triggered which he speculated meant that Severus must have just died.

Terrified, Harry made a hasty Floo call to St. Mungo's where to both of their relief they discovered that Snape remained very much alive.

"He's alive? Severus is alive?" Teddy began crying in sympathy with his father's tears leaving Harry flustered with the two crying Lupins. He was relieved when Andromeda came and took the baby to bed.

"About three days after the war, I found out about Kreacher's contribution to the war on Regulus' behalf. I was thanking him for his service when he told me that he had taken Snape to Grimmauld Place because 'Master Regulus would have wanted it'. I guess he's the one who cleaned away the blood. He'd been taking good care of Snape, cleaning his wounds and fetching anything Snape asked him to. It was very difficult to convince him to allow me to take Snape to St. Mungo's though not as hard as it has been to keep Snape there," Harry chuckled. "Do you want to go see him?"

Remus nodded and let Harry help him to the door. "The special sequence of words!" he gasped.

"What?" Harry looked confused.

"There were three ways to end the charm; if I took anyone else to our cottage, if Severus died or if I spoke a specific sequence of words. One of the largest obstacles to our relationship was always our fear of letting others know about us. When I confessed my love for him to you, it must have released the charm. He wants people to know about us," he whispered with a smile.

***

Remus looked at his mother-in-law with anxiety. He needed to talk to her but wasn't sure how to even begin.

"You might as well tell me what's on your mind, Remus," she smiled at him as she put Teddy to bed. "Whatever you have to say to me cannot be more upsetting than having you stalk me with a frown for the last couple of weeks since Harry's visit."

Her son-in-law blushed. Gathering his Gryffindor courage, he decided to simply confess all about his secret relationship with Snape. Harry had had a delayed reaction to the news, flying into a hostile rage at Remus' 'unfair' treatment of Tonks, then accusing him of not being properly appreciative of Snape then expressing surprise at Sirius' uncharacteristic ambivalence before simply being supportive.

He'd had to confess to Hermione as well after the young witch overheard one of his and Harry's many arguments on the subject. She had been a study in uncharacteristic behaviour. A speechless Hermione Granger was a sight to behold. The confession triggered a few vague memories from her third year which suddenly made sense and, although displeased that Tonks may not have known about his split loyalties, the trial-filled love story struck a cord with the romantic in her and she sighed a lot about enduring love conquering all.

Andromeda Tonks was quiet and thoughtful. She looked around the sitting room her little family had lived in for three decades.

"I'm sorry. I truly loved your daughter and I promise you that I was never unfaithful to her."

"Not physically, no."

Remus lowered his head in shame. He could hardly deny that his emotions and thoughts had often been unfaithful and he would not disrespect his wife's memory by lying to her mother.

"She knew."

"What?"

"Nymphadora knew. She was as much in denial as you were," the older lady chuckled sadly. "She tried to tell me about 'a friend' of hers and at the time, with the war and everything else going on, I confess I didn't connect the dots but I realize now that she knew. You dreamt of him at night, you know. It upset her a lot."

Remus buried his head in his hands, "I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt her. I tried so hard…"

"I don't think it's possible not to hurt someone in a situation such as that one," his mother-in-law rubbed his back comfortingly. "But she knew that you were trying. I think it confused her because you were a good husband and perfect father and she had nothing obvious to complain about and yet she could not help but believe that she didn't have your heart.

It's why I didn't realize that you were her 'friends'. I saw the way you looked at her with love and the joy in your eyes whenever you looked at your son and blinded myself to the reservations I saw."

"I love my son completely and unconditionally!" he hotly insisted. When he ran away, it wasn't because he didn't love the child but because he loved it so much he was ashamed of ruining its chances before it was even born.

"Yes, yes, of course, I misspoke. The reservations were there when you looked at my daughter. Her father and I both saw it but we thought that it was your original concerns about not being wealthy enough and because you are a werewolf. I wasn't happy when you abandoned her but once you returned, you seemed so determined to do the right thing."

"I was. Please, believe me I wanted to do the right thing. I tried to hate Severus, especially after he killed Dumbledore but… I was weak."

"You were in love. I know it. I loved my family. My childhood was not as fraught as Sirius'. In spite of how they turned out, Bella and Cissy were fun sisters and we got into all sorts of mischief together. Still I fell in love with Ted. He was everything I was taught to hate and I still loved him. Our relationship wasn't some perfect fairy tale, you know. I loved him but I had been brought up with many prejudices and misconceptions. It took years before I learned to really respect Muggles and their technology in their own right. I loved Teddy as being better than a Muggle because he was a wizard and yet I still held many prejudicial views towards Muggle-borns and half-bloods. I didn't change overnight. Love is a strange thing, Remus. We try to use our brains to regulate it but sometimes the heart wants what it wants."

"It's so confusing and frustrating!"

"I know, dear, I know. So what do you plan to do?" Remus looked away, unable to meet her eyes. "You want to go back to him, don't you? What about Teddy?"

Remus looked briefly in the sad eyes and hugged himself. Taking a deep breath, he exhaled, "I will never abandon my son but you're right. I do want any chance I can have with Severus. I- I won't keep your grandson away from you, ever, I promise that… but… I mean, that's why I want you to… hope you can… forgive me and accept us. I know it's a lot to ask."

Andromeda closed her eyes sadly. She had lost so much, it hurt to imagine losing her grandson too. She also knew why he had to ask. Voldemort may be gone but some things had not changed. The law and public opinion would choose her side over that of a werewolf and a Death Eater, war heroes or not.

"You will keep me informed of your plans and progress." It wasn't a request or suggestion but an order and they both knew it.

***

One by one, Lupin confessed his feelings to his friends in the Order. Their feelings ranged the span of emotions. Kingsley and Arthur seemed wary but otherwise accepting, Molly and Ron were furious and did little to hide their disapproval while Minerva's reaction was quite similar to Hermione's.

For the most part, people were tolerant if not accepting. Through his and Harry's hard work and with the stylistic musings of Harry's eccentric friend, Luna Lovegood, the Wizarding world was growing to appreciate Severus' many sacrifices. Indeed Witch Weekly's overly romanticized telling of their tale which included quotes from Luna, Hermione, Ginny, Fleur and others, had done much towards softening public opinion, even mollifying the Weasley matriarch slightly.

The only person unimpressed by the declarations of love seemed to be Snape himself. During his brief moments of consciousness, he refused to listen to Harry's efforts of Remus' behalf and refused Remus as a guest at all.

***

Severus hoped the wards were still down and Apparated directly into the Great Hall startling Minerva who was in the room alone.

"Severus!" she exclaimed, frowning as she took in his attire. "What have you done?"

"I had to leave that infernal place! Those fools keep feeding me the Draught of Living Death. It is quite dangerous and while I rather think that I should have died, I have lived and I have no intentions of dying again because of sheer incompetence!"

"Oh Severus," she tutted, "Harry will be worried about you!" She knew better than to even ask how he had escaped St. Mungo's. The story could not have been pretty considering that he was dressed in Healers' robes.

Snape huffed, "Potter!" He frowned as something suddenly occurred to him, "You haven't rushed to call the Aurors… and you don't hate me."

"Yes, well, about that," her lips tightened into a tight frown. "I did not realize that you hadn't betrayed Albus. You must admit it looked bad, Severus. Thanks to Harry though, we all know of your brave sacrifices. You would have made a brilliant Gryffindor!"

Severus' quickly drawn wand pointing at her unimpressed face said it all. With a lazy hand she pushed his wand from her face and smirked. He scowled and looked around the room.

"You have made much progress in repairing this room," he remarked and they both knew the change of topic for what it was, forgiveness and acceptance, no unnecessary emotional outbursts required. They were friends again, all was forgiven.

"What do you plan to do now that you're a war hero, Severus?"

She considered transfiguring the brilliant lime green robes black but restrained herself. Severus himself didn't seem to realize what he was wearing and she wished to enjoy the vision of the usually severe man in such bright colours. Not the least because it made his many sneers and scowls seem quite absurd. It was only a pity the robes were green and not Gryffindor red.

"I can help you to rebuild the school. I would be discreet and help you with the more complex wards and potions. No one need even know that I am here."

McGonagall nodded. She would tell Harry of his whereabouts but she would otherwise grant her colleague his request and she knew his words to be a request. He had made so many sacrifices and suffered so long in silence, she would not force him to do anything against his wishes.

Which did not mean she wouldn't make hints and suggestions.

"Come, you must tell me how you escaped death. Harry was quite certain he'd seen you die there. We lost so many," she sniffed delicately. "So many families were torn apart…" She debated how best to broach the topic and decided against mentioning names which Severus apparently refused to discuss. "Molly lost Percy after finally having him return to the family but at least she only lost one child. Poor Andromeda lost both her husband and her daughter."

Severus eyed her sharply and she struggled not to smirk.

"The school has sustained a lot of damage," she continued, pretending not to notice her colleague's interest was peaked.

"How did she die?"

"Hmm?"

Snape ground his teeth. "The girl, Auror Tonks… how did she die?"

"Her aunt, Bellatrix," Minerva spat the name.

"Where?"

She had to admit that Severus' concern about where and how surprised her. She expected questions about Remus. "Here, on the school grounds. During the final battle," she added for good measure, "a couple of hours before you… well before Harry thought he'd seen you die."

"Before?" one arched eyebrow almost disappeared behind dishevelled hair, "but Remus never said…" Severus stopped, inwardly cursing his still potion-addled brain. Damn fools at St. Mungo's.

"It's alright, Severus," Minerva decided against teasing her friend. The time for teasing would come later. "I know about you and Remus. Just about everyone does now."

"How?"

She'd never seen Snape speechless before. She took a moment to memorize the image of a gaping lime-green clad Severus Snape for later viewing in the pensieve.

"Well, I knew about you two since he taught here. I often saw you in the rose garden at nights while in my animagus form. I chose not to say anything because I know you are a private man and Remus, the dear boy, has always had such low self-worth, I wanted to respect your privacy. More than you did, apparently. Really, Severus, anyone could have seen you two in the rose garden! The things the portraits said," her face slipped into a playful smirk for a moment only. "However, once Remus confessed to Harry that he loved you- he thought you were dead- your memory charm was disabled and he remembered everything.

He's determined not to hide your relationship anymore and has confessed his love for you and your relationship to many of us. Somehow Rita Skeeter found out about your story and twisted it in her usual malicious way but someone wrote an article for Witch Weekly that favoured the two of you. Never thought I'd see the day when you'd be part of a simpering love story in that rag, Snape," she couldn't resist the jibe.

Severus tried to scowl and angered as a blush spread up his face. He needed to rest and regain control of his emotions. He was happy that only his old friend was here to see his weakened state. He trusted her to keep her teasing private.

"Severus, Remus loves you. I do not know how things ended between the two of you but I know that he wants you back. I will not try to meddle in your life, that has been done too often before… but I think I should tell you this. Do not let pride or some silly need for penitent self-flagellation prevent you from accepting the love that is being so freely given to you and which you deserve." McGonagall twisted her face with bitter distaste, "I sound like Pomona!"

***

Over the next two months, Severus worked diligently at nights, restoring and repairing various parts of the school. His presence was kept hidden from everyone but Minerva and the Headmasters' portraits thanks to an advanced disillusionment charm Albus had created and now shared with him. He rather enjoyed the outrageous tales being told about the mysterious midnight worker. Some thought it was the school healing itself, others thought it was various magical creatures. It seemed that even magical folk, for all their knowledge of curses and charms, could be fooled into believing in faerie tales. In the end though, the other heads of houses, Poppy and all the ghosts and portraits were told of his presence. The medi-witch had tired of healing superstitious wizards whose paranoia caused all manner of careless accidents and refused to blindly accept the potions McGonagall had given to her, headmistress or no.

He enjoyed conversations with his old friend and was grateful for the tidbits about Lupin that she shared with him even though he pretended to be unaffected. He was not as tolerant of her nagging him to give Remus a chance. He had never taken her for a romantic fool but she seemed as blind as Potter and Remus to the realities of life. He knew nothing about being a father and this incompetence combined with his reputation as a Death Eater would be unfair to the child and to Remus.

He missed his lover and it made Minerva's pressures all the more difficult and he often found himself tempted to give in. He had mostly resisted thus far, only giving in to delivering the Wolfsbane to Remus in person, travelling from headmistress' office by Floo.

He tried to make these delivery visits as brief as possible but neither Remus nor, surprisingly, his mother-in-law, were particularly cooperative. The full moon occurred in the early October of that year and Severus made his way to his old office to make his delivery. He could Floo to the headmistress' office before connecting to the Tonks residence but he rather enjoyed walking amongst the students undetected.

Not that he would ever admit to it but he found that he felt a sense of contentment and peace as he walked through the busy halls. He did miss taking points away but Minerva refused to grant him the privilege since he refused to teach or even allow his presence to be known to students and the balance of the teaching staff. He did still get a sort of malicious little glee at 'haunting' rule breaking students. He used to hex the students, confident that they wouldn't dare to report him considering that they would have been up to no good when caught but he'd clearly forgotten the brainless arrogance of Gryffindors. To say that Minerva was displeased was to make quite the understatement. Although he doubted that she would do any such thing, he respected the former Gryffindor Head of House's potential for impetuous daring and took her threats to project the image of him in the Healers' robes to the Great Hall if he did not stop interfering with young lovers out after curfew quite seriously.

"Look, dear, it's Severus!" Andromeda Tonks exclaimed loudly and pushed her grandson into his face as he stepped from the Floo. He sighed and put the smoking goblet above his head and out of the reach of the curious child. He was certain he knew this game; her loud exclamation was a warning to Remus to avoid the room.

"Mrs. Tonks, young Mr. Lupin," he nodded formally.

'Nonsense, Severus! Call me Andromeda and this is Teddy,' Severus muttered in his head.

"Nonsense, Severus! Call me Andromeda and this is Teddy," she chirruped and Severus struggled not to roll his eyes.

"Tssssss!" the baby spluttered at him.

"Yes, 's' for Severus," he smirked. "Teddy, it would appear that there is hope for you yet, young man. Perhaps we can save you from becoming a complete dunderhead."

"Oh, Severus," Andromeda rolled her eyes and tried to put the child sit down. Teddy was not having any of it. He locked his knees rigid and pushed into a standing position.

Severus raised a bemused eyebrow. "Has he learned to sit in the last month?"

"Yes, he's progressing quite quickly," she grunted, struggling to sit the child down. He can even push himself up into a sitting position already!"

"Tssss!" Teddy hissed triumphantly as he grabbed on to Severus' robes. He glared at the offending cookie crumb covered fingers but refused to try to remove them. He had already discovered the hard way that the child had a powerful grip and a one-track mind. As long as that track led to soiling his clothes rather than removing his nose, he could be tolerant. He unconsciously rubbed at his nose where the grubby little hands had taken purchase last time, scratching away patches of skin with sharp fingernails.

"Oh look! He's standing on his own! Remus! Remus!"

The proud father came into the room a mere second and a half before the gurgling child fell soundly onto his padded buttocks.

Severus' sneer was quelled by the inordinately proud look on Remus' face. He couldn't understand why the other two adults in the room seemed so excited, nor could the child, if Teddy's bored look was anything to go by. The green hair turned mousy brown as the child wailed as he was cooed over by his father and grandmother. Turning to Severus, he pleaded to be saved. Severus contemplated the still cookie covered hand that was reaching out to him. Andromeda had already forced him to hold the child on a previous visit and he was confident he could do it but, he frowned, the child was beginning to drool!

"Tssss!" Teddy cried, his hair turning jet black as he cried and Severus could no longer resist the plea.

"Give him to me!" he plucked squirming child from its father's hands, rubbing soothing circles on the heaving back as he'd often seen them do. To his immense pleasure the child instantly quieted. He smirked until he saw the smug expression on Andromeda's face. He narrowed his eyes at the fellow Slytherin.

Andromeda's eyes twinkled at him and he knew he'd been had but surprisingly he didn't care. Teddy leaned on the narrow shoulder and reached a sleepy hand out for the long black hair. Snape tensed… he'd fallen for the flattery of the child adapting black hair and forgotten about the dangers the boy presented to his hair, ears, nose, eyes and mouth. He held his breath as the other arm circled his neck. Severus Snape, cunning spy and Order of Merlin war hero, was terrified of a six month old child.

"He's fallen asleep," Remus whispered from behind him and the brief relaxation he'd felt at the words disappeared as he felt warm breath on the back of his neck. Remus untangled his sleeping son's still tightly clenched fingers from Severus' hair, his own fingers lingering at their task, massaging the scalp and brushing against the rigid back. "Relax, Severus, I'll take him from you in a while. We just need to make sure he's fully asleep."

Severus closed his eyes and buried his face in the child's hair so that he wouldn't see any smug Slytherins or love-struck Gryffindors.

"Lovely," Andromeda whispered and Severus' head snapped up at the flashing light. He scowled at the camera in her hand. "Oh, you can't begrudge a grandmother a few pictures of her grandchild, Severus," she sniffed, "as it is, I missed her first stand."

"He wasn't standing, woman! He was using my robes," he paused to scourgify those robes, "as a crutch and his legs were still shaking worse than a drunken house-elf's!"

"He was standing," she insisted.

Remus stepped between the two and picked up the goblet. "As always, thank you, Severus," he quickly swallowed the foul tasting potion.

"Yes, thank you," Andromeda reached for Teddy. "It's okay, Severus. I think he's quite asleep now."

Severus released his hold until Teddy whimpered at the movement, reflexively clinging to the warm embrace. "He's not ready," he snapped, pulling back to his full height and rubbing the child's back. "It's okay child, go back to sleep," he glared at Mrs. Tonks, daring her to try again and was satisfied by the pout on her face. She wasn't so smug now.

***

"How are you doing, sir?" Harry asked as he sat beside the Potions Master.

"I'm alive, Potter."

Harry rolled his eyes. Snape insisted on being hostile and antisocial at all their meetings. Not even a fully paid up life-time subscription to _The Practical Potioneer_ had been enough to earn a smile or word of gratitude. He found it difficult to be easily provoked by Snape anymore though, especially since his mother's old best friend had shared so many more memories of her with him. And for the few overly frustrating instances when even those memories were not enough, Minerva had shared the most amazing memory of Snape in lime-green robes and looking absolutely flabbergasted. It was impossible to remain furious at an image like that.

"I don't suppose you're ready to tell me how you did it?"

"Did what, Potter?"

"Survive the bite. I saw you die."

Snape nodded. He'd pieced together the entire story by asking questions and had answered Minerva and Albus' questions and shared the story with Andromeda and Remus but Potter had never asked. Even the Granger girl had dared to ask but, more fool her, she'd brought the Weasley boy along. His hatred of Snape and anger at Snape and Lupin's previous affairs had overruled his brain and her angry instructions. Severus had simply walked off on them as they bickered. Now it was Potter's turn. He was once again impressed by how much the boy had matured in his year away from Hogwarts. The old Potter did not respect other's privacy.

"It figures that you would learn more in a year away from school than six years in," he snorted.

"Beg pardon?"

"Nothing, Potter." Snape poured them a couple fingers of bourbon each and settled on the arm chair opposite Potter.

"I am a Potions Master who worked for the Dark Lord. I knew of his affinity for using Nagini to punish and to kill. I also had some access to the snake's venom and I was able to perfect an antivenin although I only had enough venom left to make one batch. When my staff chased me from the school, I didn't manage to take it with me," Snape paused and looked into the flame. That was the excuse he'd given everyone else except Remus but this was Potter. He didn't want to lie to the boy. He felt the need to respect their shared burdens in the war by telling the truth. Potter had seen him at his weakest and the boy continued to keep his secrets. Not even his friends or his girlfriend knew anything. He had checked their unprotected minds and knew this to be the truth.

"Albus warned me that the end was near but I'd already lost what little respect the public had for me and most importantly, I'd already lost Remus to _her_ and the child."

"You felt you had no reason to live."

Snape ignored the interruption. "The potion was hidden behind Albus' portrait in the office and any one of the headmasters could release reveal its location.

After you and your friends returned to the school and spread word that I had died, former headmaster, Phinneas Nigellus Black and the Bloody Baron worked together to summon Kreacher. Kreacher will obey any member of the Most Noble and Ancient House of Black."

"So Headmaster Black gave Kreacher the potions and sent him to you?"

Snape nodded.

"But why?"

"Surprised to find out that Slytherins can be loyal to one another, Potter?"

"No, that's not what I mean… I saw Draco cry for Crabbe and try to save him and Goyle. Even after he lost his power over them, they seemed to work together so… I mean, Slytherins wouldn't risk their lives but they're not all as selfish as the stereotype suggests," he shrugged. "I just wondered why Kreacher seemed so determined to save you 'for Master Regulus'. No offence, sir, but you're a half-blood."

"I'm also the first Slytherin headmaster since Black himself."

"Oh," Potter looked confused. "So he convinced Kreacher that Regulus would have wanted you to remain headmaster?"

"You always were a persistent brat, Potter. Regulus and I were lovers."

"When? I thought Remus was your first lover."

"Contrary to that ridiculous story in Witch Weekly, Potter, Remus and I did not spend the decade and a half between the Whomping Willow incident and his employment at Hogwarts 'grieving with loneliness from love interrupted'. Regulus and I became lovers during my last two years at Hogwarts until his death."

"Oh!" Potter looked stricken. "I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know. You must have been devastated."

Snape shrugged. He wasn't particularly ready to share the story of his love for Regulus. Remus knew and that was enough.

As they parted ways later that night, Potter added his appeal to the cause celebre, "Sir, we've both been given another chance at life. I think it's best that we make the best of it. Even Malfoy is trying," his distaste for Draco's attempts at regaining Malfoy power by making grandiose donations to St. Mungo's showed clearly on his face. "You are more deserving of this chance at happiness than many. Give Remus a chance. Andromeda showed me the picture of you kissing Teddy and told me the story. It's so obvious you love them."

Snape's lip curled and his eyes narrowed. The photo of him comforting the child was taken at a poor angle and he appeared to be kissing the black hair. He had tested the wizarding photograph for alterations but it appeared genuine. He hadn't even realized just how possessive of the child he had been. "I was not kissing the child!"

"Yes, sir," Harry grinned and walked away.

***

Severus ignored the squeals and shouts coming from the Great Hall. His night time stroll was being interrupted because of the Halloween ball. Casting notice-me-not and silencing charms to keep the noise out, he slipped into the rose garden for escape. It was all relative, of course, as Minerva had recruited the portraits overlooking the garden and they delighted in nagging him to recommence his relationship with Lupin.

"Ashley, in here, quick!" Miss Escribo giggled, pulling Miss Skyraa with her into the rose garden.

"Tino, did you see?"

"I know, right? So gross!"

Snape scowled at the giggling Gryffindors. He recognised these two. They always seemed to cross his path around this area of the school.

"Let's sit," Skyraa fell into a bony lap. "Eeek! Oh, Professor Snape! What are you doing here?"

"As I am not the one who is where he should not be, I will ask, Miss Skyraa, what are _you_ doing here?"

Ashley blushed sheepishly and the Tino girl bravely spoke, "Professor Snape, I just wanted to say thank you. You're our hero! I admit that at the time we weren't too happy with you but now we look back on last year and we realize that your punishments were meant to save us from the much more brutal punishments of Professors Carrow. Also, during the war we both saw you around Professor Lupin and at the time we thought… well, we thought you hated him but now we know the truth."

"Yeah," Skyraa blushed. "Now we also understand all the strange things we saw when Professor Lupin taught here… especially in this area," her eyes bulged and she shared a knowing look with her friend. The girls giggled again.

"Please return to the Great Hall," Severus sighed.

"Well, congratulations on the relationship, sir. I read in Witch Weekly that you're going to be marrying soon?"

"Aimee Amoureux said in her column last week that the wedding will be at Christmas."

"Really, so soon? Oh congratulations, sir. It's all so romantic!"

"I know," Skyraa giggled again and the girls fell into another round of excited laughter. Snape wondered if he should check for Cheering Charms.

"There is no relationship and therefore there cannot be any wedding," Snape snapped, wondering why he was even explaining himself to some fifth year students. He convinced himself that he was merely fed up of the misinformation and anyway, these two had been around for most of the last five years of his relationship.

"No relationship, sir?" Escribo looked offended.

"There really ought to be," Skyraa declared.

"Oh, I know," Escribo nodded, "the sexual tension between those two is so…"

"So suffocating?" Skyraa suggested. "So thick you could cut it with a cutting charm? So hot you need a cooling charm? So…"

"To the Great Hall, NOW!" Snape's voice rose and embarrassed horror. He itched to take points.

***

Remus Lupin had tired of the waiting game. When McGonagall invited him to the Halloween Ball, Andromeda ordered him to attend. He had originally only dared hope he could convince her to cooperate with them but she had now become their loudest cheerleader. She was extremely fond of Snape who apparently reminded her of some of her more eccentric relatives.

Severus was absent from the ball, however, and Remus decided to take a walk along the hallowed halls of his alma mater. Out of habit, his legs led him to the rose garden corridor.

"Professor Lupin!" Sir Argyle cheerfully greeted and his fellow portrait dwellers turned their attention to the man in the hall. Remus smiled with amusement. He supposed they were spying on some naughty student-lovers who had escaped to the garden.

"Good evening, my Lords, Ladies and gentlemen," he greeted with a bow and the ladies twittered.

"Oh, you were always a charmer, you!" Jane Shears declared with a girlish giggle. "Such a pleasant surprise to see you here."

"The Headmistress invited me to the ball. I came for a walk and ended up here. I had hoped to relax a while in the garden but I suppose it's occupied."

Before anyone could answer him, however, the giggling Gryffindors stepped into the corridor.

"Oooh! Professor Lupin! We were just talking about you," Skyraa gushed.

"Yes, we were congratulating your fiancé on your upcoming nuptials," Escribo agreed with a nod.

"He's in there, waiting for you," Jane called from her painting.

"Even if he doesn't know it," Professor Douglas added after he'd left and her audience, both painted and living, laughed and peered into the garden.

***

"Hello, Severus," Remus greeted warily. Now that he'd finally found the elusive man, he wasn't sure what to expect.

Severus Snape stood to chase the other man away with hostile words. Once again he somehow became entangled in thorny rose bushes which poked and stabbed him mercilessly. This almost never happened and he was now completely convinced that it was Lily at work.

Severus exhaled a resigned sigh. He approached his lover and pulled the handsome man into his arms.

"Everyone says we're either in a relationship or getting married. I suppose we should stop making them liars," he leaned in to kiss his lover but Lupin turned his head away. Snape frowned and their audience in the corridor held its collective breath.

Remus stepped back and threaded his fingers between the long potion-stained ones. His heart thudding loudly in his chest, Remus summoned his Gryffindor courage. "Severus, if we're going to do this, I want us to do it because we want to, not because of what other people think. Worrying about other people's opinions is what got us here in the first place, okay? If we do this again, let it be because you want me."

The silence stretched and Remus wondered if he'd just lost his chance. It was getting harder and harder to stand his ground and not back down but he didn't dare. Lily had always warned him that when it came to emotions, he should never back down from Severus and he only hoped he was right in relying on her information.

Up in the corridor, the fifth year girls gripped each other tightly in nervous anticipation and the portrait dwellers were so still they appear to be Muggle paintings.

Snape pulled away from his lover and drew his wand. Remus bit his lip with worry but it was the only outward sign of his fear. Snape conjured a cushion between them and knelt on one knee in front of his lover. Painted eyes widened as three pairs of human ones did the same.

"Remus Lupin, when my best friend set us up, I would never have imagined that I would still be on speaking terms with one of the Marauders two decades on. We've had our problems because of our shortcomings and we both have many. Yet, even through other lovers, the loss of our mutual friends and enemies, major disagreements and worse misunderstandings, I seem to always come back to you. I do not know anything about being a good father or husband, but I am willing to try. I love you truly, hopelessly and unconditionally. Will you bond with me?"

Remus fell to his knees which were only barely saved by Snape's lightening quick conjuring.

"Yes! Oh Severus, yes! I love you and I will marry you. We will have our ups and downs, I know, but I have confidence our love will be everlasting."

The lovers kissed deeply and their audience exhaled with heart felt sighs. Severus flicked his wand and disillusioned them both, smirking at the disappointed cries from the corridor. It felt good to be bad.


	21. Epilogue

Summary: The Sorting.  
A/N: Okay, I couldn't help it, I've done the epilogue. So now I can change the story's status to 'complete'. Thank you to all those who have now reviewed. I'm happy to know many of you stayed with me til the end! :D

Disclaimer: These characters are not mine. They were created by JK Rowling. I'm just borrowing them for a little while and I don't make a penny off of this.

**EPILOGUE**

"He's so happy!" Andromeda indulgently watched her grandson run around the room waving his Hogwarts letter.

"Don't you want to see you cake?" his father asked, cautiously holding the cake above the long Gryffindor red and Slytherin green streaked black hair. Teddy preferred to grow his hair as long as his other father's and often wore it red with highlights in other colours.

"Do you think it wise to give him sugar? I dare say he's got enough energy as is," Snape drawled. "At least this infernal party will end early."

Remus rolled his eyes and put the cake away. "Infernal party that _you_ decided we should have."

"I did no such thing. I distinctly recall Teddy convincing you to throw him the party. He didn't come to me because he knows I am the strict parent."

Remus snorted at the word strict. "You mean you tricked him into thinking it was his idea and convinced him to come to me. Why else did he ask for a Slytherin themed party?"

"His grandmother is also a Slytherin, if you will recall," Snape's smirk turned into a smug grin as the smug expression on Andromeda's face struggled to look innocent when Remus' eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"Uh-uh. You're both wrong," Teddy panted as his elliptical orbit neared them. "It was…"

"What? I couldn't hear you," Remus shouted.

"Really, Remus, must you encourage him? There is no need to shout. Either you ask him to repeat as he nears us or, better yet, stop him from this dizzying endeavour," his husband snapped.

"Teddy, whose idea was it?"

"Mine!"

"Slytherin!" Andromeda and Severus chorused smugly. The party had been allowed because all three adults were led to think one of the others had suggested it.

"Might I remind you that his mother and grandfather were both Hufflepuffs? It's anyone's guess what he'll become," Remus pouted. Circe, could he really handle another Slytherin?!

"Nah-ah," Teddy bounced on his heels in a continuous blur of movement. "It's the Sorting Hat's guess, isn't it, Papa?"

"Yes, of course," Snape smirked, proudly rumpling the now green and black streaked hair.

***

Harry and Ginny Potter Apparated to Hedwig's Hope's where they met Draco and Hermione Malfoy who had themselves recently arrived. The two couples greeted each other warmly.

Hedwig's Hope was a group effort. After the war, Harry was inundated with pleas for help from many charities and victims of the war. Many of their stories were heart-wrenching but it was the letters from orphaned children unhappily left with bitter relatives that bothered him most. Little Ellen Hollingberry had been separated from her younger brother, Mark and begged Harry to reunite them. The half-blood witch had been sent to live with an aged pureblood aunt who had privately supported Voldemort's cause. She only accepted Ellen because the child had already shown signs of being a strong witch but refused Mark because who appeared to be a squib. He had been sent to live with Muggle relatives who disliked magic almost as much as the Dursleys or Snape's father.

Elizabeth Brealey was a Muggle-born witch who had been rescued from her scared and confused relatives. Unfortunately the childless wizard couple that adopted her were murdered by Snatchers during the war.

Even purebloods were not exempted. Jonathan Domville's father and uncles were Death Eaters and had all either died during the war or now resided in Azkaban. The boy's mother had sent Harry an angry but frightened letter, blaming him for the poverty that she and her disturbed son now lived in. Jonathan had been a second year student at Durmstrang when his family was torn apart and a wealthy benefactor had paid his fees. Unfortunately, even Durmstrang, a school where the Dark Arts were openly taught, had soon expelled him for their excessive use. Memories of Gellert Grindelwald were still too raw.

Their stories were less than a drop in sea of despair and Harry worried about their futures. Ginny, still his girlfriend at the time, often visited orphanages and St. Mungo's with the Holyhead Harpies and spent many hours crying at the stories she heard and saw.

They originally contemplated opening a small orphanage and discussed the possibilities with the Weasleys and Hermione. They knew the impact of one small orphanage would be small yet they agreed that larger impersonal institutions were not the answer. They tried simply donating to existing orphanages but Harry was disillusioned with the way his first two donations were utilized. More beds in orphanages and monthly handouts to impoverished families hardly seemed the right idea.

Hermione suggested visiting a Muggle charity called SOS Children's Villages and Harry believed in the charity's concept immediately. He wanted to create a Wizarding village, adopting ideas from SOS villages around the world. He also wanted to adapt the charity's community outreach programmes to the needs of the Wizarding world. Harry imagined a magical orphan's utopia and had many ideas. He wanted to protect as many war orphans as possible from miserable childhoods like his and Snape's, but also from unhappy and misunderstood childhoods like Tom Riddle's. Fortunately, Hermione was the voice of reason and Ginny was the mediator while Ron was able to develop logistical possibilities that satisfied everyone.

Once Harry had decided on Godric's Hollow as the location for 'Hedwig's Hope', his children's village, he used his property and acquired several of destroyed and abandoned properties. Soon they were even bequeathed properties. Hermione and Draco crossed paths during this time and had a bit of an argument that apparently somehow ended with Malfoy bemoaning his inability to live up to his father's charismatic powers. Hundreds of thousands of galleons in donations had done nothing to improve Malfoy prestige or restore the family's name.

Hermione never quite explained how it went from there to her and Malfoy dating but the Slytherin Prince proved to be much more charismatic than he'd given himself credit for. With Hermione's authoritative guiding hand, he used his money, knowledge of wizarding culture, social connections and cunning charm for the benefit of the charity.

Today was one of the charity's quarterly board meetings. The friends strolled through the village greeting people as they went. To the front of the property was Checkmate, a large research library and archive which was named in honour of Ron Weasley. While the final battle had claimed only Percy, Molly had soon lost her youngest son to rogue Death Eaters that the rookie Auror had been helping to capture. Checkmate was an independent research body with departments for Muggle Studies, DADA research and even communications and medical studies which integrated Muggle Technologies and magic.

Draco and Bill Weasley were both consultants specializing in Defence Against the Dark Arts including curse-breaking and the repair and disassembly of Dark objects. Both men consulted for the British Ministry of Magic as well as other Ministries and academic institutions world wide. Draco also gave speeches at conferences and wrote books based on his and Bill's research. The two men had become close friends much to their wives chagrin, which resulted in an uneasy truce between two women which rather entertained everyone else.

Remus' suspicion that Voldemort's defeat would not necessarily improve his lot was unfortunately proven prophetic. He and Hermione were tireless advocates for magical creatures and half-breeds. Their independent offices at Checkmate allowed them to challenge prejudicial laws drafted by the Ministry and the Wizengamot and they were both feared and respected to the infinite pleasure and pride of their spouses.

The couples walked through the quirky village, waving at children in their classrooms at the village's pre-Hogwarts preparatory school.

"Oh, there's Neville," Ginny waved to the stout man exiting Lily Blossom Laboratories, the naturalist centre which ran along the back of the village estate. Lily Blossom was home to a renowned apothecary managed by Severus Snape and a much envied greenhouse supervised by Neville. Hogwarts' youngest professor had originally set up and ran the greenhouses. It forced Neville to improve on the bravery for which he had become known after the final battle.

He no longer trembled at the very sight of Snape and was even known to visit the Lupin-Snapes on purely social visits. Snape had a grudging respect for his former student's bravery in killing Nagini and obvious natural talent at herbology. Even their own friends and spouses still held their breaths whenever Neville dared to negotiate trades of rare plants for rare potions but Snape rarely became enraged, seeming to enjoy their little bartering game.

"Where's Severus?" Harry asked Neville as they entered the Pottery Barn, a large farm outbuilding that had been converted as the village's main administrative centre. It was also where Harry and Ginny shared an office space from which they managed their philanthropic efforts and fan mail.

"Remus thought it would be best if they had a talk… another talk, before our meeting," Luna answered, her arm linked with her fiancé's. Rolf and Luna also had offices in Lily Blossom although they spent very little time in Godric's Hollow. Luna travelled around the globe consulting on nature reserves where rare magical creatures nearing extinction could be protected. She was still searching for the Crumple Horned Snorkack. She met Rolf on one of these many journeys and the two started off as friends. The relationship's progress was slow but steady.

"Oh dear," Hermione chuckled, "It's the September 3rd. I take it that Teddy wasn't a Slytherin then?"

"No, he wasn't," Narcissa Malfoy sounded aggrieved. Narcissa was always a follower and after losing Bella, she seemed completely lost. Hermione had happily reintroduced her to her own sister, hoping that this sister would prove a better influence on the impressionable woman. "Poor Andy was quite disappointed though nowhere as upset as Severus."

"Was he a Gryffindor, then?" Ginny asked hopefully. She was quite fond her Harry's godson.

"No, thank Merlin," Snape drawled, flanked by his amused looking family, Remus and Andromeda.

"A Hufflepuff?" Harry was shocked.

"He's a Ravenclaw!" Snape snapped. "Merlin, Potter, do you ever think before you speak? No son of mine could ever be a Hufflepuff!"

And since everyone, including Remus, knew that Teddy was his father's son, no one disagreed.


End file.
